|Hail to the Chief?|
|Persons of interest|
“”I tell you, the shit doesn't fall far from the bat.
Randal Howard "Aqua Buddha" Paul (born 1963) is the junior Senator from Kentucky and the son of bigoted Keebler elf and U.S. Representative Ron Paul. By profession, Rand Paul is a
board self-certified ophthalmologist.
In 2010, Republicans in Kentucky nominated non-Kentuckian Rand Paul to run for the Senate seat vacated by former Cincinnati Reds pitcher Jim "Brushback" Bunning. Surprising nobody in that state, Paul later announced his candidacy for the 2016 Republican Presidential nomination. The needle was stuck at 5% for months, trailing four points behind Ben Carson. (More like 4.5%, really.) He dropped out of the race in early 2016, pocketing $752k as he went. It's all about the Paul family money bombs.
John Kasich and Rand Paul were both candidates for "the most likeable Republican to liberals" award (which is why you're going to see crossover appeal between Bernie Sanders' and Paul's bases at times). On issues like taxes, health care, and immigration, Kasich adopted a more moderate tone. But on those specific issues, Rand is more extreme than anyone, except perhaps Ted Cruz. In fact, he has no left-wing views as far as anyone knows, other than hating the Bush family. And even that is not unusual for right-wingers given they either try to push GWB down the memory hole or consider him a RINO for treating Mexicans like humans sometimes.
His problem is he tried to appeal to way too many groups. His dad knew exactly who he wanted money from and catered to them, then retired right as all the young people that didn't know how to evaluate a candidate figured out they'd been conned by a racist asshole.
 True political leanings
While both Pauls are registered Republicans, Ron is actually a paleolibertarian at heart. Whereas the senior Paul continues to identify himself as a "libertarian", Rand has come to resent the label. The scuttlebutt is that Ron never trusted in his son's commitment to libertarian ideals, and it has caused ructions between them in the past.
For instance, he has been consistently hawkish in the War on Terror, calling for Guantanamo detainees to be tried in military tribunals rather than civilian courts, a moratorium on travel visas from so-called "terrorist nations," opposing Constitutional protections for accused foreign terrorists, and supporting construction of more military bases on foreign soil. He also compared Muslims in New York City to the KKK. Real class act. Another example would be his recent call to build missile shields in Poland and the Czech Republic and make the Europeans pay for it.
Same goes for his actual views on the drug war. He's been pretty adamant about not legalizing pot (even the medicinal kind) and condemns users as shiftless, just like everyone else in the GOP. Basically, he favors lower sentences for drug offenders and for "letting the states decide" — which is just about the worst policy on anything, many states continued to criminalize alcohol after the government’s lifting of prohibition — but he would not legalize weed in any form.[note 1] This was around the time he was trying to ride the Tea Party Express into power; now that a supermajority of Americans favor legalization, and even hardcore right-wingers like Rubio and Cruz advocate for letting states deal with drugs in their own way, well sure, Rand's happy to climb aboard the medical marijuana bandwagon. Bonus: Rand later acquainted student debt forgiveness with giving out free heroin.
In a "Rand Paul Jumps the Shark" moment, he supported a Republican-crafted bill that, according to a committee report could be used to force the federal government to crack down, among many other questionable things, on states where marijuana has been legalized. So, Rand (like his father) is a firm advocate for state's rights, shrinking the federal government's power, ending the War on Drugs, and is such a cheap trick that he betrayed each of those issues with one signature.
 Evangelical Bingo
“”...Rand Paul told a crowd in Iowa that "Nobody here" was trying to ban birth control. Either Rand Paul has a terrible memory, or he has such low self esteem that he considers himself "nobody," because just last year, Rand Paul cosponsored a bill that would have banned certain forms of birth control.
|—Erin Gloria Ryan|
In 2013, Rand endorsed woman-hating wingnut Ken Cuccinelli in his race for the Virginia governorship. In his speech, Rand babbled about eugenics being the inevitable endgame of abortion providers, citing the Wikipedia summary of the film Gattica as his source. What this had to do with Cuccinelli's proposed sodomy law is anyone's guess; it was probably prepared at the last minute. And they say Rand Paul is all hat and no cattle.
On the issue of same-sex marriage, Paul again takes a state's rights approach, personally opposing same-sex marriage but believing that states should decide for themselves on how to approach the issue. He expressed approval for the Supreme Court decision striking down Section 3 of the Defense of Marriage Act, but also appeared after said ruling on Glenn Beck's show and expressed concern that same-sex marriage would lead to bestiality. Yep, looks like he's getting the hang of being a Republican!
In 2015, Rand, a medical doctor, mind you, revealed his startling ignorance on the topic of vaccines, lending some support to the "theory" that they cause autism. Surprise, surprise. In April of the same year, he blamed "the lack of fathers and the lack of morals" for the unrest in Baltimore, Maryland[wp], while his own son was just arrested for drunk driving for the
second THIRD TIME. No election would be complete without a Bristol Palin.
Also, he thinks the United States is a "Christian nation" and that (yawn) Christianity is or should be the basis of the country's laws,...Considering just how "radical" Candidate Obama was, it's hard to visualize how Paul would be different from any other Republican president.
 Half-breed, that's all I ever heard
“”I think it’s a little like a compass. It used to be whatever would please 15-year-old Ayn Rand readers was his position.
|—Ann Coulter, CNN.|
“”I think he was doing as much following as he was leading. He wanted to win more than he wanted to support the principles.
|—Frayda Levin, libertarian GOP donor|
Real libertarians are less gung-ho about a Paul Presidency; in particular, his support of voter IDs and dumping more guns in the mideast. They’ve forgiven the Senator for his shape-shifting before, but were apoplectic when he cosigned the GOP’s Iran letter (to "help Obama", he said), with some calling it ‘the last straw.’
Rand also expressed the wish that the Teabaggers were an actual party so that he could leave the GOP and join them. Uh huh. It's pretty clear his "Tea Party tidal wave" was just lip-service, anyway; he backed Mitch McConnell against the TP/Freedom Caucus coup and he lacks the cajones to knock over any anthills like Cruz does.
