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Fun:The world as a RationalWiki talk page

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Current/Recent Events[edit]

U.S.[edit]

Trump's Presidency[edit]

U.S. States[edit]

I'm the one who gets to start this thread, because I have Silicon Valley!-California 21:39, 27 August 2016 (UTC)

Whatever. I have all the good Ivy Leagues.-Massachusetts 21:41, 27 August 2016 (UTC)
What's up y'all? I'm here to kick ass and drink some beer...and I'm all out of beer.-Texas 21:43, 27 August 2016 (UTC)
Oh no, not Texas again!-California 21:43, 27 August 2016 (UTC)
You liberal commie state! Sometimes I wish I could separate from the Union again!-South Carolina 21:45, 27 August 2016 (UTC)
Just do it already! We're sick and tired of financing your welfare queen ass - New Jersey 14:24, 29 August 2016 (UTC)

I'll stay out of this and eat some coconuts.-Hawaii 21:46, 27 August 2016 (UTC)

I would interfere, but I'm being attacked by a hurricane. Again.-Louisiana 01:37, 29 August 2016 (UTC)
As long as you leave my maple syrup alone and don't gentrify my small towns, we're fine. - Vermont 14:24, 29 August 2016 (UTC)
Hello from one of the most expensive states to live in!-New York 17:15, 3 September 2016 (UTC)
Show off!-Rhode Island 17:15, 3 September 2016 (UTC)

Too many evil heathens on this thread. WAKE UP, REPENT!-Jesusland 17:17, 3 September 2016 (UTC)

Shut up, you watch my movies and beat off to my porn just the same - California 16:41, 4 September 2016 (UTC)
California girls, we're unforgettable!-Katy PerryWikipedia's W.svg 02:55, 6 September 2016 (UTC)
Go Jesusland! The Bing Bang theory is wrong!-Justin Bieber 02:58, 6 September 2016 (UTC)
Can someone please kill him - Dave GrohlWikipedia's W.svg 00:32, 17 September 2016 (UTC)

What side to join? I'm so divided (demographically)!-Florida 22:21, 16 September 2016 (UTC)

Tell me about it. I am Philly in the East, Pittsburgh in the West and Kentucky in between. - Pennsylvania 00:30, 17 September 2016 (UTC)
So the part of you that does not throw beer bottles at Santa or drones on about Six Super Bowls in the stone age is even more obnoxious? Why did we let you join the Union? - Oregon 00:33, 17 September 2016 (UTC)
We were the Union before you even cut down your first tree. So shut your whore mouth or we'll sell you back to the British, rainy hellhole. - Pennsylvania 00:35, 17 September 2016 (UTC)

Hey, can I rejoin this thre-OH NO ANOTHER HURRICANE!-Louisiana 01:56, 21 September 2016 (UTC)

The hurricane is punishment from God!-Religious extremists 01:57, 21 September 2016 (UTC)
Nah, it's punishment for BountygateWikipedia's W.svg - Roger Goodell 17:51, 21 September 2016 (UTC)
Wait, the NFL can do that? - (insert funny person / group here) 18:30, 21 September 2016 (UTC)
Of course we can. That's one of our simpler super powers. - Roger Goodell 17:52, 21 September 2016 (UTC)

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!-The World 22:40, 27 September 2016 (UTC)

I have one of the lowest religious rates in the US, and I can tell you, we're not going anywhere anytime soon.-California 21:36, 28 September 2016 (UTC)
Ahhhhh! Evil heathens are coming. Atheists will ruin the world!1111-Fundamentalists 21:38, 28 September 2016 (UTC)
Nah nah na nah nah I can't hear you!-Atheists 21:39, 28 September 2016 (UTC)
Can we sell California back to the Spanish?-Texas 21:41, 28 September 2016 (UTC)
Facepalm.png - history teachers everywhere 21:46, 28 September 2016 (UTC)
Whoops...too much beer.-Texas 01:58, 30 September 2016 (UTC)
Did you misspell meth right there? - Alabama 22:04, 30 September 2016 (UTC)
Pot, kettle, black - Minnesota 22:05, 30 September 2016 (UTC)

──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────── Why do so many of us live in Texas?-Mexicans 22:31, 30 September 2016 (UTC)

Move to California, there are a lot of us here too-Mexicans in California 22:32, 30 September 2016 (UTC)
Or here.-Arizona 22:33, 30 September 2016 (UTC)
Don't forget about me!-New Mexico 22:34, 30 September 2016 (UTC)
But those are dirty brown Mexicans - racist white Latinos in Texas 22:42, 30 September 2016 (UTC)
I also have racist white Latinos! Why should Texas get all the credit?-Florida 22:10, 1 October 2016 (UTC)
'Cause we drink the most beer!-Texas 22:11, 1 October 2016 (UTC)
???-Washington 22:12, 1 October 2016 (UTC)

God's wrath will be upon everyone who doesn't believe us-Bible Belt States 22:16, 1 October 2016 (UTC)

That's not true! I'm too busy not existing!-God 22:16, 1 October 2016 (UTC)
Goodpost.gif-Atheists 22:17, 1 October 2016 (UTC)
I also have a bible belt - the Netherlands 23:35, 1 October 2016 (UTC)
Shut up, Holland. - Georgia 23:36, 1 October 2016 (UTC)
I am not Holland - Province of Limburg, the Netherlands 23:36, 1 October 2016 (UTC)
Who invited the cheeseheads? - Texas 23:38, 1 October 2016 (UTC)
His holiness Vince LombardiWikipedia's W.svg, namesake of the trophy named in his honor, serial champion of the NFL and hero of Green Bay Wisconsin bow to our rings, you were saying? - Wisconsin 23:39, 1 October 2016 (UTC)
Ugh. I am tired of those Football jokes. - Texas 23:40, 1 October 2016 (UTC)
Texas, tired of Football? I am getting season tickets for the Cubs, this year they're gonna do it! - Chicago 23:41, 1 October 2016 (UTC)
Now we are on to Baseball? - Wyoming 23:42, 1 October 2016 (UTC)
Yay, Baseball! やきゅう for life! Go ballgame! - Japan 23:43, 1 October 2016 (UTC)
Wyoming, as long as you don't have a single major league team in any sport, you don't get to talk shit about sports. - California, state with the most Major League professional sports teams 23:47, 1 October 2016 (UTC)

Common Core is brainwashing our kids! We should be teaching intelijunt dezine!-Texas 00:06, 2 October 2016 (UTC)

