RationalWikiWikiWiki:Dive Bar

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If they won't let you in the Saloon bar because you don't meet the dress code and you got arrested in the back alley for being drunk and disorderly, welcome to the RationalWikiWikiWiki Dive Bar. This is a place for the kind of chit-chat not allowed in higher class establishments or appropriate for children.


Anyone with photoshop talent have an idea for a logo? - π 10:58, 4 May 2009 (UTC)

I just picture a flashing neon sign, possibly misspelled, vagabond sitting on the sidewalk outside. Aboriginal Noise with 4 M's and a silent Q 11:03, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
Unfortunately in the upgrade Trent took blink away. I was referring to the walking brain logo from RationalWikiWiki. - π 12:51, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
Never fear, I have just found a Gimp Script-Fu which will make neon flashing signs. - π 13:04, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
In my mind's eye I was picturing a logo for the RWWW dive bar. Aboriginal Noise with 4 M's and a silent Q 14:56, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
How is that for a first attempt? - π 01:01, 5 May 2009 (UTC)
I'll have some absinthe, and not that watered-down legal shit. The Emperor Kneel before Zod! 01:05, 5 May 2009 (UTC)
Gawd that's irritating. No dive bar worth its perpetually-in-danger liquor license would have a fully-functioning flashing neon sign. I was thinking more like the old "Hot l Baltimore" look... Oh well. ħumanUser talk:Human 01:15, 6 May 2009 (UTC)
The new logo is much better, thank you. ħumanUser talk:Human 23:13, 8 June 2009 (UTC)


Now I feel I am somewhere I belong. This is somewhere I can hunker down with drunken Captains, drug smugglers and mexican gun runners. My sort of people. Ace McWickedTK, TK, TK, TK, TK, TK, TK, TK, TK, TK ad infinitum 01:15, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

There are Mexican gun runners in NZ? The Emperor Kneel before Zod! 01:16, 5 May 2009 (UTC)
Not here but I have met a few in my travels and always felt at home in thier company. Ace McWickedTK, TK, TK, TK, TK, TK, TK, TK, TK, TK ad infinitum 01:18, 5 May 2009 (UTC)
For a cop you have an interesting choice of friends. If we could start attracting clientele as classy as gun runners I'll have to fix the sign. - π 01:53, 5 May 2009 (UTC)
Pi, you god damn fucking freak, I am not a cop. I do Project Management, Communications, Freelance Journalism, and Political Science. Fuck. Ace McWickedTK, TK, TK, TK, TK, TK, TK, TK, TK, TK ad infinitum 01:57, 5 May 2009 (UTC)
Really I seem to recall we have a cop on the site, I thought it was you. Oh well, I'll have to keep trying to remember who. Apologies for the offence. - π 02:11, 5 May 2009 (UTC)
I did project management for them here, as a non-sworn contractor in the back office. Anyways I am just super pissed right now because my well thought out and 3000 word essay on rising violence in Pakistan and how it threatens international politics has gone missing in the mail which, unless I get on my lecturers good side, causes me to FAIL! Ace McWickedTK, TK, TK, TK, TK, TK, TK, TK, TK, TK ad infinitum 02:17, 5 May 2009 (UTC)
Have you considered sleeping with your lecturer? It is humanities, it might work. - π 02:21, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

This looks like the kind of place my band would have played. Can we expect a few drunken brawls? I would expect nothing less. Aboriginal Noise with 4 M's and a silent Q 11:19, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

I'm all for setting up a cage and going at it no-holds-barred. Z3rotalk 21:47, 5 May 2009 (UTC)
Peeks in. You people scare me. Any nice piano bars around hehehe--Sun mowse.pngEn attendant Godot""We are all born mad. Some remain so." 01:17, 6 May 2009 (UTC)
There's some piano wire somewhere around here, is that close enough? CЯacke® 20:32, 6 May 2009 (UTC)
Piano wire is most useful to string up in doorways, so people cut their throats as they walk through </creepy> Z3rotalk 22:04, 6 May 2009 (UTC)