 Genuine libertarianism
He has opposed the PATRIOT Act and actually filibustered its renewal. though the Senate reauthorized part of it while banning the NSA's bulk surveillance. He was also one of seven Republicans who voted against the NDAA. He also filibustered Obama's appointment of John Brennan as the CIA director.
After the Edward Snowden NSA leaks, Rand Paul went into stopped clock mode and filed a class-action lawsuit against Barack Obama, claiming that the NSA's metadata gathering program is unconstitutional, and should be stopped with all archives deleted. The suit has currently (January 2015) been stayed pending the result of a similar lawsuit. The story was buried after it came out that Paul plagiarized sections of the subpoena.
 Libertarian crankery
He has a habit of blaming taxes for every problem under the sun. At one point in the Presidential debates, he blamed the race riots in Ferguson, Missouri on exorbitant city fines. Ditto the death of Eric Garner, killed in 2014 for selling cigarettes without a license: Rand sidestepped the issue of the NYPD's unauthorized use of deadly force, instead blaming NYC's high cigarette taxes for such a senseless loss of life. Kentucky is the #2 supplier of tobacco in the US.
It seems he shares his old man's neo-Confederate sympathies: One of his former aides and close associates is Jack "Southern Avenger" Hunter, an ex-shock jock who advocates racial pride and has lauded the assassination of Abraham Lincoln. In addition to that, Rand endorsed a Senate candidate from North Carolina who has ties to the League of the South. Then there's Chris "Happy Nigger Day!" Hightower and all those other KKK guys he hired and hangs around with; that makes him different than mainstream Republicans, too, but not in a good way. Ironically, both Pauls have claimed to have great relationships with "The Blacks."
He has espoused multiple crank conspiracy theories related to the North American Union, such as the NAFTA Superhighway and the Amero. Paul also expresses support for state's rights with regard to all land issues, including the Endangered Species Act and control of Federally-owned land. (One wonder what, if any power, should not be devolved to the states in Paul's mind.) To that end, Rand met with the sons of Cliven Bundy and promised that, if elected, he would make Nevada a sovereign state. The meeting transpired one year after Bundy tried to secede from the U.S.
Less than 6 months later, the Bundys
invaded migrated to Oregon and seized another 100 acres there, including a federal building. Somehow, Rand did not sprint to a video camera to voice his support for the Bundy militia. He seems content to forget about his past dealings with the Bundys, and the press doesn't seem too interested in re-hashing it.
After the Wikipedia fiasco, the press had a field day digging through Rand's text for pillaged material. A 3-page chunk of Paul’s book Government Bullies turned out to be lifted in whole from a Heritage Foundation report. As for Rand's vaunted opinions on drug sentencing? He published an Op-Ed piece that copied large blocks of text from an article that had been published just one week before — and for good measure, he also included several of the same plagiarized passages in testimony before the Senate Judiciary Committee. His website seems to be getting scrubbed — the transcripts of some speeches have been pulled, presumably to make googling them harder, and at least one other speech has had footnotes added to it. Rand has denied everything and accused his critics, not making this up, of being "haters".
 AM I BEING DETAINED?!
One month after his nomination, Dr. Paul started ducking questions about his board certification. Or, more precisely, his lack thereof. It seems that Rand's libertarianism foments just as much animosity towards the intrusiveness of private professional organizations as it does toward the government's.
In 1999, he helped create the now-defunct National Board of Ophthalmology — which is not recognized by the American Board of Medical Specialties — so that he and his fellow ophthalmologists could get re-certified without all the
rigor bureaucratic red tape of that nasty, stodgy old American Board of Ophthalmology. Paul is also a member of the Association of American Physicians and Surgeons (AAPS), a fringe group of conservative quacks that denies the link between HIV and AIDS and claims that Barack Obama won the presidency through some form of mind control. They're also the generous providers of Andrew Schlafly's wingnut welfare.
See, when your daddy buys your way into med school
after having dropped out of college, and then buys you your degree (Hey! Rand Paul didn't graduate from Baylor because he was too smart! Duke even let him into their graduate program without a bachelor's degree! Which is normal and has absolutely nothing to do with his family connections.) as well as pays for you to pass the first medical board licensing exam, you might wind up thinking that you earned those letters after your name, and the right to call yourself "Dr."
Of course, since he can't have daddy pay to pass his re-licensing exam, as it might raise too many questions, he had to invent his own "licensing" board (aka Invisible Hand School of Medicine) so that nobody would realize that he is not qualified to hold a medical degree once he failed the test he never took the first time around.
 His mouth runneth over
|“||To recap: the Five Minute Rule states that any member of the Paul family will make sense on any political issue for exactly five minutes. Precisely at the 5:00:01 mark, however, he will say something so far off the rails that you will find yourself looking at him as though he has sprouted a reptilian head out of his sternum.||”|
—Charles P. Pierce
It seems that diarrhea of the mouth runs in the Paul family. Remember that in 1992, after the riots in Los Angeles that followed the Rodney King verdict, Papa Paul wrote in one of his newsletters that the rioting only stopped when the rioters left to pick up their welfare checks. Baby Paul seems determined to outdo Papa Paul in the crazy comment department. Consider some of the comments that he made within a few days of winning of the nomination:
- On May 11th, 2011, Rand Paul stated that a right to health care equals slavery for health care workers, since you now "have a right to come to my house and conscript me" and "have a right to beat down my door with the police, escort me away and force me to take care of you." He has a point, enslaved doctors are a really big problem in Canada. (Watching that again is just a thing of beauty. Rand spews out the most ridiculous nonsense in a scolding, condescending tone, and Sanders just destroys him with a single question.)
- The weekend before he was nominated, Rand said he wouldn't mind seeing a repeal of the Americans With Disabilities Act (ADA), one of America's very few bragging rights, because it is unfair to businesses.
- After winning the nomination, Rand told interviewers Rachel Maddow of MSNBC and Robert Siegel of NPR that the Civil Rights Act of 1964 should never have been passed. He later backtracked, telling people that he was not a racist. Again, it's nothing personal; he just thinks that the Act was harmful to businesses. You see, in Liberty Land, being kicked out of a store for having the indecency to exist is just a minor inconvenience. It's not shameful or enraging or anything, you just buck up and Free Market™ elsewhere. (But, Rand, if those comments don't reflect who you really are, why did you hold your victory party at an "exclusive" country club?)
