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Rudy Giuliani

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Hail to the Chief?
Persons of interest
And my attitude about my legacy is Fuck it!
—Rudy Giuliani in 2019[1]
Conservatives all nodded when Rudy Giuliani said, “I do not believe that President Obama loves America.” As opposed to Giuliani, who happened to be mayor on 9/11, so that made him America’s Mayor, a hero whose great act of heroism was “nothing fell on his head.” To paraphrase Donald Trump, I like mayors who don't let towers collapse.
Bill Maher[2]
Truth isn’t truth.
—Giuliani defending his client, Donald Trump on NBC[3]

Rudolph "Rudy" Giuliani[4] (1944–) is a former Republican Mayor of New York City, one-time World Hero, and one of the more hopeless candidates in the 2008 Presidential election. Before 9/11, he was best-known for dressing up in drag locking mafia boss John Gotti up and throwing away the key.

Like a bad case of groin rash, he resurfaces every 4 years to pontificate about America-haters.[5]


Giuliani ordinarily wouldn't have stood a chance in such a heavily Democratic city, but a combination of a sky-high crime rate and ridiculous corruption in the state Democratic Party in the early 1990s meant there was something of an appetite for change. But even then, he would likely have gone down in flames but for a ballot initiative on Staten Island secession that year; this drew an unusual number of voters from said borough (which is somewhat more Republican-leaning than the rest of the city) and led him to a narrow victory over incumbent David Dinkins.

Essentially a fiscal conservative, but socially liberal on issues such as abortion and gay rights. (Giuliani started as a Democrat, and has been a Republican only since the 1980s.) Under his stewardship, the gentrification of New York City began in earnest. While some unambiguously good things came of this, notably his breaking the nearly century-long stranglehold organized crime had on the Fulton Fish MarketWikipedia, Giuliani told his officers to ramp up use of force against vagrants, street vendors, and streetwalkers, even arresting them for jaywalking. Even the thing he gets the most universal credit for, getting the infamous squeegee men off the streets (which actually was was a significant problem on many levels), really happened months before he took office and (by his own admission) had nothing to do with him.

He wasn't well liked and, after a string of sex scandals and the unprovoked shooting of Amadou Diallo — in which NYPD officers unloaded 41 bullets on an immigrant outside his home (all four officers walked) — he knew he would never be remembered as one of the great mayors.

September 11th happened. Rudy was a media darling for a while,[6] and his book became a best-seller. Then he decided to run for President and remind everyone why they disliked him. Regrettably, his campaign was hijacked by the American Taliban, morphing him into a kind of proto-Palin. Since then, he's stopped talking sense altogether, endorsing all manner of far-right fundie nutcases.


There are only three things he says in a sentence: A noun, a verb, and 9/11.
Joe Biden

You kind of feel bad for him, because cancer took away a senate seat that should've been his. And the sad thing is, he could've been President if the election were held in the days after the WTC attacks. The proffered seat denied was what darkened Rudy's soul, and convinced him to milk 9/11 as the basis of his career.

It wasn't just the cancer that made him drop out of the senate race. He also had an affair with Judy Rankin and then publicly put his wife through the wringer in the divorce process. So...the sympathy only goes so far there.

Why he should never be president[edit]

Freedom is not a concept in which people can do anything they want, be anything they can be. Freedom is about authority. Freedom is about the willingness of every single human being to cede to lawful authority a great deal of discretion about what you do.[7][8]

This may be contrasted with Benjamin Franklin's famous quote:

They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety.[9]

During the 2008 campaign, Rudy wanted to use "Rudie Can't Fail" by The Clash as his theme song. A rudie is a "rude boy", Jamaican and British slang for young Jamaicans who are stereotyped as irresponsible hoodlums. "Rudie Can't Fail" is a punk-reggae song celebrating said irresponsible living.


His strategy for the election was to do nothing until Florida voted. And crowing about how he single-highhandedly saved the world on 9/11. (Continuously.) Unfortunately, that didn't work at all.[10] In fact, it ended up with Giuliani becoming one of the first candidates to drop from the race, which he did on January 30, 2008. Moral: Don't ignore Iowa, New Hampshire, Nevada, Wyoming, and South Carolina, even if they are the "flyovers."

Gentlemen, you can't fight in here[edit]

After dropping out, Giuliani endorsed McCain, possibly to try and angle for the VP slot (which didn't happen). Later, in a feeble attempt to try for both President and Vice-President, Giuliani and another also-ran decided to make trouble at the Democratic National Convention:[11] They established an on-site "war room" to grab media attention and spew nonsense about the Obama campaign. Just like their respective campaigns, this was a laughable failure.

That which is not alive cannot die[edit]

So when [Trump] first announced it, he said, "Muslim ban." He called me up. He said, "Put a commission together. Show me the right way to do it legally."

Giuliani never gives up, evidenced by the fact that it was possible to contribute to his 2008 primary bid some time after the election.[13] It remains possible as of 2010 As of May 12, 2011, it seems that his primary bid website is finally offline, in the sense of "the server's still there but empty of content." As of 2015, it is no longer a website.

