Daily Express

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"Keep out, Britain is full up!" says the self-proclaimed "World's Greatest Newspaper." But if Victoria Beckham gets any smaller, we may have room for one more.
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They do, however, cause breasts.

The Daily "Diana" Express is a racist Little Englander rag an infamous conservative British tabloid newspaper.


The paper was founded in 1900 but hit its stride in 1916 when it was bought by Canadian Max Aitken, who soon got pally with Liberal Prime Minister David Lloyd George, becoming Minister for Information and gaining the title Lord Beaverbrook.

In 1931 Conservative PM Stanley Baldwin attacked Beaverbrook and Daily Mail boss Lord Rothermere, saying "What the proprietorship of these papers is aiming at is power, and power without responsibility – the prerogative of the harlot throughout the ages." At the time, the papers were trying to get their own candidates into power in the Conservative party, instead of Baldwin's.[1]

In 1936 it was the best-selling newspaper in the world, with a circulation of 2.25 million; its sales reached 4 million in 1949.[2]

Editorial viewpoints[edit]


In 1933, when foreign critics of the Nazi regime led a boycott of German goodsWikipedia's W.svg, the Express ran with the headline: JUDEA DECLARES WAR ON GERMANY! Jews Of All The World Unite In Action. This headline is still widely circulated around white nationalist and anti-Semitic blogs and Bible-thumping websites on the internet as undeniable proof of the Jewish agenda to force Western nations into war for Germany, despite it being little more than run-of-the-mill tabloid sensationalism.[3]

The paper claimed a crusading purpose, with a crusader knight as a logo, although according to the BBC its campaigns "did not always have the intended effect. [Its] attack on the Labour party during the 1945 general election with the headline The National Socialists was considered by some to have helped to secure their victory, while cynics said no cause was truly lost until it had been championed by the Express." It also gained a reputation for suppressing undesirable news stories such as the affair between Edward VIII and Wallis Simpson, and Churchill's stroke in 1949.[2]

In the 1950s, the paper employed prominent British fascist A. K. Chesterton as a "literary adviser" and columnist; Chesterton also ghost-wrote Beaverbrook's autobiography.[4]

In the late 1990s, it briefly tried a left-wing position under editor Rosie Boycott[2], but soon reverted to type when in 2000 it was purchased by pornographer and wannabe media tycoon Richard Desmond.


The Daily Express online is like the Daily Mail online but even more vapid and sensationalist. Articles are short and lacking substance, and headlines randomly CAPITALISE words to emphasise what you SHOULD believe.

Like the Daily Mail, the Express is typically outspoken against further European immigration, laments the downfall of the traditional nuclear family, and is highly critical of un-conservative, un-British "values." The main news articles often include telephone numbers for its readership to text message their opinions in relation to the article topic. These text-in boxes are typically of questions along the lines of "Should Britain leave the EU?" and "Should we shut down immigration to the UK?"

Express Newspapers also publish a red-top tabloid (i.e. even more trashy and sensationalist), the Daily Star.

The Express and the Star, along with some other red-top tabloids (The Sun, News of the World), are noted for morbidly milking human interest stories for as much mileage as possible, particularly cases of missing or murdered children. While it could be considered commendable to keep up the publicity for an unsolved child's disappearance, in the Madeleine McCann case of 2007, most headlines revolved around sensationalising accusations brought against the parents. Even in 2009, sensational headlines involving mostly speculative details and accusations continued to head the Express front page. Such coverage of the Madeleine McCann case led to the child's parents suing the Express and the Star for libel over accusations of their involvement in her mysterious disappearance.[5] Sensationalising the most inane and trivial things on the front page probably hit its peak with a Sunday Express report that survivors of the Dunblane massacreWikipedia's W.svg were "shaming the memory of their dead friends" by... well, doing what perfectly normal 18 year-olds do, like occasionally swear and drink a bit.[6]

During the housing boom of the 1980s the Express ran a readers' competition to "Win a £125,000 mortgage."[notes 1]