- A few days later, Rand chastised President Obama, not BP, for the corporation's piss-poor handling of the oil and gas volcano that they created in the Gulf of Mexico. According to him, Obama's criticism of BP is "anti-business" and "un-American", whatever that means.
- He told an interviewer that there would be no need for laws if everybody was a Christian. Specifically, "I see that Christianity and values is the basis of our society… 98% of us won’t murder people, won’t steal, won’t break the law and it helps a society to have that religious underpinning." (We tried that. It was called European history between approximately 1000-1700 AD.)
- More on the BP oil volcano, Rand thought that people should stop playing the blame game because, well, shit happens.
And all that, folks, happened in just one week — which is a shame because that same week he canceled what would have been a lulzy interview on NBC's Meet the Press. According to reporter Domenico Montanaro, Rand was only the third "major guest" in the show's 63 year history to cancel.
 2016 Presidential campaign
“”His father had a certain spark, right? There's a little spark in there. Rand doesn't have that spark. Rand doesn't have that spark.
|—Donald Trump (Yes, that overtly racist spark)|
He had the same tax policy as Ben Carson, and his views on immigration, guns, 'school choice', unions, minimum wage, the EPA, abortion, the Affordable Care Act, marriage (of Kim Davis, Paul said she was standing up for "the American way") climate change, evolution, etc. were all the GOP standard. Not exactly a ringing endorsement. Also, he is not a pacifist or anti-war candidate; he just thinks Congress should be the ones to declare war, or should only use drones, or Constitution...? Basically he wants the process brought back pre-Bush levels.
Tell us again about how Paul's the most consistent candidate and always sticks to his ideals:
|Enemy combatants||"I believe we try the terrorists captured on the battlefield in military tribunals at GITMO.”||"If you are overseas and you are captured in a battlefield and you are shooting at us, I think you get no due process, probably zero due process if you are firing a weapon at us, or you are involved in a battle."|
|Drone warfare||"I really don’t think he’ll drop a Hellfire missile on a café in Houston like I’m talking about, but it really bothers me he [President Obama] won’t say that he won’t. And it bothered me that when he was a member of this body, he had a much higher standard on civil liberties than he seems to now."||"If someone comes out of a liquor store with a weapon and fifty dollars in cash, I don’t care if a drone kills him or a policeman kills him...Fighting terrorism and capturing terrorists must be done while preserving our constitutional protections."[note 2]|
|Israel||"While this budget proposal does eliminate foreign aid to Israel, it is not meant to hurt, negate, or single out one of America’s most important allies...Israel’s ability to conduct foreign policy, regain economic dominance, and support itself without the heavy hand of U.S. interests and policies, will only strengthen the Israeli community.||"We have never introduced anything that phased out or gets rid of Israel aid. Israel has always been a strong ally of ours and I appreciate that.”|
|DAESH||"I think there has to be a limit and that if we go to war again−and I’m not saying we never go to war, that’s why I’ve even said I don’t rule out airstrikes−but if we’re going to go to war there needs to be a vote of the American people through their representatives."||"If I had been in President Obama’s shoes, I would have acted more decisively and strongly against ISIS. I would have called Congress back into session—even during recess."|
|Syria||"There are already those in both parties who insist that we must have American GIs on the ground [in Syria]. I’m not sending any American soldiers. I’m not sending your son, your daughter or mine over to the middle of that chaos. The people who live there need to stand up and fight."||"If you want to tremble and worry about the future of our republic, listen to the president when he says, ‘Well, Congress won’t act. Therefore I must.’ Had he come forward and done the honorable thing, we would have approved. I would have approved an authorization of force."
John McCain: "It’s a very interesting metamorphosis."
|Voting Rights Act||“I’m a Republican who wants to restore a federal role for the government in the Voting Rights Act.”||"We have an African-American president. African-Americans are voting at a higher percentage in the last election than whites. There doesn't seem to be any sort of systemic problem like there was in the South with precluding blacks from voting."|
|Voter IDs||"So many times, Republicans are seen as this party of, ‘We don’t want black people to vote because they’re voting Democrat, we don’t want Hispanic people to vote because they’re voting Democrat'...We wonder why the Republican Party is so small. Why don’t we be the party that’s for people voting, for voting rights?”||"There’s nothing wrong with it. To see Eric Holder you’ve got to show your driver's license to get in the building. So I don’t really object to having some rules for how we vote. I show my driver's license every time I vote in Kentucky and I don’t feel like it is a great burden."|
|Vaccines||"I have heard of many tragic cases of walking, talking normal children who wound up with profound mental disorders after vaccines."||"I did not say vaccines caused disorders, just that they were temporally related...I support vaccines, I receive them myself and I had all of my children vaccinated."|
|Birth control||"I am not opposed to birth control...Plan B is taking two birth control pills in the morning and two in the evening, and I am not opposed to that."||"The interesting thing about this is, if you force the employer to buy this insurance [Affordable Care Act], they’re actually paying for something they find morally objectionable. But this has nothing to do with contraception. I have no objection to contraception, but I do have an objection to infringing on people’s religious liberty and their ability to decide what products to buy in the marketplace.”|
|Iran||"I think people want to paint my father into some corner, but if you look at it intellectually, look at the evidence that Iran is not a threat. Iran cannot even refine their own gasoline."||"I will oppose any deal that does not end Iran's nuclear ambitions and have strong verification measures."|
|Environmentalism||"It boggles my mind to think that somehow Republicans have been branded as a party that doesn't like the environment...I'm a crunchy conservative and a tree hugger and proud of it."||"The first thing I would do as president is repeal the regulations that are hampering our energy that the President has put in place. Including the Clean Power Act. While I do think that man may have a role in our climate, I think nature also has a role."|
|NSA||"I have fought for several years now to end the invasive and illegal spying of the NSA on ordinary Americans. I am ready to debate how we fight terrorism without giving up our liberty."||"I would say that targeted surveillance — I’m not against surveillance. I’m not against looking at records.”|
|14th Amendment||"The original author of the—of the Fourteenth Amendment said on the Senate floor that this was applying to slaves, and did not specifically apply to others."[note 3]||"Under the 14th Amendment, it is the government’s duty to protect life as defined in our Constitution."[note 4]|
Where people got this idea that he is so idiosyncratic and his own man is a mystery. If the speeches aren't 98% in line with the GOP, it's probably something he picked up from the John Birch Society. Which is becoming more and more mainstream anyhow.
