Love-shy.com

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Women seem wicked, when you're unwanted.
—Jim Morrison, "People Are Strange"

Love-shy.com is a website ostensibly dedicated to supporting people who are suffering from social anxiety, and who are therefore incapable of forming romantic relationships. Nothing nefarious about that, right? Just a bunch of lonely, insecure guys looking out for each other?

A quick stint at Fundies Say the Darndest Things will deftly reveal that this is not the case. The website is a hangout for Nice Guys™ who are bitter about their inability to get laid, and who channel their palpable frustration and disgust to fuel each other's sexism. In the minds of this website's users, all women have been brainwashed by feminism — particularly all American women — and are thus heartless, gold-digging whores and cockteases who foolishly deign to date Bad Boys™ who beat them instead of poor, sweet Nice Guys™ like them. For this, all women everywhereWikipedia's W.svg are to be held in utter contempt. How very nice.

The men who frequent Love-shy.com self-identify with the Manospherian term "incel", short for "involuntarily celibate male". This word aptly captures the sentiment of the entire page: "it's not our fault that we can't get laid!". More specifically — according to Love-shy.com — you're considered involuntarily celibate if you haven't been able to find a romantic partner within six months (for some reason). As preoccupied as they are with their newfound titles, the truth is that most single men who don't relentlessly pursue one-night stands fall within that definition — the fundamental difference (between an incel and a guy who has just been single for six months) being that a normal guy won't stoop to blaming women for that fact, never mind all women.

Examples of sexism and stupidity[edit]

The sentiments expressed at Love-shy.com can at times be truly terrifying. Things such as praise for serial killers and a suggestion that a law should be passed that makes it illegal for women to turn down dates are among the crap that has turned up there. One can only hope that these are trolls. Check this out:

My concern for level of pain of rape would be greater if it weren't for the fact that most American women deserve to raped because they oppose prostitution as a sexual outlet for men. Since they deserve to raped, I cannot concern myself with the pain rape causes them.[1]

Fun fact! The historians of the future will probably determine that the above quote is the most absurd statement of the entire Internet.[citation NOT needed]
Bonus fun fact! The above quote is listed at place 7 in FSTDTs top 100 list of stupid things said on the internet.[2]

... really sad that womyn got to be this way, it was better a few decades ago ... at this point I honestly think a husband needs to be legally allowed to hit his wife once in a while when she misbehaves, it's hard coded in womyn's DNA that a strong man worthy of respect will hit her and severely scold her whenever she tries messing with him, in the end they love their husband a lot more for it ... they subconsciously want to be hit and be told to shut up ... sad that feminists have screwed this up because it only means that womyn will do all kind of nasty shit that will go completely unchecked and they think they're entitled to it this is what happens in every third world country, and marriages are really stable there, because the man is the true chief of the family and he is allowed to be a man ... this is the un-politically correct truth.[3]
Women are fucking worthless cunts. Almost everything that was invented was invented by MEN ... even fucking tampons!!! Man you women are so fucking worthless. Women are so stupid many companies have had to completely discard advancement tests because NO women would otherwise qualify. Fuck you all, I hate each and every one of you.[4]
Do you have any RELEVANT prove that all women arent part of an evil hive mind? They are out to get men because they know men need sex, and they go out tease guys and withhold sex. They reject them in cruel ways, and are very egocentric and sociopathic if you look at the way modern bitches act. It doesnt matter if women in general dont fit those descriptors; all that matters is the individuals experiences; have enough bad ones, and they represent REALITY.... Oh and FYI killing women, and making a political statemnt can be very effective, its something called terrorism, and it has brought major nations to their knees. Kill enough women, make it clear why, and then maybe then society will take you seriously. Im not saying i would do that; i have no desire to go to prison, but i would enthusiastically root for a person or group that would. Sometimes when one is hopeless, HATE is the only thing left going for a person; thats the way it is for me; ive replaced my desire to get a woman, which i know will never happen, with hatred ... its not a bad substitute let me tell you that..[5]

Yeah, damn right it'll never happen, bub. If any people who aren't maladjusted monsters reading this need a moment to go and punch something, fine, we'll wait.

Other bizarre talking points have included:

  • Discussion plans to create robot women to have sex with (which itself might be a decent idea), and believing that you're not a virgin if you do this.[6]
  • Seriously comparing the "suffering" of people with their made-up disorder to the experience of Jews during the Holocaust.[7][8] (Note: "made-up" refers to "love-shyness" and not to social anxiety disorder, which is existing and treatable.)

Love-shyness as a mental condition[edit]

Love-shyness was a concept formulated during the 1980s by a psychiatrist Brian Gilmartin, whose work often contained elements of pseudoscience (such as using Zodiac references as if they actually pertain to reality). He claimed to have discovered a condition present in older male virgins, which he associated with avoidant personality disorder, abusive upbringing, and generally poor mental and psychological health. He claimed that the disorder only affected heterosexual men, since (according to him) gay men and women would not be expected to take action in relationships and therefore they need not worry about inability to have a romance/sex life. He then contradicted himself later on by admitting that such women do exist, but that they have nothing to worry about since they will probably become "highly successful career women" anyway.[citation needed] It should be noted that even during the 1980s, when the whole theory of love-shyness exclusively affecting heterosexual men was most rampant, sex therapists found that about one in four of their over-25 clients who complained of involuntary virginity were female.[citation needed]

When psychological conditions are analyzed, usually the mental state is most focused on. However, physical symptoms are just as important. In Shyness and Love, Gilmartin states, “Indeed, if one were to predict among a large group of elementary school boys just exactly who is likely to go on to a life of chronic and painful love-shyness, there does not appear to be any better or more readily observable medical predictor than that of difficulties involving the nose.” He then states that the ability to breathe through the nose is associated with the feeling of freedom.[9]

Gilmartin's work has contributed to a whole body of negative stereotypes used by the men's rights movement ("women can get sex whenever they want", "men are disadvantaged by modern matriarchal society", etc.). The website Love-shy.com was allegedly created in order to present an active community for male "incels" (involuntarily celibates) to be free from the evil women.

As with most self-diagnosed disorders, and especially one as nebulous as this, it is very questionable whether users at Love-shy.com actually suffer from a common ailment, or simply from a variety of character defects, poor social skills and other problems contributing to their failure with women. In some cases, this may include genuine mental health conditions, or neurological conditions such as Asperger's syndrome, which is mentioned in the site's FAQ about love-shyness.[10] Be that as it may, the community's unhealthy focus on collectively nurturing personal butthurt, along with overt misogynistic hostility towards women, is hardly likely to help users overcome their relationship problems.

See also[edit]

References[edit]