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Fun:Vermont

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Nice map.
Is that a satanic cross?

Vermont, the Green Mountain StateTM, is sometimes a part of the United States, and sometimes a rebellious independent country.[1] It is a part of New England, bordering its less pretty twin sister New Hampshire along with the flatlanders of Massachusetts and trustafarians of New York. Quebec also borders Vermont to the North, leading to speculation that they might both split up together from their respective countries and become their own.

Vermont is one of four states (the others are California, Texas, and Hawaii) which was an independent sovereign nation prior to its statehood, albeit one with limited recognition and functionality. Technically there's a fifth, Utah, but it was the only one of the bunch that had actually been at war with the rest of the US, so it gets ignored. During its alleged period of independence, it was known as "the reluctant republic" because popular sentiment strongly supported joining the Union. It maintained no foreign relations, issued a local currency not unlike others in the Continental United States, made three applications for admission as a state (1777, 1783 and 1791), and finally succeeded in becoming a state when it paid a bill it owed to New York. Its militia, the Green Mountain Boys, remained on the payroll of the Continental Army throughout the Revolutionary War with payments managed by, yup, New York. Such an arrangement today might have been called inde-meh-dent.

Vermont was strongly Republican for most of its history, with strong religious and abolitionist tendencies, it was the first state in the union to explicitly abolish slavery, earning it extra animosity from Confederate troops during the American Civil War; it was one of only two states (Maine is the other) to vote against Franklin D. Roosevelt in all four of his presidential campaigns. In the modern era, however, Vermont is strongly Democratic in national elections, with local elections spiced up by the presence of a strong third party, the Vermont Progressive Party. It is the progressive yin to New Hampshire's libertarian yang. Incidentally, the way to tell the difference between Vermont and New Hampshire is Vermont is shaped like a V.

Like some other states (particularly Colorado and Nevada), a large percentage of Vermont's population was born out of state. There is a strong cultural divide between native-born Vermonters (mostly rural and blue-collar) and "flatlanders" (hippies and retirees from New York and Boston).

In a show of wild imaginative creativity, the state's nickname is pretty much a translation of its real name.

Despite it's unusually high birthrate of founders of Mormonism the proportion of Vermont people without strong religious beliefs is higher than in the United States generally. [2]

Vermontness[edit]

  • Vermont has tried to claim the product made from the sap of Acer saccharum as their own brand.
  • They are pursuing a similar tourist-oriented branding with regard to covered bridges.
  • The leftist liberal puppet show and festival "Bread and Puppet" had to reduce its party from a long week to several separate weekends due to becoming a mecca for drug dealers and users. Heroin in particular has become an issue, especially in Rut-Vegas.
  • Gay marriage was legalized on April 7, 2009. Vermont was the first US state to legalize marriage equality through its legislature, without a court ruling.
  • Vermont has no billboards and prides itself on being the only state without a McDonald's in its capital city.
  • Despite its reputation as a bastion of American liberalism, Vermont has virtually no gun control at the state level, and some of the most liberal (conservative?) gun laws in the US (and, for that matter, the world). It is the only state where permits are neither issued nor required to carry any sort of gun, automatic or otherwise, with any type of magazine, openly or concealed, just about anywhere you want (except schools and courthouses).
  • Bears outnumber the police by nearly 4 to 1[3], which in part explains the above. At least once they've tried to rise up and assassinate the governor but failed.[4]
  • Despite the large amount of hippies weed is still illegal.
  • Vermont is the most irreligious state in the US. 37% of the population is unaffiliated with a church. However, of those, 7% identify as atheists and agnostics. [5]

Notable Vermontistas[edit]

  • That guy who led the Green Mountain Boys.
  • Ethan Allen and his furniture (wait, isn't this the same guy?).
  • Former mayor of Burlington and one of Vermont's current US Senators, Bernie Sanders, is independent of any political party. He is the only self-proclaimed democratic socialist currently elected to federal office. He ran for the 2016 Democratic presidential nomination but lost to Hillary Clinton, who, in turns, lost the election to Donald Trump.
  • Howard Dean, medical doctor and former governor, promoted the "fifty state strategy" as chairman of the Democratic Party. Was once seen as the Liberal Savior, but now hated as he works for a lobbying firm and defended the DNC's use of Superdelegates. Yeeeeeaaaaaarggghhhhh!
  • Joseph Smith, founder, creator and/or begetter of Mormonism and was chased out of the state, a descendant of whom, by marriage, is Mitt Romney. You're welcome, America.
  • Also Brigham Young for that matter
  • Ben and Jerry of ice-cream fame (though they don't own the company anymore)
  • The inventor of maple syrup, probably
  • The band Phish, of course
  • Norman Rockwell had a house, but surprisingly not born in Vermont
  • Phineas Gage, that guy in the 1800's who survived an iron rod through his head
  • 2 Presidents, Chester A. Arthur and Calvin Coolidge (left for bigger states)
  • John Deere, born in Rutland (left for a bigger state)
  • George Dewey, famous Spanish-American War Navy Admiral (left for a bigger state, which is understandable considering Vermont's lack of oceans)
  • Stephen Douglas (left to run for president in a different state)
  • John Dewey, famous educational philosopher and bane of conservative's existence (left for a bigger state)
  • Dr. Bob of Alcoholics Anonymous (left to drink in bigger states, then stopped. Note that this was before Magic Hat Switchback started brewing)
  • Ted Bundy (left to commit atrocities in bigger states)
  • Fred Tuttle, a Vermont farmer who challenged Jack McMullen, the Massachusetts Republican, carpetbagging millionaire and would be political opponent of longtime U.S. Senator Patrick Leahy (D-VT) in the 1998 Republican primary. During a debate on Vermont Public Radio, Tuttle famously showed up the flatlander for his fundamental ignorance of knowledge possessed by virtually every Vermonter.
Tuttle: "Jack, this is a milk production question. How many teats does a Holstein have and how many does a Jersey have?"

McMullen: "How many what, Fred?"

Tuttle: "Teats, teats, does a cow have?"
Challenger McMillions, er, McMullen answered, "Six." The answer was four. McMullen went on to lose the primary to Tuttle the farmer who then endorsed Sen. Leahy for reelection.[6]

Climate[edit]

Vermont has four seasons: Almost Winter When the Flatlanders Gawk at Leaves, Winter, Mud Season, and Road Work.[7]

See also[edit]

Footnotes[edit]

  1. These periods of independence, however, are not recognized by the other 49 states, who feel the need to continue to defend Vermont from invasion or annexation by Canada.
  2. Poll: Mississippi most religious; Vt., N.H. least
  3. There are 1500 police, but 5500 bears.
  4. [1],Bare Vermont Governor chased by bears
  5. http://www.pewforum.org/religious-landscape-study/state/vermont/
  6. Fred Tuttle obit at Vermont Public Radio
  7. Otherwise expressed as "Nine months of Winter and three months of damn poor sleddin'."