Maybe Rand would have been even a quarter bit the "lightning rod" to millennials journalists claimed he was if he stood by, well, any of his policies. The elder Paul these days actually comes across as the voice of reason.
 It's Not Happening
With his numbers in the tank, Rand fell back on his "Hey! Anybody wanna audit the Fed?" rhetoric, since that usually plays well with his dad's constituency. He also tried running against Sanders on the left, using the old chestnut of "what if the majority voted for slavery?" Because, you see, even if the very people themselves vote in favor of a socialist government, they would still be wrong. Because we Libertarians have the world all figured out. People need to be protected from their poor choices. Libertarians alone know what is best for people, and if misguided voters get deluded into believing that compassion, sharing and universal fraternity are good things, well, we'll just have to take that all that liberty and freedom away from them and stop letting them have a say.
 I'm not just crazy, I was crazy first! Guys? Guys, where are you going?
“”I was out-niggered by John Patterson. And I'll tell you here and now, I will never be out-niggered again.
|—George Wallace, 1958[note 5]|
Once the racists flocked to Trump, it was all over. In response, Rand began staking out fringe positions on immigration and gun control, claiming the nation needs fewer gun-free zones and stricter border controls to lower gun crime.
It’s important to note that Rand believes “it’s a mistake to base immigration or moratoriums based on religion,” as Trump advocates. That's why he introduced a totally different bill, the Stop Extremists Coming Under Refugee Entry Act (SECURE), a whole week before Trump did. Look who's plagiarizing now! Actually, Paul probably stole an earlier proposal from Franklin Graham. No doubt it was kicked around on Stormfront long before any of these mainstream losers started touting it, though. Paul added that, despite being a “great advocate of privacy,” he is in favor of “targeted surveillance” of people who speak Arabic. He framed this as getting government off our backs, by taking the billions spent on digging up phone records and redirecting those resources toward brown people, which does not count as surveillance.
As for ISIS, Paul plans to re-arm the Kurds (no, not the commie kind, for those who were wondering) and put "Arab boots on the ground". In other words: funding more wars in the Arab peninsula. Proxy wars are still wars and it's doubly stupid from a person who never hesitates to mention "blowback" when it comes to American foreign policy.
Apparently he has had second thoughts or something: Trump switched gears in Iowa and accused his opponents of wasting more of America's blood and treasure. And there was Paul in his rear-view mirror, squawking about how airstrikes aren't in the budget this year and the government's making everything worse! He's between a rock and a hard-right place:
“”Rand Paul’s presidential hopes mostly went out the window in mid-2014 when the Islamic State released videos of beheaded Americans. Those videos ended whatever post-Bush infighting existed within the Republican Party about the wisdom of rampant overseas intervention, and those videos prompted Paul to hedge. That hedging didn’t endear him to the hawks at all, though it did depress his libertarian fan base. The result was a dud of a campaign.
 The Thing That Wouldn't Leave
“”Maybe we should just tell them in advance we won't show up for any more of their stupid debates...they can't keep us off the internet.
|—Its 10:00 pm, Ron. Do you know where your child is?|
By December, Rand was polling low enough that he was almost excluded from the Las Vegas debate. While disappointed with the Presidential Debate Commission and television networks for narrowing the field of candidates, Paul respects their right as private corporations to choose their own methodology to select from a wide field of candi—just kidding, the libertarian answer is to hypocritically sue them with laws you hate. Why, if it wasn't for Trump, Carson, Cruz, Rubio, Christie, Fiorina, Kasich, and Bush he'd have been the front-runner! CNN has yet to explain how he made the cut.
In January, Fox News finally dumped him. Paul responded that he was boycotting the debate in "protest", but within 48 hours was pleading with them to let him onstage, citing a Des Moines poll placing him at a dismal 5%
At this point, he would streak in front of an NFL game if he thought it would get his name in the papers. He spent a couple of weeks livetweeting the RNC and DNC debates, sounding like an angry drunk and insisting he was still in the race. He even offered to
bribe hand out "letters of recommendation" to students in exchange for warm bodies at his rally.[note 6] Odds are a sizable portion of the attendees were from out of state to see Rand's dad, not him.
Between the Berniebros stealing his votes, the Senate telling him to go pound sand, the Tea Party's defection, and News Corp hanging him out to dry, Rand has just one thing to say to us: Read between the lines! And no, that's not hyperbole. This guy has an entitlement complex you can see from space and election chances you couldn't see with an electron microscope. He's a zombie; as far as his career as a public figure goes, he's dead. Everyone knows it but him.
holding his breath and stamping his feet the extra prep time paid off: Rand Paul is a prime time player again, thanks to Donald's abrupt exit from the second Iowa debate (the latest volley in Trump's on-again, off-again feud with FOX). A bit like winning a ticket on the Titanic.
 Rand Paul
2020 2024 2028
“”No, no, no! Please don’t tweet that.
|—Paul’s press secretary, Kelsey Cooper, as Paul threatens to "un-suspend" his campaign.|
Ron had 3 presidential bids between 1988-2012. If history tells us anything, we are are in for at least 20 more years of Rand pandering to geeks, potheads, conspiracy theorists, and racists.
 See also
- Triangulation - He's a staunch libertarian, except when he's not.
- The Fable of Rand Paul, The New York Times
- "Ashley Judd Should Run for Office in Scotland! Eh? Eh?" - Thank you, Rand, for illustrating her point: a wealthy actress who spends half the year in Scotland still more closely represents Kentucky than you do.
- Carmen Sandiego songwriter threatens to sue Rand Paul - Now now, maybe he's just homesteading the song because the owner was not maximizing its potential.
