| A guide to|
|Hail to the Chief?|
|Persons of interest|
|—Ted Cruz, asking — why can't it be both?|
Like any senator from said state, he's a gibbering Tea Party nut — an obnoxious reactionary on every social and economic issue. When people he (and his bosom buddy Mike Lee) doesn't like make decisions he doesn't agree with, he implies they are in violation of the Constitution, because his supporters are morons who respond to divisive idiocy like that. He also looks — and behaves — uncomfortably like Joseph McCarthy. Or a villain from a Barbie movie.
Cruz was a leading candidate for the 2016 Republican Party presidential nomination. You have to remember this is the guy who blew up chiefly thanks to Sarah Palin endorsing him for Senate. His 'credentials' are beyond reproach. It is truly an honor to witness such a meteoric rise. He suspended his campaign in May 2016; even Teabaggers have no time for a Dominionist with no track record of successful legislation whatsoever. Ever since then, he has become one of the worst Trump bootlickers in the Senate, even going so far as vote against the certification of Arizona's electoral votes for Joe Biden, a move many people claim to be treasonous, especially considering that a violent horde of Trump supporters had broken into the Capitol during the vote, the first time something like that had ever happened since 1814. All of this in spite of the very nasty comments that Trump has made about his wife, and in spite of Trump having given Cruz the moniker "Lyin' Ted" (though he did later change it to "
Bigly beautiful, Beautiful Ted" in the 2018 midterms).
Of course, given the way the Republicans took the ball and ran with birtherism when a black Democrat was in the White House, you'd think they would have immediately shut down the candidacy of someone who was born in Canada. Oddly enough, that never seemed to have come up (except in a passing mention by Trump, of course ). You'd almost think the whole birtherism thing was pure partisanship and/or racism, if you didn't know better.
Former US Speaker of the House of Representatives John Boehner (a fellow Republican and a Catholic) called Cruz "Lucifer in the Flesh"- but that's insulting to Satanists, who want nothing to do with Cruz. Ted Cruz actually gives us a lot of hope. Republicans hate him, Democrats hate him. It's wonderful to see how people can come together, if only in their hatred of Ted Cruz — the most hated man in the Senate, especially since he was one of the six senators who voted to help Trump steal the 2020 election (out of the 13 who initially threatened to vote for such before the failed trumpist coup ). To call him a "clown" is insulting to clowns.
- 1 My Father, the Hero
- 2 A star is born
- 3 Poisoning the party
- 4 2016 Presidential campaign
- 5 "Smartest guy in the room"
- 6 Vatman
- 7 On his place of birth
- 8 Mister Popularity
- 9 See also
- 10 Videos
- 11 External links
- 12 Notes
- 13 References
My Father, the Hero
Ted's genius and ambition comes from his father, Rafael Bienvenido Cruz y Díaz. Among Cubans who fled the Castro regime, Ted's father is a legend. While only 2 years old, Rafael fearlessly swam from Havana to New York City wearing nothing but fecal-stained underwear that had a five dollar bill sewn into the crotch. Upon arriving, Rafael spoke no English ... or Spanish. (He couldn't speak at all or walk, for that matter.) But during his lonely childhood as an orphan, he managed to pick himself up by his bootstraps and educate himself by reading discarded books in the dumpster behind the public library. As a result of his superior intellect, Rafael managed acceptance into Harvard Medical and Harvard Law school at the same time by the age of 14. He enrolled in both and paid for both by washing dishes part time. Or so one of several bullshit legends go.
A star is born
“”I think we might have messed up again in Texas. We thought Ted Cruz would be an educated, articulate senator with a positive vision of constitutional conservatism. But it turns out he might also be crazy, and not the Charlie Wilson "Let's see how many Playboy bunnies fit into this hot tub!" kind of crazy. Ted Cruz's crazy is the unfunny, dangerous kind, and we just gave him a six-year term. Sorry.
George W. Bush is seen by the vast majority of people in the country and the rest of the world as being a disgrace and an embarassment. You could make the claim that the failures of his presidency single-handedly killed the neoconservative movement, specifically the 1990s-style Joe Scarborough, Newt Gingrich, and the "But muh tax cuts!" types. The Republican party had to do something to re-brand their party after that. Hence the "True Conservative" à la the directionless
Grab Our Pussies Grand Old Pile known as the Tea Party, which gave us Ted Cruz in all his glory.[note 1]
Prior to his election to the Senate, from 2003-2008 Cruz served as Solicitor General of Texas under Governor Rick Perry. As a Senator, Tailgunner Ted came to prominence during the party's efforts to obstruct Obamacare by near-singlehandedly attempting to blow up the world economy. His 21-hour sermon (technically not a "filibuster", just a waste of everybody's time) on the matter failed, but it was interesting for its wanderings into… well, readings from Doctor Seuss don't often happen in Congress, while Darth Vader impersonations are not unheard of in the Senate. The first time he really made the news, however, was by just asking questions about whether or not the Secretary of Defence was taking money from North Korea. (Ironically, he and his family have registered for Obamacare.)
During his run for the 2016 Republican Presidential nomination, questions were raised as to whether Ted Cruz, who was born in 1970, is the Zodiac Killer (whose killing spree started in the 1960s). He has so far refused to deny the allegations,
meaning they are true. Make of this what you will.
