User:TheUmbilicalCordGuy

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BrainMop.png As a confirmed mustard jar for taking on this job as a Sysop on RationalWiki: I, TheUmbilicalCordGuy, pledge to only block users if they ask for it, or insert unfunny vandalism.
I furthermore pledge that if I indulge in secret private conversations about you, we will make a formal report to the mob. Is that all?
If you impugn my motives without warrant, or challenge my "AUTHORITY", er, there is nothing I can or will do.


"If global warming is real, then why are my nipples so hard?"

My Userbox
I am a man.png
This user is male.
Asperger.jpg
This user has Asperger's syndrome or is somewhere on the Autism Spectrum.
Pansexuality flag.svg
This user is pansexual.


Atheist-symbol.png
"We are all atheists about most of the gods that humanity has ever believed in. Some of us just go one god further."
Ninja.jpg
This user is a Ninja.
Evolution walker.svg This user thinks evolution explains the origin of species.
Universe expansion.png
This user thinks that the Big Bang explains the origin of the Universe.
Graduation-cap.jpg
This user went to a public school, and was never homeschooled.
50 States flag.png This user lives in the best damn country on Earth, and you better believe it!
Political Compass logo.svg
This user's Political Compass coordinates are -5.63,-7.13.
Karikatur 7.jpg Freedom of speech can be dangerous, but must be upheld by every one of us.
Conservlogo late april.png
This user believes in free speech for everyone - even idiots.
Famas.jpg
This user believes in the right to bear frickin' sweet guns.
Bear.jpg
This user believes in the right to arm frickin' sweet bears.
Equals-sign-blue.gif This user believes that everyone is equal, regardless of race, religion or gender.


racism This user is biased against racists.
Gay flag.svg
This user believes in equal rights for gay people.
Blowverbod.jpg
This user supports the legalization of The Herb, otherwise known as sweet leaf, reefer, or left-handed cigarette.
Tommy.jpg
This user believes
in universal healthcare
Blue Marble.jpg
This user is concerned about the environment.
George w bush.jpeg This user thinks President George W. Bush was not very good.
Donald-trump-secim-840x420 (cropped).jpg This user thinks that Donald Trump doesn't represent this user's America.
IDFlogo.jpg
This user will not support the IDF until they start to respect basic human rights.
Flag of Kurdistan.svg This user supports an independent Kurdish nation-state.


Scotlandindependence28283873737374.jpg
This user supports the exit of Scotland from the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland.
Madashell.jpg
This user is
MAD AS HELL
and is not going to take it anymore!
Metalhead.jpg
This user is a metalhead!
Whip.jpg
This user likes it kinky
Flagofgermanyforuserbox.png
This user is interested in Germany.
MustafaKemalAtaturk oval.png
This user greatly respects Mustafa Kemal Atatürk


BillHicks.jpg
This user has thumbs.
user This user is a user.
IQ This user's IQ is a fucking rock..
WhiteCat.jpg
This user likes to play with the very fabric of space and time... and pussy.
Viralvirus.jpg
This user believes that a deadly virus is a deadly virus set to wipe out humanity.
... This user already has too many userboxes, but added another one anyway.
Open book 01.png "Socialism is when the government does stuff, and the more stuff it controls and does, the more socialister it is."

- Carl Marks

Open book 01.png "Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband's lap."

- Some ancient Sumerian

50 States flag.png
This user thinks there is a lot more to the world than this.
Depression.jpg
This user suffers from Depression and will never feel ashamed of that fact.

Stuff about me[edit]

Pages I have made major contributions to[edit]

Essay[edit]

Political views[edit]

Social[edit]

Civil rights and liberties[edit]

  • Pro-free speech.
  • Pro-racial equality.
  • Pro-sex and gender equality.
  • Pro-LGBT+ rights.
    • Any consenting adults should be allowed to marry.
    • Allow LGBT+ adoption nationwide.
    • Allow transgender people to have their gender legally recognized on all official documents.
      • Allow "X" marker for gender on official documents.
    • Nationwide ban on conversion therapy.
    • Nationwide ban on unconsented infant intersex surgeries.
    • Amend the Civil Rights Act with the Equality Act to make the entire community a protected class.
    • Pass the Employment Non-Discrimination Act.[note 1]
  • Pro-choice all the way.
  • Pro-contraceptives.
    • Have them freely available at all public institutions.
  • In favor of drug liberalization and ending the War on Drugs.
    • Also pardon all non-violent drug users and possessors, and give them all either two-year work permits, rehabilitation or both (depending on their situation.)
    • Abolish the DEA.
  • Pro-gun.[note 2][note 3]
    • Against any prohibition of firearms. (Against AWB, repeal FOPA and NFA, abolish ATF, etc.)
    • Keep the minimum age of purchase at 18.
    • In favor of both concealed carry and open carry.
    • Against bans on bump stocks and high-capacity magazines.
    • But on the other hand...
      • I am in favor of extensive universal background checks on firearms, magazines and accessories.
      • I am in favor of safe storage laws.
      • Arming teachers is a stupid idea.
  • Legalize euthanasia for the terminally ill.
  • Also legalize prostitution, gambling and sex toys.

