Jeffrey Epstein

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Epstein in 2019
Some dare call it
Icon conspiracy.svg
What THEY don't want
you to know!
Sheeple wakers
I wanted to do a story on sex trafficking, but every time I googled Florida and sex trafficking, a story about Jeffrey Epstein came up.
Julie K. Brown

Jeffrey Epstein (1953–2019) was an American financier who was well known; now infamous for two things — his sex trafficking operation (arguably the largest-scale crime revealed under the aegis of MeToo challenged only by Keith RaniereWikipedia/NXIVM, the Peter NygårdWikipedia case, and the Samuel KleinWikipedia case), along with the… controversial circumstances of his death in prison, which has been ruled a suicide. Many have doubted this ruling, especially as these revelations came around the time conspiracy theories claiming to link the international elite to pedophile cults were rapidly growing.

Some background[edit]

Though initially a teacher in New York City, he would leave that for a seemingly much more lucrative career in the finance sector. The word "seemingly" is invoked because, well, it's a bit of a mystery where his billions actually came from or if he was a billionaire at all.[1] As much of his wealth came from a money management firm in the tax haven of the U.S. Virgin Islands, which has never released any public records, how rich he was and how he got the money remain currently unknown, although he was definitely rich enough to afford a private island which he used to traffic girls. Theories as to the origin of his fortune range from money laundering to work in espionage. Dodgy conduct was associated with him from fairly early on — he was fired from both Bear StearnsWikipedia and his teaching position, and indeed he only got this job at Bear Stearns because he had befriended their CEO, Alan Greenberg. He nonetheless managed to achieve acceptance among the American aristocracy and even made contacts abroad! Some prominent acquaintances of his (who have since had to make some really embarrassing denials) included Bill Clinton, Prince Andrew, Ehud Barak, Donald Trump, Steven Pinker, and Bill Gates.

The infamous part[edit]

In the 80's, Epstein began performing financial services for Leslie Wexner, the CEO of Victoria's Secret. Wexner was the primary client of Epstein for quite some time, without which Epstein's business likely wouldn't have taken off. Abusing this connection, in the 90's Epstein began posing as a "model scout" to lure prospective Victoria Secret models to hotel rooms and his home, because there's absolutely nothing skeevy about a middle-aged man pretending to be a "model scout" to get women into his bedroom. Wexner was made aware, but did not suspend his connections with Epstein until around the time of Epstein's first conviction. In what is in hindsight somewhat disconcerting, in the early 2000's Wexner would market his line of lingerie towards 15 year old girls.[2]

Epstein had officially been accused of sex-related crimes since 2005, and was even convicted in 2008 (though his sentence was a mere 13 months), but this really only caught up with him in 2018 and 2019. After numerous accusers came forward influenced by similar events like the fall of Harvey Weinstein, numerous vile details were brought to the public eye and he was arrested on federal charges of sex trafficking. Whilst awaiting trial, he was found dead in his cell at the Metropolitan Correctional Center. How did he die? How could the guards have let this happen? Who did the deed? What secrets did he take to the grave about his rich and powerful clientele? Such questions gripped the popular consciousness, and in many ways Epstein is more remembered for his mysterious death than for the horrible things he did.

"Epstein didn't kill himself"[edit]

His death was officially ruled as a suicide, specifically saying he hanged himself with his bed sheet. Naturally scores of people in the perpetually paranoid American body politic believe that Epstein was killed, usually by some powerful person who did not want their connection with his crimes revealed. The Clintons are common "suspects" because of course they are. This is encapsulated in the phrase "Epstein didn't kill himself," which went viral very quickly, and unlike a billionaire geriatric pedophile on prison suicide watch, this meme has refused to die. Such widespread acceptance can be traced to three things — legitimate procedural fuck-ups that the prison staff made in regards to him, mass resentment of the well-off elite that he was intricately linked with, and some supposed discrepancies in the autopsy.

It's not impossible that Epstein was murdered, but it's likely he did commit suicide and the guards utterly screwed up. There's easier and less suspicious ways to "off" Epstein that wouldn't attract nearly as much attention, e.g., a routine bureaucratic decision that leads to Epstein being declared safe enough to be housed with the general population of inmates and just letting things happen.

Malfunctioning cameras[edit]

Not one but two cameras malfunctioned in front of Epstein's cell when he died.[3] It's possible for a camera to have a fault due to poor maintenance, but two cameras having a fault at the same time is pretty much announcing that the cameras were tampered with. However, this is not proof of an assassination (though video evidence would be helpful disproving it), as there is actually a more plausible reason why someone would tamper with the security footage...

Sleeping Guards[edit]

During the night of Epstein's death, two guards assigned to him were allegedly both asleep.[4] This is a colossal screw-up, of course, but never ascribe to malice what can be explained by incompetence. Anyone who's worked in the prison system could tell you, there's a good chance that the guard in the tower is busy playing a handheld game or reading some internet site dedicated to debunking spiritualist woo, unlike our readers who never stop work to goof off. That both did so simultaneously for such a long time is much more suspicious, of course, but not impossible. At the same time, combined with the "malfunctioning" video cameras, they were charged with falsifying records.[5] The simplest explanation is that a pair of utterly incompetent guards struggled to cover their tracks after letting a notorious inmate commit suicide.