Mask of sanity
Of all the supporters of all the clown car candidates, Cruz supporters are the most baffling. They have to ignore so many signs of an antisocial disorder in order to convince themselves that Cruz is the purest conservative candidate. Evidently, all it takes to do that is repeat the word "Constitution" 10-15 times a minute for five years.
The press keeps hitting at the same issue with this guy; he doesn't want to pass legislation. He doesn't want to govern. He just wants to create the illusion of doing something to placate the people voting for him (the deep-red Texas) and sending him money (the anarchic Tea Party). Heaven forbid he take any concrete action in a crisis. As an example, in early 2021, Texas was hit with an unusually frigid winter storm that left 4 million people without power, causing a cascade of other infrastructure failures.[note 2] Cruz's response to this crisis? Running away to vacation in Cancún, Mexico. And when called out on this, he blamed his daughters, which turned out to be a lie. Contrast his response to that of Beto O'Rourke, the guy who nearly beat him, who held an event to help seniors who were stuck without power. Way to show Texas how much you care, Ted!
For Democrats, he was the gift that kept on giving — until the GOP took control of the Senate.
Remaking Washington in his image
In 2015, in a truly horrifying nightmare-turned-real for science, he was appointed the new Head of the Senate Subcommittee for Science, Space, and Competitiveness. To put that in perspective, this is the man who said that net neutrality was "Obamacare for the internet," proving he knows nothing of either. And he has been placed in charge of the Senate subcommittee that deals with both. Start hammering out those rock spears and weaving those fur rags, boys! We're going back to the Stone Age!
He has now been appointed to oversee NASA. You may weep now. Better yet, be outraged because someone this blatantly ignorant has the authority to tell actual scientists and engineers what to do. As chair, he does not believe NASA should focus on climate change (or Earth sciences at all), rather only the exploration of the solar system. This absurd notion was quickly smacked down by the then-Director of NASA, Charles Bolden.
Further showing his complete misunderstanding of the word "science", Cruz enjoys wasting taxpayer dollars holding hearings to question the objectivity of climate science. On the issue of global warming, Cruz, a denialist, compares himself to Galileo and his opponents to Flat Earthers.
Poisoning the party
While he's universally disliked by anyone rational (as well as some who certainly aren't), Cruz has a frightening amount of power within the Senate and the House. He's already notorious for teaming up with Rand Paul to shut down the government in 2013, which did nothing to harm the Republicans in the 2014 midterms. He somehow[note 3] got Mitch McConnell to appoint him as head of the Senate Subcommittee for Science, Space, and Competitiveness, and as the overseer of NASA; by all accounts, Cruz should have been purged from the party, yet McConnell, to guard his right flank, allowed this asshole to gain actual authority in the Senate.
The House Freedom Caucus, an Orwellian-named Tea Party splinter group formed in January 2015, is filled with some of the most ultra right wing members ever seen in the Republican Party. Senator Cruz, once a month, meets with the Freedom Caucus to advise them on how to drive their agenda, and champions himself as "standing up to the Republican establishment" while he runs for the White House. This is best shown when Senator Cruz tried using Planned Parenthood as a wedge issue to try to shut down the government again in 2015; the Freedom Caucus jumped at the call as soon as Cruz brought it up. Cruz became the leading attack dog against Planned Parenthood, rallying evangelicals in an anti-abortion crusade, airing advertising against Planned Parenthood, and insisting that "religious freedom is under attack." This skyrocketed his popularity among evangelicals, especially in Iowa. Oh, and he insists that Christians don't commit terrorism.
With his blessing, the Freedom Caucus forced John Boehner, seen by many as Cruz's rival,  to resign from the Speakership.  Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy, the heir apparent to Boehner, announced his intention to replace Boehner as Speaker, and immediately ran into a wall from the Freedom Caucus. One day before the vote was scheduled, Cruz met with the Freedom Caucus. One day later, McCarthy withdrew his candidacy for Speaker.  While Cruz refused to weigh in on Randroid Ryan's candidacy, and the Freedom Caucus was wishy-washy on Ryan as well (in one month he went from "one of the last real conservatives" to a RINO-in-disguise; it's amazing what being Speaker can do for a career). Ryan's very nomination has effectively mainstreamed the extremists in the Republican Party, embodied most of all by the Freedom Caucus (and Ryan himself).
Cruz's influence in the party is the dirty little secret many Republicans refuse to acknowledge. In September 2013, just eight months into his congressional career, Cruz met with House Republicans privately to talk strategy over the budget crisis, with Cruz insisting on including amendments aimed at dismantling Obamacare in the budget resolution that meant to avert the shutdown. A few days later, GOP lawmakers shut down the government. In October 2013, two weeks into the shutdown, John Boehner was pushing for a vote on a bill that would have reopened the government and avoided a debt default. Cruz hosted a secret meeting with House Republicans to discuss the deal, and the meeting was filled with many of the same allies who backed anti-Obamacare amendments in the budget deal as a caveat to avoiding a shutdown. The next day, realizing he didn’t have the votes, Boehner and the rest of the House Republican leadership withdrew their proposal in shame. Boehner, who already held off a coup attempt in January 2013, had to rely on House Democrats to end the shutdown. This turned Boehner into a leader without followers, and the party insurgents would confront him with regular threats of challenges to his speakership should he not obey their every wish. At every point, Cruz was there pushing the House insurgents to sucker punch Boehner. By taking advantage of the conservative backlash against the party establishment, and presenting himself as a point man, Cruz personified everything that's tearing the Republican Party apart. 
