| Parroting squawkbox|
|And a dirty dozen more|
| Frogs, clowns and swastikas|
|Rebuilding the Reich, one meme at a time|
“”Jacob is a child prodigy who has eclipsed Mozart.
|—Jack Burkman, Wohl's co-worker|
Jacob Wohl (1997–) is a wooly-headed right wing conspiracy theorist, fraudster, and internet troll. He has perpetrated numerous hoaxes. His most famous hoax may be alleging that Robert Mueller raped a woman through a paper-thin fake company. He also holds the dubious honor of being the youngest person to have ever been banned from the National Futures Association (NFA). In October 2019, he alleged that Democratic presidential hopeful Elizabeth Warren was in a long-term BDSM affair with a Marine veteran that left him physically scarred, which backfired in that it made a consumer protection expert and Harvard Law professor sound cool.
Robert Mueller rape allegations
“”Burkman and Wohl appear to have no idea how to spell their client's first name. They insist it's Carolyn — but then after reporters ask them, they say it's Carolyne with an E.
“”Someone asks, "Are you both prepared for federal prison?" Burkman replies no.
In order to smear the Trump-Russia connection, Wohl and Jack Burkman (allegedly working for a company called "Surefire Intelligence") accused FBI director Robert Mueller of raping Carolyne Cass in 2010. Said accusation was hilariously fake:
- Cass refused to appear for Wohl's 1 November 2018 press conference.
- Cass later revealed that she had been offered $20,000 to make these allegations. When questioned on this, Wohl said that he had made up Cass to trick news outlets. Unfortunately, Cass is a real person who did an interview with Ed and Brian Krassenstein.
- Wohl claimed that Mueller raped Cass "[o]n or about August 2, 2010" in the "St. Regis Hotel in Manhattan, New York City, NY". As the FBI director, Mueller was sure to have a solid alibi for almost any day — but on this date in particular, Mueller was also serving jury duty in Washington, D.C. Truly excellent research.
- Wohl claimed that Mueller made sexual advances on Cass on the 19th floor of the St. Regis, which is currently a gym.
- Wohl previously claimed that "Surefire Intelligence" was not his company. When an NBC journalist called Surefire Intelligence's officially listed telephone number, they were redirected to Wohl's mother's voicemail inbox. NBC continues: "Wohl stopped responding to NBC News after being told Surefire's official phone number redirects to his mother's voicemail."
- "Surefire Intelligence" used manipulated or copyrighted images for its employee photos, including one of an Oscar-winning actor and one of a supermodel.
Wohl's other weird allegations
In late April 2019, Wohl and associate Jack Burkman devised another fictitious sexual assault claim, against Pete Buttigieg. They attempted to convince a college student in Michigan to claim he was sexually assaulted while drunk. After failing to convince him to be involved with their scheme, the lovely dual just went ahead none the less, using the person's name and photo and setting up a Medium and Twitter account. The Daily Beast staff tracked down the person and asked them about the allegations, which they indicated the statements were false, and denied them on a Facebook page. They also provided audio recording of the conversation with Wohl, which was confirmed as authentic and containing Wohl by The Daily Beast. When The Daily Beast started asking Whol and Burkman questions about the allegations, the Twitter and Medium pages vanished.
On 8 May, Jacob and Burkman held a press conference where they showed footage of the person they attempted to convince to go along with their scheme from their meeting at a coffee shop, in an effort to dispell the belief that they had tried to coerce the student. This presser included the phrase: "Most forced coercion attempts do not involve caramel frappucinos".  Best part of it was when a fucking garbage truck drove up and started emptying Burkman's trash cans in the middle of their video.
1 October, Jacob and Burkman held a press conference the Ukraine whistleblower, where they said they'd reveal the identity of the whistleblower. Shocker, nothing happened, nothing was revealed at the conference.[note 2] They also claimed to have traveled to Ukraine to investigate this whole mess. They provided a Turkish Airlines boarding pass[note 3] and 10 Ukrainian hryvnia[note 4][note 5]as proof that they went to Ukraine to investigate..
