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Necker cube.svg Tired of laughing? RationalWiki has a slightly more serious article about Dog.
" Dog, n. A domesticated carniverous mammal." Ha ha ha ha! "Domesticated?!" Ha ha ha! "Carnivorous?!" Ha ha ha ha ha!
—Charlie Brown, Peanuts

Dogs (more commonly referred to as "good boyes" or "good bois" in some circles) are cute wuvvable furry creatures who wouldn't harm a hair on your head. Except when they're ripping you limb from limb with their hellish, slavering fangs.

Practical uses for dogs[edit]

  • Beasts of burden
  • Being a suicide bomber
  • Carrying messages
  • Detecting explosives, drugs, and cadavers for law enforcement
  • Fighting the Red Baron
  • Guarding property and livestock
  • Herding livestock
  • Attacking random, innocent passerbys Keeping your home safe from evil liberals
  • Killing vermin
  • Letting us know that Timmy is stuck in a well/under a tractor
  • Pursuing and retrieving game for hunters
  • Providing assistance to the handicapped
  • Providing warmth on cold nights while camping (also known as "spooning")
  • Rescue operations
  • Carrying casks of brandy around their necks to skiers lost in the snow
  • Smuggling drugs
  • They can be eaten for dinner
  • Tracking by scent
  • Transportation (such as dog sleds)
  • Cleaning up spilled food
  • Lying in wait to maul anyone stupid enough to enter a house through a dog door
  • excising infected tissue
  • Doing absolutely nothing to provide for itself yet somehow making you grow attached to it to a point you will spend a great deal of money on surgical procedures of dubious effectiveness and when it dies your family's collective heart will be broken. For those especially difficult with reality, an expensive funeral will be held and a yearly séance inviting the neighbors over to remember those precious times with Toto or Jeffrey or whatever and try to summon his soul to speak from beyond the grave.
  • Replacing with another dog

Famous dogs[edit]

  • The Andrex Puppy, a young Labrador Retriever which advertises bogroll
  • Argos, the faithful dog of Odysseus
  • Asta, real name Skippy, famous among classic movie and crossword puzzle aficionados
  • Balto
  • Becquerel, radioactive 413,000,000-year-old first guardian of earth tended to by garden gnostics. The character of god is believed to have originated as a corruption of witness testimony.
  • Beethoven, the St Bernard
  • Beverly Hills Chihuahua
  • Beverly Hills Chihuahua II: Beverly Hills Chihuahua Harder
  • Blondi, pet German shepherd of the Devil Incarnate and the last living creature that he murdered
  • Brian Griffin of Family Guy
  • Buck Bundy of Married...With Children
  • Buckles
  • Cerberus, the three-headed hound of Hades
  • Clifford the Big Red Dog
  • Cujo, the St Bernard
  • Deputy Dawg
  • "Dog", an otherwise-unnamed dog in Big Jake, a John Wayne Western (and arguably the best-developed character)
  • "Doggie", an otherwise-unnamed dog in the Tommy Wiseau masterpiece The Room (and arguably the best-developed character)
  • Dog The Bounty Hunter
  • Doge, the inventor of Dogecoin. So meme, much dogface.
  • Droopy
  • The Dulux Dog, an Old English Sheepdog which advertises paint
  • Fang
  • Gidget, the Taco Bell Chihuahua
  • GIR
  • Goliath
  • Goofy
  • Greyfriars Bobby
  • Hachiko, who awaited his master's return every day on the Tokyo subway — even after his master had been dead for several years
  • Hong Kong Phooey
  • Hooch
  • The Hound of the Baskervilles
  • Huckleberry Hound
  • Jean, the first dog star in American silent movies, appeared in many pre-World War I Vitagraph Studio movies
  • K-9
  • Krypto
  • Laika
  • Lassie
  • Lucky Bundy, again, of Married...With Children
  • Marmaduke
  • Max, the bionic dog on The Bionic Woman
  • Mike, of Down and Out in Beverly Hills
  • Eddie on Frasier (real name Moose)
  • Nahua Xolotl and Pek
  • Nipper, trademark dog shown intently listening to a gramophone to hear "his master's voice"
  • Old Shep
  • Old Tige
  • Old Yeller
  • 101 Dalmatians
  • Pete, the pit bull (with the circle drawn around his left eye) in the Little Rascals series
  • Pluto (Mickey's pet, not the god who owns Cerberus)
  • Procyon
  • Rin-Tin-Tin
  • Santa's Little Helper
  • Saur, King of Norway
  • Scooby-Doo
  • Scrappy-Doo
  • Sirius
  • Sirius Black, sometimes
  • Snoop Dogg
  • Snoopy
  • Spot, Woody Allen's ant dog[1]
  • Spuds MacKenzie
  • Teddy, used in many Keystone silent film comedies
  • That really freaky Chihuahua with bug eyes that was in that old Quizno's ad
  • The Lady
  • The Tramp
  • Their Kids
  • Tropey the Wonder Dog
  • Tiger, the family dog of The Brady Bunch
  • Toto, Dorothy's faithful companion in The Wizard of Oz
  • Uga, the English bulldog mascot of the University of Georgia athletics teams
  • Uggie, a Hollywood dog, who won Americans' hearts in The Artist and was rewarded with a punch in the face in The Campaign

Honorable mention, non-dogs with very dog-like behavior:

  • Dino, the family dinosaur of The Flintstones
  • Rajah, the pet tiger of the Princess in Disney's cartoon feature Aladdin

Dyslexic agnostic insomniacs[edit]

Dyslexics generally don't read words backwards. That's just silly. After all, the word dyslexia can contain the word "sexy" if a dyslexic reads it, which is one of the few good things to say about having "dylsexia".