- Rand Paul can "win the whole thing" if Iowa supporters just open their wallets and give him more $. - Wait...That's what he raised so far? That's so little most of it could come from his own pocket. His daddy could teach him a thing or two.
- With less than 2 Weeks until caucus, Rand draws huge crowds in Iowa.
- "Rand Paul Escorted Off Stage After Falling Below 2.5% In Middle Of Debate"
- ↑ He sounds a lot like all the Libertarian guests/callers Seder spars with. ("Let me be clear: Do I think we should be breaking down people's doors and arresting them for smoking a plant? No. But...[changes the subject to something only tangentially related]). His reputation on these things is based on letting people (those voting because of his stance on pot and nothing else) decide what he thinks about it. Surely he praxxes it out the same way, they tell themselves.
- ↑ That’s pretty much vintage Rand Paul. First he filibustered to warn that the government was gonna start murdering Americans with drones any second now, but now he's fine with death robots taking out brown people, whether they be terrorists or petty criminals. And when on earth did the Constitution mention drones?
- ↑ (He pulled this one out of his ass.)
- ↑ It's interesting how Rand Paul wants the 14th amendment to be repealed and extended at the same time. It's almost as if he doesn't actually give a shit about what the Constitution says, and simply wants an excuse to force his personal views onto others.
- ↑ Wallace to his campaign staff, prior to giving his "segregation now, segregation tomorrow, segregation forever" speech.
- ↑ Remember when his father's supporters were outraged over Romney handing out free sandwiches?
- ↑ Bill Maher Describes Rand Paul: It's As If Sarah Palin Made It Through Med School, Huffington Post
- ↑ Condon, Stephanie, "Rand Paul Not a Kidnapper 'In a Legal Sense', Accuser Says", CBS, 8.11.10.
- ↑ 3.0 3.1 Rand Paul has another problem
- ↑ 4.0 4.1 Russell Berman, "Rand Paul Purchases a Path Around an Inconvenient Kentucky Law", The Atlantic 8.19.15. Constitutions are sacred documents until they're not.
- ↑ "Rand Paul: 'The Days of Pollsters Being Accurate Are Gone'" Real Clear Politics 2.1.15. "A third" of the voters "aren't being polled". Uh huh. "I have never lost a race before!"
- ↑ Doherty, Brian, "No Rand Paul Surprise in Iowa; Fifth Place, Likely 4.5 Percent", Reason (2/1/16 10:47 pm).
- ↑ 2016 Rand Paul financial disclosures, Federal Electoral Commission.
- ↑ Montage of photos taken directly from Rand's page of the impressive rallies he's held (he's really packing them in!)
- ↑ The spam was made in the fires of Mount Doom. Only there can it be un-made. #StandWithRand
- ↑ It's Happening! Rand Paul Money Bomb Page Has 6 Likes!
- ↑ 11.0 11.1 Looks like the Invisible Hand is flipping him the Invisible Bird.
- ↑ 12.0 12.1 Rand: "You won't want to miss what I have to say about Hillary and Bernie!" Did Rand just forget that DNC debates are only for Democratic candidates? And what's with the clickbait-y title? "7 unbelievable rebuttals to Hillary and Bernie! #4 will AMAZE you!"
- ↑ They're called Paulbots for a reason.
- ↑ Hundreds show up for for Paul's 10,000 student rally. "You thought the Silent Majority was impressive? This majority doesn't even exist!"
- ↑ Newton-Small, James, "Is Rand Paul Good or Bad for Republicans?", TIME 3.17.10. Rand: "They thought all along that they could call me a libertarian and hang that label around my neck like an albatross, but I'm not a libertarian. Frankly, I'd rather be coming from the right than from the left..." (Ha! People said I was a sellout, but I sure proved them!)
- ↑ Jay Mewton Small, "The Ghosts of Ron Paul Haunt His Son", TIME.
- ↑ 17.0 17.1 17.2 McLaughlin, Seth, "Paul father and son differ on issue of closing Guantanamo", Washington Times 4/17/13.
- ↑ Laing, Keith, "Paul moves to block visas for Syrian refugees", The Week (11/17/15 09:32 AM EST).
- ↑ Harkinson, Josh, "How Libertarian is Rand Paul?", Mother Jones (5/21/10, 3:58 PM EDT).
- ↑ Paul, The Tea Party Comes To Washington, 2001. Paul: "If U.S. occupation is a primary recruitment tool and what inspires Islamic terrorists, are many of our current efforts overseas actually fighting terrorism and diminishing the threat?" (Asked on Fox News in June of 2011 which bases on foreign soil he would like to see closed, the elder Paul answered succinctly, "All of them.")
- ↑ McCarthy, Tom, "Rand Paul points to Ku Klux Klan in citing aversion to 'Ground Zero mosque'", The Guardian (5/27/15 12.02 EDT).
- ↑ Brennan, Patrick, Rand Paul’s Plan for Ukraine: Bizarre and Delusional", National Review (3/10/14 11:45 PM). The missiles just got TEN FEET LONGER!
- ↑ Steven Nelson, "Paul's claim about ambition, health and IQ are wrong.", USNews.
- ↑ J. Arthur Bloom, "Rand Paul Learns to Love the Drug War?", American Conservative.
- ↑ Rand Paul On the Issues - 2010 Kentucky Senate Debates, Associated Press.
- ↑ Kalli Joy Gray, "Rand Paul Wants You To Just Say No To Heroin, Book-Learnin’", Wonkette. While allowing that education costs in the U.S. have risen dangerously high, he praxxed it out and realized it could be mitigated in other ways—like deducting the principal and interest from graduates' paychecks for their "entire working career(s)", which would...change absolutely nothing. Naturally, he ascribes the high costs to a "monopoly" and overpaid teachers, which is easily remedied by encouraging everybody to teach online and lowball each others' fees.
- ↑ Eric W. Dolan, "Rand Paul backs bill that could lead to crack down on states where voters legalized weed", Raw Story. Basically it would enable Congress to sue the President (because they really needed more incentive to do that) if he/she doesn't jam up enough drug users in those states. CAN YOU SMELL THE FREEDUMB?!
