Vladimir Putin

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Always watching.
Vladimir Putin's full name is "Tom Clancy's Vladimir Putin."
—Chase Mitchell[1]

Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin (born 1952) is not a very nice man. A former KGB operative[2] who rose to become the de facto dictator of Russia, his chief policy appears to be keeping the current self-serving oligarchy in power by whatever means necessary. He was the Prime Minister in 1999, the President through 2008, Prime Minister until 2011, and President since 2012.

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[edit] Reality-defying... good stuff?

You can be a three-headed tyrant as long as everyone has jobs and is working.
—Jack Ablin[3]

Here's how Putin somehow managed to maintain a semblance of popularity: he balanced the budget. Seriously, he reduced Russia's national debt by 90%.[4] This was done mostly by growing GDP (from a rather low base), making the national debt a smaller fraction of a larger GDP.[5]

Wages have tripled, unemployment and poverty more than halved and Russians' self-assessed life satisfaction rose significantly, simply because they actually have money in their pockets for once.[6] There was an unexpectedly high economic growth during his first term as president: the Russian economy grew for eight straight years, seeing GDP increase by 72% in PPP (sixfold in nominal).

The majority of Russian exports are oil and gas,[7][8] which is integral to their economy. *cough* To make sure Russia stays on the map for decades to come, Putin's energy policy made Russia into a nuclear power (again). The police and military have been "reformed," the automotive industry boomed, and general land laws modernized.

He also signed the Kyoto Protocol (though the terms were easy for Russia), which is something the United States hasn't done yet (or ever will). Speaking of the US, he granted asylum to American whistleblower Edward Snowden, if for no other reason than to stick it to Washington.

[edit] And the reality-returning bad stuff

People in Russia say that those who do not regret the collapse of the Soviet Union have no heart, and those that do regret it have no brain.
—Vladimir Putin Mk. MMV, before losing his brain nine years later
He's not exactly fun to be around. But...

Known for an alarmingly higher-pitched voice than his face indicates, Putin presides over a nominally "democratic" nation that is marked by a lot of backdoor deals with criminal syndicates. His record on human rights has been marked by the flattening of Chechnya, the demolition of Georgia, [9] and constant assassinations of investigative journalists.[10] These antics have given way to a descriptive neologism called Putinism.[wp]

When he was acting President in 1999 (after Yeltsin resigned), one of the first things he did was to issue a decree stating that "corruption charges against the outgoing President and his relatives" would not be pursued, which later included former presidents and their families as well.[11] This would be a prelude to how his rule would be in due time.

In 2012, he banned gay pride parades and protests in Moscow for 100 years,[12] along with a variety of other draconic restrictions on homosexual rights, doubtlessly as a way to court the fundamentalist vote.[13] Shortly after, he continued to uphold the traditional family by getting divorced.[14] His support relies primarily on a "diminishing political base of older, rural, less educated citizens, blue-collar workers, and persons with a strongly nationalist bent" — oh wait, wrong politician.[15]

Putin also holds the Guinness World Record for holding the most expensive Olympic Games ever.[16] Within days of wrapping up an international celebration of peace and cooperation through sport, he annexed parts of Ukraine after they kicked out their pro-Putin president. It's beginning to look like a major blunder.[17][18]

He has said that Stalin's legacy can't be judged in black and white.[19] As such, Putin's policies have been likened to the Soviet era, which has received a lukewarm response by Russian Communist leader Gennady Zyuganov.[20][21] Well, at least Roger Boyes of The Times considers him more of a latter-day Brezhnev than a clone of Stalin.[22] Faint praise and a rather mixed blessing, considering that Brezhnev presided over the Era of Stagnation[wp], ended up as a senile gerontocrat[wp][23] heading up an equally elderly Politburo[wp][24] and in his final year began the Soviet Union's Afghanistan War (spoiler: He lost).

Bill Browder, a former fund manager in Russia, estimated that as of 2015, Putin has US$200 billion in wealth.[25][26] According to Browder, he doesn't really need any wealth because he has absolute power and there is just an illusion of oligarchy.[25] The lack of a real oligarchy became apparent when Mikhail Khodorkovsky was imprisoned and later exiled for annoying the boss.

