Forum:What would you say to God?

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Just a fun discussion, and to make this interesting, let's say this God is nothing like they say he is in scripture. Completely not the Abrahamic God, among others. What would you say to him if you met him? As for me, I would say... "Can you help with climate change?" Serocco (talk) 11:22, 2 February 2015 (UTC)

Timely question given Steven Fry on RTE. Doxys Midnight Runner (talk) 12:41, 2 February 2015 (UTC)
Nothing, I don't talk to fairy tale characters. Scream!! (talk) 12:46, 2 February 2015 (UTC)
What would I say to ... some unspecified thing or person? This might surprise you, but I don't know. Fonzie (talk) 14:48, 2 February 2015 (UTC)
I think some variation on "You had better have a fucking good excuse" is the only apposite comment anyone could make. Queexchthonic murmurings 14:55, 2 February 2015 (UTC)
Way to be the stereotypical atheist angry at god or whatever. Anyways, I'd wish for more wishes. Gods and genies are pretty similar. Ikanreed (talk) 14:58, 2 February 2015 (UTC)
Given the real world, there really would be no other ethical way to approach dialogue with a god-like being. I mean, maybe there is a very good excuse. Maybe this hypothetical god wasn't up to the task and did the best they could in the circumstances. I would hope that a hypothetical god in such circumstances would welcome any help in fixing things, however small a contribution. But the more powerful this hypothetical god is, the bigger a fuck-up they become morally, to have the world the way it is. I'm not going to ignore godly cruelty and moral bankruptcy just to avoid hurting the feelings of the liberally religious. If you wouldn't be angry with god, atheist or no, you've not been paying attention. Queexchthonic murmurings 15:08, 2 February 2015 (UTC)
It could just be very powerful and very dumb. Let's conjecture a solution to the problem of evil where god is an honest-to-god moron. Then you have an ethical mandate to educate or trick it. Ikanreed (talk) 15:22, 2 February 2015 (UTC)
I should clarify that I meant 'power' above not just as in power to change the world, but the passel of superpowers that are generally comorbid with omnipotence. So a powerful but dumb god would halfway up that power scale or something. A 'how did this get here I am not good with creation' explanation would explain so much. Given how much of a better job humanity has done (by and large) in the morality stakes than any flavour of divine being, whatever excuse there was would have to account for not learning on the job. Queexchthonic murmurings 15:29, 2 February 2015 (UTC)

I would see no reason to not attempt to recite the Babel Fish speech as close as I could get to it. Trick (talk) 15:00, 2 February 2015 (UTC) Even though I don´t believe in God, he is, in my opinion, a very fascinating creauture. I mean he created everything, killed almost everyone after he noticed that the whole thing was a big mistake, let us reproduce again with the outcome that nothing has changed and today he just lets us live on, because he knows that it`s pointless to kill us again. Ridiculous. I should ask him for his powers. I would be a mercyless God, that would kill anybody who tries to violate my laws. I would also write a book that would make my position clear. Not three books with different content. "ayy lmao" --Ymir (talk) 05:29, 3 February 2015 (UTC)

If you're talking about a designer god, I'd strongly advise him to stop slacking. I mean, how come your pinnacle of creation still contains single critical function equipments, like our main computer, and most with single power supply, and/or single points of failure? Even by our lowly human design standards, like the FAA certification rules, noone should ever end handicapped or dead from a stroke. Then, I would offer my engineering and certification auditing services, for the low price of immortality and another couple godlike powers. Once working with him, I'd try to help him redesign the world so that global immortality and minimum suffering can become realistic.--dx (talk) 09:43, 3 February 2015 (UTC)

I'd ask for superpowers, so I can do the stuff God's too lazy/disinterested to bother with. (talk) 10:38, 3 February 2015 (UTC)

I'd be content with the standard three wishes. - Smerdis of Tlön, A ⇒ ¬A. 18:21, 3 February 2015 (UTC)
But the third wish is always to put right the wrongs done by wishes one and two. Doxys Midnight Runner (talk) 18:32, 3 February 2015 (UTC)
To paraphrase a quote by Julianne Moore about this very question: "Well, I guess I was wrong, because you do exist." KevinR1990 (talk) 01:53, 4 February 2015 (UTC)