It doesn't end there. In April 2014, Cruz hosted a discussion with House Republicans about strategy on immigration reform. A bipartisan reform bill died in the chamber soon after. In June 2014, on the same day that Kevin McCarthy was elected to replace Eric Cantor, Cruz met again with a group of House Republicans to put wingnut Steve Scalise as Majority Whip. In July 2014, Cruz huddled with House Republicans yet again, who took his advice, ignored their party’s leadership, and derailed a GOP border bill. Each time, Cruz garnered support from the party insurgents, from everything to Obamacare and the executive action that prevented deportations to millions of undocumented immigrants. Steve King (R-Iowa) even called him a “perfect catalyst” who has a “real rapport with conservatives in the House.”  And once again, when Boehner tried to pass an Omnibus Bill at the end of 2014, Cruz was right there, gathering up party insurgents and devising ways to delay or obstruct its passage in the House. 
Even on the campaign trail, Cruz catered to the anti-establishment and ultra-conservative segments of the primary base. He was the first to support Donald Trump and adopt his insane policies, from hating on immigrants to ending birthright citizenship; however, at the 2016 GOP convention, he refused to endorse Trump for POTUS. His strategy was twofold: if Trump falters, Cruz takes his supporters, but if Trump wins, Cruz was angling for a possible VP pick. It would have been a win either way, and when it failed, he still had a recalcitrant House and Senate in his back pocket. However he did have to abandon the last shreds of his dignity and become a toady for Trump.
If you had any doubts that Cruz turned the Freedom Caucus into his own personal mini-party, they actively campaigned for Cruz as he ran for the presidency. 
2016 Presidential campaign
“”The only joy that came from watching Trump win the GOP nomination was watching him de-pants Cruz at every step of the way—but I can't even enjoy that now because Trump might make this oil slick in the shape of a human being a Supreme Court justice. I'm gonna be sick.
On 21 March 2015, Ted Cruz surprised everyone by becoming the first person to announce that he was going to run for President. We'll queue up some fitting songs to describe his campaign for you. Cruz was only in this race to make other Republicans look moderate by comparison—before all the moderates slit their own throats with Trump's help.
He also won the first primary in Iowa decisively, as it's a religious rural state with a knack of going for the runner up. However, his supporters spread false rumors that other candidates were dropping out, so the legitimacy of that win is in doubt. It was in Iowa that Ted Cruz tried out his best fundamentalist lines, exhorting the Iowa flock to "awaken the body of Christ" and to "strap on the full armor of God." Cruz won that primary despite very few Iowans attempting either feat.
Rivalry with Rubio
When Cruz was running for Senate in 2012, he wanted an endorsement from Florida Senator Marco Rubio, who was elected on the Tea Party wave in 2010, but he didn't get it, and Cruz has been bitter ever since. Both are even taking opposite routes in the Senate: Rubio voted to give President Obama fast track authority on the Trans-Pacific Partnership, whereas Cruz did not. Cruz pushed for a shutdown over Planned Parenthood, while Rubio did not. When both launched their presidential campaigns in 2015, Cruz courted the insurgent anti-establishment evangelical wing, while Rubio gradually outgrew his Tea Party label, notably by courting support from Mitch McConnell, Cruz's rival in the Senate.
Why is this relevant? As Donald Trump dominated the headlines, it is Cruz and Rubio who had the most to gain as the rest of the primary field struggled to keep ahead. Both were 44-year old freshman Senators vying to become the first Latino President, both are natural born (probably, some people think that he is legally Canadian) American citizens with immigrant families, both are stridently anti-Castro Cuban Americans, and both were leading vice presidential candidates if they were to ever falter as well. Cleveland's not big enough for the two of them.
“”It's hard not to find this a little amusing. After all, Ted Cruz helped create an environment where populist demagoguery would flourish on the right. Of course, he, no doubt, assumed he would be the beneficiary of this… He figured wrong.
After Rubio dropped out, and Cruz ran along a bunch of delegates from western states, he was seen as the top opponent to Donald Trump… until he hit a brick wall in New York; he lost so badly, he was mathematically eliminated from the race. On 3 May 2016, Ted Cruz announced he was dropping out after being defeated by large margins by Donald Trump in the third to last primary state, Indiana.[note 4]
The only person who ever even considered supporting him was Jeff Sessions, who instead endorsed Donald Trump. Poor Ted. In his mind, God tells him to run and even kills Scalia to make every conservative voter realize how important Ted winning is for them, and then snubs him in favor of Donald Trump? Did Job get it this bad?
And let's not forget Cruz picking Fiorina as his running mate mere days before he dropped out. It was like a Sunset Boulevard delusion. You could clearly see a moment of genuine worry cross Carly's face. Then she fell off the stage (or passed out from the smell of Ted's chloroform; it happens a lot) while he pretended not to notice. The next President of the United States!
