|Some dare call it|
“”Meet David Icke. He is a fucking loon.
David Icke is a human singularity of insanity best known for his UFO and conspiracy theory advocacy. He came to fame as an English footballer and sports commentator and used to be a spokesman for the UK Green Party, but since 1991 has devoted his life to informing the world that it's actually secretly controlled by evil shape-shifting lizard-people from the 4th dimension. Genuinely.
 New Age beginnings
During the late 1980s while he was still with the Green Party, Icke began to look to alternative medicine for a cure for the arthritis that had ended his football career. This also brought him in contact with the local members of the New Age movement. In 1990, he met a psychic he called his "soul mate" who began to introduce him to hardcore New Age woo. He went off the deep end shortly thereafter. He left the party in 1990 and was formally banned from it in 1994.
Icke is a proponent of a super-duper grand unified conspiracy theory that mixes together just about every conspiracy theory you can think of; this he calls the "Babylonian Brotherhood." All members of the media, the scientific community, the banking system, and the religions and militaries of the world's nations are mere foot-soldiers of the conspiracy. These stooges are in turn controlled by the usual suspects: the United Nations, the Bilderberg Group, the Illuminati, the Freemasons, the Council on Foreign Relations, the Rothschild family, the World Bank, etc. All of these groups are merely the puppets of "the global elite," which are controlled by "the prison wardens."
With the release of his book The Biggest Secret in 1999, Icke added the final layer on top of the pyramid of conspiracy: Interdimensional shape-shifting lizard-people from a rift in the space-time continuum near the constellation Draco, often referred to as "reptilians" or "reptoids." Partially ripping off Zecharia Sitchin, he claims these aliens are the Anunnaki and that they have interbred with humans throughout history. Much of the "evidence" of reptoids Icke's worshipers put forth are pictures of world leaders with enlarged pupils or red eye — the everyday kind of red eye in which retinas illuminated by camera flashes. This supposedly signifies that they have momentarily lapsed in their shape-shifting.
Some people have taken offense to this, claiming that "shape-shifting lizard-people" is a code word for "Jews." Icke claims that he is not anti-Semitic and that when he says "shape-shifting lizard-people," he really quite literally means lizards. Although he hangs around with some rather fringe right-wing nutcases, he balances it all out by being just as insane a believer in New Age mumbo-jumbo. He does believe the Protocols of the Elders of Zion were true, albeit supposedly not about Jews but (ironically given the accusation of anti-Semitism) a code word for lizard people. He also has been flirting with Holocaust denial, but in Icke's case it's less likely a sign of anti-Semitism than yet another manifestation of all-round insanity.
Reasonable speculation about the source of his space-lizard theory may be the 1970's British progressive rock album Lizard by King Crimson which features metaphorical references to lizards as politico-religious enemies of a "Prince Rupert" in the song "Lizard." Ironically, King Crimson's "lizards" seem to honor the Sabbath, promise Eden, and have a "sacred tablet." The song also references British writer William Blake's figure "Urizen,"[wp] Blake's parody and criticism of the God of the Old Testament which he viewed as simultaneously extremely tyrannical and misguidedly benevolent. Another source may have been the 1980's TV series V, which featured shape-shifting lizard aliens who took over Earth from within society.
At this point, it shouldn't be surprising that Icke hawks alt-med and every crank medical idea under the sun through his website and book store: Homeopathy, vitamin woo, vaccine denial, AIDS denial, water fluoridation, Big Pharma conspiracies, etc. The man has Jupiter-scale crank magnetism, okay?
 What the...
In 1991, on Terry Wogan's TV chat show, in the middle of talking about football (the subject he was a guest on the show to talk about), Icke announced that he was "the son of God" and that Britain would be devastated by tidal waves and earthquakes (the UK isn't seismically active). He also began wearing all turquoise all the time which furthered claims he was either disturbed or perhaps a reptilian himself. He was even passed over for Celebrity Big Brother in 2006 for being too weird.
In 2008, he ran for election to Parliament as an independent candidate in the Haltemprice and Howden by-election. He got only 110 votes, and lost his deposit. If the lizard people (who live between Selby and Hull) had let him win, he would not have actually entered Parliament as he vowed not to actually take the oath to the Queen required (as he believes Her Majesty and the rest of the Royal Family to be lizard people as well). Because the irony does not stop with this fellow, Prince Charles agrees with Icke on the alternative medicine stuff.
Icke considers himself the most controversial writer in the world. Non-British people who don't pay much attention to the weirder sections of the bookstore consider him "who?" – which puts him in somewhat the same category Ward Churchill occupies among liberals.
