Essay:Reasoning for religious conservatives

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Here we will explore how Christian conservatives may arrive at their set of values.

Morality[edit]

  • We insist that God is the sole source of moral values, because He is the truth; we insist on the impossibility that translators, who are also inspired by God, can make any mistakes or corrupt the scriptures in the translation process.
  • Since God is the sole source of morals and laws, privacy simply does not exist[1]. As such, we have every right authority to interfere with what everyone else is doing in their own bedroom, including but not limited to, whether to have sex, who or whom to have sex with, method of having sex, contraception, where the insertion of penis should be, even whether the women's consent is required.
  • While we are at it, since there is no such thing as privacy, we have a right the authority to interfere with whatever everyone else is doing, including what one does for a living[2], what one wears, what one reads and what one believes. We insist to rid this world from sin even though the bible prohibits us to determine if someone has sinned[3] in the first place, because of the resulting greater good.
  • We insist that Charles Darwin and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad are atheists or infidels[4], since only the followers of our cult sect denomination have any morals at all.
  • We believe the word "faith" is exclusive for Christianity, because every last one of the members of our religion choose to believe in Jesus, and the moral and ethical decisions must follow from that. In case something bad got dug up about treating non-believers, we will simply make up facts about how our sect denomination has split from it and thus it does not represent our opinion.
  • We insist on the notion that people should not sin[5], due to the existence of additional penalties that would be involved in the afterlife, even if most[6] of one's sin are forgiven at some point anyways.
  • We insist to promote the idea that being religious causes one to be more charitable, even if other discoveries may lead to another conclusion[7], because the evil athiest/agnostic/liberal people made this stuff up.

Law and the rule of law[edit]

Education[edit]

World History Lectures series[edit]

  • (Lecture 7) We cannot mention any periods of time where the de facto rule of China goes to a group of eunuchs. While it promotes the idea that abstinence will get you political powers, the liberal evil incarnates will mock us of not using that method to promote abstinence. Although God preaches that castrated men are holy[9], God clearly ask men to castrate themselves in order to serve God better, so we'll leave the decision to them. In addition, we need to make more God-loving children to fight for our causes, with every person available.
  • (Lecture 10) We cannot mention the battles where we were brutally pwned didn't win[10], because we can't blame it on the liberals, the homosexuals and the like for the White House to be destroyed in a war that goes all the way to New Orleans from the north, when we are the one declaring the war.
  • (Lecture 13) However, we have no problems mentioning battles we were pwned didn't win if we have a liberal to blame everything on, even if we have trouble working on the spin for the hero who ended the war.

Classroom prayers[edit]

Classroom Prayers with the words of prayer written by people in our cult sect denomination should be strictly enforced. It is to be done aloud so that any infidels can be traced promptly[11] and be tortured be swiftly dealt with proper treatment can be applied. When it is found out about the minor logical problem[12] of the policy of reading the prayer aloud, we shall use the argument that "It's the infidels/Devil who want to stops the prayers. Our faith is being tested. We must not fall!"

Teaching creationism/ intelligent design[edit]

Based on our theory with overwhelming evidence[13], we strongly believed that our theory should be taught in schools, and any alternative view shall not even be taught because the school officials will then be deceiving the schoolchildren. Also, we are establishing our own research facility into distorting the facts aligning the observations with our theory, which turns out to have promising results. If it is not complicated enough for the more mature audiences, or the adults simply need some reading material to occupy themselves enough for them to stay away from pornography make themselves sound smart, we will rephrase it into a more intelligent way.

Abstinence programs[edit]

  • We insist that use of contraception is a sin. Therefore we classify abstinence as a contraception[14] because abstinence is obviously better alternative than condoms and the pill, which the latter two definitely promote promiscuity.
  • The whole point is to keep the girls[15] virgins up until a certain age[16] so that people can either:
    1. Collect Virgin Blood[17] for potions of varous recipes, or
    2. Offer virgin sacrifices at some point[18] when they reach some age of consent, or
    3. Test the hypothesis about virgin birth. Given the first time it comes around from virgin birth, we will expect the Second Coming to be in the substantially similar format.[19] Virgin birth not likely? It will be likely once we get enough virgins[20].
  • Of course abstinence will prevent STD's. We simply insist on the non-existence of in utero transmission[21] of STD's since we are free of STD's. Want proof that we are free of STD's? Every single one of us do not have sex outside marriage. And did we mention virgin blood[22]?
  • Note that mandatory chastity belts may violate some constitutional rights that children may entitled to don't need in the first place.
  • Darn it, we can't use their idea of sewing the vagina shut, that will make us becoming one of them.
  • We insist that nowhere in our abstinence programs will we teach anything about virgin birth, As in too much sufficient amount of "Clear conscience with God through the absence of sin"[23] will cause pregnancy. This will definitely lead to children finding creative excuses deceitful explanations about their pregnancy, because we have not develop technology regarding testing the virginity if the children decided for a full-fledge deceit and if the other half of DNA happens to come from God. Note that this is something to celebrate with, as this is the case of God wanting her to get pregnant[24] with the return of the messiah.
  • We are currently working on the method of using purity rings to detect potential sexual intercourse, and we intend to implement electrocution/taser technologies to punish relieve the sexual desires when we have a breakthrough in this field.