[edit] And now for something completely different

Putin likes to show his countrymen and the world what a macho guy he is. He knows judo. He "captured" and tamed a tiger which he kept as a pet. He likes to go fishing without a shirt.[27] It's quite a departure from what actually seems to be a depressing personal life.[28]

He brings his dog to staff meetings. In fact he made a point of bringing the dog when he met with Angela Merkel, even though (or more likely because) he knew Merkel was uncomfortable around dogs. Putin loved his pet Chihuahua[wp] so much he let it sit in his presidential chair from 2008 to 2012 and even pretended that little Dmitri was actually in charge.

It is claimed that he is the richest man in Europe at approximately 53 billion USD, but officially he is worth only about $200,000. If his career in Russian politics were to end, he would be the perfect Bond villain. We could then see the fruition of Putin and his defense minister's plans for development of futuristic weapons, including psychotronic weapons. Well... kinda. It's weird.[29]

In an amusing stroke of irony, Putin was shortlisted as the Conservapedia 2013 Conservative of the Year, showing that authoritarians around the world tend to stick together.[30] It's not just them; Patrick Buchanan and Fox News talking heads have also expressed an odd admiration for his style of leadership.[31][32]

In recent years, he has been partly credited (alongside Russian optics firm LOMO) for saving film-based photography from extinction, given the surge in popularity of "Lomography."[33]

[edit] See also

[edit] External links

[edit] Footnotes

  1. Humorously enough, there was a Putin as depicted by Clancy. He didn't end up so well.
  2. By "KGB operative" we mean "boring desk job."
  3. Will Putin run for his money?, Toronto Star
  4. Ruskie Wikipedia
  5. Russia Government Debt to GDP, Investopedia
  6. Another sign of progress is that not all of this money is acquired through giving or accepting bribes on the part of government officials.
  7. Overview of the Economic Survey of the Russian Federation, OECD
  8. At present, Russia supplies 32.6% of Europe's oil imports and 38.7% of Europe's natural gas imports, while the EU encompasses 41% of all Russian trade. And as you know, relations between both powers going quite well recently.
  9. Not like Saakashvili didn't have it coming, though...
  10. Mostly slipping those trying to escape his regime Polonium, then watched as they died slow, agonizing deaths.
  11. Vote gives Putin chance of life-long criminal immunity, The Guardian
  12. Gay parades banned in Moscow for 100 years, BBC
  13. Homophobe of the Year: Vladimir Putin, The Advocate
  14. Russia's Vladimir Putin and wife Lyudmila divorce, BBC
  15. A coincidence. Really.
  16. Crimea move makes Sochi look like $50 billion in wasted PR for Russia, Sunday Morning Herald
  17. The end of the Putin mystique, Washington Post
  18. Trapped in His Own Labyrinth: Putin, Ukraine, and MH17, Bloomberg Businessweek
  19. This is who we're dealing with.
  20. Kremlin has plan B for poll run-off, Financial Times
  21. "Political Report of the CPRF Central Committee to the 13th Party Congress"
  22. Putin is no Stalin. He’s a latter-day Brezhnev, Times of London
  23. At the website for old Soviet jokes, Laughing under the Covers, those about Brezhnev tend to focus on his vanity and senility, e.g. At a Politburo meeting, Brezhnev says, "Comrades, it's intolerable. Some Politburo members have practically become senile, play children's games, ride rocking horses. And look, comrade Gromyko has taken away my tin soldiers and (Brezhnev weeps) will not give them back..." [Note: edited for grammar and spelling]
  24. Riddle: What has four legs and forty teeth? Answer: an alligator. What has forty legs and four teeth? Answer: Brezhnev's Politburo. [Note: edited for grammar and spelling].
  25. 25.0 25.1 Is Vladimir Putin hiding a $200 billion fortune? (And if so, does it matter?)
  26. For comparison, $200 billion is more than the sum of the next 2 richest people (Bill Gates and Carlos Slim: [1])
  27. And creates hilariously awful propaganda campaigns in the process.
  28. Behind the Scenes in Putin's Court: The Private Habits of a Latter-Day Dictator, Newsweek
  29. Reality check on Russia's 'zombie ray gun' program, NBC News
  30. Pro-America.
  31. When the right loved Vladimir Putin, Salon
  32. Make Putin President! (and the inevitable Daily Show smackdown.)
  33. Did the Lomo camera save film photography?, BBC
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