In 2012, he announced that the opening ceremony of the London 2012 games was a Satanic ritual designed to harness negative energy, and that "The Olympic Stadium is strategically placed on the earth-energy grid to tap into the immense London and British power centres and this is why Glastonbury Tor, one of the most significant earth-vortex points in the UK, is a centrepiece of the opening ceremony."
 Permanently upping the batshit ante
If all of the above wasn't crazy enough for you, Icke seems to have taken The Matrix literally (well, minus the parts with Keanu Reeves and robot overlords). He believes that much of reality is a holographic projection or sensory illusion being beamed down by our alien overlords from the moon, which is actually a space-station with a hollow interior. No, really... no, really.
 List of people thought by Icke to be reptilian overlords
- Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, Knight of the Order of the Elephant, Colonel-in-Chief of the South African Railways and Harbours Brigade, monarch of all Barbados, etc.
- The late Queen Elizabeth, the Queen Mother.
- Prince Charles
- The Rothschilds
- The Rockefellers
- The Merovingians, a dynasty in Medieval France
- The ancient emperors of China, who legend has it were half-snakes... not sure how that works, but what the hell.
- The Egyptian pharaohs
- Ok, basically every royal dynasty ever...
- Dick Cheney (This one is almost believable.)
- George "Dubya" Bush
- Bush the Elder
- Bill Clinton
- Hillary Rodham Clinton
- Al Gore
- Tony Blair
- Harold Wilson
- Ted Heath
- Dalton McGuinty, former premier of Ontario
- Sean Connery
- George Lazenby
- Roger Moore
- Stanley Kubrick
- Willie Nelson (or possibly Boxcar Willie) and Kris Kristofferson
If any of these individuals are seen sacrificing children or drinking blood, they should be reported to the
zoo constabulary post-haste.
 Important notice
Anyone whose "legal defence fund" is vital to continuing their work should be approached with caution.
 David Icke fashion statements
David Icke, as well as his fans, are well known in popular culture for promoting the aluminum foil hat trend. This trend started as a way of keeping [insert evil conspiracy group here] from being able to read the mind of the person wearing the hat, but the trend has grown to be popular in some mental hospitals, as well as in certain American militia movement meeting places.
 Stopped clock
Despite Icke's craziness, he has actually denounced the Christian patriot movement in the United States. He has stated that he does not know which world is more undesirable in his view: the one wanted by the New World Order or the one with which the American conspiratorial right wish to replace it. This has put him at odds with other conspiracy theorists such as Mark Dice and Alex Jones. Icke also encourages people to be skeptical of religious fundamentalism in general... but just not of his crazy ideas.
 See also
- Icke's own webshite
- Information on Reptilians - Including pictures, videos, and the reptilian agenda. Your life may depend on it.
- Reptiloid on TinWiki
- Skeptics are controlled by the Reptilians (according to Icke)
- Icke entry at the JREF Encyclopedia
- David Icke and Jon Ronson special
- Son of God says the flu vaccine will kill your kids
- A website which debunks the outrageous claims of David Icke
- Stargate was real! Roland Emmerich was trying to send a message!
- Don't trust anything you hear, unless I say it!
- ↑ 5 Pathetic Groups That People Think Rule The World, Cracked
- ↑ If you were wondering, "Icke" is pronounced like "Ike," not "icky."
- ↑ The Icke (symbol: Ie) is to batshit as the Curie is to radioactivity — a grotesquely huge unit of measure that requires most real-world measurements to be expressed in small fractions of an Icke.
- ↑ "Green Party Cofounder Icke Goes New Age" by Wendy Grossman
- ↑ Greens bar Icke, The Independent
- ↑ Whether he knows about the actual civilization is unknown.
- ↑ Seriously, just search "reptoids" in Google Images.
- ↑ Beset by lizards, The Guardian
- ↑ Critical Thinking Association (UK) on Icke
- ↑ King Crimson - Lizard I (Lizard)
- ↑ Wogan interview footage
- ↑ Opening ceremony 'was a satanic ritual', politics.co.uk
- ↑ Have a peek at his archive for "Moon Matrix" articles.
- ↑ As far as I am concerned, this disproves his theory right there. If Prince Charles was a shapeshifter, how can you think he'd choose to look like that?
- ↑ Icke seems to hold a peculiar amount of bile in store for Heath, frequently denouncing him as some kind of grand paedophile demagogue at the nexus of a matrix of evil negative energy centred on the Isle of Wight. Whether this is thinly veiled homophobia on Icke's part, or just general inexplicable nonsense remains unclear.
- ↑ "He's an evil reptilian kitten-eater from another planet!"
- ↑ No. Not exactly a joke. Ask anyone who has ever spent much time in an inpatient psych unit or a homeless shelter.