F*** off, you're editing under the influence-Virginia 00:08, 2 October 2016 (UTC)
Well at least I still have some influence. You last mattered when Ullysses S. Grant burned your sorry asses to the ground. - Texas 15:28, 2 October 2016 (UTC)
Hey, it was I who got burned down, also it was William Tecumseh Sherman (cursed be his Yankee name) who did the burning - Georgia 16:04, 2 October 2016 (UTC)
Common Core still sucks though.-Students everywhere in the USA 18:19, 2 October 2016 (UTC)
No, it is our underfunded public schools while the billionaire class is getting yuuuuge tax breaks. Bernard Sanders of Burlington, Vermont 19:57, 9 October 2016 (UTC)
He's a socialist 1111!!!!!1111!!!! - Faux Noise 19:58, 9 October 2016 (UTC)
Yes I am. - Bernard Sanders of Burlington, Vermont 20:00, 9 October 2016 (UTC)
We loooooooveee youuuu! - millenials 20:01, 9 October 2016 (UTC)

Hey this is supposed to be about states! So shut the fuck up. - New Jersey 20:02, 9 October 2016 (UTC)

I am pretty much shattered at this point - The Fourth Wall 20:02, 9 October 2016 (UTC)
I have a crazy theory, what if we're all part of a thread on a website called RationalWiki?-Nevada 02:00, 11 October 2016 (UTC)
Quit with your conspiracy theories!-New Mexico 02:00, 11 October 2016 (UTC)
A thread on a website called RationalWiki? Well, that's different... I think we should all just calm down, throw a potluck, eat some hotdish, and engage in polite conversation (we can hold everything against each other forever later).-Minnesota 02:14, 11 October 2016 (UTC)
Not fight each other? Hmmm....-U.S. States 23:56, 3 November 2016 (UTC)
Nah! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!-U.S. States 23:59, 3 November 2016 (UTC)
Screw this, I'm outta hereWikipedia's W.svg - The largest and richest state in the Union 23:42, 27 November 2016 (UTC)
Secession? Don't get cute with me. - Texas 23:43, 27 November 2016 (UTC)
Ahem. - History teachers 23:43, 27 November 2016 (UTC)
AHEM INDEED - Keith Olbermann 23:44, 27 November 2016 (UTC)

Can we join Calexit too and form #WestCoastExit?-Oregon and Washington 23:49, 27 November 2016 (UTC)

Don't leave us out - Nevada 00:22, 28 November 2016 (UTC)
New England demands to be included.-New England 00:56, 28 November 2016 (UTC)
Only if you kick out Tom Brady - Seattle 03:18, 28 November 2016 (UTC)

Syria[edit]

Oh, look at those revolutions over there! Maybe we should revolt against the system and reclaim our country from Assad and the Rafidi scum political elite! -Sunni Syrian People 02:19, 2 February 2011 (UTC)

Really? What are your proposed reforms? Also, I won the elections so shut the fuck up -Assad 08:11, 18 February 2011 (UTC)
Well, we want you to resign, the Shias out of government, free democratic elections, better public systems, and the Ba'ath Party out of power. -Sunni Syrian People 04:17, 23 February 2011 (UTC)
Oh Allah, not the Muslim Brotherhood again. Guards! Get all unauthorized protests off the streets! kill them -Assad 05:03 6 March 2011 (UTC)
Ok, we'll shoot them, use tanks, and that stuff then. -Syrian Army/underlings 07:21, 12 March 2011 (UTC)
No! That's not what I meant.-Assad 09:34, 28 March 2011 (UTC)
Arggh! Evil criminal Assad! Down with Assad! Free Syria! -Sunni Syrian People 6:31, 7 April 2011 (UTC)
What's this? They're taking up arms?! I'm getting army defections! Go after them! Use tanks, whatever you need to do. I was right, Muslim Brotherhood terrorists... -Assad 7:23, 25 April 2011 (UTC)
Oh! Look at this! Sunnis rising up against a Shia government! Let's give guns and supplies to Sunni mercenaries so they can kill Shia soldiers! Maybe we'll get a friendly puppet state out of it, too! -Turkey, Saudi Arabia, Jordan 7:23, 30 June 2011 (UTC)
An opportunity to fight against the evil Shia and Christians, and retake land for the Ummah? Great! Let's go in! -al-Qaeda 04:18, 15 November 2011 (UTC)
The Syrian people are rising up against the regime, demanding democracy and that Assad step down. -NBC, FOX, CNN, ABC, CBS 05:11, 28 December 2011 (UTC)
We will provide nonlethal aid to the Syrian rebels so this Russian puppet-state will fall and we can cut off Hezbollah, form an oil puppet-state, and get another Sunni ally in the Middle-East. -America 06:45, 28 January 2012
Screw this, we're arming Assad to the teeth and promising him veto power at the UN. There has never been an anti US dictator we didn't like -Russia 07:21, 22 March 2012
OH no! We lodge a formal complaint and declare a ceasefire with utterly no teeth or enforcement mechanism whatsoever! We're so great! -United Nations 07:56, 12 April 2012
LOL -Assad 07:24, 22 April 2012

Sir, the terrorists are getting supply lines from Jordan and Turkey, and they're beginning to operate artillery, command centers, and training grounds. Should we bomb? -Syrian Air Force 07:56, 17 July 2012

Go ahead! Bomb them! Do whatever is necessary! -Assad 04:47, 21 July 2012
Evil Assad is bombing his own people! We must do something! -Western Media 06:31, 6 August 2012
(Various violent fights over large areas) 9 August-18 November 2012

It's now or never people! Independent Kurdistan! Let's rebel and start our own region! -Kurds 06:19, 24 November 2012

I'll deal with you later, hippies. -Assad 05:36, 29 November 2012
Fight the evil atheist Kurds! They are subhuman infidels! -Syrian rebels 08:42, 14 January 2013
(curbstomps rebels despite having less experience and supplies) -Kurds 07:58, 19 January 2013
Evil atheists have betrayed the Syrian Revolution! When we win you will pay! -Syrian rebels 09:25, 21 January 2013
Hahaha! Keep it up Kurds! Keep fighting the rebels! Here, I won't bomb you. My air force is too overextended anyway. -Assad 06:51, 27 January 2013
Actually, we don't like you very much since you declared all Kurds noncitizens and stripped us of the right to form political organizations and all that Oops, did we say that out loud? -Kurds 07:58, 19 January 2013
Huh? Let me shell your neighborhoods and fight you. How you like them apples? Oh wait, you're winning against me. Gaah. -Assad 07:03, 8 February 2013
Hah! Eat that, Ba'athists! A bunch of young men with AKs just beat tanks and APCs! -Kurds 09:28, 11 March 2013