"Smartest guy in the room"
Possibly taking a page out of the Scientology playbook, Cruz may have attempted to shoehorn his way onto the New York Times Bestseller List, but failed because an "overwhelming preponderance of evidence was that sales were limited to strategic bulk purchases" according to a NYT spokesperson. His publisher, HarperCollins, denied that there were bulk orders after an "exhaustive internal review". Cruz's book appeared on the Times' Bestseller list the following week. According to the Times, they stand by their original analysis for the first week and the second week's entry is based on the same methodology they have always used in recent times.
Working the rubes
Cruz seems to be assembled from the most annoying parts of all the GOP Presidential candidates. Let's think about this guy for a minute: As a law student at Harvard, he refused to study with anyone who hadn't been an undergrad at Harvard, Princeton, or Yale (sounds like he has a long tradition of fighting for the working man). He worked for George W. Bush's campaign in 2000, was Speaker Boehner's private attorney, used to clerk for Chief Justice Rehnquist, and he's married to a Goldman Sachs executive, giving him extra juice with that company. But somehow he ran an "outsider, grassroots" campaign in Texas. With a resumé like his, the only way he could become more "insider" is if Barack divorced Michelle and married him!
You don't graduate magna cum laude out of Harvard Law and have Alan Dershowitz call you "off the charts brilliant" and not know that you're full of shit when you make the kinds of climate change jokes he does (hurr durr ice on the ground). If he chose the corporate world, this would be the guy who openly says he has no friends, but goes to every event, party or conference with the explicit goal of "networking".
Not racist, but #1 with racists
Dylann Roof, the perpetrator of a shooting inside a black church in Charleston, was influenced by the "Council of Conservative Citizens", a white supremacist group. The leader of said group donated tens of thousands of dollars to Republican campaigns, including those of 2016 presidential contenders such as Rick Santorum, Rand Paul, and (yes) Ted Cruz. To their credit, Santorum's and Cruz's campaigns said they're going to return the money. Paul's campaign donated it to the families. Regardless, one would do well to wonder why white supremacists support Republican policies.
This is my gift, my curse
Cruz has a made-up super ability called "audiographic memory," where he remembers literally anything anyone has ever said about him; this gives him an "unfair advantage" in debates. Is this the same Cruz Missile who can't even handle debate moderators?
How can he ban himself?
While working on behalf of then-Attorney General Greg Abbott (now governor) of the Texas, Cruz wrote a 76-page legal brief defending the Texas penal (ahem) code prohibition on "the advertisement and sale of dildos, artificial vaginas, and other obscene devices". Cruz maintained that the government had an interest in "discouraging… autonomous sex" and the brief equated using them to "hiring a willing prostitute or engaging in consensual bigamy." Texas lost the case on appeal and decided not to pursue the case to the Supreme Court, perhaps because Cruz did not want to talk about sex to a Supreme Court Justice who is also a grandmother. Both the Trump-sycophantic National Enquirer (for bigamy) and Cruz's college roommate (for allegedly using a masturbatory aid) have, essentially, called Cruz a hypocrite.
Mommas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be This Guy
This is literally what he said.
In other totally unsurprising news, Cruz claims an atheist is not fit to be president. A president has to fear God and pray daily. "Any president who doesn't begin every day on his knees isn't fit to be commander-in-chief of this country," according to Cruz. No word on if you have to be praying when you go down onto your knees. For a Constitutional scholar, it's staggering how ignorant he is of the Constitution.[note 5]
In the wake of the shooting at a Planned Parenthood facility in Colorado Springs, Cruz released a stunning non sequitur: the "overwhelming majority of violent criminals are Democrats." The research he cited was not studying political affiliation, so the rigor and thoughtfulness that went into the other points were not applied to that (somewhat throwaway) question. It is massively unlikely that Cruz found this article while trolling academic journals years ago, saw a piece of information and decided to try and pull the wool over the public's' eyes; rather, a naïve staff-member probably saw something that aligned with his biases and fed it to Cruz who simply believed it. Cruz is trying to massage the legacy of Jim Crow — Nixon/Reagan-era drug policies that overwhelmingly target minorities — into an indictment of the Democratic Party. In the South, Dixiecrats/Republicans pit lower-class whites against blacks to come out ahead in elections. Cruz is just perpetuating this tradition.
In 2016, he spoke even more boldly, blaming Australia's tough gun laws on an uptick in sexual assault. This increase is likely a reflection of the rise in the reporting of sexual assaults (i.e., correlation does not imply causation). It's amazing how the far right suddenly care so much about women's rights when they think they can use them as a stick to beat liberals and minorities.
Forward to yesterday!
It's about goddamn time the U.S. embraced the gold standard. We at RW remember a simpler time when a corporation was allowed to dump toxic waste in the water table without the fear of big government or the EPA's sticky fingers shutting them down.
A time when a man was judged by how much he could exploit the environment and not what he's done to help it.
A time where a man could treat filthy immigrants as endless waves of cheap expendable sub-human resources.
A time where a man could legally pay women less for the same work.
A time when a man could purchase his own army, invade a small brown country and declare himself president, if he so chose.
For too long we've lost sight of what it means to be an American. It's about time someone like Ted Cruz reminded us.
Take us home, Ted, take us home.