Rat Traps?[edit]

Are they for getting rid of vermin or a way to place a "food" order? CЯacke® 16:36, 19 May 2009 (UTC)


Here be the sluts. They are wailing like harpies in heat. Ace McWickedDisco Jesus 21:49, 4 June 2009 (UTC)

I've caught something just looking at them. SJ Debaser 22:02, 4 June 2009 (UTC)
Form an orderly queue to snort coke off their asses. Crundy 18:58, 17 June 2009 (UTC)


Who's this man in a long overcoat who wants to sell me this substance which he tells me will open my mind? Would I be wise to buy it?--Bobbing up 19:55, 5 June 2009 (UTC)--Bobbing up 19:55, 5 June 2009 (UTC)

Get him to give you a free sample first. ħumanUser talk:Human 20:42, 5 June 2009 (UTC)
I took your advice and now the room is spinning and changing colours, there seems to be a giraffe serving behind the bar and I understand the secrets of the universe. If I could only decide which of my five hands to use I'd start writing them down.--Bobbing up 21:41, 5 June 2009 (UTC)
Excellent testimonial. I'll take three for myself and five for Ace. Meet you all at the Hot l Baltimore... ħumanUser talk:Human 23:32, 5 June 2009 (UTC)
That's odd, I had some stuff off that guy too and I just spent two hours staring at the carpet talking about how interesting it was. I love those magic eye pictures. Crundy 10:29, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
I've been looking at my hand for the last century (I think, it's hard to tell it could be ten seconds) I can see all the individual blood cells and they're waving and sending me secret messages in an alien language that only I can hear and only I can understand because my mind has been opened to the entire universe which loves me dearly becasue of my new-found openness and love for all people things and carpets, desks and flies and all the other things which make us the wonderful beautiful human beings which live together on this pretty gren planet in such harmony and joy. Tell me you understand.--Bobbing up 11:01, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
Wow, I was just thinking exactly the same thing! Wait, except my planet isn't gren, it's grey... ħumanUser talk:Human 19:21, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
Now I'm on the planet Gren and the gren men are with me and they teaching me how to hear the colour red and it's such a nice colour as all colours are nice and they all speak to me and they have little sweet voices which go directly to my brain and tell me complex stories about the workings of the little atoms which are sizzling surround like little planets with the gren men waving and making babies with the blu women who have taken off all their clothes and are running running running across the shiny stars which smile in their knowledge of all things and I can't find the bloody door, where is it, it was here when I came in and now I can't find it and the floor keeps hitting me am I coming down?--Bobbing up 11:42, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
Um, no, that's just the lull before it really kicks in. Also a good time to take more... ħumanUser talk:Human 01:19, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
My hands are HUUUGE. They can touch everything except themselves. Crundy 18:57, 17 June 2009 (UTC)


I just used the word squiffy over here, and I realised that I'd forgotten how much of a fucking cool word it really is. It's a bit like poking fun at the upper classes while making light of your drinking habits. I predict that due to the recent usage of the word, hot bitches will be all up on my dick. What you think blood? Crundy 21:46, 18 June 2009 (UTC)

Bird is the word... Javasca₧ No comment 04:37, 11 September 2009 (UTC)


Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fucking zombies fucking jamming nerf guns fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fucking non-aerodynamic socks fuck fuck fuck fuck. Javasca₧ no really. 01:00, 21 October 2009 (UTC)

Fuck you, you fucking fuck. - π 01:06, 21 October 2009 (UTC)
Fuck the fucking lot of you fucks. AceMcWicked 01:10, 21 October 2009 (UTC)
That is it, I'm going to fuckin' glass you for that. - π 01:14, 21 October 2009 (UTC)
Fuck that fucking fuck glass. Javasca₧ Llamabean.gifLlamabean.gifLlamabean.gif 01:07, 27 October 2009 (UTC)

role playing is stupid[edit]