I would ask, "So I have been joking about something-are bacteria more important to you than humans? If the world was designed to serve a specific sort of life form, bacteria seemed more likely than humans. Not that I saw any reason for you to care about life" Arachne1988 (talk) 02:26, 4 February 2015 (UTC)

But... humans are bacteria, no? (In the sense that they're composed of cells and all cells evolved from bacteria when you get down to it.) (talk) 03:37, 5 February 2015 (UTC)
True, when I joke about god favoring bacteria it is more to mock the very egocentrism and arrogance that underlies that a god would be anthropocentric. Often the idea of an anthropocentric god seems to hinge on how all the things we regard as special and wonderful about ourselves, and not about how significant we are in the universe or the planet. Why should a deity focus on a species that takes up such a small portion of space-time? Homo sapiens have lived what 100,000 years (?) on a single planet and with how destructive we are I doubt we will double that number-not that I think humans will die off soon. Such an unstable state as life is already questionable and a rather arbitrary selection-if there is a god I would sooner bet on a deistic or pantheistic one than a theistic one.
The specifics of the joke about bacteria being god’s favorite focus on how the domain bacteria’s adaptations are far more impressive. It works similarly to how a sentient puddle might regard the hole it is in as designed for it. Many (if not most) other life forms are dependent on bacteria, directly or indirectly. Human attempts to kill some of them off have only served to strengthen them. Some can live without oxygen. Others can survive extreme heat. The pressures of the deep seas are home to others. Yet others can survive space with ease. Nuclear radiation is a non-issue to some others. They are some of the oldest life forms and will no doubt continue on after us.
Admittedly, I study psychology, not biology. I am more focused on the anthropocentrism issue with the joke and do not have a very deep understanding of bacteria. Arachne1988 (talk) 16:23, 5 February 2015 (UTC)
Not really. Yes, we're all descended from a prokaryotic common ancestor, but saying "we are all bacteria" is just redefining the term "bacteria" to mean "life". It's "Why are there still monkeys?" thinking. Species, and groupings of species, are human classifications that we create for the purpose of distinguishing between different organisms. --Ymir (talk) 22:54, 6 February 2015 (UTC)

What is wrong with you? You're a sick sadistic psychopath, wars, disease, viruses, starvation, politics, child molestation, slavery, you have too much time on your hands and a twisted mind, get a new job. You put me on this lunatic asylum which is simply a rock travelling through space and time with no way to get off and away from all the lies. Where is the customer relations department so I can make a complaint? --XOxJonDoexOx 12:19, 4 October 2015 (GMT)

What would I say to a being who was nothing like God but who claimed he was God? I think I'd suggest he drank something else.--Bob"Life is short and (insert adjective)" 18:33, 4 February 2016 (UTC)
If I met anyone who claimed to be god, I'd ask what drugs he was on.--Palaeonictis (talk) 19:45, 18 March 2016 (UTC)
you'd be better off asking them to up the dosage because their medication isnt working AMassiveGay (talk) 20:47, 18 March 2016 (UTC)

Trolling God[edit]

"Got your nose!"
"No you haven't."
"Yes I have. Look, here."
"That's not My nose!"
"Yes it is. You just don't want to see your nose in my hand, because you're closed-minded."
"Look, I still have My nose-"
"Who are you going to believe? Your lying senses or divine revelation?"
"What divine revelation? You just said that, that's no divine revelation."
"It was too divine revelation."
"Was not."
"Was too."
"Look, if anyone know divine revelation, it's Me, right, so-"
"I can prove it was divine revelation."
"I said it was. I said what I said before was divine revelation, so it must me. Who are you to deny divine revelation?"
"Now look, pal, I'm the Creator around these parts, and I don't take too kindly to-"
"If you deny that what I said was divine revelation, then you are undermining the very concept of logic itself."
"... What? How? I don't even-"
"You're just arrogant. Any fool can see that my words prove that my words are true. How presumptuous of you to assume your own flawed senses and flawed intellect are more reliable than my say-so!"
"I can't believe how silly you have been."
"Yeah, well that makes two of us, pal."
*middle finger*
Scene. Queexchthonic murmurings 16:34, 5 February 2015 (UTC)
Honestly, I'd be afraid of that winding up as:
Me: "Got your nose!"
God: "No you haven't."
Me: "Yes I have. Look, here."
God: "That's not my nose; it's yours!"
Me: "You just d-d-d-AAAAAHHHHH!!!! My nose!!!"
-- Bertrc (talk) 19:42, 17 January 2020 (UTC)