The sad thing is of all the major Republican candidates, his proposed tax policy is the least insane. What Ted is actually proposing is a European-style National Sales Tax. He won't admit it, because saying "Europe" would cause parts of his voters to sizzle and fall off. (It's also known as a "Consumption Tax", which Americans like even less.) Still too opaque? Essentially he is calling for a 19 percent federal sales tax that would apply to all purchases of goods and services made in the U.S. Many of the taxes you pay in the U.S. for things are already built into the price or services so you don't see them on a paper receipt. So the poor and middle class pay the same or more. Upper 20 percent pay the same, but no more gift and estate tax for super wealthy. He's also proposing cutting taxes to 0 for everyone making under $36,000/year, so everyone's savings should increase. That doesn't mean there are more jobs, and it doesn't mean income inequality goes away.
Putting aside the feasibility of ramming this tax plan through Congress, will it work? Conservatives hate this idea, so don't scroll down the page just yet. However, there are a few baked-in problems with the VAT: Cruz argues that his plan is a tax on businesses, not on consumers. Economists argue that it's a distinction without a difference. If you tax businesses, they’re going to pass those costs onto the workers and consumers. Pundits who claim otherwise are probably being a bit naïve. In theory, it would unfairly burden lower and lower middle class families, since 1) A greater portion of their income goes to consumption because there are fixed costs they cannot escape, e.g. gasoline, and 2) upper-middle and upper class taxpayers can use business entities to hide their consumption (like they already do now).
Cruz's plan is dangerous for the way it handles corporate taxation more than anything.
On his place of birth
“”The more of a genuine 'originalist' someone (like Cruz) is, the harder it becomes to resolve that 'serious question' in Cruz’s favor. The more of a 'living constitutionalist' someone (like me) is, the easier it becomes to conclude that 'natural born citizen' has gradually acquired the broader meaning on which Cruz necessarily relies.
|—Cruz's former professor at Harvard, Laurence Tribe|
Cruz is an immigrant who is opposed to immigration reform: He was born in Alberta, Canada, the son of a Cuban exile (and former child-soldier for Fidel Castro, really) and an American citizen, Eleanor Elizabeth Darragh. Due in part to bitterness over birthers' claims about Barack Obama, some people (Donald Trump, Ann Coulter and Rand Paul) have made some hay about Cruz's birth in Canada. Those pushing this should
let this snowback know that he'll never ever be a true 100% American
knock it off — unless you're a Canadian having fun.
And even then this joke gets old fast. As the child of an American citizen, he would be a "natural-born citizen," and eligible for the Presidency. Though the appearance of Cruz's mother, Eleanor Cruz, on a 1974 Canadian voter list does give one pause.
In 1974, his parents — including his American born mother — were found to be full-fledged Canadian voters. Being a Canadian citizen requires swearing an oath of allegiance. According to Section 349 of the US Immigration and Nationality Act, American citizens who swear allegiance to another country may lose their American citizenship. If true at the time of his birth (1970), this would mean that Cruz cannot run for the Presidency since his mother renounced her own American citizenship. However, it should be noted that the US Supreme Court, notably in the cases Afroyim v. Rusk and Vance v. Terrazas, rendered that particular section of the INA (as well as the old Bancroft Treaties) virtually unenforceable. So, basically all Cruz's mother has to do is officially say that she never meant to relinquish US citizenship and voila! She's a citizen again (if she did in fact lose her citizenship).
“”What do you call that thing where a person has neither a moral center nor the social skills to conceal that fact?
|—Craig Mazin on freshman roommate Ted Cruz|
“”Is there some rule that you can’t confess error in your state?
|—Justice Anthony Kennedy speaking to Ted Cruz in Dretke v. Haley|
“”The chief of the wacko birds.
“”If you killed Ted Cruz on the floor of the Senate, and the trial was in the Senate, nobody would convict you.
“”... I have never worked with a more miserable son of a bitch in my life.
“”Trump called his wife ugly. Trump accused his father of helping to assassinate JFK. And voters got in on the heckling too, as evidenced [Gawker.com: archive.is, web.archive.org here]... This would be a horrible thing to watch if, again, it were not Ted Cruz we were talking about. No one, aside from Ted Cruz, deserves to be stripped of their dignity. No one, aside from Ted Cruz, deserves to be so horribly slandered.
“”A running fascination of the 2016 GOP primary campaign has been the steady revelation that no one, anywhere, likes or admires Ted Cruz or remembers him fondly or wants him to be president or wants anything to do with him. His colleagues despise him. The party establishment hates his guts. His former schoolmates talk about him the way you recall a memorably revolting cave cricket you once discovered in the bathtub. Carly Fiorina threw herself off a ledge at his approach. His wife is visibly repulsed by him. His children flee from him in terror. Even his own dad seems, well… let’s be generous and call it ambivalent. Ted Cruz is Earth’s least-liked person.
“”In 2013, three months into Mr. Cruz’s tenure, Foreign Policy magazine identified him as both “the most hated man in the Senate” and “the human equivalent of one of those flower-squirters that clowns wear on their lapels.”
|—Matt Flegenheimer, The New York Times|
“”I like Ted Cruz more than most of my other colleagues like Ted Cruz. And I hate Ted Cruz.