3 October, might be the most absurd of all the Whol press conferences, where they released their allegation that Elizabeth Warren was secretly into hardcore BDSM. Yes, you read that correctly. The person coming forward was purported to be a former "Marine" that was physically scared by the experience. Granted, he had trouble reading through his own write up without chuckling at points. Also people found the dude's Instagram during the presser and asked him about a photo that showed the same scar he was presenting as proof of the encounters, with the caption "Hit my back with a chain trying to take down a swing." from 2016. He just shrugged in reply. Oh, and it was then revealed he was lying about exactly when he was a Marine, claiming to be in Afghanistan in 2012, while military records note him being enlisted from 2014 to 2016. That previously mentioned Instagram account also has him counting down until his enlistment in 2014... Now, Wohl did get attention on this claim. Saturday Night Live made fun of it... 
9 October, Jacob and Burkman held a press conference to reveal the Kamala Harris was having an extramarital affair with her personal trainer. It was the typical shitshow: Jacob taking selfies with a 17 year old girl who's "cute blond" (Jacob's words), hecklers, a "pastor" who spoke before Jacob, who used the phrase "damn it be the whore!", Jacob threatening everyone with a hose that they didn't realize was shut off by a heckler like 2 seconds after they turned it on in front of everyone. Unlike the Warren accusation, this one was bog-standard extramarital affair.  Then it was revealed that the guy who was presented as the personal trainer was hired via Craigslist and thought it was an addition for a role, and had no clue Kamala Harris was a real politician. Then didn't pay the dude the $500 they promised him.[note 6]
On 11 October, Jack Burkman tweeted out that there would be a press conference where they would reveal Nancy Pelosi and Adam Schiff’s former drug dealer. It was originally supposed to be on
14 October, 17 October. Due to high winds (Yes, really) it has now been moved to 21 October 2:30pm.
- Do you have some weird need to watch all these stupid things? Want to laugh at the stupidity? Well don't worry, Ford Fischer has your back, he's been recording these fucking things, with HD cameras. They're uploaded here, on YouTube.
- As of 14 October, 2019, they still haven't revealed it. They claimed the government asked them not to release the name yet. Yeah, sure.
- It's for Flight TK 466, from Odesa, Ukraine to Istanbul, Turkey for "Wohl, Jacob" on 23 August at 10:20.
- Equal to about 41¢ USD on 15 October, 2019.
- Also, it's not like currency exchanges exist. You can get 5 Euro bank notes in Cleveland, Ohio, at Hopkins Airport.
- Should say something about how ridiculous this thing was, that the guy thought it was supposed to be an The Office like show.
- The Q&A is getting heated! Jacob Burkman defends Jacob Wohl's age: "Jacob is a child prodigy who has eclipsed Mozart." by Will Sommer (9:35 PG - 1 Nov 2018) Twitter (archived from November 2, 2018).
- Who Is Jacob Wohl? Far-Right Conspiracy Theorist, Internet Troll Wanted on Felony Arrest Warrant by Christina Zhao (9/4/19 at 5:32 PM EDT) Newsweek.
- Burkman and Wohl appear to have no idea how to spell their client's first name. They insist it's Carolyn — but then after reporters ask them, they say it's Carolyne with an E. by Will Sommer (9:44 AM - 1 Nov 2018) Twitter (archived from June 22, 2019).
- Someone asks, "Are you both prepared for federal prison?" Burkman replies no. by Oliver Darcy (9:44 AM - 1 Nov 2018) Twitter (archived from June 22, 2019).
- The Comically Flawed Attempt to Smear Robert Mueller, Explained, ALEX KASPRAK, Snopes
- The Wohl / Burkman press conference has been stymied by the fact that their much-hyped witness failed to show at all. by Will Sommer (9:03 AM - 1 Nov 2018) Twitter (archived from June 22, 2019).