We're Shia, and you're Shia, and we don't like these Sunni rebels very much seeing as they've killed innocent Shia civilians, so, yeah, we're going to help you out. -Hezbollah 08:22, 27 March 2013

Cool! Help me take out these rebels over here in this area! -Assad 08:26, 18 April 2013
Huh? Hezbollah is siding with Assad? Ok, let's provide weapons and supplies to the rebels, and hospital care to al-Qaeda fighters along our border. Great idea! Anything to stop those evil Iran-aligned Shias! -Israel 07:34, 29 April 2013
Jews are behind the rebels in Syria. The whole thing was a false flag! -Iranian Media, -Alex Jones 06:11, 29 April 2013

So... ummm... Interesting Email y'all have been sending in back channels. It would be a shame if someone were to publish them - WikiLeaks 17:55, 17 August 2016 (UTC)

He's a doxer! Stop him!
Onozomg.gif - Russia 17:55, 17 August 2016 (UTC)
MWAHAHAHA!-WikiLeaks 23:24, 20 August 2016 (UTC)

China[edit]

Falkland conflict[edit]

Hey Britain, you imperialist murderous pigs give back Las Malvinas or I'll coop you! - Argentina 21:45, 13 August 2016 (UTC)

(sigh) Again? - Great Britain 21:51, 13 August 2016 (UTC)
Shut your whore mouth! All of America Latina is behind me! Give back the islands you colonizer! - Argentina 21:53, 13 August 2016 (UTC)
I am what? - Brazil 21:54, 13 August 2016 (UTC)
Everybody is always stabbing my back here! It's because of the anti-Argentina bias of this wiki! - Argentina 21:55, 13 August 2016 (UTC)
────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
Quite frankly, I don't care about those dirty rocks in the South Atlantic any more. Ever since I became one of the richest countries in the world, nationalism just looks petty to me —Argentina, 1884
- Great Britain 21:57, 13 August 2016 (UTC)
Ugh your ugly formatting and overuse of the outdent template is fucking annoying, Great. - United States of America 21:58, 13 August 2016 (UTC)
I never said that!!!! You are lying. You are always lying. Like you were with the sperm whale talk page. - Argentina 22:00, 13 August 2016 (UTC)
(edit conflict) For the last time, United, my name is not "Great". Calling myself that would not make any sense. - Great Britain 22:00, 13 August 2016 (UTC)
Whatever! I'll call you whatever I want, because I'm the USA and I'm #1!-United States of America 22:04, 13 August 2016 (UTC)

So will you hand over the illegally occupied Falkland islands, evil colonizer? - Argentina 23:51, 1 October 2016 (UTC)

I am increasingly convinced that what my good friend Argentina is doing is the equivalent of someone dialing the phone number of a former romantic partner while severely inebriated. There is no possible way this could succeed, yet the attempt is still made out of some vainglorious desperation. At any rate, I wish to inform you that I have expanded and enhanced my military presence in the South Atlantic just in case. - Great Britain 23:54, 1 October 2016 (UTC)
Che? - Argentina 23:54, 1 October 2016 (UTC)
I think Great just called you a pathetic loser who drunk dials his ex. - El Salvador 00:13, 16 November 2016 (UTC)
OHHH! ROASTED!!!-Earth 08:45, 27 November 2016 (UTC)

India / Pakistan[edit]

Well chaps, I am leaving you to independence. Tally ho! - Great Britain 22:51, 13 August 2016 (UTC)

Thanks, Great. I will found a peaceful state founded on the Hindu principle of... - Gandhi 23:01, 13 August 2016 (UTC)
You fucking WHAT? Hindu principles? Should I stone you or crucify you? - Muslim extremists 23:03, 13 August 2016 (UTC)
I have nothing against Muslims, my state shall be open to all, Muslim, Christian, Hindu - Gandhi 23:05, 13 August 2016 (UTC)
YOU FUCKING WHAT???? Giving our precious holy Hindu land to Muslim scum? Do you want to be shot now or later? - Hindu extremists 23:05, 13 August 2016 (UTC)

Screw this I'm outta here - Gandhi 23:07, 13 August 2016 (UTC)

Probably the first one to make true on a promise to LANCB - Hindsight 23:06, 13 August 2016 (UTC)

Okay, so apparently Muslims and Hindus don't want to live in the same state, what about we give each one state?

Did you really think having a state founded on religion is a good idea? - Hindsight 23:09, 13 August 2016 (UTC)
Okay! Dibs on Kashmir. - Pakistan 23:10, 13 August 2016 (UTC)
(edit conflict) Okay! Dibs on Kashmir. - India 23:10, 13 August 2016 (UTC)
Awkward this is - little green vaguely Asian mentor figure, totally not Yoda 13:37, 14 August 2016 (UTC)

Muahahahaha!!! I fight you now!!! -both sides

North Korea[edit]

Hail the Glorious Leader!-Kim Jong Un 03:56, 7 October 2016 (UTC)

Yeah!-North Koreans 22:59, 7 October 2016 (UTC)

We have the best science! We are going to fly to the sun!-Kim Jong Un 23:11, 7 October 2016 (UTC)

The sun is so hot. How will you not burn up?-Western Media 23:11, 7 October 2016 (UTC)
Simple....-Kim Jong Un 23:12, 7 October 2016 (UTC)
(room goes silent)...We will go there at night!-Kim Jong Un 23:13, 7 October 2016 (UTC)
YEAH!! ALL HAIL THE SUPREME LEADER!!-North Koreans 17:53, 8 October 2016 (UTC)
That's not very logical!-Western Journalist (last edited by the North Korean government) 01:56, 11 October 2016 (UTC)
Silly Kim Jong Un. At night there is no sun! STUPID!-Donald Trump (in a tweet) 21:57, 2 August 2017 (UTC)
  • Meanwhile, massive concentration camps kill Koreans while America and the West look on.