Science and Technologies[edit]

Medicine[edit]

  • "Life is sacred. We demand none of the eggs to be destroyed, and we will mobilize every woman in our cult sect denomination to get them a life they know they'll hate will definitely find out that it sucks deserve. As for sperms, ah, screw that. One fresh squeeze can have 5 billion of them[25] anyways."
  • "Abortion is murder, as it involves the free will of the potential mother to terminate the life of the embryo/fetus residing in her womb. Miscarriages? it's fine, it's God's plan to have little children to stay with His side. It is simply wrong to be front-running the afterlife by capitalizing on the medical advances. And of course we don't care about the mother, because she has enough love from God already. She is incapable of handling any more love and care, because she is already having a nervous breakdown during the pregnancy."
  • "Condoms are't as effective as it seems.[26][27] We will simply argue by ignoring all the relavant statistics, because we, the conservatives, have different measurements such that nothing will ever fit properly."
  • "Pills(birth control pill or emergency contraception) causes all sorts of fatal diseases. In the case there is no conclusive evidence for it, we will establish our own research facility, get test subjects from strictly outside our cult sect denomination, and maybe fudge the results so they will fit."
  • We insists on funding the construction of megachurches everywhere, especially in Jerusalem. We also will send people to Jerusalem to claim to be the next true prophet irrespective of the views of the local authroity. We are confident that once we send enough people abroad one of them is bound to be the true prophet.

Homosexuality[edit]

  • "Of course some of us have tried it, and find it not to be good[28]. Now stop using the argument that we can't criticize things we haven't tried."[29]
  • While we are at it, homosexuality simply does not exist. He is completely heterosexual while he was engaging in sexual immorality.
  • "Putting your dick into some other man's anus, even with his consent, is evil. There is nothing we can do regarding what you do with your wife if you are putting your dick into her anus once she gives you consent[30]. We insist on the existence of subtle differences between the anus of the a man, and the anus of one's chattel wife. Similar principle applies to oral sex and other cavities we have yet to mention."
  • "Explain to us why the practise of same sex marriage does not lead to legalizing polygamy[31]."
  • "Explain to us why the practise of same sex marriage does not lead to bestiality[32]."
  • "It does not affect your daily life very much if your neighbor marries a box turtle[33]. But that does not mean it is right ... [N]ow you must raise your children up in a world where that union of man and box turtle is on the same legal footing as man and wife.[34]" — John Cornyn (This is an actual quote!)
  • "...most gays and lesbians do not want to marry each other. That would entangle them in all sorts of legal constraints[35]. Who needs a lifetime commitment to one person? The intention here is to destroy marriage altogether[36]. With marriage as we know it gone, everyone would enjoy all the legal benefits of marriage (custody rights[37], tax-free inheritance, joint ownership of property, health care[38] and spousal citizenship, etc.,) without limiting the number of partners or their gender[39]. Nor would "couples" be bound to each other in the eyes of the law. This is clearly where the movement is headed." — Stanley Kurtz (Actual quote! From CP!)
  • "I know what you are talking about.....I remember a day and age when filthy disease ridden queers like this were beat up in the playground. What the hell happened? When did we stop beating them up? When we did they started asking for their “rights” and stopped acting like men[40]. SHEESE!" — Morgana, Free Republic (Ripped from FSTDT/Quote #61575)

See also[edit]

Footnotes[edit]