- ↑ Ryan, "'Nobody' Is Trying to Ban Birth Control, Says Guy Who Tried to Ban It", Jezebel (8/06/14 2:30pm).
- ↑ Alana Horowitz Satlin, "Rand Paul Plagiarized Speech From Wikipedia, Rachel Maddow Says", Huffington Post. It probably would go over better if Don LaFontaine had read it.
- ↑ 30.0 30.1 Margaret Hartmann, "Rand Paul’s Wikipedia Plagiarism Defense", NY Mag. (Rand: "NO U!")
- ↑ Rand Paul All Right With 'Neutral' Federal Gay Marriage Law, Huffington Post
- ↑ Rand Paul on Gay Marriage: GOP Needs to 'Agree to Disagree', ABC
- ↑ Post-DOMA, Rand Paul Fears Humans Marrying Non-Humans, MSNBC. Way to show what you really think of gay people.
- ↑ Lerner, Adam B.. "Rand Paul Doubles Down on Vaccine Stance", Politico (2/02/15 05:52 PM EST).
- ↑ Rand Paul Blames 'Lack of Fathers' for Baltimore Unrest—But His Own Son Was Just Arrested for Drunk Driving, Alternet.
- ↑ Rand Paul's son cited for DUI after car crash. Projection much? (But see drunk driving is not a violation of the NAP, Your Honor.)
- ↑ 37.0 37.1 Rand Paul: We Wouldn't Need Laws If Everyone Were Christian, Religion Dispatches. "Screw libertarians. I'm going for the fundagelical vote!"
- ↑ Smith, Sarah, "Coulter to Paul: 'Just pick a position'", Politco, 8.16.14.
- ↑ 39.0 39.1 Shane Goldmacher, Alex Isenstadt and Daniel Strauss, "Inside Rand Paul's Slow-Motion Collapse", Politico (02/03/16 07:46 PM EST). Rand: "Is Rand Paul still running for president? I dunno, I wouldn’t be doing this dumbass livestreaming if I weren’t. So yes, I still am running for president. Get over it."
- ↑ Lew Rockwell alert
- ↑ 41.0 41.1 Igor Bobic, "Rand Paul Claims He Signed Iran Letter In Order To Help Obama" Huffington Post 3.15.15. How exactly is "I can't even get congress to cooperate and stop acting like children" dealing from a position of strength?
- ↑ Olivia Nuzzi, "Why Real Libertarians Hate Rand Paul", The Daily Beast.
- ↑ David Frum: Iran deal ends Rand Paul's candidacy.
- ↑ Theodore Schleifer, Rand Paul: Maan, Republican brand 'sucks' and is, like, 'broken' dude, CNN.
- ↑ Farrell, Keith, "Republican Liberty Caucus Leader Switches Support From Paul to Cruz", The Libertarian Republic 1.4.16. Rand to Tea Party: Remember your place, peons! Tea Party: Get stuffed.
- ↑ Peter Grier, "Rand Paul vs. Ted Cruz: Who's winning tea party voters?", Christan Science Monitor
- ↑ Dustin Volz and Kaveh Waddell, "After Over 10 Hours, Rand Paul Ends His NSA ‘Filibuster’", National Journal 5.20.15.
- ↑ Harris, Shane, "It’s NSA 1, Rand Paul 0 as the Senate Passes Patriot Act Reform", Daily Beast (06.02.15 3:30 PM ET).
- ↑ Sledge, Matt, "NDAA Indefinite Detention Bill Passes Senate After Rand Paul Calls It An 'Abomination'", HuffPo (12/21/2012 03:13 pm ET, updated 12/21/12).
- ↑ Parker, Ashley, "Rand Paul Leads Filibuster of Brennan Nomination", NYT (3/613 2:03 pm).
- ↑ US senator sues President Obama to stop NSA metadata dragnet
- ↑ If the Supreme Court tackles the NSA in 2015, it’ll be one of these five cases
- ↑ Adam Edelman, "Kentucky Sen. Rand Paul faces new plagiarism allegations over NSA suit against President Obama", The Daily News.
- ↑ Emory, Jr., C. Eugene, "Budgets from Ferguson, Mo., don't support Rand Paul's claim on the city's reliance on civil fines", Politifact (1/28/16 at 11:43 p.m.).
- ↑ Fischer, Sam, "Rand Paul blames Eric Garner's death on high NYC cigarette tax", CNN, updated 12.4.14. TAXES KILL PEOPLE, THE GREAT RAND PAUL HAS SPOKEN.
- ↑ Rand Paul: Questions About Neo-Confederate Ex-Aide a ‘Bunch of Crap’, ABC
- ↑ Rand Paul-Backed GOP Senate Candidate Held Rally With Secessionist Group, Mother Jones
- ↑ Blake, Aaron, "Rand Paul spokesman resigns as controversy swirls over writings", The Hill (12/17/09 08:25 pm).
- ↑ Rand Paul in '08: Beware the NAFTA Superhighway, TPM
- ↑ Blevins, Rachel, "Rand Paul Presidential Campaign Office Burglarized, Computers Stolen", Truth in Media 1.27.16. (Coincidence?)
- ↑ Gettys, Travis, "Cliven Bundy says Rand Paul promised to make Nevada a ‘sovereign state’ if he’s elected president", Raw Story (03 Jul 2015 at 09:42 ET). This guy would be scary if he actually had even the slightest chance of being elected President.
- ↑ Alderman, Julie, "Chuck Todd Doesn't Ask Rand Paul About Militia Takeover", Media Matters (1/3/16 4:07 PM EST).
- ↑ 63.0 63.1 Miles, Carla, "Rand Paul Bill to Give Unborn Children Constitutional Protection", Examiner (1/2216 12:59 PM MST). Give unborn children the right to vote, too. Doctors can put a ballot at the end of the ultrasound wands they use.
- ↑ 64.0 64.1 Epps, Garrett, "How Rand Paul Misunderstands the Fourteenth Amendment", The Atlantic 9.24.14.
- ↑ Andrew Kaczynski, "Three Pages Of Rand Paul’s Book Were Plagiarized From Think Tanks", Buzzfeed.
