Bronze-level articleDavid Icke

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Some dare call it


What THEY don't want you to know!
Sheeple wakers
Meet David Icke. He is a fucking loon.[1]

David Icke[2] is a human singularity of insanity best known for his UFO and conspiracy theory advocacy. He came to fame as an English footballer and sports commentator and used to be a spokesman for the Green Party of England and Wales, but since 1991 has devoted his life to informing the world that it's actually secretly controlled by evil shape-shifting lizard-people from the 4th dimension. Genuinely.[3]


[edit] Descent into New Age woo

Icke, reptoid-watching.

During the late 1980s while he was still with the Green Party, Icke began to look to alternative medicine for a cure for the arthritis that had ended his football career. This also brought him in contact with the local members of the New Age movement. In 1989, he experienced neurological symptoms (impression of a presence, momentary paralysis of lower extremities, auditory hallucination, facial sensations) that he interpreted as spirits trying to contact him.[4] In 1990, he met a psychic he called his "soul mate" who began to introduce him to hardcore New Age woo.[5] He went off the deep end shortly thereafter. He left the party in 1990 and was formally banned from it in 1994, with the Greens calling his views "fascist".[6]

[edit] Jews Lizards

In the very late 1800s, a controversial document came to light called the Protocols Of The Elders Of Zion. I call them the Illuminati Protocols and I quote many extracts from them in The Robots' Rebellion.
—David Icke, And the Truth Shall Set You Free.

Icke is a proponent of a super-duper grand unified conspiracy theory that mixes together just about every conspiracy theory you can think of; this he calls the "Babylonian Brotherhood."[7] All members of the media, the scientific community, the banking system, and the religions and militaries of the world's nations are mere foot-soldiers of the conspiracy. These stooges are in turn controlled by the usual suspects: the United Nations, the Bilderberg Group, the Trilateral Commission, the Illuminati, the Freemasons, the Council on Foreign Relations, the Rothschild family, the World Bank, etc. All of these groups are merely the puppets of "the global elite," which are controlled by "the prison wardens."

I, for one, welcome our new reptilian overlords. (Jane Badler as Diana from V.)

With the release of his book The Biggest Secret in 1999, Icke added the final layer on top of the pyramid of conspiracy: Interdimensional shape-shifting lizard-people from a rift in the space-time continuum near the constellation Draco, often referred to as "reptilians" or "reptoids." Partially ripping off Zecharia Sitchin, he claims these aliens are the Anunnaki and that they have interbred with humans throughout history. Much of the "evidence" of reptoids Icke's worshipers put forth are pictures of world leaders with enlarged pupils or red eye — the everyday kind of red eye in which retinas illuminated by camera flashes. This supposedly signifies that they have momentarily lapsed in their shape-shifting.[8]

Some people have taken offense to this, claiming that "shape-shifting lizard-people" is a code word for "Jews."[9] Icke claims that he is not anti-Semitic and that when he says "shape-shifting lizard-people," he really quite literally means lizards. Although he hangs around with some rather fringe right-wing nutcases, he balances it all out by being just as insane a believer in New Age mumbo-jumbo. He does believe the Protocols of the Elders of Zion were true, albeit supposedly not about Jews but (ironically given the accusation of anti-Semitism) a code word for lizard people. He also has been flirting with Holocaust denial,[10] but in Icke's case it's less likely a sign of anti-Semitism than yet another manifestation of all-round insanity.

Reasonable speculation about the source of his space-lizard theory may be the 1970's British progressive rock album Lizard by King Crimson which features metaphorical references to lizards as politico-religious enemies of a "Prince Rupert" in the song "Lizard." Ironically, King Crimson's "lizards" seem to honor the Sabbath, promise Eden, and have a "sacred tablet." The song also references British writer William Blake's figure "Urizen,"[wp] Blake's parody and criticism of the God of the Old Testament which he viewed as simultaneously extremely tyrannical and misguidedly benevolent.[11] Another source may have been the 1980's TV series V, which featured shape-shifting lizard aliens who took over Earth from within society.

[edit] Altie

At this point, it shouldn't be surprising that Icke hawks alt-med and every crank medical idea under the sun through his website and book store: Homeopathy, vitamin woo, vaccine denial, AIDS denial, water fluoridation, Big Pharma conspiracies, Global warming denial, etc. The man has Jupiter-scale crank magnetism, okay?

[edit] What the...

David Icke, trying desperately to get his message through the jamming transmitters of the giant lizards.
They're [the audience] laughing at you, they aren't laughing with you.
—Terry Wogan to Icke. [12]

In 1991, on Terry Wogan's TV chat show, in the middle of talking about football (the subject he was a guest on the show to talk about), Icke announced that he was "the son of God" and that Britain would be devastated by tidal waves and earthquakes (the UK isn't seismically active). He also began wearing all turquoise all the time which furthered claims he was either disturbed or perhaps a reptilian himself.[13] He was even passed over for Celebrity Big Brother in 2006 for being too weird.

In 2008, he ran for election to Parliament as an independent candidate in the Haltemprice and Howden by-election. He got only 110 votes, and lost his deposit. If the lizard people (who live between Selby and Hull) had let him win, he would not have actually entered Parliament as he vowed not to actually take the oath to the Queen required (as he believes Her Majesty and the rest of the Royal Family to be lizard people as well). Because the irony does not stop with this fellow, Prince Charles agrees with Icke on the alternative medicine stuff.

Icke was the only non-American interviewee on the life-saving DVD The Fall of America and the Western World.

Icke considers himself the most controversial writer in the world. Non-British people who don't pay much attention to the weirder sections of the bookstore consider him "who?" – which puts him in somewhat the same category Ward Churchill occupies among liberals.