Just stop it. You're not fucking elven wizards. Chicks don't like you cause you smell like french fries and/or cabbage. Nobody with real friends gives a shit about Star Trek physics. This has been a public service announcement from the rest of the fucking worldMe!Sheesh!Mine! 18:08, 21 October 2009 (UTC)

Fucking too right. - π 01:09, 27 October 2009 (UTC)
But everyone knows that Star Wars Trek observation plays an extremly vital role in the world, and is highly relevant to real life! ĵ₳¥ášÇ♠ʘ No comment 01:10, 27 October 2009 (UTC)
Aaargh you cunt. You mentioned french fries (or 'chips', as we call them) while I'm fucking hungry you asshole. Now what do I do? CrundyTalk nerdy to me 01:14, 27 October 2009 (UTC)
I'm going to go out on a limb here and advise you to eat. If that doesn't work you may want to call a doctor. Tetronian you're clueless 01:15, 27 October 2009 (UTC)
love it when people think that their HOBBY is better then the other.

Also i got a nerdy friend who like roll playing and Ironically he dont fit the nerdy criteria, he dont smell, he have a good job and have 2 children.Waronstupidity (talk) 09:01, 3 April 2010 (UTC)

and yr a lusr who kant spell Engrish. ħumanUser talk:Human 09:18, 3 April 2010 (UTC)
and your a British and we dont bother you about it.Waronstupidity (talk) 09:19, 3 April 2010 (UTC)

Poem for those lonely nights[edit]

When the night lags on ahead; And your gassy from that tart; You should try to stare at the wall, I said; And try to form a fart.

Sit and read the magazine; Oh, what a bore that be; Then stand up, all hard and lean; Oh, I have to pee.

Time for bed, its dark out; and the time nears to ten; And all is well, until I shout; 'I have to pee, again!' — Unsigned, by: / talk / contribs

Are you trying to raise the tone of this with your fancy pants poetry? - π 02:59, 10 November 2009 (UTC)
No, they're trying to lower your pants in a fancy way in order to tone your poetry. ħumanUser talk:Human 03:56, 10 November 2009 (UTC)
I could do with my poetry toned right about now. - π 04:21, 10 November 2009 (UTC)

Fuck piss shit goddamn[edit]

More vodka. - David Gerard (talk) 22:19, 25 April 2010 (UTC)

wow - I just found this![edit]

Wow, I can't believe I never saw this page before! fun! :D Especially since it uses my RationalWikiWiki girl brain logo, lol. :p Refugeetalk page 01:06, 1 May 2010 (UTC)

err.. or maybe that's not really something I should talk about... kind of chintzy and all. anyway, I found this page thanks to David Gerard who posted here and aroused my curiosity. Refugeetalk page 01:07, 1 May 2010 (UTC)

Funny Newspaper headlines[edit]

I figure most people have already seen a lot of these, but it might give you a laugh to read a few again. These are actual newspaper headlines:

Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Ax

Hospitals Are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

Local HS Dropouts Cut in Half

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

Stolen Painting Found by Tree

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Study Finds Sex, Pregnancy Link

Drunks Get Nine Months in Violin Case

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

War Dims Hope for Peace

Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn’t seen in years

Man is fatally slain

Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say - Refugeetalk page 01:12, 1 May 2010 (UTC)

English can be such an inexact language. - π 01:49, 1 May 2010 (UTC)


BARKEEP! Thunderbirds for all! I'm feelin' generous.

Well, about two years ago I started writin' this fake news blog. It was good while it ran and bad while it di'n't.

Then the fuckers tried ripping me off. I upped sticks and kept right on going. Also found a pile of others they'd done the same to.

Well. notnews.today.com has stopped resolving. I found out why - having failed at everything else, they've sold today.com to the MSNBC Today Show!

