Pat Boone

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Trini Lopez and Pat Boone, 1975.
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Pat Boone (1934–) is an American pop singer who rose to prominence in the 1950s and 60s, and had a wonderful career in music until he ventured into full blown kookiness. Sadly, his venture down the rabbit hole is far from over. He was an advisor for the Parents Television Council, and fourth-rate wannabe conservative pundit writing for WorldNetDaily and appearing in 60 Plus Association commercials. Rock pioneer "Little Richard" Penniman has held a lifelong grudge against Boone for stealing (and butchering) some of Penniman's material; essentially, if Elvis Presley was the Eminem of old-time rock and roll, Boone is the Vanilla Ice. Nonetheless it is widely believed that Little Richard opted to keep the royalties generated from those butcherings.

At one point, he got some ironic credit for his metal cover album In a Metal Mood: No More Mister Nice Guy, and for showing up at the 1997 American Music Awards in leather and flexing his pecs. It didn't hurt that he was good friends with Ozzy Osbourne and Alice Cooper. Since then, however, he's decided to blow all that goodwill by being a batshit crazy conservative, as evidenced by his support for Young Earth Creationism,[1][2] Gitmo torture,[3] Christian persecution in the US,[4][5] Birtherism,[6] and how the homogays need to be put in concentration camps.[7][8]

If you must hear him do anything related to music, he has a weekly music program on shortwave radio station WWCR, where he plays Christian rock artists.

He also played Melissa Joan Hart's father in the Christian propaganda movie God's Not Dead 2: God Harder.

2007 Kentucky Gubernatorial Election[edit]

During the year 2007, the Republican governor of Kentucky Ernie Fletcher was seeking re-election to that office. The only problem was that he and members of his administration were facing several felony charges for corruption, and were subsequently taking a beating at the polls to their Democratic challenger Steve Beshear. The following is a transcript of an automated call that Boone sent to Kentucky voters trying to change the outcome. Enjoy.

“”Hello friends this is Pat Boone a fellow Kentuckian[Note 1] by descent from grandaddy Dan’l. I’ve always been proud of Kentucky’s stance on patriotic, military and moral issues; a great heritage. Now, as an American and a Christian I am very concerned about the upcoming governor’s election. Ernie Fletcher is a typical Kentuckian, he’s worked long and hard for the state, its people, and its traditions. And, of course, he has come under attack by political opponents and now he faces a man who wants his job who has consistently supported every homosexual cause: same sex marriage, gay adoption, special rights, to gay, lesbian, bisexual, even transgender individuals.

The prominent gay advocacy group CFAIR just enthusiastically endorse Beshear, knowing he’s their guy. Kentuckians have already voted to amend the state constitution to prohibit same sex marriage. Now, do you want governor who’d like Kentucky to be like another San Francisco?[Note 2] Please reelect Ernie Fletcher.

This message paid for by the Kentucky Republican Party.
—Pat Boone[9]

Needless to say, Fletcher took a massive beating in the polls.

Strange fairy tales[edit]

It has been recently thought by some that Pat Boone might, in fact, have Alzheimer's, or otherwise be badly losing his mental acuity. Aside from his frequent attempts to use Coast to Coast AM to get votes to get into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (seriously, Pat Boone is not rock and roll), he has also written at least one column involving what might be a fairy tale, but weirdly rewritten. In the column, he writes about Snow White, but Snow White gets corrupted by the Seven Dwarfs (who apparently represent liberals) and gets pregnant by the Wicked Witch (so the Wicked Witch is apparently transgender?),[Note 3] and she has to have an abortion. Then she moves in with the Wicked Witch as her wife. Meanwhile, Prince Charming is convinced he's gay by the Seven Dwarves, gets AIDS, and dies of a drug overdose. Oh, and the US becomes part of the North American Union, which then turns into "Northern Venezuela"...huh?[10]

Buy a bit of Israel[edit]

Boone has been selling bits of Israel, originally to support Israeli medical relief charities and the Jewish National Fund (at $110 per square foot) But now, Boone’s gift-the-holy-land project is being used as a fundraiser at $1200 a pop for an evangelical Christian broadcasting network with offices in Texas and Jerusalem.[11]

Notes[edit]

  1. ↑ Despite the fact that he was born in Florida and lives in California.
  2. ↑ Again, this is despite the fact that he lives in California and at one point owned the Golden State Warriors
  3. ↑ Extra credit: parse all this out and see if it makes some form of sense.

References[edit]

  1. ↑ http://www.wnd.com/2007/01/39891/
  2. ↑ http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2007/02/a_convenient_deletion.php
  3. ↑ http://scienceblogs.com/dispatches/2009/05/dumbass_quote_of_the_day_15.php
  4. ↑ http://scienceblogs.com/dispatches/2006/08/pat_boones_aclu_lies.php
  5. ↑ http://scienceblogs.com/dispatches/2009/06/pat_boone_theyre_coming_for_th.php
  6. ↑ http://freethoughtblogs.com/dispatches/2011/09/23/the-rank-stupidity-of-pat-boone/
  7. ↑ http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2008/12/pat_boone_isnt_exactly_the_bri.php
  8. ↑ http://scienceblogs.com/dispatches/2008/12/in_which_pat_boone_say_somethi.php
  9. ↑ Pat Boone, Kentucky GOP: Electing Democratic governor will make Kentucky like San Francisco. pageoneq.com, 5 November 2007.
  10. ↑ Read it here
  11. ↑ Boone's Israeli money raising
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