Help, I'm being held captive in a NK Prison glorious house!-Totally not a captured US national 20:08, 10 October 2016 (UTC)

All hail Kim Jong Un, the son of King Jong Il Healthy!-North Koreans 01:56, 11 October 2016 (UTC)
Dammit, why did I die before this turned into an actual trinity? - Christopher Hitchens 09:14, 11 October 2016 (UTC)
Hey, what was that about "leaving and never coming back"? - Jerry Falwell 09:15, 11 October 2016 (UTC)
Oh shut up. I trampled on your fucking grave, remember? - Christopher Hitchens 09:17, 11 October 2016 (UTC)

It is now time for the weekly listing of Kim Jong Un's accomplishments. On Monday, he found the cure for Ebola.-North Korean government 21:59, 23 October 2016 (UTC)

Woohoo!-North Koreans 22:00, 23 October 2016 (UTC)
On Tuesday, he captured all his enemies. On Wednesday, he flung them into space!-North Korean government 22:02, 23 October 2016 (UTC)
Retweet: North Korea supports Donald Trump - I am winning with Koreans! I am the bestest! My friend Vlad has told me so! - Donald Trump 23:37, 15 November 2016 (UTC)
Our glorious leader, the friend of all real Koreans continues the friendship and support of the legitimate government of all Korea. All hail maximo lider Donald J Trump - Breitbart 23:58, 15 November 2016 (UTC)
On Thursday, he cured AIDS and the common cold.-North Korean government 23:28, 18 November 2016 (UTC)
On Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, he destroyed America!-NK government 23:30, 18 November 2016 (UTC)

────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────Clap clap clap clap!-North Koreans 23:31, 18 November 2016 (UTC)

If you guys don't clap louder, I will kill you all!-Kim Jong Un 23:33, 18 November 2016 (UTC)
CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP!-North Koreans 23:34, 18 November 2016 (UTC)
BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM!-Tanks 23:38, 18 November 2016 (UTC)

I have nukes now? Yay, new toys!-Kim Jong Un 22:43, 2 August 2017 (UTC)

Can't we all get along?-The World 00:44, 20 November 2017 (UTC)
Actually, I agree with the Donald on one thing when it comes to nuking: America First!-Kim Jong Un 00:50, 20 November 2017 (UTC)

Past Events[edit]

World War II[edit]

My Fascist movement has gained power in Italy!-Benito Mussolini 1925 (UTC)

Fellow Germans! Let us start ze Third Reich!1!-Adolf Hitler 1933 (UTC)
Jawohl, mein Führer1-Germans 21:19, 1933 (UTC)
Neeeeeeeiiiiinnn!!!!11-Hindsight 22:41, 13 August 2016 (UTC)
Hey Austria, wanna come Heim ins Reich? - Germany 01:05, 14 March 1938 (UTC)
Yeah! Awesome! Anschluss! uuuuiiiiii!!!111!!!! - Austria 01:05, 14 March 1938 (UTC)
I never said that. You are mean to me. Tell Russia to leave alone my Vienna suburbs - Austria 01:06, 14 May 1945 (UTC)
Can I join the SS? - Kurt WaldheimWikipedia's W.svg 01:08, 14 March 1938 (UTC)
No. Only your horse - The SSWikipedia's W.svg 01:08, 14 March 1938 (UTC)

Hey Czechoslovakia, you're mine now! - Adolf Hitler 23:38, 15 March 1939 (UTC)

Uuuhhhmmm Britain, you promised to protect me, remember? You wanna step in and help me? - Czechoslovakia 23:38, 11 October 1939 (UTC)
Nah, just let the good uncle Dolf invade you. For peace in our time. - Neville Chamberlain 23:40, 11 October 1939 (UTC)
Whatever Britain says, I am way too internally divided to have an independent foreign policy right now - France 23:41, 11 October 1939 (UTC)
Well, let's shelf our assassination plans, then - several high-ranking Wehrmacht officers 23:41, 11 October 1939 (UTC)

1939[edit]

Hey Poland! Prepare to be assimilated! Resistance is futile!-Germany 22:47, 1 September 1939 (UTC)

Hey France, a little help here?-Poland 23:00, 1 September 1939 (UTC)
Hey Germany, stop or else!-Great Britain 23:01, 3 September 1939 (UTC)
I think I'll pick...else!-Germany 23:02, 1939 (UTC)
Hey France, your help sucked!-Poland 23:06, 1939 (UTC)
Oops. Hey Britain, you wanna form an alliance?-France 23:09, September 1939 (UTC)
Sure.-Great Britain 23:12, September 1939
We're joining the alliance too!-Australia 23:14, 3 September 1939 (UTC)
By we, Australia meant us too.-New Zealand 23:16, 3 September 1939 (UTC)
We're joining.-South Africa 23:19, 6 September 1939 (UTC)
No you're not! - Afrikaner 23:24, 6 September 1939 (UTC)
Shut up, you don't rule South Africa - Great Britain 23:25, 6 September 1939 (UTC)
Yet... - Afrikaner 23:25, 6 September 1939 (UTC)
We really shoulda paid attention just there - Hindsight 23:37, 13 August 2016 (UTC)

Woooooo!-Great Britain 23:23, 6 September 1939 (UTC)

Woooooo!-France 23:23, 6 September 1939 (UTC)

I'm joining. It's time to block war Nazi Germany out of this wiki!-Canada 23:23, 10 September 1939 (UTC)
Hey Germany! You're going down!-The Allies 23:23, 10 September 1939 (UTC)
Well guess what? I'm sending U-boats against all of you!-Germany 23:34, 10 September 1939 (UTC)

Hey Japan, wanna join?-Germany 23:43, 10 September 1939 (UTC)

Sure.-Japan 00:02, 10 September 1939 (UTC)
Hey Japan, I'll join your side if you promise to stop fighting me.-Soviet Union 00:18, 17 September 1939 (UTC)
K. I'm sure this will be a lasting alliance.-Japan 00:21, 17 September 1939 (UTC)
Lol, yeah right. -Hindsight 00:23, 14 August 2016 (UTC)

Wow, things could not get any worse. We're being pounded with German Panzer I tanks!-Poland 01:09, 17 September 1939 (UTC)

I have an idea! I'll invade Poland from the east!-Soviet Union 01:09, 17 September 1939 (UTC)
Why cruel world?-Poland 01:46, 17 September 1939 (UTC)
I don't know, maybe look at your national anthem. It kinda has "eternal victim of world history" written all over it. And of course weird shit about Napoleon - The World 02:10, 14 August 2016 (UTC)

Surrender yet, Poland?-Germany 02:19, 27 September 1939 (UTC)

Yep.-Poland 02:19, 27 September 1939 (UTC)

Hey Britain and France, if you give up I, ze Supreme Fuhrer, won't attack you!-Adolf Hitler 02:26, 6 October 1939 (UTC)

Never!-Neville Chamberlain 06:05, 12 October 1939 (UTC)
Ok then, I'm invading France!-Adolf Hitler 06:07, 12 October 1939 (UTC)
Not on my watch. I've blocked you from invading France until I feel like unblocking you. But of course you can still invade other countries.-The Weather 06:11, 12 October 1939 (UTC)

Should I interfere?...Nah.-Italy 06:13, 1939 (UTC)