- Move Over Rand, Ted Cruz Is Making Machine-Gun Bacon - Seriously now, is there a contender for the GOP nomination who isn't a walking caricature?
- Cruz Missile strikes again!
- Cruz: A Vote for Marco Rubio Is a Vote for High-Heeled Booties! - "Rubio is 5’10” and Ted Cruz is 5’8″, so this shade is covered with a thick layer of pure jealousy."
- "Please Lord, let the paternity test come back negative"
- Once it's obvious this won't pan out either, you can fully expect the far/alt-right to try to whitewash Bush and downplay how awful he really was.
- As Beto O'Rourke correctly noted, the infrastructure crisis was a lot worse than it should have been, in part due to Texas's strong deregulation culture creating incentives for power companies not to prepare for outlier weather events, and Republicans focusing on "stupid culture battles" instead of actually important items such as infrastructure.
- Easy answer: To keep the money flowing to Texas.
- Addendum: The spin is that Cruz "outmaneuvered" Trump in Colorado because Cruz is such a smart campaigner. No, he's not. He got the delegates because the establishment chose to give them to him. If Trump weren't in the campaign and it was Cruz vs. Jeb!, those votes would have gone to Jeb!, and it would have nothing to do with brilliant maneuvering by Teddy.
- Remember back when JFK was running for office and all the Republicans were scared as fuck that he was going to screw over America by answering to the Pope's wishes over his duties as laid out by the Constitution?
- Interview with Alex Altman , "Why Ted Cruz Thinks the Media Gets Conservatism Wrong", Time 8.8.13.
- From Alberta, natch.
- "In the same question-and-answer session here, Boehner referred to Ted Cruz as "Lucifer." He previously called the Texas senator, who led the failed Republican effort to shut down the government over Obamacare, a “jackass.”]
- [Gawker.com: archive.is, web.archive.org This Creepy Animated Barbie Movie Villain Is Ted Cruz]
- Quigley, Bernie, "Ted Cruz: The Sarah Palin phenomenon", The Hill (5/30/12 12:41 pm).
- Ahead of trip to Texas, Donald Trump uses a new nickname for Ted Cruz: "Beautiful Ted". Texas Tribune. 22 October, 2018.
- Donald Trump Goes 'Birther' On Ted Cruz. NPR. 5 January 2016.
- Ted Cruz Mocked by John Boehner as 'Lucifer in the Flesh' by Benjamin Siegle (Apr 28, 2016, 6:22 PM ET) ABC News.
- Satanists Snub Comparison of Cruz to Lucifer by Ben Gittleson (Apr 30, 2016, 11:42 AM ET) ABC News.
- Jason Stranford, "Ted Cruz’s craziness is the unfunny, dangerous kind", MSNBC.
- Fox's Megyn Kelly Calls Ted Cruz "The True Conservative", Fox News' The Kelly File 2.16.16.
- George W. Bush outpolls Barack Obama by Nick Gass (06/03/2015 06:57 AM EDT; Updated 06/03/2015 08:41 AM EDT) Politico.
- Ted Cruz Reads ‘Green Eggs and Ham’ on Senate Floor — And That's Not the Weird Part, Time
- Ted Cruz Impersonates Darth Vader in 'Obamacare' Remarks, ABC News
- Senator Cruz has also taken on "The Reds" at Harvard Law School, unapologetically, The New Yorker, February, 2013.
- Sarah Ferris, "Cruz signing up for ObamaCare", The Hill.
- Stuart, Tessa. "Is Ted Cruz the Zodiac Killer? Maybe, Say 38 Percent of Florida Voters" Rolling Stone.
- Alexander Smith, "Ted Cruz Apologizes for 'Ill-Timed' Biden Joke", MSNBC.
- Arlette Saenz, "The Time Cruz Told a 10-Year Old Girl the World Was on Fire", ABC.
- Sarah Pulliam Bailey, "Ted Cruz’s logo: A burning flag?", Washington Post.
- Katie Glueck, Cruz pledges relentless bombing to destroy ISIS: "I don’t know if sand can glow in the dark, but we're going to find out!", Politico.
- He is said to have memorized the 4,543 words of the Constitution (7,591 if you include the amendments) as a youngster.
- "Ted Cruz's Do-Nothing Record" by Christopher Hooks, Texas Observer, 2018 October 22
- "BEFORE AND AFTER: Satellite captures Texas power outage from space" by Kate Winkle, KXAN, 2021 February 18
-  "Beto O’Rourke calls Texas a ‘failed state’ as 23 left dead from winter storm" by Danielle Zoellner, Independent, 2021 February 18
- "Ted Cruz’s Cancún Trip: Family Texts Detail His Political Blunder" by Shane Goldmacher and Nicholas Fandos, New York Times, 2021 February 18
- Bess Levin, Ted Cruz Blames Cancún Getaway On His Daughters, Vanity Fair 18 Feb. 2021
- Shane Goldmacher and Nicholas Fandos, Ted Cruz’s Cancún Trip: Family Texts Detail His Political Blunder, New York Times 19 Feb. 2021
- Aaron A. Bedoya, Ted Cruz in Cancun? Beto O'Rourke aids seniors during blackout. Twitter reacts, El Paso Times 18 Feb. 2021
- Twitter post 10 Nov 2014.
