Conservapedia:2009 - A year in review
2009 was a year of celebrity deaths, scandals and oddities. The United States inaugurated its first (half) black president and first Democratic president in eight years. And it was a year of hilarity on Conservapedia. Here's your year in review for 2009.
Bugler committed suicide on the first, opening the lulz for the year. Fretfulporpentine outed himself with a parthian shot that was quickly removed. Andy would be more paranoid about letting people get close to him.
2009 was also the year of mass exodus. Fox, SamHB and ElizabethK all met untimely bans. RonAbdul traded in his ability to post due to disagreements with how CP portrayed Muslims. HelpJazz found the door swiftly. TimS even helped invent new reasons for blocks. DinsdaleP drank the poison by disagreeing with Andy.
Conservapedia had plenty of science issues to resolve. NASA was an unreliable source about astrophysics.img Ed Poor denied HIV's existence.img Andy uncovers a profit motive for liberals pushing black holes.img Hermaphrodites disproved evolution.img Humans did not exist before 3500 BCE.img
With Obama's inauguration, political frothing was assured. Gun control leads to genocide. Appointing Burris to the Senate to replace Obama was racist, but rejecting him was racist. Obama was "allegedly" born in the US.img Obama and Blagojevich conspired together.img Andy declares Obama's inaugural speech to be "meaningless." Obama wants to kill foreign babies. Conservapedia institutes a Democratic Senator hitlist. Andy bussed in people to DC for a protest.
Andy held his American History Final Exam, then challenged people to get 100% on it. He also pulled random words to be part of his "Best New Conservative Words" that he abandoned later in the year. His brother Rogerimg had to keep reminding Andy that he knows jack shit about science and education.
Andy began the month calling liberals illogical, incoherent, self-centered and long-winded. His "encyclopedia" should read like newspaper articles. Obama speaks like a foreigner for using "America."img Even more unhinged came the birther nonsense.img
Andy proposed that humor did not exist before Christianity.img Any references to humor pre-Christianity must be funny to Andy or they do not count.img Andy also saw fit to rewrite Chinese history.img Feudalism worked because people did not have to commute and would homeschool their children.
Gun control would have been impossible under feudalism, not because guns didn't exist, but because there was no centralized government. Only anti-Christians dress in black. You must first pass Andy's exam in order to tell Andy that his exam is wrong.
Andy demands there be a ban on Catholic prime ministers in the UK, because one does not exist but no Catholic has been a prime minister. Non-German composers are obscure. Some languages are superior to other languages. No two buildings have the same height.
Terry Koeckritz, with powers he earned again just a few short months before, bans NicholasT, GaryMecks and even manages to get JessicaT's privileges yanked. Terry Koeckritz pushes the IP blocks to over 16,000,000 points of entry and exposes his tool.
Andy presented more of his Greatest Mysteries meme with gems like "Did Hitler have a pact with the devil?"img and "Who really invented Teflon?"img He also begins his journey declaring relativity to be wrongimg and major fossil finds to be "hoaxes."
Parodists don't exist on CP. ♥ K e n D o l l ♥ and Terry Koeckritz have a lovers' quarrel. Why libel when you can accuse others of making libelous statements? Conservapedia is "not just an encyclopedia."
In math, Andy uncovers a pattern to show that people will be much more conservative in the future. In religion, he declares he knows better than the pope,img because liberals make the pope do bad things.
Conservapedia editor DeanS's wife Patricia passed away. RW's condolences were sent with over 200 positive clicks on WIGO.
Andy uses the Little Rock military recruiting center shooting as a reason to complain about liberals,img proposes Conservapedia's Lawimg and apologizes for flying off the handle at a user.img Conservapedia isn't biased.
Andy the teacher gets schooled.img Books are no longer valid sources to cite. It was "unattended video game playing" that led an eleven-year-old to grab a shotgun in his home and kill his nine-year-old brother.img
Liberal deceit started during the Bronze Age with the Trojan Horse.img Liberal politics poses perhaps the single greatest impediment to the future of Christianity!img Uranium-238 is a figment of liberals' minds.img
Andy praises homeschoolers for avoiding vices,img but ignores their lack of spell checker. No one listens to Andy about the Lenski affair.img Measuring faith like you measure bench-presses improves it, and only the devil would say otherwise!img This is how you teach history!img Liberals in public schools grade inflate by making the lowest score possible 40%,img whereas Conservative homeschool teachers never give less than 80%! Conservapedia has no "stubs" like Wikipedia.img
To dismiss claims that sea levels rise, Conservapedia links to an article which has 24,000 years of data.img It got cold at Andy's house, so Al Gore should return his Nobel Prize.img The dictionary is full of deceit for not labeling liberals properly.img Andy pushes hyperbaric oxygen therapy.img Andy loses points in taxonomy and cliches by murdering both in one quick sentence.img
If you need the hard-core stuff, Uncle Ed shows you the way.img If you want to know about theoretical physics, he can help you there, too.img Terry Koeckritz burns a pageimg likely placed on CP by Human.
DanH is erased.
Wikipedia is dyingimg with over 100,000 active users, while Conservapedia thrives with fewer than 200 users. Wikipedia hides Riemann's attempt to prove Genesis mathematically,img by stating, "he even tried to prove mathematically the correctness of the Book of Genesis."
Andy uses a bot to detect liberals better than he can. Andy has the Holy Spirit!img Liberals use words like "damsel," but conservatives use "bimbo" instead.img Agnostics are just 50% Christians.img Andy declares that no one can disprove the Bible,img therefore it must be true!
The media begins reporting on the Conservative. Bible. Project. The WorldNetDaily is wrong!imgbecause they condemn the CBP For extra credit in economics, praise Andy on the CBP.img Even though Mark was a great achiever as a kid, his writings can't be trusted.img Stephen Colbert wants some action.
Andy instructs others on falsifiability,img just open your mind and accept Andy is right.img Relativity can't be falsified!img Andy feels there's no need to show how he's rightimg if he gets no grants. Relativity causes people not to read the Bible.img
Karajou, editorial cartoonist.
= Top Ten Events at Conservapedia in 2009
- Conservative. Bible. Project.
- Andy invents the phrase "best of the public".
- Andy goes on the Colbert Report.
- Andy discovers Conservapedia's Law and geometric fits.
- Roger and Andy's epic battle over the theory of relativity.
- Andy endorses the liberal detecting bot and promotes a small army of parodists
- PJR starts his own Conservapedia.
- Andy's bizarre word counting experiment.
- TK uploads an image he nicked claiming it was "self made". When his plagiarism is pointed out he banhammers the pointer-outers and burns the talk page claiming it contains "lies".
- Karajou introduces the weakly cartoon to the mainpage.