Virginia is a
state, ahem, commonwealth in the United States of el norte amerigo, named after some tramp (Queen Elizabeth I) trying to whitewash her reputation.
The two Virginias
Virginia is actually two different states, although between them they must still share two Senators:
- The real Virginia, which is part of the real America and is more Southern in nature, if you will. (editor's note: the real South doesn't claim this part either)
- The fake Virginia, which is also known as the Socialist People's Republic of Northern Virginia, consisting of Arlington, Fairfax, Alexandria, Falls Church, Reston, Leesburg (after 1995 transition from a hick-town), Ashburn, and the surrounding environs. Additionally, the Hampton Roads area is largely revered as a pocket of liberal resistance, much to the disdain of of the
neo-confederatessouthern gentlemen who inhabit the rest of the commonwealth.
Virginia is the location of Jamestown, the first permanent English settlement in America.
- Virginia Is For Lovers. However, some say Virginia is actually for Virgins.
Virginia was one of the original thirteen colonies to escape British tyranny and form the fledgling United States. It traitorously deserted the Union in 1861 to join the Confederacy. This cost them the territory of West Virginia, where the population were more patriotic (and would rather burn couches than crosses). However, in the aftermath of losing the Civil War that ensued, Virginia once more became the proud and stalwart owner of a star on Old Glory, and home to large numbers of U.S. Government offices and employees.
Given the contemporary reputation of West Virginia, many Virginians feel that it is only right and proper that West Virginia is the southernmost state in Yankee territory, and no longer affiliated with the Old Dominion.
The Roxy Music song Virginia Plain has nothing to do with this Virginia. Neither, in fact, does the statement above, under "mythology".
Leave Virginia alone, she's not like you and me.
Education, especially universities, in Virginia is a tale of two extremes. Many of its public colleges and universities are considered amongst the best in the nation, private universities, however, are a mixed bag. Here is a guide:
- The College of William and Mary
- University of Virginia
- Washington and Lee University
- Virginia Military Institute
- University of Richmond
- Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University (a.k.a. Virginia Tech)
- George Mason University if you avoid the ASS Law School
- University of Mary Washington
- James Madison University
- Old Dominion University
- Christopher Newport University
- Mary Baldwin College
- Virginia Commonwealth University
- Radford University
- Longwood University
- Regent University
Avoid like the plague
- Liberty University — Located in the heart of Lynchburg.[No, not The Onion] Finally, a university where they walk to graduation in Klan robes.
- Patrick Henry College
Though Virginia is classified as a Bible Belt state, it is actually home to two great extremes: The southern part of Virginia is home to Jerry Falwell, Liberty University, and generally rampant fundamentalism. Northern Virginia is home to godless liberal communists who commute to Washington, DC. Each is equally ashamed of the other and wish to become an independent nation.
- Replace the "ir" with an "a". Snigger.
- Q: If Virginia gave Maine her New Jersey, what would Delaware? A: I dunno, Alaska.
- Wacky terbacky
- Commuters to Washington, DC
- Slugs (a peculiar subspecies of said commuters to Washington, D.C. that don't feel like paying for the bus)
- Firearms. Virginia is a conveniently located place to easily purchase guns to sell in northeastern cities, where they are typically heavily regulated.
- Cigarettes (See: Firearms, Terbacky). Virginia's considerably low tax on cigarettes (~$0.30/pk) has led to a burgeoning and profitable trade in illegal cigarette smuggling to high-tax northeastern cities, such as Philly (~$3.60/pk) or NYC (~$5.85/pk)
- Bruce Hornsby and the Range
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