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Bronze-level article

Herman Cain

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Gym Leader Herman Cain wants to battle!
It doesn't stop
at the water's edge

Politics
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Theory
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And when they ask me who is the president of Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan I’m going to say, you know, I don’t know. Do you know?
—Cain, on being asked "gotcha" questions like ones pertaining to US foreign policy.[1]
A poet once said, "Life can be a challenge, life can seem impossible, it’s never easy when there is so much on the line. But you and I can make a difference."
Pokémon: The Movie 2000 Cain's exit quip[2]

Herman “The Hermanator”[3] Cain (born 1945) is a wingnut talk radio host, comedian, and former Fox News commentator who was angling to become the Republican presidential candidate in the 2012 elections, or sell a lot of books trying.[4] He also was CEO of Godfather's Pizza, ran Burger King franchises, and was a gospel singer.[5]

In the fall of 2011, Cain enjoyed a surge in polls, as Rick Parry faltered. By November, 2011, Cain was tied in a Top 3 race with Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich.[6] However, as of December 3, 2011, Herman Cain "suspended" his presidential campaign amid allegations of sexual misconduct.[7] So yes, he didn't get the nomination — maybe he'll use a Master Ball next time, and level up his Pikachu and hopefully get his hands on either Mew or Lugia. He endorsed....Newt Gingrich.

He has hinted that he will run again in 2016. To that we say...

Still no word yet if he has caught them all.

Career history[edit]

When Neal "Somebody's Gotta Say It!!" Boortz" retired due to his soul snapping like a Twix bar, his substitute (Cain) returned to host on a permanent basis. Cain is basically a 70s sitcom character. He even has a catch phrase: DY-NO-MITE! "Shucky Ducky."

Unlike most conservative talk radio hosts, Cain is not an "all talk and no action" man; he has actually had an extensive career in corporate management. Starting as a regional manager for Burger King, he turned his 400-restaurant region into a profit center and was consequently appointed the CEO of Godfather's Pizza, which at that time was under the same ownership as Burger King. Later, he purchased the Godfather's Pizza chain, continuing to run it for eight years until he left to lead a business association of restaurateurs. However, he then sat on the board of Aquila, an energy company ...that engaged in energy and commodities speculation using its employees' pensions while running itself into the ground a la Enron. Whoops. Cain and other Aquila executives settled out of court for $10.5 million.[8]

Prior to his career in the restaurant industry, he worked as an analyst for the U.S. Department of Defense. He also served as the chairman of the Kansas City Federal Reserve Bank for a year (the normal length a person will hold this post).

Unlike many career politicians, Cain is not old money. He grew up in a working class home and does in fact know what it's like to do a full day's work for a full day's pay. Cain has a bachelors in math from Morehouse and a masters in computer science from Purdue. Yes, really (FYI, Purdue is a public university).

Suspension of campaign[edit]

In December 2011 he announced a suspension of his campaign. This "suspension" is widely expected to last until the middle of 2012 at least It was a topping campaign, but in the end he just couldn't deliver.[9] He would later on upload some hilariously bad political advertisements aimed at criticizing Barack Obama.[10]

Political involvement[edit]

Herman Cain at an important press meeting, along with the inspiration for the majority of his speeches

Cain claimed that God spoke to him through his granddaughter, telling him to run for president. When he finally realized what God was telling, Cain claims, “I felt like Moses.”[11] He entered the political scene in 1993 by using FUD tactics against Bill Clinton's health care reform plan, stating that the insurance mandate would put small employers out of business.

Like his fellow small government advocate, Ron Paul, he believes in the restoration of the gold standard; however, his electoral chances with goldbugs might be damaged by his former association with the Federal Reserve.

Most recently, he has been making the rounds at Tea Party get-togethers and wowing the Teabaggers with chatter about the singular greatness of America.

He has an unclear opinion on abortion, saying he is anti-government and pro-life at the same time. He is largely without a foreign policy in mind, but said he opposed the war in Libya and will consult the experts on other issues (e.g., Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan).[12]

He had some name recognition among Republicans, though nowhere near as much as Mitt Romney or Rick Perry. However, when Perry faltered, Cain became more popular, and had a surge in the polls until the infamous scandals came out. Some did not like him because he has never held elected office, but some did see this as a positive though, and that he is a businessman and not a career politician who just makes promises to get elected.