I would say:[edit]

Why the fuck is there evil in the world?! Why the fuck are people in pain?! Why the fuck did they cancel Firefly?! Why isn't Mashal, Nasrallah, al-Bagdadi, Shekau or Hideki Anno not dead yet?!--Kugelschreiber (talk) 17:15, 3 February 2016 (UTC)

While you've got his attention, ask him to upgrade RW's software. (talk) 21:41, 4 February 2016 (UTC)
if hes all fire and brimstone, i might be a bit more respectful. And soo many excuses for all the sodomyAMassiveGay (talk) 06:35, 5 February 2016 (UTC)
Hi God! I know it's a bit pushy, but can have a pet Megalodon? Tfaddict (talk) 14:54, 8 March 2016 (UTC)

Feck off, God! Flannan Isle (talk) 13:55, 19 March 2016 (UTC)

I'd say, "Why be so compassionate? I'd send a whole bunch of sinners to hell before they died, while their still alive." nobsLewinsky 2020 14:25, 20 March 2016 (UTC)
but they'd have no chance of repenting, like ted bundy AMassiveGay (talk) 15:34, 21 March 2016 (UTC)

Thank you baby Jesus for[edit]

Women : Apart from the fact they will outlive men (admittedly only by at most 5 or 6 years on average) they are objectively more attractive than men (I have done dual blind studies with this). I as a heterosexual male am not being homophobic about this, given the choice of watching George Clooney and Brad Pitt getting it on I'd rather watch Anne Widdecombe and Ann Coulter. If I was doing a fair experiment I would obviously have a mix and match with them all. I would also do a control experiment with me and George.

My reply[edit]

You have to explain a lot of things, to begin with why the world is this way even leaving aside all that have been caused by humans alone. --Panzerfaust (talk) 21:59, 5 May 2017 (UTC)

Eli lema sabachthani[edit]

"Eli lema sabachthani?"

Unfortunately I don't know how to turn that from "me" to "us", since it's clear that if God exists, it's long since abandoned doing direct interventions.

After that I'd mostly ask about the universe and stuff. What was it like directly after the Big Bang? What happens near or at a singularity, if they even exist? What is dark energy, and dark matter. Is Earth the only planet with Eukaryotic life? Is there life that's not carbon-based, and if so what is it, and how frequent.

Why, after leaving the universe alone for nearly 14 billion years, was it choosing to intervene now by talking with me? If talking is okay, what about other things? Can it give us the wherewithal to overcome climate change, and prevent the early transformation of Earth into a hothouse? Or the ability to escape Earth and start building habitats in space?

How does consciousness work? Does the teleporter kill and make clones, or does perfect quantum-state transference move the proverbial "ghost" along with the machine? Is transhumanism and/or functional immortality even achievable?

Is the Multiverse real? Is this universe just one in an infinite string stretching forward and back in both directions indefinitely?

As I asked, and assuming it'd answer, I'd probably come up with a whole bunch more questions along those veins. I'd probably not get angry about the whole suffering and evil thing, because a) it probably has a good excuse slash answer to my first question, and b) knowing the answer won't retroactively prevent said suffering. I'd rather get answers to questions that might prevent or alleviate future suffering. Onychoprion (talk) 22:52, 5 May 2017 (UTC)

I'd ask[edit]

"Why?". Also, "You're not really batshit crazy are you?" megalodon (talk) 01:19, 6 May 2017 (UTC)

Surprised no one asked this[edit]

Can you create an object so big you can't lift it? --It's-a me, Lgm sigpic.png LeftyGreenMario!(Mod) 02:06, 6 May 2017 (UTC)

What Zack would say[edit]

"God, you must already know all that I believe about you, so tell me, am I right? And if I am wrong, surely your divine power extends so far that you can refute my errors with such an eloquence that I would be utterly convinced that they are errors and would utterly regret having made them – if so, please so do." (((Zack Martin))) 04:31, 6 May 2017 (UTC)

I'd ask:[edit]

"When are you gonna do things right for once?" Oxyaena Harass 11:21, 15 June 2019 (UTC)


. . . I'm really, really sorry . . . and . . . um . . . Thanks . . . I guess I should have said that in a different order but You're kinda scary. Is that okay? --Bertrc (talk) 16:27, 19 June 2019 (UTC)