I'm not gonna join, but Japan is not getting any materials from us.-United States of America 06:15, 1939 (UTC)
Has anyone noticed I'm still under Japan's control?-China 06:17, 1939 (UTC)
Shut up, China! It's not like you'll ever be a global superpower! Besides, you aren't even sysop-Japan 06:18, 1939 (UTC)
Trust me, you have no idea how powerful China's gonna become.-Hindsight 06:24, 14 August 2016 (UTC)

1940[edit]

I'm invading Finland.-Soviet Union 06:24, November 1939 (UTC)

Good! We'll take Denmark and Norway!-Germany 06:24, April 1940 (UTC)
Well, yeah, whatever, just leave our Jews alone and don't park on the bike lane - Denmark 13:39, 14 August 2016 (UTC)
I'm also taking Estonia, Latvia, and Lithuania.-Soviet Union 06:24, June 1940 (UTC)

Hey supreme command, you feel like attacking the Germans any time soon? - Charles de GaulleWikipedia's W.svg 13:42, 14 August 2016 (UTC)

Nah, we're good. We have impenetrable fortresses along the whole border with Germany and the uncrossable Ardennes along the border with Belgium. No cause for concern, we just sit here and wait them out - France 13:42, 14 August 2016 (UTC)
Hey I just got sysop, am I doing this right? I am kind of new to this all. - ŧanks - 13:53 May 1940
OH MY GOD, You just deleted France - The World - 13:55 May 1940
Oopsie. I don't know my own strength - ŧanks - 14:01 May 1940
AHHHHH!!!!! Fix it. Fix it. Fix it. Fix it. - France - 14:03 May 1940 (UTC)
Well, I don't know, I could give you some ships? - Great Britain - 15:10 May 1940 (UTC)
BTW, I'm in charge of Britain now.-Winston Churchill 17:36, 10 May 1940 (UTC)
You are fucking useless, Great. Why did I ever reelect you for mod the last time around? - United States of America 15:11 May 1940 (UTC)
Don't call me "Great", United. Also, sitting on the sidelines and making smug commentary is easy. How about you intervene in this edit war? - Great Britain - 16:11 May 1940 (UTC)
Ok, I've increased protection for Greenland.-United States of America 16:16, May 1940 (UTC)

Hey Japan! You're not getting any aviation gasoline from us anymore!-United States of America 16:19, July 1940 (UTC)

That's it. Germany&Italy, let's form the Axis Powers!-Japan 18:17, September 1940(UTC)
Can we join the Axis Powers too?-Hungary, Slovakia, and Romania 18:21, November 1940 (UTC)
Sure.-The Axis Powers 20:05, November 1940 (UTC)

Egypt! Prepare to be assimilated! Resistance is...-Italy 20:10, November 1940 (UTC)

Uh..we already used dat joke.-Germany 20:12, November 1940 (UTC)
Humor is no joking matter with you, is it? - Switzerland 23:16, 1940 (UTC)
Unbeknownst to Hitler, I've started the Greco-Italian War because I'm jealous of his success. Unfortunately, I seem to be losing...-Benito Mussolini 20:16, November 1940 (UTC)

The Netherlands shall feel the wrath of our blitzkrieg! Heil Hitler!-Germany 23:24, 1940 (UTC)

Errr.... I surrender, I guess? - Netherlands 23:31, 1940 (UTC)
(Edit conflict) bomb the shit out of Rotterdam!!!!111!!!!! - Germany 23:32, 1940 (UTC)
What did you do that for? - Netherlands 23:33, 1940 (UTC)
Err... Sorry... I am not actually sorry, I actually wanted to see the full might of my shiny new Luftwaffe and you idiot just surrendered too fast for your own good How can I take that back? - Germany 23:34, 1940 (UTC)
You CAN'T take it back. Rotterdam was one of my best articles. Who the fuck gave you mod powers? -Netherlands 23:36, 1940 (UTC)
That would be us - The League of NationsWikipedia's W.svg 23:36, 1940 (UTC)
Your fucking useless, The League - United States of America 23:38, 1940 (UTC)
It's "You're"!!!!11111!!!! - Germany 23:38, 1940 (UTC)

1941[edit]

I'm bored. I think I'll go back on my promise and betray the Soviet Union. But then again, I don't really feel like invading right now.-Adolf Hitler 23:41, 18 December 1940 (UTC)

I've gotta come up with an excuse to invade...-Adolf Hitler 02:38, 18 December 1940 (UTC)
Hey Soviet Union, for plotting against us, we're betraying and invading you!-Germany 02:42, 22 June 1941 (UTC)

In Soviet Russia, we betray you!-Soviet Union 02:46, 22 June 1941 (UTC)

Note to self: Next time, trust but verify.-Soviet Union 02:49, 22 June 1941 (UTC)

Hey Great Britain, sorry for fighting against you. Can we be allies?-Soviet Union 02:55, July 1940 (UTC)

Sure thing, mate.-Great Britain 02:57, July 1940 (UTC)
Hey Iran, we're invading you!-Great Britain and Soviet Union 04:05, July 1940 (UTC)
Help?-Iran 05:16, July 1940 (UTC)
I could offer my services - Islamism 15:06, 29 August 1940 (UTC)
Fuck off! I'm not crazy like those Arabs. I am a modern and secular country. - Iran 15:07, 29 August 1940 (UTC)

OMG I think the tide of the war just shifted against our favor!-The Axis Powers 05:16, 5 December 1941 (UTC)

XDDDD-Soviet Union 05:16, 5 December 1941 (UTC)

Wow, relations with Japan couldn't be better...-USA 05:18, 7 December 1941 (UTC)

(edit conflict) Whoops...I deleted Pearl Harbor.-Japan 05:23, 7 December 1941 (UTC)
Nooooo! How could you? I worked so hard on it! This. Means. War!!!-USA 05:23, 7 December 1941 (UTC)
Way to go, Japan. (Sarcasm)-Hindsight 22:00, 7 December 1945 (UTC)
All hail I, the glorious leader of Japan!-Emperor Hirohito 22:00, 7 December 1941 (UTC)
Emperor, our plan has succeeded!-Hideki Tojo 20:40, 7 December 1941 (UTC)
Yeah, in the U.S. declaring war on the Axis Powers!-Franklin Delano Roosevelt 20:42, 8 December 1941 (UTC)
Hey! Only we have the authority to decide to go to war! But seriously we agree with you. -Congress 21:07, 19 August 2016 (UTC)

1942[edit]

Hey USA, we'd like a little help...-China 20:43, 1942 (UTC)