The online version is an alarming mishmash of poorly-written stories under clickbait headlines, by 2018 mainly on just a handful of subjects - Brexit, the weather, the British Royal Family, Donald Trump, crime, and Muslims (the last two subjects often reported together). The same stories are repeated many times throughout the website, with slightly different headlines and pictures and to an absurd degree, so that London Mayor Sadiq Khan's Twitter feud with Donald Trump was repeated over 40 times on the same day, and Hurricane Florence over 60 times. It reached a peak on December 13 2018, when Brexit appeared in 86 separate articles, leaving almost no space for anything else. Frequently the headlines talk about how any diplomatic dispute is going to cause WORLD WAR 3, to the degree that there's an entire category for articles with that in the headline. Although articles usually show a byline, the articles themselves sometimes seem to have been written by a faulty computer program. A November 2018 article on a volcanic eruption said, "The terrifying tectonic display was recorded for hours and developed into a fearsome time-lapse". Another said, "A bolt of lightening also strikes the active volcano located in southern Kyushu which is home to more than 600,000 people. Thick smoke from the summit has reached over 4,000 metres and continue to pollute the pacific ocean island. The aluminous red laver dominates the night sky which can be seen from miles". On December 10 2018 an article on the F-35 fighter jet read, "Temperatures in Centigrade TODAY'S SUMMARY Although US makers Lockheed Martin says it should be reapplied at regular services, an RAF source said the all-over spraying may have to be carried out after every flight. North West: Early showers will ease to leave it mostly dry with some sun. Fresh north-westerly winds. High 9C (48F). East Anglia: showers. Drier winds. High 9C Northern Ireland: Scattered showers are expected, especially in the afternoon. Moderate winds. High 8C (46F). "This situation obviously has to be rectified before the plane enters operational service," said the source, London/South dry and fine with cloud. A brisk Wales: Scattered showers, heavy during the morning. Some sun too. "Moderate South: Early with spells of adding that defence secretary Gavin Williamson and RAF chief Air Chief Marshal Sir Stephen Hillier had always been aware of the problem. Britain took delivery of the initial batch of F-35B Lightnings in June. Sunny periods and scattered later. Fresh north-westerly (48F). Lockheed vice president Jeff Babione acknowledged: "We inadvertently scratch the coating system, and we have to repaint it." North West Coast: It is going to with a mixture of sunny spells and these will be mostly light. A Moderate westerly wind. High 10C (50F). Another company spokesman said: "Stealth maintenance on the F-35 is East: Early showers, then sunny spells and patchy breeze. High 11C (52F). showers, then turning dry hazy sunshine. Fresh northwesterly South West Coast: It is expected damp with drizzle and showers Drier and brighter later. A strong wind. High 11C (52F). It requires less maintenance and is easier, more affordable and faster to repair compared to previous low-observable aircraft." But Air Commodore Andrew Lambert, a past RAF director of defence studies, said: "Lockheedbe bright East Coast: It is going to be mainly dry showers, and bright but with the small chance of a light shower early on. A moderate westerly breeze. High 9C (48F). "In and central sunny. day Martin says it's better now, but it takes just one scratch to give the fighter jet the same radar profile as a 747, then you may as well not be bothering." Despite being reported, the article remained up for more than 17 hours in this form.

Readers flock to the online version to have their prejudices confirmed even more enthusiastically than with the paper version, their comments reflecting that. Fires of any kind are reported more often than they used to be because since the Grenfell Tower fire tragedy readers "know" that they are caused by "Muslims", unspecified "immigrants" who are "looking for compensation", or "leftist terrorists", and they want to be kept informed of every "plot". In October 2018, responding to reports of a fire at a gas works in London, readers began to suggest a new suspect; "the EU", who were lighting fires to cause panic and chaos, and "give British people a warning over Brexit".

Frequent articles warn about the threat of asteroid impacts, breathlessly informing readers that a large rock, measured in multiples of double-decker buses or Big Bens, will come perilously close to Earth. On 22 November 2018 they ran the terrifying headline "NASA asteroid WARNING: 390 FOOT asteroid bigger than Big Ben on ‘Earth Approach’ on SUNDAY. A GIANT asteroid larger than Big Ben’s clock tower and the Statue of Liberty will zip past the planet on Sunday, NASA has warned." After much dramatic comment about the size of the asteroid and how much damage it could do if it struck Earth, tucked away at the very end was the admission that it would pass at a distance of 5,800,000 km, the equivalent of a car "dangerously passing" a pedestrian at a distance of 290,000 km. This may be applied to every Daily Express article about asteroid danger, the words "NASA warns" to be read as "NASA informs". Online reader responses never vary, hoping that the asteroid will hit the House of Lords, the House of Commons, EU headquarters, or whichever politician/actor/singer/public figure is currently a tabloid hate figure.

The online version of the Daily Express seems to attract many readers with usernames and avatars suggesting an interest in 1930s German politics or Nordic warriors, or simply a hyper-patriotic enthusiasm for England. Their comments are a charming melange of support for far right sentiment and a perfectly reasonable and understandable dislike of non-English human beings. Articles about refugees attempting to reach Britain invariably draw comments suggesting that the most sensible and practical solutions would be a high wall bristling with barbed wire (and machine guns and landmines) around the entire British coastline, equipping coastguard ships with machine guns and the authority to riddle boats and refugees with bullets, fitting swords to the wheels of Channel Tunnel trains, allowing refugees to enter the Channel Tunnel on foot before deliberately flooding it, and one particularly imaginative suggestion; filling the English Channel with sharks and crocodiles.