- ↑ Andrew Kaczynski, "Sections Of Rand Paul’s Op-Ed On Drug Sentencing Plagiarized From Article Week Earlier", Buzzfeed.
- ↑ Andrew Kaczynski, "Rand Paul Speech Transcripts Disappearing From His Website", Buzzfeed.
- ↑ Andrew Kaczynski, "Speech On Rand Paul’s Website Quietly Updated To Include Footnotes", Buzzfeed.
- ↑ Rand Paul's ophthalmology certification not recognized by national clearinghouse, Louisville Courier-Journal. The image of Laurence Olivier taking a dental drill to Dustin Hoffman in Marathon Man may now be supplanted by the image of Rand Paul taking a laser scalpel to someone's eyes in Bowling Green.
- ↑ Rand Paul part of AAPS doctors' group airing unusual views, Louisville Courier-Journal
- ↑ Kessler, Glenn, "Rand Paul’s claim — twice in one day — that he has a biology degree", WaPo 2.13.15.
- ↑ Sepkowitz, Kent, "The Biggest Rand Paul Outrage Yet", Daily Beast (6/15/10 7:07 AM ET). Everybody self-certifies, right? After all, who knows you're qualified better than yourself?
- ↑ Pierce, "The Five Minute Rule Is Hard But It Is Fair", Esquire.
- ↑ Does Racism Run in the Paul Family?, AOL
- ↑ Rand Paul: If You Believe In A Right To Health Care, ‘You Believe In Slavery’, ThinkProgress. We hope he made the bunker out of drone-proof material. Also it has to have a small cardboard sign near the entrance that says "RAND'S FORT: LIBERALS KEEP OUT".
- ↑ Rand Paul Wants To Abolish The Americans With Disabilities Act, Citing Fairness ‘To The Business Owner’, ThinkProgress
- ↑ Interview on Rachel Maddow Show, broadcast on May 19, 2010. Is the only grocery store in town refusing to sell to you because you're gay? Just don't shop there. That'll show 'em! (The interview was fantastically cringey, as well. He said something vague about it and thought he could move on with life. Rachel asked follow-up questions, and wouldn't let up until he very clearly said that businesses should be able to discriminate. Coward can't even own up to being a bigot.)
- ↑ Rand Paul's Audacious Outreach, National Journal
- ↑ Rand Paul: Obama Sounds 'Un-American' For Criticizing BP Over Gulf Oil Spill, Huntington Post
- ↑ The Rand Paul Quote Everybody's Ignoring, Huffington Post.
- ↑ Rand Paul cancels Meet the Press, NBC
- ↑ Al Weaver, "Trump goes after Rand Paul: 'Is he going to be primaried?'", Washington Examiner.
- ↑ Bump, Phillip, "YouTube’s copyright system has taken Rand Paul’s presidential announcement offline", WaPo 4.7.15.
- ↑ Chris Isadore, "Rand Paul's flat tax proposal: What it means for you", CNN. Nothing says "rebel" like 8 more years of trickle-down economics and neo-confederate social policy...
- ↑ Andrew Lundeen, Michael Schuyler, "The Economic Effects of Rand Paul’s Tax Reform Plan" Tax Foundation 6.18.15. ...And Tax Foundation already concluded it will add trillions to the debt every year because it can't raise enough revenue. Next.
- ↑ Miranda Blue, "Rand Paul: Put Stickers On School Windows Warning 'You Will Be Shot'", Right Wing Watch.
- ↑ Tanya Somander, "Rand Paul: The EPA ‘Turns Everyday Life Into A Federal Crime’", ThinkProgress.
- ↑ David Weigel, "Rand Paul says KY clerk’s gay marriage protest is ‘part of the American way’",Washington Post. No greater ally for the gay community than Ron and Rand Paul!
- ↑ Rand Paul official campaign website - on the issues.
- ↑ Ewing, Phillip, "Rand Paul Pulls Plug on Nearly 13-Hour Filibuster", Politico (03/06/13 12:33 PM EST, Updated 03/07/13 12:43 PM EST).
- ↑ Blake, Aaron, "Rand Paul says he was misunderstood on using drones against common criminals", WaPo 4.24.13.
- ↑ Jacobson, Louis, "Did Rand Paul propose cutting off aid to Israel?", PolitiFact (8/7/14 11:58 a.m.).
- ↑ Reinhard, Ben, "Rand Paul Rebuts Suggestion He Wanted to End Aid to Israel", WSJ (8/4/14 4:10 pm ET).
- ↑ Paul, Meet the Press 7.22.14.
- ↑ Benjy Sarlin, "Rand Paul’s epic ISIS flip-flop", MSNBC (09/04/14 02:49 PM, updated 09/04/14 09:52 PM).
- ↑ 96.0 96.1 Everett, Burgess, "Paul slams Syria plan", Politico (09/18/14 03:09 PM EDT).
- ↑ Sarlin, Benjy, "Rand Paul makes pitch to civil rights groups", MSNBC (07/25/14 11:04 AM, updated 07/25/14 06:06 PM).
- ↑ "Rand Paul On Voting Rights Act: 'We Have A Black President'", Real Clear Politics 6.25.13.
- ↑ Glueck, Katie, "Paul slams GOP on minorities, voting", Politico (09/18/14 08:30 PM EDT).
- ↑ Weigel, David, "Rand's Voter ID Walkback", Slate (5/14/14 10:15 AM).
- ↑ 101.0 101.1 Murray, Mark, "Rand Paul Has His Own History of Flip-Flops", MSNBC (4/7/15, 1:37 pm). Excerpts from CNBC interview (2/2/15) and an interview with Alex Jones.
- ↑ "Paul: 'I Did Not Allege Causation' Between Vaccines, Disorders", NBC interview (2/3/15 6:32 pm ET).
- ↑ Hamby, Peter, "Rand Paul: 'I am not opposed to birth control'", CNN (Updated 9/30/14, 8:53 PM ET).
- ↑ Alvarez, Alex, "Rand Paul Slams Birth Control Mandate: It Infringes On Religious Liberty As Wells As ‘Economic Freedom’", Mediate (2/15/15 11:07 am).
