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Vermin Supreme

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Vermin Love Supreme (1961–) is a perennial joke candidate who is best known for standing in US presidential elections while wearing a rubber boot as a hat.[No, not The Onion] Supreme uses his campaigns to draw awareness to problems with the government, having run in every election since 1992 and self-stylizing as an anarchist.[1] He is a strong and charismatic man destined to lead America through the next stages of its magnificent history, but has sadly been accused of being a vermin supremacist.

Joke platform[edit]

He has gone from registered Republican to Democrat to Libertarian. Under his 2020 campaign website, he espouses basic libertarian ideas like privacy, personal responsibility, rugged individualism, the non-aggression principle, and some level of statelessness.[2] This has led to people like the Amazing Atheist describing him as a "moron" and a "fucking twat" due to such laissez faire libertarian ideas being opposed to true freedom and social assistance while being in favor of unregulated corporate oligarchy.[3] Supreme has continued to present himself as an anti-state figure.

Real platform[edit]

Gingivitis has been eroding the gum line of this great nation long enough. It must be stopped. For too long this country has been suffering a great moral and oral decay – in spirit and incisors. A country’s future depends on its – on its ability to bite back. We can no longer be a nation indentured. Our very salivation is at stake. Together we must brace ourselves as we cross over to the bridgework into the 23rd century. Let us bite the bullet and together make America a sea of shining smiles, from sea to shiny sea. Now friends, some people will tell you that this mandatory tooth brushing law is about the secret dental police kicking down your door to make sure you’ve brushed. Friends. It is not. Some will mention the dental re-education centres or the preventative dental maintenance detention facilities. It’s about none of these things. It is not about the government-issued toothpaste containing an addictive yet harmless substance. No friends. It is not even about DNA gene splicing to create a race of winged monkeys to act as tooth fairies. Friends, what this mandatory tooth brushing law is really about is strong teeth for strong America. My name is Vermin Supreme. I’m a friendly fascist, a tyrant you can trust and you should let me run your life because I do know what is best for you.
—Vermin Supreme[4]

Supreme has wisely advocated for the government to install mandatory brushing laws, for teeth and ponies. He wants to give a free pony to every American in every household in order to kickstart the upcoming pony-based economy. His policies will ensure the avoidance of any and all zombie apocalypses and will allow for research into time travel. Unfortunately, many skeptical critics have described these policies as a waste of government spending in contrast to the provision of healthcare and such. It has also been stated that the zombie preparedness and the pony economy will work hand-in-hand.

It is vitally important to Vermin Supreme that we all ensure a beautiful and healthy world for our ponies into the future. To do so, President Supreme will do away with widely used sources of energy that are detrimental to pony habitats. These sources will be replaced with infinite and renewable zombie power.[5]

All dissent to his majesty will be crushed under a pile of ponies.

Trolling Trump supporters and activism[edit]

Personal life[edit]

Supreme was involved with activism for most of life, donated one of his kidneys to save his mother, and is a married man.[6] He also made Randall Terry gay.[7]

See also[edit]

References[edit]

  1. Broussard, Rick (January 18, 2018). "Vermin Supreme". New Hampshire Magazine. Retrieved June 4th, 2020.
  2. His website: https://verminsupreme2020.com/platform/
  3. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_inqk37gb5k&t=8709s
  4. Vermin Supreme At Lesser-Known Candidate Forum: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4d_FvgQ1csE
  5. Zombie Power Vermin Supreme 2020.
  6. Connors, Molly A.K. (January 15, 2012). "He reigns supreme". Concord Monitor. Archived from the original on October 23, 2012.
  7. Vermin Supreme(D) Glitterbombs Randall Terry -Full Version (Dec 21, 2011) YouTube.