Like most tabloids, the Express has engaged in its fair share of sensationalist woo and conspiracy-peddling often in the form of "just asking questions", or sometimes from "nutritionists" masquerading as dieticians.[7] This is not surprising, as Joy Desmond – wife of proprietor Richard Desmond, both of whom dictate the Express' content based on their own interests – often retweets from "@ILLUMINATI" on Twitter.[8]

Example stories[edit]

European Commission President Jean Claude Juncker was the latest EU bigwig to be photographed "giving the code" after he was snapped with his hands in the rhombus shape - known as a [Angela] Merkel Diamond – while talking to Queen Mathilde of Belgium and King Philippe of Belgium during the Te Deum mass at the Cathedral of St. Michael and St. Gudula in Brussels, Belgium, yesterday. It comes after new British Prime Minster Theresa May was pictured separately making the same hand gesture earlier this month. [...] Conspiracy theory website illuminatiRex lists the diamond sign as number one out of a top-ten of illuminati signs, with Mrs Merkel given her own section for doing it in reverse, in what it describes as the Merkel Raute.

Conspiracy theorists claim the huge scientific installation, triggered a magnitude seven earthquake in Vanuatu, in the south Pacific which was so strong it was described as "shaking the planet". [...] Other theories include its potential to pull an asteroid into the planet, and even that it is run by illuminati scientists, hell bent on opening a portal to bring the devil back to Earth. None of the above, however, are scientifically proven.

YouTube UFO and conspiracy theory channels have been airing the video that was reportedly filmed in 1992 in Eiger, Switzerland, and shows what appears to be a body with an alien-like over-sized head, large eyes, small, spindly arms, and torso – much like the stereotypical image of an alien. ... However, Express.co.uk can report the footage is nothing more than an old hoax from 2008 that is being re-shared on alien conspiracy YouTube channels. Brett and Blake Cousins re-posted the video on their Thirdphaseofmoon channel, and it was also shared by Secureteam10.

In the knowledge that their readers generally lack any kind of scientific understanding, the online version of the Express runs regular stories about the non-existent "planet Nibiru", linking actual research into likely outer "planet X" with Biblical prophesy, the pronouncements of doomsday eccentrics, and other conspiracy sources. The date of Nibiru's attack on Earth keeps changing, when each claimed date passes with no cataclysm, but enthusiasm for such stories isn't dampened. Nibiru is reported variously to be hiding behind the Moon, cloaked to be invisible, moving around the Solar System in ways that defy gravity, and controlled by aliens who implanted chips into select humans so that they could warn the rest of us that the Rapture is coming when Nibiru finally arrives.

A simple internet search for "time traveller daily express" shows that from 2018 an increasing number of stories feature "time travellers" who put self-made videos on YouTube, claiming to be from the years 2055 or 2087 or 3000, and bearing witness to terrible future events like nuclear war or alien invasion, or occasionally positive developments like alien computer/human hybrids who can live forever. As proof these time travellers often show blurry video on their cellphone that they recorded in a future city, some of which resemble scenes from sci-fi movies if examined closely.

Rivalry with the Daily Mail[edit]

The Daily Express has a long-running rivalry with the Daily Mail, more than likely because the two are very similar in their right-wing editorial stances, viewpoints and target markets. The two papers frequently attack each other's credibility, many Express front pages including the inane slogan "20p less expensive than the Daily Mail, and ten times better." Although being "ten times better" than the Daily Mail is no hard feat, the Daily Express fail to deliver upon this promotion by simply taking all of the positions of the Daily Mail and making their own ten times more extreme, showing a clear misunderstanding of the word "better".

Surely she can't still be dead?[edit]

The ultimate Express nonsense trifecta: Diana, Brexit and bad things happening in France, because Muslims (July 2017)

Just as the Daily Mail has its thing about cancer, The Express has its equivalent in the late Princess Diana. Despite having died in 1997, pictures of Diana regularly feature on the front page of The Express - presumably to boost flagging sales. This is repeatedly parodied almost everywhere, from pages in Private Eye to Russell Howard on British panel show Mock The WeekWikipedia's W.svg declaring an average Express headline as


This isn't just an odd observation jumped on by comedians; it's notable enough for even Wikipedia to mention it as a serious point,[10] and not even the anniversary of the the 7/7 attacks could stop Diana from being front-page news.[11] This stopped for a while in 2007 when Madelaine McCannWikipedia's W.svg became the poster girl for the paper, but as you can see below, they're still churning out the old Diana front-page stories.[10]

The Express is also notable for propagating a number of conspiracy theories regarding the late princess' deathWikipedia's W.svg – mostly eminating from Mohammed Al-FayedWikipedia's W.svg, a close friend of Express proprietor Richard Desmond[12] – usually claiming that MI5, MI6, the Metropolitan Police or some other organ of the security forces was responsible for Diana's death, and that there was a huge coverup disguising this fact.[13] The ghost of Princess Di also supports Brexit, of course.[14]

See also[edit]


  1. Think about it.