Fun:Types of people who go to Hell
What happens in Hell
Nobody can really make up their mind what happens in hell. Some say that their extremely benevolent and kind God condemns you to eternal torture; others say that it is absence from the presence of God; while yet others say that sod all happens in Hell due to its not actually existing.
Types Of People Who Go To Hell
Again, nobody can make their minds up. Most fundamentalists say that hell is reserved for amoral people. They can narrow this down into a few specific types of people:
- Computer Hackers (Mark Shasha)
- Murderers (unless they're republicans)
- Rapists (unless rapist and victim are married)
- Fornicators (unless they're fundamentalist ministers)
- Adulterers (ditto)
- Porn-lovers (unless they're fundamentalist ministers)
- Masturbators (unless they're fundamentalist ministers)
- Hypocrites (unless they're fundamentalist ministers)
- Homosexuals (unless they're fundamentalist ministers)
- Liars (unless they're fundamentalist ministers)
- Thieves (unless they're fundamentalist ministers)
- Perjurers (unless... ok, you get the point)
- Sports Fans (unless they're fundamentalist ministers)
- Money-lovers (unless they're fundamentalist ministers)
- Critics of Israel (unless they're fundamentalist ministers)
- (This list entry removed due to a legal dispute by the Church of Scientology)
- (This list entry removed due to a legal dispute by the Church of Latter Day Saints)
- Nazis (unless they're American Conservative fundamentalists)
- Child molesters (unless they're priests)
- Pot smokers
- People who have abortions
- People who provide abortions
- People who don't vote against abortions
- Fetuses that were aborted
- Fetuses that were miscarried (spontaneously aborted)
- People who assist others to obtain or perform abortions
- People who mention abortion as an option in counselling pregnant women, whether or not the women brought the subject up
- People who think, abstractly, about having, performing, or assisting others to have or perform abortions
- People who work, in any capacity, in connection with any clinic that performs abortions, whether or not they themselves are medical personnel, whether or not abortions make up more than 0.1% of a clinic's client services (no, the weekend janitor doesn't get off any lighter than the abortion-performing doctor)
- Dead people
- Atheists and other Heathen scum
- The French
- People who live in a country other than America
- Transsexuals and anyone who likes them, loves them, or even just grants them the minimal human dignity of a safe place to pee
- Non-Christians, like Gandhi
- According to that nice sensible Jack Chick, you can go to hell for masturbation, — Well Jack Chick is old and can probably resist temptation. If he masturbated when young he has probably repented and asked God to forgive him. — Chick seems to think you get damned for drinking tea and taking an aspirin (although he didn't state in which order you have to do them to be eternally damned).
- Christians that don't take their Bible literally enough.
- Christians that go to a different church than
they doGod does.
- People who travel to or live in a certain town in Michigan.
- Your brother
- Your 2nd cousin
- Your 2nd cousin twice removed
- Your pet dog
- Your 2nd cousin's pet dog
- Your 2nd cousin's pet dog's groomer, her girlfriend, and her other girlfriend, and their pet dog
- RationalWiki users like yourself (yes, you!)
- The computers of Rationalwiki users (They shall be exposed to magnets for eternity)
- The squirrel who eats bird seed out of the bird feeder of a Unitarian minister
- The offspring of The squirrel who eats bird seed out of the bird feeder of a Unitarian minister
- Fundamentalist ministers
- Pokemon players
- Dungeons and Dragons players
- Benedict Arnold
- In short, anyone they disagree with
Who goes to hell part two
- Anyone named in Jennie C. Riley's Harper Valley P.T.A. , the Beatles Lucy's in the in the Sky with Diamonds, or John Fred and his Playboy Band's Judy's in Disguise with Glasses
- Anyone who refuses to kiss Hank's ass
Who goes to hell part three
According to Dante (with special thanks to Gustave Doré's illustrations) the layers of Hell are (heading downwards) populated by : 
- The lustful - you can do a lot worse. Also, the punishment sounds kind of cool. Lust ftw!
- Gluttons (Unless it's a Fundamentalist)
- The avaricious and prodigal
- The irascible and the sullen
- Minotaurs, centaurs and
- Blasphemers - most of us here
- The deceitful (Unless they're Lying for Jesus)
- Paramours and flatters
- Simoniacs - if you are not sure, look it up, but it ain't pretty and it is pretty much
RepublicansDemocrats from here on down.
- Fortune tellers (Unless a Fundamentalist receives a vision from God)
- Hypocrites (Unless Fundamentalists contradict the Bible themselves)
- Thieves (Unless you're a Televangelical)
- Evil counselors (Also known as Liberals)
- Sowers of discord
- Dante himself, apparently.
- And in the last (lowest) circle we find
- child molesters
- People who talk in the theater (Abraham Lincoln never saw it coming!)
Who WON'T go to hell
Since its been pretty well established that just about everyone, their brother, their 2nd cousin, and their pet dog is destined to burn for all eternity (or freeze for all eternity, or... whatever the fundamentalists decide what happens in hell.) We thought it'd just be easier to list who isn't destined to an eternity of... whatever.
- Fundamentalist Ministers. They can do no wrong whatsoever
- Conservapedia users
- Christians, or at least the ones who Take the bible as the literal,
unfulfillableinfallible, unquestionable word of god.
- Brave knights of god who push to have
creationismIntelligent Design taught in schools. PrudesThose who resist sexual temptation for the rest of their livesuntil marriage like a good, truly moral person should.
- Those who accept Christ as their personal lord and savior at the very last second... at least according to Jack Chick.
- Deadpool (Trust me they've tried. They always kick him back out.)
- People who are immortal (hey, that's cheating!)
- Anyone who has ever been in the cast of any end-of-the-world movie where the end of the world actually happens.
- Anyone who knows how to install air conditioning.
- People who do not live in or travel to Michigan.
- Non-existent potential souls that never get conceived in the first place
- Batman. (He has a "Won't Die" mark in the shape of a bat granted by the Universe itself)
- That's a link to Ted Haggard because he's a fundamentalist minister, not because he's gay (since he isn't).
- Doré, Gustave, The Doré Illustrations for Dante's Divine Comedy. Dover Publications, NY, 1976