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Fun:Sandwich

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A sandwich is an item of food that is understood to be two layers of something (usually bread but sometimes crackers and in rare cases chicken) with more foodstuffs between those layers. It was invented by Kim Jong Il Heavy Weapons Guy a chef who served the Earl of Sandwich as a way to eat a complex meal while playing cards (i.e., being able to eat using only one hand).

Types of sandwiches[edit]

Probably the most commonly known sandwich is a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Elvis Presley's favorite sandwich was peanut butter and banana.

Certain types of desserts are considered sandwiches, such as Oreo Cookies and It's-Its.

Some sandwiches, like club sandwiches and Big Macs, have three layers of bread.

If you ever meet a 6' 4" muscular man from Brussels and ask him if he speaks your language, he'll just smile and give you a vegemite sandwich.

Any (and I do mean ANY) sandwich can be made better by adding bacon, which can cost between 50¢ and $2.00 (USD) depending on the restaurant at which you're eating, but unless it's made of turkey it's probably not kosher. For similar prices, sandwiches can also be improved with the addition of cheese.

The rumor that the musician Mama Cass choked to death on a ham sandwich is false — she died due to complications of obesity, and the sandwich in question, which was next to her bed at the time of death, had not been eaten.[1]

Other sandwiches[edit]

There is also a town in Illinois called Sandwich, near Plano (but Sandwich is west of Plano, so the maps unfortunately do not read "Plano Sandwich")[2]. There is also a Sandwich next to Mashpee in Massachusetts.

The word sandwich can also be used as a verb, meaning to layer items together as if making a sandwich, regardless of the edible qualities of the end result. For example, a passenger sandwiches himself in between two other passengers in a crowded subway.

The Sandwich Islands, named by Captain James Cook in honor of the Earl mentioned above, was the original English name for the Hawaiian Islands, much to the dismay of the people already living there. The name didn't last long.

Not sandwiches[edit]

Tacos and burritos achieve basically the same thing, but are not typically thought of as sandwiches. This does not diminish their value as prized finger food and the same rules for bacon and cheese apply. Be warned that while delicious the consumption of burritos comes at considerable risk.

Other examples include:

Sushi is layers of something between rice, wrapped in seaweed.

Crepes are the French version of stuff rolled inside of bread and are perhaps best enjoyed with freedom fries.

Wraps apply a lot of the same as tacos and burritos, and are typically the only vegan option in a restaurant's menu, beside perhaps one of the salads if you leave out all the good stuff in it.

Bruschetta is an Italian non-sandwich that is stuff on top of bread, is simple to make, and impresses everyone at a party.

Pizza is Bruschetta's much humbler cousin; however it is even more popular at parties and even easier to make: you just order it and have it delivered.

As a taunt[edit]

The phrase "Make me a sandwich!" or "Make me a sammich!" or "Bitch, get back in the kitchen and make me a sandwich!" is an internet meme that is deliberately sexist, usually meant to undermine feminist arguments on forums or denigrate female gamers while playing online video games that feature player-vs.-player action.[3] Since it is only recently that male dominance of online video games has decreased, this phrase is employed by some frustrated chauvinists who can't conceive how it's even possible to be pwned by a woman. This phrase loses some of its effectiveness in certain games, however, where the only communication between players is among members of a player's own squad.

Recipes (edible)[edit]

BLT
  • BLT, which stands for Bacon Lettuce and Tomato; no need for a link, figure it out on your own!
  • Crazy Leon
  • Monte Cristo, best served hot
  • Your standard Reuben, which determines whether or not the pub you're at is worth its salt

Recipes (inedible)[edit]

  • GLBT Sandwich (well, that's debatable I suppose)
  • Knuckle Sandwich
  • Monte Cristo, best served cold[4]

Recipes (fake)[edit]

Footnotes[edit]

  1. Ah Snopes, you ruined another one for us.
  2. City of Sandwich, Illinois
  3. Make me a Sandwich] on knowyourmeme.com
  4. Revenge served up Jim Caveizel style