A day in the life of Donald J. Trump

Tired of laughing? RationalWiki has a slightly more serious article about Donald Trump.

Trump's position makes him very busy. Here is just a bit of what he has to go through:

9:00 AM	As a devout moral Christian, pray for America's success to God.
9:10 AM	Get Congress to approve funding for the biggest, yugest wall in existence.
9:30 AM	Eat all-American bacon and eggs for breakfast.
9:45 AM	Fire the current Chief of Staff.
9:50 AM	Tweet insults about Dr. Anthony Fauci being stupid and wrong about COVID pandemic.
10:00 AM	Apply orange spray tan to face.
10:30 AM	Talk policy with Mike Pence, a good man trying to save gays from sin in rather... shocking ways... It's totally not torture...
11:00 AM	Ban vaccines and save kids all over the nation from autism. Threaten to fire Dr. Hahn as FDA chief for not lowering the safety standards for COVID vaccines so as to allow FDA approval before Nov. 3 election.
11:15 AM	Invite White House press corps to cover Executive Order signing. When they start shouting out questions, forget to sign the order and just walk out of the room.
11:30 AM	Sign Executive Order lengthening the Presidential attention span.
11:32 AM	Sign Executive Order lengthening the Presidential term of office and postponing the Nov. 3, 2020 election.
11:33 AM	Sign Executive Order banning critical race theory and associated trainings from the Federal workforce.
11:35 AM	Establish Space Force to get rid of all illegal aliens.
11:40 AM	Lock Shillary Hillary Clinton up for Benghazi/emails/her evil foundation.
11:45 AM	Deport millions of all illegals. Separate parents from their children in the process, and fail to keep sufficient records to allow deported families to be reunited.
12:00 PM	Eat bucket of KFC in Oval Office.
12:15 PM	Watch Fox News One America News Network. Immediately tweet out their latest headlines.
12:30 PM	Talk strategy with Steve Bannon, who helps Trump protect our nation's downtrodden white people.
12:40 PM	Build the wall. Personally. Every single brick: Trump-made, in the USA (and paid for by Mexico).
1:00 PM	Afternoon nap. Wall-building is hard work!
1:30 PM	Have Congress repeal Common Core. Replace it with Intellijunt Dizyne.
2:00 PM	Back out of the Paris climate agreement. Save millions of coal miners' jobs and prevent global cooling.
2:15 PM	Watch Fox News. Immediately tweet out the latest Fox News headlines.
2:17 PM	Order a white box truck to block the CNN cameras that would otherwise capture footage of people using the Trump Golf Course.
2:30 PM	Play an 18-hole round of golf at the Trump Golf Course.
4:30 PM	Jail people who plant fake dinosaur and Neanderthal fossils in the ground to make people believe in evolution.
4:35 PM	Praise Speaker Paul Ryan in front of the White House Press Corps.
4:40 PM	Call Judge Jeanine Pirro and ask her to demand that Ryan resign. Tweet "Watch @JudgeJeanine on @FoxNews tonight at 9:00 P.M.".
4:45 PM	Nuke ISIS into submission.
4:50 PM	Praise Republicans in Senate for using nuclear option.
4:55 PM	Ban abortion and save millions of unborn babies. To ensure that this is not viewed as pandering for the Catholic vote, denounce the Pope in a tweet.
4:59 PM	Not enough time today for a COVID test before clinic closes - call WH Doctor and ask for a positive (I mean negative) evaluation.
5:00 PM	Censor the liberal media's fake news. Justly. And without violating the First Amendment. Authorize Dept. of Justice to file anti-trust case against Google. Threaten to increase postal rates paid by Amazon because its CEO also owns the Washington Post.
5:10 PM	Watch Fox News. Immediately tweet out the latest Fox News headlines.
5:20 PM	Ban gay weddings.
5:30 PM	Sell (largely defensive weapons of) guns.
5:45 PM	Bring back jobs for poor white people.
6:00 PM	Tell China that they're fired. But only after ordering more "Make America Great Again" merchandise from them.
6:30 PM	Quadruple military funding.
7:00 PM	Lower taxes for the rich, so that wealth will "trickle down".
7:30 PM	Have dinner with BIGLY HOT wife Melania.
8:00 PM	Pray to the good Presidents: Reagan, Washington, Lincoln, Reagan, Nixon, Reagan, Warren G. Harding, Hoover, Reagan, George W. Bush, Reagan and Reagan.
8:30 PM	Talk with fellow good leader and fine fellow Vladimir Putin.
9:00 PM	Replace the failing fake news New York Times with the amazing New York Post.
9:30 PM	Curl up in an armchair with a mug of cocoa to watch unfunny fake news SNL. Write a well-worded and reasonable critique of their presentation, rhetoric, and machismo.
9:45 PM	Tweet an announcement that bans all transgender people from joining or continuing to serve in the armed forces.
10:00 PM	Telephone Kim Jong Un. Singlehandedly convince him to launder his wealth through New York condos, step down and make North Korea a democracy.
10:10 PM	Telephone Malcolm Turnbull, Prime Minister of Australia. Singlehandedly convince him to launder his wealth through New York condos, step down and make Australia a democracy.
10:20 PM	Telephone a Russian oligarch. Singlehandedly convince him to launder his wealth through New York condos, agree to pardon his war crimes, and grant him an investor visa to immigrate to the United States.
10:30 PM	Think about what is best for America. No – know what is best for America.
11:00 PM	Zzzzzzzzzzz...Make America Hate Great Again....zzzzzzzzz...
12:00 AM	Sleepwalk and tweet. ... zzzzzz
2:00 AM	Sleepwalk and use nuclear launch codes. ... zzzzz
3:00 AM	Take urgent phone call from Pentagon and save the world.
3:30 AM	Find women to Grab By the Pussy™, then call them ugly and fat.
4:00 AM	Tweet about the failing New York Times and their lies
4:30 AM	Fire the current FBI Director for finding the truth lies about Trump's link with Russia.
4:35 AM	Change Senate votes required for a bill from 60 to 0.
4:45 AM	Destroy White House tapes of James Comey conversations, which is not a coverup. Not at all.
5:00 AM	Get rid of useless EPA regulations. Not only does it help big business, the increased lead in the environment will help shield against radiation from a nuclear war!

See also

• A day in the life of an atheist
• A day in the life of Barack HUSSEIN Obama

External links

• Donald Trump's leaked daily schedules, the Onion