In 2012, he announced that the opening ceremony of the London 2012 games was a Satanic ritual designed to harness negative energy, and that "The Olympic Stadium is strategically placed on the earth-energy grid to tap into the immense London and British power centres and this is why Glastonbury Tor, one of the most significant earth-vortex points in the UK, is a centrepiece of the opening ceremony."[14]

[edit] Permanently upping the batshit ante

If all of the above wasn't crazy enough for you, Icke seems to have taken The Matrix literally (well, minus the parts with Keanu Reeves and robot overlords). He believes that much of reality is a holographic projection or sensory illusion being beamed down by our alien overlords from the moon, which is actually a space-station with a hollow interior. No, really... no, really.[15]

[edit] Comeuppance, of a sort

In January 2015 Icke paid $90,000CAN in settlement of a lawsuit by Richard Warman, a Canadian human rights lawyer. Icke had defamed Warman in his 2001 book Children of the Matrix[16] by making allegations of Satanic child abuse and murder.[17] This was in addition to an out of court settlement of $120,000CAN Warman had already received from three Canadian book stores who continued to sell the book after being named as co-respondants in the case.[18]

In a public statement in March 2015 Warman said "This settlement exposes Icke’s argument that no one had ever sued him because his allegations were true as nothing more than a fallacy."[19]

In response to this monumental legal victory expensive defeat Icke posted a video response on his website explaining the background to the case which, unsurprisingly (and probably wisely), doesn't even mention it.[20] Instead, and with an breathtaking display of chutzpah lack of awareness, he invokes the memory of Carl Sagan. The idea that Dr Sagan would have given him the time of day let alone lend support to his nonsense is too ridiculous to be worthy of further comment.

[edit] List of people thought by Icke to be reptilian overlords

[edit] Royalty

Hail to the chief!

[edit] Politicians

[edit] Celebrities

  • Kris Kristofferson[23]
  • Charlotte Cooper [23]

[edit] Other

  • The Nagas (gods of the Indus valley).[21] Mythical creatures are really other mythical creatures. This is some advanced conspiracy.

If any of these individuals are seen sacrificing children or drinking blood, they should be reported to Steve Bindi Irwin[wp] immediately.

[edit] David Icke fashion statements

David Icke, as well as his fans, are well known in popular culture for promoting the aluminum foil hat trend. This trend started as a way of keeping [insert evil conspiracy group here] from being able to read the mind of the person wearing the hat, but the trend has grown to be popular in some mental hospitals, as well as in certain American militia movement meeting places.[30]

[edit] Stopped clock

Despite Icke's craziness, he has actually denounced the Christian patriot movement in the United States. He has stated that he does not know which world is more undesirable in his view: the one wanted by the New World Order or the one with which the American conspiratorial right wish to replace it. This has put him at odds with other conspiracy theorists such as Mark Dice and Alex Jones. Icke also encourages people to be skeptical of religious fundamentalism in general... but just not of his crazy ideas.

[edit] See also

Si vous voulez cet article en français, il peut être trouvé à David Icke (français).

[edit] External links

[edit] Footnotes

  1. 5 Pathetic Groups That People Think Rule The World, Cracked
  2. If you were wondering, "Icke" is pronounced like "Ike," not "icky."
  3. The Icke (symbol: Ie) is to batshit as the Curie is to radioactivity — a grotesquely huge unit of measure that requires most real-world measurements to be expressed in small fractions of an Icke.
  4. Should we be surprised?
  5. "Green Party Cofounder Icke Goes New Age" by Wendy Grossman
  6. Greens bar Icke, The Independent
  7. Whether he knows about the actual civilization is unknown.
  8. Seriously, just search "reptoids" in Google Images.
  9. Beset by lizards, The Guardian
  10. Critical Thinking Association (UK) on Icke
  11. King Crimson - Lizard I (Lizard)
  13. Wogan interview footage
  14. Opening ceremony 'was a satanic ritual',
  15. Have a peek at his archive for "Moon Matrix" articles.
  16. Children of the Matrix. Bridge of Love Publications, 2001. ISBN 0-9538810-1-6
  17. [1], Court submission
  18. [2], Warman's website
  19. [3], Yournewswire report
  20. [4], David and Carl... Together at last
  21. 21.0 21.1 21.2 21.3 David Icke, "The Reptilian Connection"
  22. 22.0 22.1 22.2 22.3 Penn & Teller: Bullshit!, episode 1.03, Alien abductions at about 20:50
  23. 23.0 23.1 23.2 23.3 23.4 23.5 Brad Steiger, Sherry Steiger. Conspiracies and Secret Societies: The Complete Dossier page 679
  24. Icke, David. The British Establishment … Paedophiles Everywhere
  25. 25.0 25.1 25.2 25.3 David Icke, The Windsor-Bush Bloodline
  26. 26.00 26.01 26.02 26.03 26.04 26.05 26.06 26.07 26.08 26.09 26.10 26.11 26.12 26.13 26.14 LIST OF FAMOUS SATANISTS, PEDOPHILES, AND MIND CONTROLLERS
  27. Icke seems to hold a peculiar amount of bile in store for Heath, frequently denouncing him as some kind of grand paedophile demagogue at the nexus of a matrix of evil negative energy centred on the Isle of Wight. Whether this is thinly veiled homophobia on Icke's part, or just general inexplicable nonsense remains unclear.
  28. Baron, Alexander (8 November 2012). "Op-Ed: David Icke dices with criminal libel — again". 
  29. "He's an evil reptilian kitten-eater from another planet!"
  30. No. Not exactly a joke. Ask anyone who has ever spent much time in an inpatient psych unit or a homeless shelter.
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