Since we hate Japan now, sure!-USA 20:45, 1942 (UTC)
I hope we won't be hated too, after all some of us have fought for the Allied side.-Japanese-Americans 20:46, 1942 (UTC)
You're all going to concentration internment camps!-Franklin Delano Roosevelt 20:48, 1942 (UTC)
What?! What crime did we ever commit?-Japanese-Americans 20:50, 1942 (UTC)
Being Japanese? Also, this is not a controversial matter, there are only a handful of naysayers on the far left, not like anybody would ever raise a stink about this-Franklin Delano Roosevelt 21:03, 1942 (UTC)
Ugh. duuuude Facepalm.png - Hindsight 21:05, 19 August 2016 (UTC) (UTC)
What are you talking about? We actually think this is a great idea. We will do the same with Muslims. - supporters of the Dear Leader 01:19, 27 November 2016 (UTC)

We all declare war on the U.S!-The Axis Powers 00:33, 1942 (UTC)

Whatever.-U.S. 00:33, 1942 (UTC)

Hey guess what? I've nearly conquered all of Burma, Malaya, Singapore, and the Dutch East Indies with my buddy Thailand! Seriously, The Allied side has to lay more attention to Asia.-Japan 21:13, April 1942 (UTC)

Actually I've been trying to repel you for like forever.-China 21:19, 1942 (UTC)
Ahh! What the ****! How did you Allied scum figure out I was going to invade Midway?-Japan 21:19, May 1942 (UTC),
Our codebreakers broke your naval code! Which - by the way - is terrible and runs on outdated software. -USA 21:21, May 1942 (UTC)
Yes! We win! Nobody will ever deny our accomplishment in winning the war! - Nerds 21:09, 9 September 2016 (UTC)

BURN!-The Allies 23:21, May 1942 (UTC)

Yay! I'm going to win Stalingrad!1 Heil Hitler111-Germany 02:53, November 1942 (UTC)

We'll see about that, German scum-Soviet Union 02:54, November 1942 (UTC)

1943[edit]

Oh, no! We're losing in Stalingrad and with it, the mighty 6th Army in its entirety!-Germany 23:04, February 1943 (UTC)

Surrender already, you morons!-Soviet Union 23:04, February 1943 (UTC)
Hey Paulus, you're a field marshal now, if you catch my drift...-Hitler 23:07, February 1943 (UTC)
Ugh. I am not gonna die for that former bohemian corporal - Field marshall Paulus 01:41, February 1943 (UTC)
Hey Marshal Zhukov, I surrender, I don't care on what terms, just get this shit over with - Field marshall Paulus 01:41, February 1943 (UTC)
Scheiße Scheiße Scheiße Scheiße Scheiße Scheiße Scheiße! - Hitler 01:39, February 1943 (UTC)

I'm starting the Combined Bomber Initiative. USA, you in?-Great Britain 23:11, 1943 (UTC)

Yup! I'll hit them during the day; you pound them at night. Let's do this! Hey Canada, let's go defeat the Japanese in the Aleutian Islands!-USA 23:17, May 1943 (UTC)
Woot woot! We're gonna win the war, eh. Sorry eh, didn't want to brag.-Canada 23:18, May 1943 (UTC)
You know that Japanese base, Rabaul? I'll help you capture it.-Australia 23:19, May 1943 (UTC)
Ditto.-New Zealand 01:41, May 1943 (UTC)
Notice how you seem to only exist as my lower appendix? - Australia 15:03, May 1943 (UTC)
Yeah, this really sucks, we should do something about it... - New Zealand 15:03, 27 May 1943 (UTC)
How about a ridiculously overblown sports rivalry? - Australia 15:03, 27 September 1950 (UTC)
Can I get in on it? - South Africa 15:03, 27 September 1950 (UTC)
Depends, do we count as "white"? - New Zealand 15:03, 27 September 1951 (UTC)
How about "honorary white"? - South Africa 15:03, 27 September 1952 (UTC)
I guess we can live with that (we really like rugby) - New Zealand 22:34, 27 September 1953 (UTC)
Fuck you we CAN NOT live with that - any person with any semblance of political awareness ever 22:37, 27 July 1981 (UTC)
Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! - World Media 22:39, 27 July 1981 (UTC)

──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────── We have Honorary AryansWikipedia's W.svg1!!-Adolf Hitler 22:26, 27 September 2016 (UTC)

That was weird-Hindsight 22:04, 1 October 2016 (UTC)

Time for another attack, we shall liquidate the Bolshevik bulge centered around the town of Kursk -Germany 22:08, 4 July 1943 (UTC)

Mein Führer, it is of profound indifference whether or not we capture Kursk. I suggest we conserve our resources for something else. -Heinz Gudarian 22:09, 4 July 1943 (UTC)
I'll sit here and do nothing, because I'm Soviet Russia!-Soviet Union 22:22, 4 July 1943 (UTC)
We lost again! How can this be?!-Adolf Hitler 22:23, 12 July 1943 (UTC)
It's about to get worse for you, Germany!-Great Britain 23:57, July 1943 (UTC)
No! You deleted Hamburg!-Germany 23:58, July 1943 (UTC)

Lucky me, I've been ignored by the Allies!-Italy 00:03, 3 September 1943 (UTC)

Let's invade Italy!-The Allies 00:03, 3 September 1943 (UTC)
Oh no!-Benito Mussolini 23:32, 4 September 1943 (UTC)
Relax, we'll save ya-Germany 23:32, 4 September 1943 (UTC)
Everyone relax! Field Marshal Albert Kesselring, Commander-in-Chief South, has arrived to save the day. -Smiling-Albert 23:36, 4 September 1943 (UTC)

My allies suck, I'll show them who's boss by capturing Changde in China, the easiest target ever!1-Japan 23:37, 2 November 1943 (UTC)

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!-China 23:40, 2 November 1943 (UTC)
You guys should just give up, you're outnumbered-Japan 23:42, 14 November 1943 (UTC)
DAFUQ?! Do you guys ever give up?-Japan 23:44, 14 November 1943 (UTC)
China is killing us. - Donald Trump 23:42, 11 October 2016 (UTC)

MWAHAHA! I've taken Changde!-Japan 23:45, 6 December 1943 (UTC)

We've broken into Deshan! House-to-house fightingWikipedia's W.svg rules!-China 01:40, 11 December 1943 (UTC)
Oh no! Retreat! Retreat!-Japan 01:42, 13 December 1943 (UTC)
Woooooot woooot!-History students 22:28, 17 October 2016 (UTC)
Whoa, the students are actually engaged in history!-Teachers 23:12, 15 November 2016 (UTC)

