Cabinet of Donald Trump

The farce that typified a Trump cabinet meeting: 3 of the 4 nameplates say "acting", and the guy without a nameplate is an actor. The actor needs a photo of himself front-and-center for self-assurance.

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Persons of interest

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The Cabinet of Donald Trump was the wealthiest in American history, in addition to being the least qualified overall.

Major members

People are listed alphabetically according to their first names.

A-H

• Alex Azar, former President of pharmaceutical company Eli Lily, as Secretary of Health and Human Services. Spent most of his tenure trying to dismantle ObamaCare and trying to define transgender people out of existence. Azar is a joyful regulator.
  • Azar replaced Tom Price, former Congressman from Georgia, who got pushed out after 8 months for using military jets for personal travel.

• Alexander Acosta, as Secretary of Labor is unusual as he doesn’t appear to be a clueless, millionaire/billionaire hack or someone actively loathing the agency he is in charge of. However, he wasn't Trump's first pick. Resigned due to public pressure from his having in 2007-2008 as US Attorney granted billionaire pedophile scumbag Jeffrey Epstein immunity for all but two crimes.
  • Andrew Puzder, CEO of CFK Restaurants, a supporter of automation who disdains trade unions and government regulation was Trump’s original nominee, but the confirmation died in Congress.

• Andrew Wheeler, former coal lobbyist who worked more quietly, thus staying out of the limelight.
  • Wheeler replaced Scott Pruitt — former administrator of the Environmental Protection Agency, who is a climate change denier. Furthermore, he dismissed the theory of evolution, lamented that "minority religions" are pushing Christianity aside, advocated for Constitutional amendments banning same-sex marriage and abortion, praised the Second Amendment as divinely granted and condemned federal judges as the "judicial monarchy". Pruitt resigned in mid-2018 after a series of scandals and controversies.

• Ben Carson — Secretary of Housing and Urban Development: To his credit (if nothing else), Carson at least admits to being a terrible pick for the job — that didn't stop him from taking the job though.

• Betsy DeVos, billionaire anti-public education creationist sister to Erik Prince (the founder of Blackwater), for Secretary of Education.

I-J

• James Bridenstine, former Congressional Representative, non-scientist and climate change denier, was the head of NASA.

• William Barr for United States Attorney General.

Barr replaced Jeff Sessions. He saw some tension with the Trump, especially after recusing himself from the Russia probe. In November 2018, he resigned at the request of President. Barr's statement that the DOJ found no widespread election fraud in the 2020 U.S. presidential election infuriated Trump — perhaps Barr was tired of the circus by that point.

• James "Mad Dog" Mattis, a retired Marine general, as Secretary for Defense (I thought you knew more than the generals, Donnie?). One of the few people in the Administration with the relevant qualifications and expertise. Left early.

• John F. Kelly, a retired general, as Secretary of Homeland Security, and Chief of Staff. Another rare case of a person being right for the job. Also left early.

K-Q

• Kellyanne Conway, former Frank Luntz propagandist and Trump campaign manager, as Counselor to the President offering "alternative facts". Bound to the President for the rest of history, the truth will not set her free. She has remained married to George Conway, co-founder of The Lincoln Project, despite holding diametrically opposite views of reality.

• Matthew Whitaker, Sessions' former chief of staff, as acting Attorney General. Whitaker is a GOP loyalist and Trump supporter who worked for a company that was shut down and fined for scamming veterans. He also sold a scammily bizarre 'masculine toilet'. Whitaker is openly critical of the Trump-Russia investigation and asserted there was no evidence for collusion or Russian interference in 2016 U.S. presidential election. He believes that the Special Counsel has overstepped his mandate by investigating Trump's finances.

• Mike Pompeo for Director of the CIA.

• Reince Priebus, Chairman of the RNC, as White House Chief of Staff. He left early.

• Rex Tillerson, the Exxon Mobile CEO, for Secretary of State (Confirmed as nominee). However, he is gone. Also a major Trump donor an advocate of "school choice".

R-Z

• Rick Perry, Secretary of Energy. In 2011, he said that he wanted to eliminate this department — that was his main qualification evidently.

• Ryan Zinke as Interior Secretary. Gone. But not forgotten: he's being investigated by the Department of Justice as to whether he lied to the Interior Inspector General's Office. He may also face corruption-related criminal charges.

• Steve Bannon (a.k.a., the Grim Reaper) was a US Navy officer in the 1970s, worked as an investment banker in the 1980s in the Murders and Executions Mergers and Acquisitions Department of Goldman Sachs, CEO of Breitbart, and Trump campaign chief, as Chief Strategist to the President. He quit.

• Steven Mnuchin, a Goldman Sachs banker, film producer, and Trump campaign finance chief, as Secretary of the Treasury. Scumbag, but an understandable pick.

• Wilbur Ross, a Wall Street banker and Trump campaign donor, as Secretary of Commerce. As Secretary, he's been busy conducting insider trading by short-selling stocks based on his personal knowledge of forthcoming negative news stories. He even profited from a short sale based on his own corruption investigation.

Other members

File:Das Cabinet des Dr. Caligari poster.jpg

An earlier incarnation of an authoritarian's cabinet: The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari

• Boris Epshteyn — Trump's son Eric's friend from his alma mater, Georgetown University, briefly served as White House spokesman

• Christopher Hagan — confidential assistant at the Agriculture Department. Qualifications: cabana attendant.

• Dan Scavino — Trump's ex-golf caddie, now the White House director of social media

• David Matthews — confidential assistant at the Agriculture Department. Qualifications: developed scented candles, legal receptionist.

• Hope Hicks — ex-fashion model who worked for Ivanka Trump, now the White House communications director, providing hope for Hicks. She admitted to lying for her boss and has resigned.

• Joe diGenova — one of Trump's lawyers, and a deep state conspiracy theorist

• Kyle Yunaska — Eric's brother-in-law, had a senior Energy Department job

• Linda McMahon — professional wrestling magnate and Trump's close friend, was the Small Business Administration chief

• Lynne Patton — wedding planner for Eric, now senior official at the Department of Housing and Urban Development

• Nick Brusky — confidential assistant at the Agriculture Department. Qualifications: truck driver, no college degree.

• Sam Brownback — Ambassador of "Religious Freedom".

• Sam Clovis — ex-nominee for chief scientist at EPA. Qualifications: talk show host, non-economist economics professor. During the campaign, he supervised George Papadopoulos, who plead guilty in the FBI investigation of Russian hacking of the 2016 election.

• Sid Bowdidge — assistant to the Secretary of Energy for energy efficiency and renewable energy. Qualifications: manager of a Meineke Car Care branch.

• Steve Kopec — home improvement contractor who married into the Trump domestic staff, now a special assistant with the Environmental Protection Agency

• Taylor Weyeneth — 23-year old deputy chief of staff of the Office of National Drug Control Policy. Qualifications: lying on his résumé, stopped showing up to work at his previous job as a legal assistant, his "only professional experience after college and before becoming an appointee was working on the Trump campaign and transition."

• Victoria Barton — congressional relations for Regions II, V and VI, Department of Housing and Urban Development. Qualifications: office manager, bartender/bar manager.