- Colin Lecher, "Senator Ted Cruz appointed to oversee NASA in Congress", "The Verge.
- Bolden explains to Cruz why he is an idiot at 2:00
- Politico "Cruz takes climate-science detour from campaign trail"
- Ted Cruz: Don’t let 'anti-science zealotry' shutdown GMOs
- Kira Lerner, "Ted Cruz Is Tying His Campaign To The Speaker Shake-Up And Conservative Voters Are Loving It", ThinkProgress.
- Russel Berman, "The Plot Against Planned Parenthood and John Boehner", The Atlantic.
- Don Gonyea, "Ted Cruz Rallies Evangelicals In Campaign To Defund Planned Parenthood", NPR.
- Katie Zezima, "Cruz: 'No Meaningful Risk' of Christians Committing Terrorism", Texas Tribune.
- Tom Boggioni, "John Boehner rips ‘false prophet’ Ted Cruz for ‘spreading noise’ every time he doesn’t get his way", Raw Story.
- Sophia Tesfaye, "Ted Cruz breaks his silence on John Boehner’s “jackass” insult ", Salon.
- Scott Wong, "Boehner coup talk has House GOP on edge", The Hill.
- Jake Sherman and John Bresnahan, "Kevin McCarthy's Freedom Caucus problem", Politico.
- David M. Drucker, "Ted Cruz to meet with House insurgents one day before GOP elections", Washington Examiner.
- Mike DeBonis, Robert Costa and Rosalind S. Helderman, "House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy drops out of race for House speaker", Washington Post.
- Jason Easley, "Ted Cruz Turns On Paul Ryan As Republicans Rip Each Other Apart", Politicus USA.
- Matt Fuller, "Ted Cruz, House Republicans Meet in Secret at Tortilla Coast", Roll Call.
- Fred Barbarsh, "Bad blood: John Boehner and his tormentor Ted Cruz", Washington Post.
- Robert Costa, Jackie Kucinich and David A. Fahrenthold, "Kevin McCarthy of Calif. selected majority leader, Steve Scalise of La. whip on busy day", Washington Post.
- Steve Benen, "The Speaker vs. the Shadow Speaker on the border crisis", MSNBC.
- Robert Costa, "Sen. Ted Cruz of Texas is a rising Republican power in House, as well as a whip", Washington Post.
- Lauren French, Anna Palmer and Burgess Everett, "Conservatives scoff at Boehner deal", Politico.
- Steve Benen, "Cruz huddles with House Republicans on eve of Speaker vote", MSNBC.
- Rena Flores, "Ted Cruz: Birthright citizenship "doesn't make sense"", CBS.
- Patrick Healy & Jonathan Martin Ted Cruz Is Booed When He Refuses to Back Donald Trump at Convention, The New York Times (July 20, 2016).
- Magary, "The Least Influential People of 2016", GQ 12.21.16.
- Stanage, Niall, "Desperate establishment turns to Cruz", The Hill (03/23/16 08:34 PM EDT).
- Carson says an apologetic Cruz asked for a meeting at debate
- https://www.christianpost.com/news/ted-cruz-iowa-voters-awaken-the-body-of-christ-pray-caucus.html God's strap on
- Jason Horowitz, "Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio Grow Apart as Their Ambitions Expand", New York Times.
- Lewis, Matt, "Cruz Helped Create Monster That Devoured Him", Roll Call (5/3/16 2:19 PM).
- Ferris, Sarah, "Trump gets first Senate endorsement", The Hill (2/28/16, 05:07 pm).
- Costly Strategy Continues to Turn Out Bestsellers by Robert W. Welkos & Joel Sappell (June 28, 1990) Los Angeles Tims.
- N.Y. Times keeps Cruz off bestseller list By Dylan Byers (7/9/15 5:53 PM EDT, updated 9:42 p.m.) Politico.
- HarperCollins Says There’s ‘No Evidence’ Behind NYT’s Exclusion of Ted Cruz’s Book by Brendan Bordelon (July 10, 2015 4:23 PM) National Review.
- Ted Cruz makes New York Times' list by Dylan Byers (7/15/15 6:30 PM EDT) Politico.
- Frank-Ruta, Garance, "How Unpopular Is Ted Cruz Right Now?", The Atlantic 9.23.13.
- Will Weissert and Scott Baue, "Ted Cruz's Outsider Claims Belie His Political Insider Past", Talking Points Memo (1/9/16 9:09 AM EST).
- Michael J. Moore and Margaret Talev, "Ted Cruz Omits Goldman Sachs From Description of Bread-Baking Wife", Bloomberg (3/23/15 12:39 PM PST).
- McIntyre, Mike, "Ted Cruz Didn’t Report Goldman Sachs Loan in a Senate Race", NYT1.13.16. Cruz is still hitting on that "Wall Street Money" talking point, 20 minutes after having to discuss the loan from a major Wall Street firm he "forgot" to disclose during his Senate campaign, and only got due to his... Wall Street connections.
- Smerconish, Michael "Dershowitz and his life at Harvard Law", Philadelphia Inquirer 4.6.14.
- McDonnell, Tim, "Ted Cruz's Climate Theories Are a "Load of Claptrap", Mother Jones (3/18/15 4:00 PM EDT).