- ‘Carolyne Cass’ No Show at Jacob Wohl Presser On Mueller, Heavy.com
- This is how Jacob Wohl created a sexual harassment accusation against Robert Mueller, Gus Garcia-Roberts and Christal Hayes, USA Today
- Exclusive: Carolyne Cass Admits Mueller Rape Report Has False Information She Didn’t Want Published, Ed Krassenstein & Brian Krassenstein, Hill Reporter
- hey dumbass jim hoft and jacob wohl: Robert Mueller was SERVING JURY DUTY IN DC the EXACT DAY you claimed he raped a woman in NYC (August 2, 2010). that's some surefire intelligence for ya by thetomzone (14:29 - 30. 10. 2018) Twitter (archived from June 16, 2019).
- Hey, isn't that…?: Robert Mueller summoned to jury duty; Rose McGowan visits the W, Washington Post
- There is a gym on the 19th floor of the St Regis by FormalScrunchie (11:35 PM - 30 Oct 2018) Twitter (archived from June 22, 2019).
- St. Regis Athletic Club: Hours of Operation by FormalScrunchie (11:45 PM - 30 Oct 2018) Twitter (archived from June 9, 2019).
- Mueller refers sex misconduct scheme targeting him to FBI for investigation, NBC News
- Trump Russia: Bungled plot emerges to smear Robert Mueller. BBC News. October 31, 2018.
- Odd. Jacob Wohl says he doesn't know nuttin' about Surefire Intelligence, the firm tied to the bizarre Mueller allegations. Take a look at the photos below of Mathhew Cohen, head of 'Surefire,' and of Jacob Wohl. by Jane Mayer (10:41 PM - 30 Oct 2018) Twitter (archived from June 9, 2019).
- Mueller Wants the FBI to Look at a Scheme to Discredit Him, The Atlantic
- [Far-Right Gateway Pundit Writer Suspended for Role in Unfounded #MeToo Accusation Against Robert Mueller] by Jon Levine (November 2, 2018 @ 6:29 AM) The Wrap.
- Read, Bridget. The Cut 3 October 2019. All of Jacob Wohl’s Spectacularly Failed Smear Attempts.
- Markay, Lachlan. Poulsen, Kevin. Shachtman, Noah. The Daily Beast. 29 April 2019. Far-Right Smear Merchants Try to Slime Pete Buttigieg with Bogus Sex Assault Claim
- Aggeler, Madeleine. The Cut. 30 April 2019. World’s Most Incompetent Right-Wing Troll Reportedly Bungles Yet Another Scheme
- Raymond, Adam. New Yorker Magazine. 30 April 2019. [nymag.com/intelligencer/2019/04/right-wing-troll-set-up-fake-buttigieg-sexual-assault-claim.html#_ga=2.256678413.743176865.1571109883-1341509399.1571109883 Right-Wing Troll Jacob Wohl Allegedly Behind Fake Buttigieg Sexual-Assault Claim]
- Ford Fischer. @FordFischer. Twitter. 8 May 2019. Tweet.
- Jerry Dunleavy. @JerryDunleavy. Twitter. 8 May 2019. Tweet.
- Ford Fischer. @FordFischer. 1 October 2019. Tweet.
- Will Sommer. @willsommer. Twitter. 3 October 2019. Tweet.
- Brandy Zadrozny. @BrandyZadrozny. Twitter. 3 October 2019. Tweet.
- Sommer, Will. The Daily Beast. 4 October 2019. Jacob Wohl’s Bogus Warren Accuser Exaggerated His Military Service Record
- Saturday Night Live. Twitter. 6 October 2019. Tweet.
- Ford Fischer. @FordFischer. 11 October 2019. Tweet.
- Sommer, Will. The Daily Beast. 11 October 2019. Kamala’s Fake Lover: Jacob Wohl Told Me It Was for a Spike TV Show
- Jack Burkman. @Jack_Burkman. Twitter. 11 October 2019. Tweet. (Archived).
- Jack Burkman. @Jack_Burkman. Twitter. 11 October 2019. Tweet.