In a July 2011 poll, only forty-eight percent of Republicans and Republican-leaning independents recognized Cain.[13] This changed, and Cain gained "significant" nationwide recognition.

The 9-9-9 Plan[edit]

YOU CAN'T CUT BACK ON FUNDING! YOU WILL REGRET THIS!

Cain introduced an economic plan called the "9-9-9" plan, so named because it would do away with the current tax code and replace it with a "a 9 percent personal income tax, a 9 percent business tax and a 9 percent national sales tax." This happens to be very similar to the default tax rates in the city building video game, Sim City. Like all flat tax plans, this would shift the burden of taxes to those least able to pay it, in a fashion that would make the current (barely) progressive tax code seem like a very good deal:

  • The 46% of Americans who are too poor to pay income tax would suddenly be charged a 9% tax on all their income; furthermore, eliminating the capital gains tax and taxing wage income (as opposed to investment income) would cause working Americans to feel a much larger tax bite than the wealthy, who often earn more money through investments than through salary. The plan would also end the payroll tax, which is used to fund programs like Medicare and Social Security.
  • The sales tax element also technically amounts to an increase, as there is currently no federal sales tax. In other words, state sales taxes (the tax paid today) would still exist on top of the 9% sales tax. Furthermore, it is not even clear if a federal sales tax would be constitutional, as technically the federal government only has the power to regulate interstate commerce.
  • The final 9 would drop the current 35% corporate income tax to 9%.[14]

You want to know how bad this idea is? Rick Perry thinks it's a bad idea.[15] The man who made cuts to the fire department as wildfires ravaged Texas thinks this is a bad idea. You want to know where he got the idea? Sim City.[16]

Cain and Islam[edit]

Cain initially stated he would not appoint a Muslim to his Cabinet, in fear of terrorism. He later retracted this claim and said he would appoint Muslims[17] who would pledge to support the U.S. Constitution. He also opposed the building of a mosque because there was "objection to it" and called for the mosque not be built (hear this) because of the separation of church and state.[18] Cain claims this being a devout Christian and former gospel singer. Despite thinking that "separation of church and state" prohibits the building of a mosque, he claims that the U.S. is a Christian nation "under God."

Half-assed feud with Jon Stewart[edit]

Cain was ridiculed over his statement that bills should only be three pages on The Daily Show where Jon Stewart said that treaties will have to fit on the back of a cereal box, and the State of the Union will have to be delivered in the form of a fortune cookie.[19] Both Cain and Stewart were invited on Fox's The O'Reilly Factor on separate segments when Juan Williams was guest hosting. Cain accused Stewart of being racist by using an Amos n' Andy accent.[20] Bernie Goldberg also appeared on another segment and sarcastically said that liberals who criticize Cain or any other African-American conservative should be called racists.

This was Stewart's response.

Potential sexual harassment[edit]

Politico reported on Halloween 2011 that two women complained of Cain's sexually aggressive behavior, and later agreed to a settlement. Herman Cain has at times denied the charges, and at other times acknowledged them, but mostly blamed Rick Perry for releasing them to the media. Cain believed that these charges would not affect his campaign, but they inevitably did.

In a nutshell[edit]

External links[edit]

References[edit]

United States 2012 presidential election articles on RationalWiki
Topics: Affordable Care Act - Benghazi attack - Debate:Religious beliefs and public office - Same-sex marriage - United States Electoral College
Parties: Americans Elect - Constitution Party - Democratic Party - Green Party - Libertarian Party - Prohibition Party - Republican Party (primaries Tea Party)
Candidates: Bachmann (R) - Cain (R) - Gingrich (R) - Johnson (Lib) - Obama (D) - Perry (R) - Paul (R) - Romney (R) - Santorum (R) - Stein (Green) Running mates: Biden (D) - Ryan (R)
Winner: Barack Obama (incumbent)