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Garden of Eden

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This article is about a mythical location. If you're looking for drunken singing with an epic drum solo see In-A-Gadda-Da-VidaWikipedia's W.svg.

The Garden of Eden is a strip club down on 86th the mythical birthplace of all humanity, and a metaphorical place of perfect innocence. Attempts to place the exact location of the mythical Garden have been quite futile, though one common theory among believers is that it could have been located in northwestern Iran.[1] Mormons believe it is in North America. Of course.

The story[edit]

According to the Biblical creation story that begins in Genesis 2:4[2], God made the Garden of Eden and filled it with all kinds of foods, including a tree whose fruit would impart knowledge of good and evil to whomever ate it.[3] God then made humans, with the male coming first (as usual) and then the female second (with any luck). A snake then convinced the people to eat the fruit, despite a direct order not to from God (despite the two not knowing the difference between right and wrong and therefore not being able to comprehend consequences of their actions). When they did so, they became ashamed of their nakedness, and sewed fig[4] leaves together making either "aprons" or "breeches", depending on what version you're reading.[5] Regardless, the myth of the origin of a dress-code does not justify gender-based distinctions. God threw the two now incorrigible sinners out, setting up an angel with a flaming sword to keep them away, so they wouldn't get at the tree with the fruit of eternal life, and have no difference between them and God.

Value[edit]

As a mystical story explaining conscience and the hardships people have to endure, it is either beautiful and haunting or downright silly - depending on your point of view. As a literal account of the early days of humanity it does not make much sense. Much of the exegesis surrounding the story makes even less sense.

Game of Life[edit]

In Conway's Game of Life, a Garden of Eden pattern is one for which there is no possible preceding pattern - thus these can only be "intelligently designed" by the player, rather than evolve naturally through the course of the game.

Deistic (satirical) version[edit]

The World Union of Deists have their own version of this tale.[6] In it the roles of God and Satan are completely reversed. In this version, Satan kidnaps Adam and Eve soon after God created them and the world, and took them to the Garden of Eden (which now belongs to Satan instead of God). God then appeared as the snake (instead of Satan) and convinced Eve to eat of the Tree of the Knowledge (not the knowledge of good and evil, just plain ol' knowledge.) Which resulted in them building a boat and escaping the garden, despite the protests of a rather pissed-off Satan.

Of course, he (it's up to the reader to decide whether "he" is "god" or "Satan" here) would counter by tricking Abraham into creating his revealed religion as well as doing the same for many others. But god in this version isn't very concerned, as she knows that more advanced tribes that can think and create will eventually conquer the ritualistic ones anyway.

Of course, since most deists acknowledge the Theory of Evolution as proven fact, it should be pointed out that this is all completely silly, though it still makes far more sense than the biblical version it's parodying.

It is interesting however that this version of the tale shares some similarities with one gnostic version.[7]

See also[edit]

References[edit]

  1. Cosmeo.com - "The Roots of Religion" It's about a half-hour from the start of the film to actually finding Eden, so make sure you have the time to spare.
  2. Biblical scholars recognize several different creation stories, including the Priestly "in the begging", of Genesis 1 and the more figurative story in Gen 2.)
  3. This is often taken to be what is called a merism, implying knowledge of everything between these two extremes.
  4. Erotic fertility-symbolism alert!
  5. See The Encyclopedia of Protestantism. There's no mention of a bra for Eve, so perhaps the Garden played by French beach rules.
  6. World Union of Deists: A Deistic Take on the Fable of Adam and Eve.
  7. Testimony of Truth: Garden of Eden from the POV of snake