Hey USSR! Can you please declare war on Japan?-Winston Churchill 19:31, November 1943 (UTC)

Within 3 months after Germany surrenders, okay?-USSR 19:35, November 1943 (UTC)
Okay, fine.-Winston Churchill 19:38, November 1943 (UTC)
Hey this stopped being funny....anyone got any jokes?-People reading this 06:49, 8 April 2017 (UTC)

1944[edit]

Oh good, we escaped the concentration camp!-A small band of Jews 00:27, 21 July 1944 (UTC)

Attention test subjects, if you come back, you will be baked,and then there will be cake.-GLaDOS Sigmund Rascher 00:34, 21 July 1944 (UTC)

Hundred Years War[edit]

World War I[edit]

1914[edit]

Sarajevo, what a beautiful town to think about a new constitution for Austria-Hungary giving more rights to non-Austrians and non-Hungarians - Franz Ferdinand, heir apparent 20:39, 17 1914 (UTC)

There'll be something happening tonight! Be on the lookout! Balkan edit wars! (some random BoN) 20:42, 17 August 2016 (UTC)
Sarajevo, what a beautiful place to avenge the injustices done to my beloved Serbia by the treacherous Austrian oppressors. Their royal house will pay for what they have done! - Gavrilo Prinčip 20:40, 17 1914 (UTC)
Guys, could you look at google maps? I really don't know the streets of Sarajevo all that well - Franz Ferdinand's driver 20:41, 17 1914 (UTC)
My dear sir, you seem to have taken a wrong turn just there, mind turning around? - Franz Ferdinand, heir apparent 20:44, 17 August 2016 (UTC)
Oh sorry, your highness, I did not intend to. - Franz Ferdinand's driver 20:45, 17 1914 (UTC)

────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────SURPRISE! - Gavrilo Prinčip 20:47, 17 August 2016 (UTC)

You just deleted the account of Franz Ferdinand! As a member of the old guard, I am shocked and horrified at this behavior! Even the 1848 coop case did not stoop so low. I know, I was there. - Kaiser Franz Joseph 20:48, 17 1914 (UTC)
My dear friend, I assure you that I will stand by you no matter what and I will do whatever it takes to defend you in war or in peace. I give you a blank check, because I know I can trust you - Kaiser Wilhelm 20:49, 17 1914 (UTC)
Uh oh. - Hindsight 19:45, 9 October 2016 (UTC)
Serbia! You sent that Prinčip guy, didn't you? Honestly all those Tschuschen look the same to me with their ččč and žžž You will pay for that! I have a list of demands that you have to fulfill! If not... - Austria 20:50, 17 1914 (UTC)
I am terribly sorry for your loss, Austria. You must feel horrible after what you went through. Those criminals were acting on their own and must be brought to justice. Of course we can talk about everything and I will gladly fulfill your demands, however, there is this one point about the investigation being done by your police, can we please talk about that once more? - Serbia 20:52, 17 1914 (UTC)

GUIZE IF YOU MESS WITH MY BUDDY SERBIA IMMA RUSH B ON YOU AND MESS YOU UP! - Russia 21:02, 19 August 2016 (UTC)

Nicki, are you angry? Please write me an Email! We can sort this out like the old friends we are - Kaiser Wilhelm 21:03, 19 August 2016 (UTC)
Shut your boche mouth! France will stand by its old buddy Russia! - France 21:05, 19 August 2016 (UTC)
We wish to kindly inform you, that we have no quarrel with this, but would take unkindly to any violation of Belgian neutrality. This has been an agreement that was reached in lengthy debates and it has prevented many an edit war. I'd be saddened to see it go. Great Britain 21:07, 19 August 2016 (UTC)
Wass sagen Hoch da? - Germany 23:17, 26 August 2016 (UTC)

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! - Krupp 23:43, 26 September 2016 (UTC) Okay I am a giant crumbling empire and half my generals owe their rank to nepotism and birth. I better mobilize now lest I be surprised. - Russia 19:42, 9 October 2016 (UTC)

Oh no Russia is mobilizing! Our only military plan ever is based on Russia being too stupid slow to mobilize in time before we beat the French surrender cowards. What do we do now? - Germany 19:43, 9 October 2016 (UTC)
Anybody got popcorn? The situation in Europe looks fun to watch - United States 19:44, 9 October 2016 (UTC)
I got an idea! How about we circumvent the French defenses by going through Belgium? That way we can beat the French before Christmas! And then we deal with the Russians. - some genius in the German general staff 19:47, 9 October 2016 (UTC)
Err, I am not quite sure, but didn't Great Britain warn us not to do exactly that? Also, what exactly is our beef with the French again? I thought this was about Serbia. - the only sane man in the German Army HQ 19:48, 9 October 2016 (UTC)

I'm going to invade Serbia-Austria 21:04, 9 October 2016 (UTC)

Bible Stories[edit]

Noah's Ark[edit]

Look at all these sinful people! For some reason I can't just magick away their sin!-God 18:54, 27 November 2016 (UTC)

I think I'll drown them all! I'm totally an omnibenevolent god!-God 19:01, 27 November 2016 (UTC)
Does anyone else see the many holes in this story? Can't he just prevent sin in the first place?-Logic 19:04, 27 November 2016 (UTC)

I'll save Noah and his family. I'll make them build a boat and put two of every animal on it.-God 19:07, 27 November 2016 (UTC)

I'm totally omnipotent but I can't magick away sin or just magick the boat into existence. No contradictions here...-God 19:09, 27 November 2016 (UTC)
LOL this story is so stupid! How could anyone believe it?-Atheists 19:10, 27 November 2016 (UTC)
Not to mention all the incest - DNA experts 22:51, 27 November 2016 (UTC)

Uh God, there isn't enough wood around here in Iraq! Help here?-Noah 23:27, 27 November 2016 (UTC)

Errrm, actually, back in the day, the Middle East was quite forested, but various cultures decided to hack it all down for building material and firewood to smelt copper. Of course, all of this happened before and after 4004 BCE, so a creationist won't believe it, will he? - Science 03:17, 28 November 2016 (UTC)
Don't worry about it, the people writing this have no idea what logic is.-God 23:28, 27 November 2016 (UTC)
You said to take two of every kind and seven of every clean animal? The ark is getting awfully crowded!-Noah 23:32, 27 November 2016 (UTC)
Just take eggs or babies!-Kent Hovind 23:33, 27 November 2016 (UTC)
But I'm supposed to take an animal and its mate! Eggs/babies don't have mates!-Noah 23:36, 27 November 2016 (UTC)