I win. *drinks* - David Gerard (talk) 21:45, 2 May 2010 (UTC)

p.s.: just edited http://newstechnica.com/sitemap.xml to include all the notnews.today.com URLs and told Google to rescan. So their pages will be recrawled and marked DEAD. *stab* DEAD. *stab* DEAD. - David Gerard (talk) 21:48, 2 May 2010 (UTC)
Hey, buddy, I think you've had enough. I'm calling you a cab, and seeing as you've just shanked two bar patrons, you're bloody lucky it ain't a cop car. SJ Debaser 21:51, 2 May 2010 (UTC)
I THOUGHT THOSE WERE TABLES. I'm just in a HAPPY MOOD. For ME that is. Here, have some 20-20 with yer Thunderbird - David Gerard (talk) 21:57, 2 May 2010 (UTC)
Ok, who put PCP in the drinks this time? --PsyGremlinSnakk! 21:59, 2 May 2010 (UTC)
Hm. What we have here is a SLAPP—Sounds Like A Personal Problem. Star of David.png Radioactive afikomen Please ignore all my awful pre-2014 comments. 22:12, 2 May 2010 (UTC)
Sounds like someone is really desperate to make a joke to me. Just shut up and listen to your elders. ħumanUser talk:Human 05:20, 3 May 2010 (UTC)
I LIKE this bar. You people are REALLY GREAT. Barkeep! Got any Wild Irish Rose? ... Vintage April, you say? - David Gerard (talk) 22:19, 2 May 2010 (UTC)
Calm down, Dave, you gotta keep your composure! SJ Debaser 22:41, 2 May 2010 (UTC)
He 'aint getting in my cab in that state. You'd be better off calling an ambulance. --ConcernedresidentAsk me about our muffinface 00:14, 3 May 2010 (UTC)
ThiS BaR IS FUN. I HOPE you DZrUNK ENUF. ANd ThAT YOu LIkED US. Please to enjoy your buzz and ignore MiNoRs. ħumanUser talk:Human 05:20, 3 May 2010 (UTC)

Next morning[edit]

Gosh, what a mess! I wonder who could have caused that. And scrawled "SODOMIZE INTERNET SUPPLY INC WITH BASEBALL BATS" in the blood of ... well, something. It's a terribly unbecoming sight.

Anyway, I'm off to LessWrong for some rational discussion. As rationalists, I really think we should. With a high prior probability. See you there! - David Gerard (talk) 18:04, 4 May 2010 (UTC)

It's still here...[edit]

Turns out rumours of this page being converted to a trendy wine bar where your shoes don't stick to the floor were greatly over-exaggerated. Scarlet A.pngpostate 00:36, 25 August 2010 (UTC)

What are you talking about? I put down fresh saw dust just this morning. I even in got some stuff called ton-nix, apparently if you mix it with gin it makes something called cocktales, they are these real fancy drinks with these little umbrellas in them. - π 12:58, 27 August 2010 (UTC)
Could someone send the sommelier over? This Bordeaux is too austere. Occasionaluse (talk) 13:24, 27 August 2010 (UTC)
It's vintage April. Quit yer whining - David Gerard (talk) 14:51, 27 August 2010 (UTC)

Is this the place[edit]

To see Arse.jpg? Bob Soles (talk) 22:40, 11 September 2011 (UTC)


I'll have the thing on the wall with an angry face on it. Sounds fun. Тайговорить 22:42, 11 September 2011 (UTC)



Oh, dear. She said her name was Billie Jean and she was fresh in town/I didn't know her stage-line ran from hell. 15:25, 27 April 2013 (UTC)

So heres what:[edit]

You slip me a bottle of Macallan … a little glass and no ice. You can do that, cant you, Lloyd? You set them up and Ill knock them back, one by one. White mans burden, Lloyd, my man. White mans burden.

I like you, Lloyd. I always liked you. You were always the best of them. Best goddamned bartender from Tuscaloosa to Timbuktu, or Timbuktoo, California, for that matter …

Lloyd: Thank you for saying so. Take comfort, Holden, in the fact that you are but a thought—a vagrant thought, a useless thought, a homeless thought, wondering forlorn among empty eternities.

The Judge (talk) 00:54, 3 May 2022 (UTC)