- Lichtbeau, Eric, "White Supremacist Who Influenced Charleston Suspect Donated to 2016 G.O.P. Campaigns", 6.22.15.
- Tré Goins-Phillips, "Glenn Beck Describes the Unique and Impressive Skill Ted Cruz Possesses, but Is ‘Not Comfortable Talking About’", The Blaze.
- Bradford Richardson, "Cruz: CNBC debate moderators were ‘left-wing operatives’", The Hill. (And once he becomes president he will expect the planet to be baby-proofed for him.)
- The Time Ted Cruz Defended a Ban on Dildos: His legal team argued there was no right "to stimulate one's genitals." by David Corn (Wed Apr. 13, 2016 6:00 AM EDT) Mother Jones. Coming soon to America: No knock dildo raids at 3 A.M. — with a flashbang grenade thrown in the crib upon entry.
- The very cozy relationship between Donald Trump and the National Enquirer by Callum Borchers (March 28, 2016). The Washington Post.
- SHOCKING CLAIMS: Pervy Ted Cruz Caught Cheating — With 5 Secret Mistresses! The romps that could destroy his presidential campaign! by J.R. Taylor (Mar 23, 2016 @ 14:19PM) National Enquirer.
- Ted Cruz’s former roommate just revealed his self-pleasuring technique — click only if you’ve already had lunch by Bethania Palma Markus (13 Apr 2016 at 11:31 ET) Raw Story.
- Grow, Kory, "9/11 Made Me Like Country Music", Rolling Stone 3.24.15. He has yet to answer the question of how he feels about country rock.
- JacobSloan, "Ted Cruz’s Father Preaches That His Son Is An 'Anointed King' Who Will Bring The 'End Time Transfer Of Wealth', disinfo
- Ted Cruz: An Atheist 'Isn't Fit To Be' President
- Marc Meredith and Michael Morse, "Ted Cruz’s Four-Pinocchio claim that ‘the overwhelming majority of violent criminals are Democrats'", The Washington Post 12.2.15. Note: Among just the pool of convicted violent offenders, 40.1% identify as Democrat and only 14.3 as Republican.
- Mitchell, Peter, "Ted Cruz's claims about rape and guns in Australia slapped down", The Age (1/26/16 12:55PM). Cruz: "There's nothing that criminals or terrorists like more than unarmed victims." Was he fondling his gun when he came up with that?
- Hiltzik, Michael, "The worst idea in the presidential debate: a return to the gold standard", LA Times 12.31.15.
- Matthis-Lilley, Ben, "Ted Cruz Promises Return to Sensible, Sustainable Economic Policies of the 1920s", Slate 11.10.15. He's convinced that he's doing the Lord's work when in reality he's doing the work of the 0.01%. The delusion is strong.
- Rubin, Richard, "Marco Rubio Says Ted Cruz’s Tax Plan Contains a ‘Sneaky’ VAT", WSJ (1/11/16 3:19 pm ET).
- Rubin, Jennifer, "The pluses and minuses in Ted Cruz’s tax plan" The Washington Post 10.30.15.
- Edwards, Chris, "Cruz's and Rand's Strange Embrace of the VAT", Cato Institute 11.3.15.
- de Rugy, Veronique "The Wrong Idea at the Wrong Time", Reason 3.4.10.
- Grover Norquist, 9.15.14 tweet. Norquist: "VAT is a French word for "big government.""
- Rubin, Richard, "Ted Cruz Tax Plan Would Yield Big Gains to Top 1% — Report", Wall Street Journal (10/29/15, 10:56 am ET).
- Ted Cruz and that ‘natural born citizen’ requirement: What were the Founding Fathers afraid of? by Fred Barbash (January 15 at 8:47 AM) Washington Post.
- Ted Cruz pushes for vote on Obama orders, Politico
- Robert Costa, "The Rise of Rafael Cruz", National Review.
- Trump says Cruz’s Canadian birth could be ‘very precarious’ for GOP By Robert Costa and Philip Rucker (January 5 at 8:11 PM) Washington Post.
- Coulter: Cruz is not a natural born citizen By Jonathan Easley (January 06, 2016, 12:32 pm) The Hill.
- Rand Paul: Ted Cruz 'natural-born Canadian' by Tal Kopan (Updated 12:56 PM ET, Mon January 11, 2016) CNN.
- I am not Canadan!
- Is Ted Cruz, born in Canada, eligible to run for president?, PolitiFact
- Is Ted Cruz, born in Canada, eligible to run for president? (Updated)
- Ted Cruz and the Question of 'Natural Born' Citizenship by Megan Smolenyak (Posted: 01/08/2016 8:40 am EST Updated: 01/08/2016 9:59 am EST) HuffPost.
- For Cruz, Supreme Court Work at Heart of Campaign by Aman Batheja (July 23, 2012) Texas Tribune.
- Ted Cruz and his ‘wacko birds’ bring Republican civil war to a head, National Post
- , MSNBC
- Magary, "Dammit Ted", GQ 5.4.16.
- Farewell To Ted Cruz, Self-Made Sucker Deadspin.com
- After Making Enemies, Ted Cruz Tries to Make Friends, The New York Times