Had there been an actual assassination, well, this is where a real conspiracy would begin to unravel.[note 1] Prison guards are closer to "Paul Blart, Mall Cop" than they are to "Jason Bourne". Charging someone with serious crimes is not a good way to ensure they stay quiet, and bribery is tool for keeping people out of the spotlight, not doing what you while under it. Given the high profile nature of the case, if one of the guards suddenly buys a Lamborghini or a beachfront mansion in Boca, that's going to attract questions, and it's hard to believe someone could be bribed with money that couldn't be spent.

Hyoid bone[edit]

Epstein's death involved a broken hyoid bone. It's actually unclear how often a broken hyoid bone occurs in a suicide by hanging,[6] but it is more likely to happen in strangulations than in suicides, due to the angle of the choking pressure. The older the suicide victim is, however, the more likely the hyoid bone would break. Epstein was hardly a young man, so a broken hyoid bone is not all that unusual, and so by itself doesn't really provide much evidence for a death being a murder or a suicide.

Prior Suicide Attempt[edit]

There was a prior suicide attempt by Epstein. Allegedly. Epstein himself claimed that another inmate tried to murder him, though the guards believed that he either attempted suicide or was trying to frame another inmate for assault in order to be transferred to another, better facility, which actually raises the possibility of another explanation for everything that happened.[7] The person Epstein accused of attempted murder was Nicholas Tartaglione (who in turn claims he saved Epstein's life), an ex-cop who allegedly murdered 4 people, including one by strangulation.[8] The video for this attempt was initially missing, but was eventually located.[9] There is also simply the possibility he simply did not want to be put on suicide watch which in jail is a humiliating experience.


Now moving into the conspiracy theorist's realm, the entire reason to kill Epstein is because some of his friends were also in on the molestation, and dead men tell no tales. However, this falls apart for a simple reason; at least 80 victims already came forward against Epstein while he was alive,[10] and if another powerful person was in on the raping, many of the victims who came forward against Epstein would still come forward against Epstein's partners whether or not Epstein was alive. So far, there hasn't been a rash of Epstein accusers slipping down the stairs onto some bullets. Given that Epstein's friend Bill Gates also ended up involved in numerous sex scandals that he couldn't keep those under wraps forever (or even remain CEO of his own company!),[11] if Gates was in cahoots with Epstein there's no reason to believe that any of the victims who came out against one wouldn't come out against the other. So far, the only one of Epstein's famous associates to have related rape allegations is Prince Andrew, and if the son of The Queen wasn't able to make an accusation just disappear, it's unlikely anyone else would've been able to keep their victims quiet.

Relation to QAnon[edit]

For more, see QAnon

QAnon is a far-right conspiracy theory revolving around the idea that there is a massive cult made up the world's elites where everyone practices cannibalism, pedophilia and Satanism. But somehow the best person to put a stop to it all is Trump. Reading between the lines, they outright admit Trump needs to be compared to a group of Satan-worshipping baby-raping cannibals in order to come across as the good guy; a group of Christian pedophile-cannibals or Satanic cannibals would not be sufficiently evil to make Trump look good in comparison. Soon after this conspiracy spread, well, Epstein made the news with his death. As an obscenely wealthy man working in the mysterious/despised world of Finance, who had connections to the top people in the world, Epstein was the perfect guy to make the center of the conspiracy, and him being Jewish was just the cherry on top.

People Associated with Epstein[edit]

By no means an exhaustive list, but he did have a lot of friends who would become hated by the far-right for different reasons, many of whom actually do deserve a bit of scorn;

  • Bill Clinton, US President and utterly hated by the far-right for proving that a Democrat could be a competent president,[12] disliked by many others for more legitimate reasons such as allegedly abusing his power to make rape accusations disappear.[13]
  • Les Wexner, CEO of Victoria's Secret, recently pissed off the far-right by promoting LGBT issues.[14] He probably should be hated regardless for the very existence of the brand "Pink", a line of lingerie whose target is girls as young as 13.[15] Plus as mentioned earlier, the whole "talent scout" thing.
  • Bill Gates, billionaire software magnate, now hated for his pro-vaccine stance.[16] Also had a lot of sex scandals that only became public during his divorce, probably deserves a bit of scorn for that.
  • Prince Andrew, a member of the Royal family even the British were unaware existed before Epstein's death, but if you need some random world leader to be included in your conspiracy, there you go[17]
  • Alan Dershowitz, already hated for either being anti-Trump, pro-Israel or for defending OJ Simpson[18]
  • Trump himself!
    He’s a lot of fun to be with. It is even said that he likes beautiful women as much as I do, and many of them are on the younger side. No doubt about it — Jeffrey enjoys his social life —Donald Trump[19]
    Arguably the two had a falling out over time, but still...

Eugenics and transhumanism[edit]

There have been claims that Epstein was planning to create a master-race based on his own DNA, a scheme which matches the definition of eugenics. The New York Times cited associates of Epstein, saying: "Epstein told scientists and businessmen about his ambitions to use his New Mexico ranch as a base where women would be inseminated with his sperm and would give birth to his babies … Mr Epstein’s goal was to have 20 women at a time impregnated at his 33,000-sq-ft Zorro Ranch in a tiny town outside Santa Fe". Creepy. This reflected Epstein's more general interest in transhumanism, including giving $20,000 to the Worldwide Transhumanist Association (now Humanity Plus) in 2011. His former lawyer Alan Dershowitz claimed to have been concerned by Epstein's fascination with eugenics, given Dershowitz's Jewishness and the Nazis' interest in eugenics.[20][21]


  1. Watergate was just one of many examples of real world conspiracies undone by a bumbling idiot making a mess of things.