Uh God? How am I supposed to feed all these animals? 2 elephants need 18000-36000 pounds of food and that's only for one month!-Noah 23:41, 27 November 2016 (UTC)

I'll randomly magick some food for you, or something. I totally couldn't use magic earlier because of "mysterious ways".-God 23:44, 27 November 2016 (UTC)
What about poop?-Noah 23:51, 27 November 2016 (UTC)
Also, where is the water coming from and where is it gonna go afterwards? xkcd 00:21, 28 November 2016 (UTC)
Magic! You should totally reject atheism because of this story.-God 00:58, 28 November 2016 (UTC)
LOL-Atheists 00:58, 28 November 2016 (UTC)

Alright Noah, I see you somehow managed to finish the boat. Get inside!-God 01:00, 28 November 2016 (UTC)

One more problem, God....-Noah 01:01, 28 November 2016 (UTC)
Ugh, what is it? I mean, I already know because I'm omniscient!-God 01:02, 28 November 2016 (UTC)
How is a wooden boat going to survive the rush of water?-Noah 01:04, 28 November 2016 (UTC)
Magic! That's the answer to everything!-God 01:04, 28 November 2016 (UTC)
  • Later..on the boat....
Uh, God...we're gonna drown!-Noah 01:14, 28 November 2016 (UTC)
No, you're not. I told you the boat would survive the sea!-God 01:17, 28 November 2016 (UTC)
Why'd you have us bring 3,106 species of termites on the boat?! We're gonna drown!-Noah 01:18, 28 November 2016 (UTC)
Om nom nom! The ark is tasty!-3,106 species of termites 23:51, 28 November 2016 (UTC)
Make that 3,105 species. I just stepped on one - Noah's son 02:36, 29 November 2016 (UTC)
Also I just stepped on a bunch of wood-boring beetles. I have no idea how many species I killed, I didn't have time to count all the beetles.-Noah's son 03:29, 29 November 2016 (UTC)
Also there's another problem! 6,000 species of bark beetles have burrowed into the ark and won't come out!-Noah 03:33, 29 November 2016 (UTC)

──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────── I totally knew that! This is all part of my brilliant plan! I don't have a plan!-God 03:37, 29 November 2016 (UTC)

Okay fine Noah, let's just skip to the end of this story. I'm extremely bored.-God 04:08, 3 December 2016 (UTC)
Wait, god gets bored? That would explain all the murdering and genocide he gets up to in the Old Testament - Christopher Hitchens 22:18, 3 December 2016 (UTC)
At least I don't get drunk when I am bored - God 22:18, 3 December 2016 (UTC)
I also get drunk when I am bored (and when my wife isn't around). Can I get some more slaver-ass to kick? Or do I have to get the whisky? - Unconditional Surrender Grant 22:20, 3 December 2016 (UTC)
Whatever he is drinking, give some of it to my other generals. Especially to that useless idiot McClellan. Abraham Lincoln 22:22, 3 December 2016 (UTC)
I am seeing dead people - That one director we used to think was goodWikipedia's W.svg 22:23, 3 December 2016 (UTC)
Tell me about it - Jesus of Nazareth 22:24, 3 December 2016 (UTC)
Shut up, son. - God 22:25, 3 December 2016 (UTC)
Even at my most hungover and drink-sodden I could still stay on topic better than you can. You are astonishingly incompetent and miraculously inadequate, I'll tell you that - Christopher Hitchens 22:26, 3 December 2016 (UTC)
Can we put that drink-sodden ex-Trotskyite former Marxist poppinjay on a water boarding device? I know it won't make him talk, but it might make him shut the hell up. - Donald Rumsfeld 22:27, 3 December 2016 (UTC)

Guise, this is nice and all, but I think I have run the ark aground - Noah 22:28, 3 December 2016 (UTC)

You did what? - God 22:28, 3 December 2016 (UTC)
Wait I knew you would do that! I'm omniscient!-God 00:43, 8 December 2016 (UTC)
OK, change of plan, let's just put the water back to where I took it from. I originally wanted this to last a hundred years, but *sigh* you get no competent staff around those parts. - God 02:16, 8 December 2016 (UTC)
I told you, you should have taken the Greeks to revelate to, but you wouldn't listen. - Christopher Hitchens 02:18, 8 December 2016 (UTC)

Okay Noah, time for you and your family to repopulate the Earth! Get busy!-God 00:38, 10 December 2016 (UTC)

There is an extremely low amount of people and genetic diversity on this boat, but we are unaffected by incest somehow!-Noah 23:46, 10 May 2017 (UTC)
How the heck do you do that?-Readers of the Bible-23:48, 10 May 2017 (UTC)
Bulls*** main character powers! Since I'm the protagonist, I can't die/fail at all. Duh.-Noah 23:49, 10 May 2017 (UTC)

Adam and Eve[edit]

I will create Earth, a tiny planet in a giant universe, and focus all my attention on it. Totally not illogical.-God 00:33, 10 December 2016 (UTC)

I will take one day to create the stars and three days to create a small planet in the middle of nowhere. Lol-God 00:36, 10 December 2016 (UTC)
Hi God. What're you up to? - Steve 06:15, 13 December 2016 (UTC)
Shhhh! I can't let people think homosexuality isn't wrong!-God 04:16, 18 December 2016 (UTC)

I will now take a bunch of days to create animals even though I'm omnipotent and could just magick everything into existence at once!-God 00:46, 5 January 2017 (UTC)

All right, now to create man!-God 00:50, 5 January 2017 (UTC)
Hi God! Let's play a game! If you lose, you have to add a bunch of needless parts to all your designs!-Satan 00:55, 5 January 2017 (UTC)
  • After the game...

HAHAHA! I won! Now you have to add a bunch of needless parts to all your designs! I think I'll mess with your human design first!-Satan 00:57, 5 January 2017 (UTC)

Curses! I should just snap my fingers and make you disappear now! For some reason I won't!-God 01:02, 5 January 2017 (UTC)
All right, why don't you add a bunch of vestigial muscles that have no purpose?-Satan 03:57, 8 January 2017 (UTC)
No! But that would make people think that evolution is true!-God 04:00, 8 January 2017 (UTC)
And as a natural consequence, think that I don't exist! No!-God 05:25, 8 January 2017 (UTC)
My plan exactly! -Satan 05:26, 8 January 2017 (UTC)
  • Later....

Ah, finally! I've created man! I'll name this guy Adam.-God 04:32, 12 January 2017 (UTC)

Why not create a bunch of animals that could kill Adam too? I'm looking for entertainment.-God 23:43, 10 May 2017 (UTC)