- ↑ Kelley, Marty, "Sure, Rand Paul Is Now A Tree Hugger, Why Not?", Wonkette (5/2715, 12:30pm).
- ↑ "Who said what and what it meant: The 4th GOP debate, annotated", WaPo 11.10.15.
- ↑ Paul, "I Will Stop the Illegal NSA Spying", TIME 5.30.15.
- ↑ 108.0 108.1 Christopher Massie, "Rand Paul: U.S. Should Spend More Time Monitoring 'People Who Speak Arabic'”, Buzzfeed (12/4/15, 2:43 p.m.).
- ↑ Mallasy, Nicolas, "Rand Paul Asks Voters: ‘Have Any of You Ever Worked for a Poor Person?’", PJ Media 1.9.06. Have you, Randy? Or do you suckle exclusively at the teat of the wealthy elite?
- ↑ Maeby Gaver, "The Koch Brothers, Ron and Rand Paul, and the John Birch Society", Liberal America.
- ↑ Zenon Evans, "Ron Paul and Rand Paul Disagree on Ebola Travel Ban Proposal", Reason.
- ↑ Katherine Miller, "Ron And Rand Paul Do Not Agree About ISIS", Buzzfeed.
- ↑ "President Paul? Wall Street on High Alert", Politico.
- ↑ Rand Paul: "'Democratic' Socialism Is Still Theft"
- ↑ Blue, Miranda, "Rand Paul Warns Sanders Presidency Could Lead to 'Mass Genocide'", Right Wing Watch (10/16/2015 10:52 am). Bernie is Pol Pot. You heard it here folks. Pretty evident he's still butthurt over Sanders making a fool of him on the Senate floor.
- ↑ Welp. When you've lost Reason magazine, you may be all out of chips to play.
- ↑ Kalli Joy Gray, "Rand Paul Thought Of Banning Muslims First. How Come Trump Gets All The Credit?", Wonkette. Rand Paul would trade shoes with Trump in a New York Minute. He's just pissed he didn't think up Trump's schtick first.
- ↑ Ed Kilgore, "Franklin Graham Anticipated Trump Proposal to Ban Muslim Immigration", New York Magazine.
- ↑ Right, just like more cars on the street will stop traffic.
- ↑ Jim Newell, "Rand Paul’s Hail Mary", Slate.
- ↑ Tani, Maxwell, "While GOP candidates were slugging it out at the debate, we spent the night with Rand Paul", Business Insider (1/15/16, 10:49 AM).
- ↑ Andrew Kaczynski, "Rand Paul: I’m Only Polling Bad Because Trump Gets All The Attention", Buzzfeed. *Sad trombone*
- ↑ Stephen Shepard, "Rand Paul Could Be Booted From Main Debate Stage", Politico.
- ↑ David Weigel, "Libertarians ready lawsuit against Commission on Presidential Debates", Washington Post.
- ↑ David Weigel, "Rand Paul, faced with debate snub, demands ‘the same treatment that Carly Fiorina was given’", Washington Post. (Rand, buddy, run a giant corporation into the ground and then we'll talk.)
- ↑ Ben Kamisar, "Rand Paul makes GOP debate main stage", The Hill.
- ↑ Caplan, Rebecca, "Fox Business rejects Rand Paul's appeal to be included in GOP debate" CBS (1/13/16 3:26 PM EST).
- ↑ Griswold, Alex, "After Boycotting Debate, Rand Paul Asks Fox Business to Include Him on Main Stage", Mediate (1/13/16 12:46 pm EST).
- ↑ Tani, Maxwell, "Rand Paul skewers Democrats during aggressive debate live tweetstorm", Business Insider (1/18/16). Rand: "@BernieSanders just bragged about getting a D- grade. And he wants to fix education." Tough talk from a guy who never actually graduated. (Bernie was boasting about his low approval from the NRA. There's plenty for libertarians to rip into Sanders about without making stuff up.)
- ↑ Feinberg, Ashley, "Are you currently enrolled at Iowa State University? Do you have a pulse? Then Rand Paul wants YOU", Gawker (1/28/16 3:05pm). Why would anyone want a letter of recommendation from a failed presidential candidate?
- ↑ Elliot, Phillip, "Ron Paul Joins Son For Caucus-Eve Rally in Iowa", TIME 1.31.16. Elliot: "But it was his father who drew the more energetic response...It might not matter which man they were cheering for when they chanted 'President Paul.'"
- ↑ Taylor, Andrew, "Senate rejects Rand Paul's 'Audit the Fed' legislation", WRAL (1/14/16 3:53pm EST, updated 3:54pm).
- ↑ Gay Stolberg, Sheryl, "Fading Presidential Hopes Complicate Rand Paul’s Senate Re-Election Bid", NYT 1.20.16. Stolberg: "Gone are the days when Mr. Paul’s choice of Kentucky Derby guest — the conservative news media mogul Rupert Murdoch — could stir front-page speculation about 'the most interesting man in politics.'"
- ↑ Ellefson, Lindsey, "During Interview, Rand Paul Flips Off the Media", Mediate (1/14/16 1:30pm). You won't have Rand Paul to kick around anymore.
- ↑ Gray, Kalli Joy, "Hush little lady don't say a word: Rand Paul Teaches Lady Reporter How To Talk To Him, Again", Wonkette (4/8/15 12:30pm). Rand: "NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!!" (Can you imagine him in a debate with Hillary?)
- ↑ Ballhaus, Rebecca, "Rand Paul Back on GOP Primetime Debate Stage as Donald Trump Mulls Exit", Wall Street Journal (1/26/16 6:17 pm ET). This will be Rand's night to shine! He's probably fantasizing about being carried around on everyone's shoulders.
- ↑ Weigel, Peter, "Rand Paul votes in the caucuses he created — but isn’t competing for", WaPo 3.5.16. If there's one person who deserves a second chance at losing, it's Rand Paul.
- ↑ John King, Manu Raju and Mark Preston, "Rand Paul dropping out of Presidential race", CNN (Updated 2/3/16, 12:27 PM ET).
- ↑ Phillips, Amber, "Why Rand Paul’s Senate reelection is not a lock", WaPo 2.16.16.
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