Police, prison and criminal justice[edit]

Education[edit]

  • I support free public college tuition.
  • Cancel all current student debt.
  • No Child Left Behind should never come back.
  • End standardized testing.
  • Expand and improve sex education.
  • End subsidies to private schools.
  • Against school vouchers.
  • Pass the Student Non-Discrimination Act.
  • Ban corporal punishment in schools nationwide.

Healthcare[edit]

Housing[edit]

  • Repeal the Faircloth Amendment and increase the amount of public housing.
  • Seize vacant residential investment properties.

Immigration[edit]

  • Abolish ICE.
  • No deportations, but undocumented immigrants must apply for citizenships manually.
  • Due process and habeas corpus applies to undocumented immigrants.

Economic[edit]

Taxes[edit]

  • 50% average and 95% marginal income taxes on incomes exceeding $100,000,000.
  • 35% average and 70% marginal income taxes on incomes between $10,000,000 and $100,000,000.
  • 25% average and 40% marginal income taxes on incomes between $1,000,000 and $100,000.
  • 10% average and 15% marginal income on income between $100,000 and $50,000.
  • 5% average and no marginal income taxes on income tax below $50,000.
  • I support Bernie Sanders' estate tax.[note 5]
  • I support Elizabeth Warren's wealth tax.[note 6]
  • Increase capital gains and corporate taxes.
  • Remove tax exempt status from non-charitable churches.
  • Don't tax lawsuit winnings.

Business[edit]

  • Federally mandated $15 minimum wage.
  • Pro-union.
  • End outsourcing.
  • In favor of trust-busting.
  • Enact sick and family leave.
  • Place employees on corporate boards.
  • Open to worker's co-ops.

Other[edit]

  • Pro-welfare.
  • Pro-net neutrality.
  • Pro-free childcare.
  • Reinstate Glass-Steagall.
  • Ban stock buybacks.
  • Abolish pennies.

Environmental[edit]

  • I am in favor of everything that the Green New Deal has to offer.
  • I am also in favor of an eventual full ban on fossil fuel usage.
    • Ban fracking immediately.
    • Ban coal rolling immediately.
  • Increase EPA funding.
  • Pro-nuclear energy.
  • Pro-GMO.
  • Ban poaching and trophy hunting.

Election reform[edit]

  • Have elections be publicly financed and run by independent nonpartisan committees.
  • Designate Election Day as a federal holiday.
  • Implement ranked choice voting.
  • Enact automatic voter registration.
  • Offer vote-by-mail nationwide.
  • End gerrymandering and have districts be drawn by independent nonpartisan committees.
  • Abolish the Electoral College.
  • Reinstate all expunged parts of the Voting Rights Act.
  • Expand voting rights to all citizens.

Government[edit]

  • Limit Senators to two terms and Representatives to six terms.
  • Implement open government.[note 7]
  • Allow the five delegates and the resident commissioner to the House of Representatives to become full-fledged members.
  • Grant statehood to Washington D.C.,Puerto Rico, Guam, American Samoa, the U.S. Virgin Islands, and the Northern Mariana Islands.
  • Bring back the 60-vote rule for Supreme Court Justice confirmations.
    • Abolish the nuclear option.

Military[edit]

  • Cut military spending by at least 60%.
  • Close numerous foreign military bases.
  • Only Congress should be given the power to declare war.
  • Focus military spending on exercises and infrastructure projects.
  • Reduce number of nuclear weapons to 100.

Surveillance and security[edit]

  • Abolish the NSA.
  • Abolish the CIA.
  • Abolish the TSA and the rest of the DHS (save for the Coast Guard[note 8] and FEMA.)[note 9]
  • Repeal the USA PATRIOT Act.
  • Repeal FISA.

Foreign policy[edit]

Conflict[edit]

  • Pull out of every current war.
  • End all arms deals and military aid with human rights abusers.
  • No regime changes or nation building.