Ghoulinani's name came up in speculations about Trump's pick for Attorney General, or even Secretary of State. They have Rudy on tape talking about having tricks up their sleeve and laughing maniacally, two days before the FBI letter blew Hillary Clinton's campaign out of the water.[14] In addition, Rudy has Putin connections.[15] Trump didn't appreciate Rudy almost blowing their cover and gave him the axe. "It didn't work out," said Rudy, wistfully looking at a phone which never rings.[16]

Well, at least he's not keeping Rudy on in a "cybersecurity" job — excuse me? [whispers] …what? [whispers] Oh for fuck's sake.[17][18][19]

Team Trump: World Police[edit]

Giuliani has finally wormed his way into an actual position (sort of) in the Trump Administration when it was announced in April 2018 that he would be the new lead counsel on the team representing Trump in the ongoing federal probe into Russia's election interference.[20] While working as Trump's attorney, Giuliani admitted that he has not registered as lobbyist for foreign governments, a violation of the Foreign Agent Registration Act (FARA), which can result in a 5-year prison sentence and $10,000 fine, though it is rarely prosecuted.[21] Giuliani has clients from Brazil and Colombia.[21] More alarmingly, Giuliani represents the city of Kharkiv, Ukraine, whose mayor belongs to the pro-Russia Party of Regions, as well as the Mujahideen-e-Khalq,Wikipedia which advocates the violent overthrow of the Iranian government.[21]

A whistleblower came forward in September 2019 reporting that Trump himself and through his lawyer, Giuliani, had been attempting to put Trump's personal interests before that of the United States,[22] an impeachable offense.[23] In defending these actions,to get Ukraine to meddle in the 2020 US presidential election on behalf of Trump, Giuliani insinuated that the whistleblower is part of the deep state conspiracy theory.[24]

See also[edit]


External links[edit]


  1. A Conversation With Rudy Giuliani Over Bloody Marys at the Mark Hotel by Olivia Nuzzi (December 23, 2019) New York Magazine.
  3. Giuliani: ‘Truth isn’t truth’ by Rebecca Morin & David Cohen (08/19/2018 10:27 AM EDT; Updated 08/19/2018 12:30 PM EDT) Politico.
  4. "Biden: Rudy's Sentences Consist Of 'A Noun, A Verb, And 9/11'"HuffPo.
  5. McDermott, Maeve, "Rudy Giuliani calls Beyonce's Super Bowl performance 'attack' on cops", USA Today (8:52 a.m. EST February 9, 2016).
  6. Zajac, Andrew, "Giuliani speaking fees draw scrutiny", Chicago Tribune 2.02.07.
  7. What New Yorkers know about Rudy Giuliani that Coloradans should
  8. New York Times' transcript of speech
  9. Memoirs of the life and writings of Benjamin Franklin
  11. Sullivan, Andy, "Giuliani and Romney to crash Democrats' Denver party", Reuters (8/21/08 at 1:42pm EDT)
  12. Wang, Amy B., "Trump asked for a ‘Muslim ban,’ Giuliani says — and ordered a commission to do it ‘legally’", WaPo 1.29.17.
  14. Barrett, Wade, "Meet Donald Trump’s Top FBI Fanboy", Daily Beast (11/02/16 at 9:03 PM ET).
  15. Mark Landler, Eric Lipton and Jo Becker, "Rudolph Giuliani’s Business Ties Viewed as Red Flag for Secretary of State Job", NYT 11.15.16.
  16. Savransky, Rebecca, "Giuliani: Administration job 'just didn't work out'", The Hill (12/21/16 08:24 AM EST).
  17. Brennan, Christopher, "Tech experts slam vulnerable Giuliani website after he is picked to be cybersecurity czar", NY Daily News (Updated 1/13/17 at 8:07 PM).
  18. [1] "Rudy's security in a nutshell"
  20. Robert Costa, Josh Dawsey and Rosalind S. Helderman, "Trump hires Giuliani, two other attorneys amid mounting legal turmoil over Russia", Washington Post, April 19, 2018
  21. 21.0 21.1 21.2 Giuliani works for foreign clients while serving as Trump’s attorney by Josh Dawsey, Tom Hamburger & Ashley Parker (July 10, 2018 at 6:00 AM) The Washington Post.
  22. How Trump and Giuliani pressured Ukraine to investigate the president’s rivals by Josh Dawsey et al. (September 20, 2019 at 8:24 p.m. PDT) The Washington Post.
  23. Trump has done plenty to warrant impeachment. But the Ukraine allegations are over the top. by George T. Conway III and Neal Katyal (September 20, 2019 at 4:56 p.m. PDT) The Washington Post.
  24. Rudy Giuliani's remarkable Ukraine interview, annotated by Aaron Blake (September 20, 2019 at 7:44 a.m. PDT) The Washington Post.