|Voice of the voiceful
|Lest women catch up
|Bros before hoes
The friendzone is a legendary dimension of death, destruction, and misandry that was created by feminist witches circa 1960. The friendzone is used by women to entrap faithful blue pill beta male slaves and feed off their friendship energy and good deeds. Men are lured in by women, who then teleport them into the friendzone through an invisible interdimensional wormhole triggered by the horrifying code phrase "I just want to be friends!" This causes them to believe they still exist in the real world, while secretly existing in a parallel reality where men are systematically oppressed by women who only want Bad Boys and not Nice Guys; note that in this reality, all men without exception fit into one or the other category. The friendzone is believed to be one of the biggest threats to Western society since the invention of the atomic bomb and finding a way to shut it down for good is the primary goal of heroic men's rights activists worldwide.
Alleged truth about the friendzone
Feminazi witches have corrupted the internet with claims that the friendzone does not really exist, and it is in fact a psychological deflection mechanism made up by angry men who cannot understand why a woman would not want to have sex with them after they do nice things for her. Repeat it with us, Platonic love is the spawn of Satan!
Ways of avoiding the friendzone
Due to the efforts of our spectacular men's rights researchers, some possible defenses against the friendzone have been discovered. They include the following:
- Asking why girls date only bad boys and not nice guys, while simultaneously implying women should be forced to give up sex under various circumstances.
- Suggesting that men and women cannot be platonic friends or that men are "hardwired" to sexually desire their female friends. Our YouTube experimentation has proven to be incredibly accurate (despite its disregard for gay and asexual men.)
- Never speaking to women out of fear they may trap you in the friendzone, then posting lengthy screeds online about how all women are harpies out to steal your emotions.
- Make it abundantly clear to your potential mates that you simply do not want a relationship based on mutual affection and shared interests, i.e. friendship. That shit's for wimps with no game! Real Men™ know the only part of a woman with any value whatsoever is her gross sticky girly thing. And maybe her cantaloupes. She is an object for you and your mates to oogle and pick at, after all.
- Piss on all of her furniture while she watches (this will technically get you out of or away from the friendzone but not into the fuckzone).
How to get laid while in the friendzone
- Ask her to set you up with one of her friends, bro. Duh. Being introduced to a girl by a girl is pretty much the best "in" you could ever get.
The cold hard truth
The friendzone is actually a made up fairy tale along with reincarnation, the “universe” doing things for people, and the 9/11 hijackers’ 52 virgins, as evidenced by the number of marriages and careers (and lives in the case of statutory rape) that are destroyed by “friends” that are sexually compatible (two lesbians, a straight girl and a straight guy, two gay guys, etc). Incels may not want to admit it, but what “I just want to be friends” really means is “I don’t want a close relationship with you” (which would include friendship), which in turn means they either don’t like you at all but just don’t want to hurt your feelings or they like someone or something else more than you and becoming too close with you would threaten that relationship. Actual friendship can and frequently does turn sexual at any point.