Diplomacy[edit]

  • Improve international relations with the following countries:
  • Reinstate the Iran Deal.
  • Reinstate the Cuban Thaw.
  • Sanctions against the following countries:
    • Israel (For their subjugation of Palestine and the IDF's war crimes.}
    • Russia (For pushing to subvert democracy worldwide.)
    • Saudi Arabia (For their human rights abuses, war crimes and funding of terrorist organizations.)
    • Myanmar (For their genocide of the Rohingya Muslims.)
    • Turkey (For the human rights abuses.)
    • Brazil (For their deforestation and corruption.)
    • Venezuela (For their human rights abuses.)
    • Egypt (For their human rights abuses.)
    • MoroccoWikipedia's W.svg (For their subjugation of Western Sahara.)
  • Other stuff[edit]

    • In favor of the UK abolishing the monarchy.
    • Pro-Scottish independence.
    • Pro-Irish reunification.
    • Pro-Kosovo independence.
    • Two-state solution for Israel and Palestine.
    • Taiwan, Hong Kong and Macau should be allowed to remain independent from mainland China.
    • Pro-Tibetan independence.
    • I oppose EU's Article 13.

    Miscellaneous[edit]

    • Incorporate the entire Bill of Rights to all the states.
    • Pardon all whistleblowers.
    • Pardon Mumia Abu-Jamal.

    Political test results[edit]

    My Political Compass results[edit]

    My Political Compass results are -5.63 on the economic scale and - 7.13 on the social scale.[1]

    8values results[edit]

    My 8values results are 74.4% equality on the economic axis, 67.6% world on the diplomatic axis, 81.5% liberty on the civil axis, and 85.7% progress on the societal axis. [2]

    PolitiScales results[edit]

    My PolitiScales results can be found here.

    The World's Smallest Political Quiz[edit]

    My World's Smallest Political Quiz results are 100% on personal issues and 30% on economics issues, putting me in the "Left (Liberal)" category.[3] However, I hate the Nolan Chart it uses, because I find the diamond's perspective to be dizzying.

    Things I don't mind letting people know about[edit]

    Favorite bands and musicians (in no particular order)[edit]

    "You arrreeee... a sun goddess... WHOA! WILL YOU SAAAAAAVVVVEEE MEEEE?!?!? BABE! BABE! BABE!"
    
    "AGONY IS THE PRICE THAT YOU'LL PAY IN THE END!"
    "TO SEE, TO BLEED, CANNOT BE TAUGHT! IN TURN, YOU'RE MAKING US... EEERRRRUUHH FUCKING HOSTILE!!!"
    
    "ALL RESEARCH AND SUCCESSFUL DRUG POLICY SHOWS THAT TREATMENT SHOULD BE INCREASED, AND LAW ENFORCEMENT DECREASED WHILE ABOLISHING MANDATORY MINIMUM SENTENCES!"
    "DON'T YOU! REALIZE! THAT EVIL! LIVES IN THE MOTHERFUCKING SKIN?!"
    
    "But the mutants that I see shine their beauty onto me, I wish you could see them."
    
    "I know someday you'll have a beautiful life, I know you'll be a star in somebody else's sky. But why, why, why can't it be, oh, can't it be mine?"
    
    "I'M BURNING THROUGH THE SKYYY, YEAH! TWO HUNDRED DEGREES, THAT'S WHY THEY CALL ME MISTER FAHRENHEIT!! I'M TRAVELING AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT, I WANNA MAKE A SUPERSONIC MAN OUT OF YOU!"
    
    "This state of... emergency... is where I want to be."
    
    "SHIT LIVES FOREVER! SHIT LIVES FOREVER!"
    
    "PAIN, PAIN, KILLER, KILLER, PAIN, PAIN, KILLER, KILLAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"
    
    "BEAT YOUR FEET ON THE GROUND NOW, GO!" *breakdown*
    
    "TEAR RIGHT TO PIECES, LEFT TO RECESS A WATERY GRAVE!"
    

    Musical guilty pleasures[edit]

    • The first three Smash Mouth albums (100% unironically, I swear...)
    • Vanessa Carlton - "A Thousand Miles"
    • Eiffel 65 - "I'm Blue" (This one is ironic.)
    • Scatman John - "Scatman's World"
    • Natalie Imbruglia - "Torn"
    • Evanescence - "Bring Me to Life"

    Other favorite things[edit]

    Other gubbins[edit]

    Gallery of stuff[edit]

    References[edit]

    Notes[edit]

    1. Bans discrimination in hiring and employment based on sexual orientation and gender identity.
    2. Probably the only remotely "right-wing" view I have.
    3. However, I hate the NRA's guts and I see almost every single other gun rights activist as insufferable.
    4. The Supreme Court ruling did not fully eliminate it.
    5. 45% estate tax between $3.5 million and $10 million, 50% on $10 million to $50 million, 55% on $50 million to $1 billion, and 77% on $1 billion and over.
    6. 2% wealth tax on households with net worths for $50 million, a 3% wealth tax on those with a net worth of over $1 billion.
    7. All government documents and proceedings are accessible to the public.
    8. Move the Coast Guard back to the Department of Transportation.
    9. Return FEMA to its state as a independent agency.
    10. "I LIVE LIKE A CAPITALIST EVERY SINGLE DAY, CENK!!"