A day in the life of Barack HUSSEIN Obama
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Tired of laughing? RationalWiki has a slightly more serious article about Barack Obama. |
Obama's position used to make him very busy. Here is just a bit of what he had to go through:
| 9:00 AM | Morning call to prayer, as a seekrit Muslim. |
|---|---|
| 9:10 AM | Renounce previous call to prayer, as a seekrit atheist. |
| 9:30 AM | Eat babies for breakfast. |
| 10:30 AM | Brunch with Bin Laden. |
| 11:00 AM | Institute socialism. |
| 11:30 AM | Lock people up in FEMA concentration camps. |
| 12:00 PM | Death to America. |
| 12:30 PM | Eat puppies for lunch. Sacrifice a kitten to Satan. |
| 12:40 PM | Go to the toilet. Use an American flag, the Constitution and pages from the Bible as toilet paper. |
| 1:00 PM | Throw welcoming party for illegal Mexican immigrants, invading North Korean soldiers, Al Qaeda suicide bombers and DAESH invaders. |
| 1:30 PM | Tour kindergartens classrooms. Hand out free condoms and demonstrate how to use them. |
| 2:00 PM | Steal money from hardworkin' white job-creators at gunpoint and hand that money out to homeless black people on street corners. |
| 2:30 PM | Plant fake dinosaur and Neanderthal fossils in the ground to make people believe in evilution. |
| 3:00 PM | Crash planes into Pentagon. |
| 3:30 PM | Conspire with Jews and aliens at Masonic lodges, the Bilderberg Conference, the Bohemian Grove and the Skull and Bones Crypt. |
| 4:00 PM | Censor conservatives. |
| 4:30 PM | Preside over gay weddings. |
| 5:00 PM | Confiscate all (largely defensive weapons of) gun. |
| 5:30 PM | Serve on government-funded healthcare death panels. Deny service to babies with Down's syndrome. Pull the plugs on grandmothers. |
| 6:00 PM | Call leaders of Vast Librul Media Conspiracy, dictate stories for the evening news. |
| 6:30 PM | Cut military funding. |
| 7:00 PM | Attend drug and gay sex party in Lincoln Bedroom. |
| 7:30 PM | Eat baby seals for dinner. |
| 8:00 PM | Deface portraits of the good Presidents: Reagan, Washington, Reagan, Lincoln, Reagan, Nixon, Reagan, Warren G. Harding, Reagan, George W. Bush, Reagan and Reagan. |
| 8:30 PM | Sharpen fangs, claws and horns; polish scales; clean the clefts between hooves. |
| 9:00 PM | Come up with new forged birth certificate. |
| 9:30 PM | Curl up in an armchair with a mug of cocoa to read Mein Kampf, Das Kapital and the Necronomicon. |
| 10:00 PM | Telephone various half-siblings, cousins, aunts, in-laws and invite them to come to the US illegally. |
| 10:30 PM | Stand on balcony overlooking Washington D.C., talons raised overhead, and laugh maniacally with the Imperial March, Sauron's Theme or Night on Bald Mountain playing in the background. |
| 11:00 PM | After a light snack of aborted fetal tissue, retire to bed. |
| 3:00 AM | Ignore urgent phone call from Pentagon; tired after hard day of implementing socialism and destroying America. |