Victoria Jackson

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Victoria Jackson in 2009.
Parroting squawkbox
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And a dirty dozen more
Victoria Jackson is a former semi-celebrity who is clinically unable to process information, distinguish an argument from a random string of letters (or none), reason, or string words together in a sentence expressing a coherent thought. For this reason she gets to write columns for Breitbart and the World Net Daily.
Encyclopedia of American Loons[1]

Victoria Jackson (1959–)[2] is a career-dead, brain-dead American conservative "comedian", Teabagger activist, and blogger.

Showbusiness career[edit]

Jackson was a B-list cast member on Saturday Night Live during the late 1980s and early '90s. Her most memorable role—a real stretch for her—was as an airhead anchorwoman on Weekend Update alongside Dennis Miller.[3] The character was known for her fucking god-awful poetry.[4] She was also known for her celebrity impressions and appearances in "Toonces the Driving Cat" sketches.

Otherwise, to "Weird Al" Yankovic's fanbase, she is known for her performance in UHF as George's love interest, Teri.

Teabagging career[edit]

Jackson launched her political career in 2000 by learning how to vote.[5] In 2009, she became a foot soldier in the war against creeping Obamunism by joining the ranks of the Teabaggers. This helped land her a cushy position as a regular blogger on Andrew Breitbart's Big Hollywood site. In 2010, WorldNutDaily allowed her "thoughts" to grace the pages of its website by giving her column space. She has claimed credit for her "prescient" prediction of Obamunism:

Jackson: [...] I never did anything like this, but we have to, because the President’s a communist.

Doocy: Now, he is not a communist [...]

Jackson: [...] You might not say "communist," but I watch Glenn Beck, and he's taught me well. "Progressive" is the new word for "communist," but it's the same goal. It's government control of everything. And it's very obvious that Obama's trying to do that. I don’t wanna brag, but I sorta called it before he was elected and I was on O'Reilly and I said he was a communist. I got a lot of hate mail, but I got some that said I was "prescient," which means "a prophet."[6]

She claims to be able to play the ukulele and has released a not-so-great hit called "There's a Communist in the White House."

She is also very annoyed by the TV show Glee for its anti-Christian agenda and "shoving the gay thing down our throats."[7]

She had some nice things to say about ...something... in a Breitbart fart:

I took my beautiful fake nails out to my car and drove to the car wash. Hard working, friendly Mexicans made it shiny. I don't know if they were legal or illegal. I love everyone, but I think rules should be followed. Why can't they be legal? Is it difficult? You'll probably explain Amnesty to me tomorrow on TV, because you always know what I'm thinking.[8][9]

Her behavior has led to suspicions that she is a deep cover liberal or aping Andy Kaufman. She denies these allegations.[10]

Victoria Jackson and the Muslims[edit]

In late 2011, Jackson claimed to have been privy to a six-hour long "briefing" "across the street from the Capitol" where solid evidence of a Muslim Brotherhood plan to take over America was revealed to her in her capacity as member of the Department of Homeland Security's Washed-Up Comediennes Office. Oh, and Obama is a Muslim.[11]

Endorser of woefully incorrect medical "data"[edit]

She's gone on record as sympathizing with Todd Akin's sentiments concerning rape, with mathematically incoherent gibbering to match:

How many times do people get pregnant from rape? It’s point zero zero one percent. It’s a joke. I read lots of articles. I know people, because I’m 53. I’ve know a lot of people, and I’ve actually never known anyone who got pregnant from being raped.[12][13]

Sandy Hook massacre[edit]

After the December 2012 Sandy Hook massacre, Jackson linked the shootings with abortion and blamed them on public schools forgetting the Ten Commandments.[14]

Get trolled much?[edit]

She engaged in comedy of an entirely unintentional sort when she was taken in hook, line and sinker by a parody article in the National Report decrying Barack Obama's spending July 4th at a mosque.[15]

SNL cast members who drank the Kool-Aid[edit]

External links[edit]