  1. ↑ In case it isn't obvious, Nobody escapes God's omniscience. (except by praying aloud)
  2. ↑ Even the bible is endorsing it to gather funding for religious reasons at some point
  3. ↑ Specifically,
    • John 8:4-7
      They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act.
      Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou?
      This they said, tempting him, that they might have to accuse him. But Jesus stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground, as though he heard them not.
      So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.
  4. ↑ They will be atheists/infidels once they are dead; we can simply alter their religious view by asserting that people of our cult sect denomination religion will NEVER do such evil acts. If they haven't anything evil yet, we will make sure they do.
  5. ↑ And of course, the catch is we keep on redefining sin as revealed to us by God in real time.
  6. ↑ Notable exceptions include blasphemy against the Holy Spirit.
  7. ↑ Conclusion at this point: Being religious causes people to enjoy paying the poor people while torturing them, perhaps as a way to amuse themselves.
  8. ↑ So it can be easily reinterpreted as we like to.
  9. ↑ Such as:
    • Isaiah 56:3-5
      Neither let the son of the stranger, that hath joined himself to the LORD, speak, saying, The LORD hath utterly separated me from his people: neither let the eunuch say, Behold, I am a dry tree.
      For thus saith the LORD unto the eunuchs that keep my sabbaths, and choose the things that please me, and take hold of my covenant;
      Even unto them will I give in mine house and within my walls a place and a name better than of sons and of daughters: I will give them an everlasting name, that shall not be cut off.
    • Matthew 19:12
      For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.
  10. ↑ And someone publicly wants a rematch by saying this on TV.
  11. ↑ It is very wonderful that these guys are trying to implement traitor tracing technology to protect the children from copying the other ideas into their heads.
  12. ↑ That God with omniscience, omnipotence and omnipresence reads your mind whenever He wants, except when you actually want Him to read your mind.
  13. ↑ Well, God has spoken, again and again. Isn't that sufficient?
  14. ↑ Thereby making abstinence as a sin too, in case it isn't obvious.
  15. ↑ Maybe boys too, but people have found other ways to entertain themselves with boys. By the time they finish entertaining themselves, you can't really tell if the boy is still virgin or not, because standards, as given by God, varies.
  16. ↑ This may be a conjecture, but the differences between this conjecture and the real motives are not observable.
  17. ↑ Specifically those ones when the hymen is damaged, which may or may not contain menstrual fluids, depending on when the virginity is lost.
  18. ↑ Endorsed by the Bible in the Book of Judges.
  19. ↑ However, we still have yet to devise a way to determine if such child is The One or The Other One, especially before childbirth.
  20. ↑ This is exactly the same argument for the probability of evolution: since we have vast number of samples to happen in long enough time, anything of negligible probability is bound to happen eventually. Or if you don't like arguments using evolution, try the infinite monkey theorem.
  21. ↑ And any other method of transmitting such diseases, because if it is called "Sexually transmitted diseases", it can only transmit through sex.
  22. ↑ inspired by the last line of this section
  23. ↑ This quote is actually from CP!
  24. ↑ which is the perfect oppurtunity to prove <Insert scripture interpretations>.
  25. ↑ May be significantly less for them depending on age, frequency of sexual intercourse/masturbation, and other factors
  26. ↑ It will be obvious that there are ways to overkill this, we just haven't tried yet. A hydrogen tank grade composite material penile fitting (with elastic lining to maintain attached fastened to the penis) thick enough to withstand 700-1000bar will not only prevent anything from flowing through, but also be thick and rigid enough for the pleasure for one of the partners.
  27. ↑ If there is any reasons the Conservative are not satisfying for their use of such preventive devices, we advice them to first read the instructions. If it still remains problematic, discuss the product manufacturer for the improvement of this preventive technology.
  28. ↑ It took him almost three years to figure that out, so I guess before then he has to enjoy it to some degree. Afterall, Jesus only tried to be tempted to do evil things for less than 2 months..
  29. ↑ Source: liberal logic in CP (Entry #5 of that revision)
  30. ↑ We have this example, which cites this article
  31. ↑ Well, we don't need to legalize same-sex marriage in order to practise polygamy.
  32. ↑ Again, we don't need to legalize same-sex marriage in order to practise bestiality (Better yet, it's legal in some places too!).
  33. ↑ I didn't realize that their penises really have different measurements until now. Now they just leaked the word that it actually fits with the genitalia of box turtles.
  34. ↑ Well, since he is using box turtles as an allegory, children will learn about new things when they travel to other nations such as their mostly northern neighbour, or even in thier own country, like Connecticut/Iowa/Massachusetts/Vermont/(More states to follow, hopefully) anyways.
  35. ↑ Let it be known that heterosexual couple are subjected to the exact constraints, and some people are not very happy with it even they are all claimed to be heterosexual
  36. ↑ Let it be known that the actual institution which is capable of destroying marriage is called divorce. Second thought, O.J. Simpson used the other method.
  37. ↑ Since when were homosexual couples known to spawn children to have such powers as custody rights that differs from a celibate person?
  38. ↑ It is one of the strangest idea that one needs to get married to enjoy health care in America. Maybe it is because porn featuring physicians/nurses health care isn't enjoyable until you get married. And probably once you get married these conservatives believe you don't need anesthesia for all sorts of surgery anymore.
  39. ↑ At some point in this sentence it stops making sense. What follows is a genuine slippery slope argument that none of the stuff follows make any sense.
  40. ↑ From that logic, acting like a men implies stop asking for "rights". Now tell those embryos/fetuses/babies to behave like a men and stop asking for "rights."
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