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Song of Solomon

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It was probably much more explicit than this.
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Light iron-age reading
The Bible
Icon bible.svg
Gabbin' with God

The Song of Solomon, also known as the Song of Songs, is supposed to be the sexiest book of the Bible.[note 1]

{cue Barry White}

Also known by its alternative title, "Scriptural Sexytime Hawtness," the Song of Solomon follows the relationship of a man and a woman from courtship to (ahem) knowledge in the Biblical sense. The book is often interpreted as allegorical,[note 2] representing the relationship between God and the Israelites and/or Christ and the church. This serves the purpose of squaring the presence of an erotic poem in the Biblical canon with the disdain for marriage and sex exhibited by several New Testament figures, and with the form of Platonic dualism (mind good, matter bad) that had found its way into Christian doctrine. However, a more straightforward reading of the text leaves little doubt as to what's gettin' on.

Although the more boorish voyeurs will be disappointed in the book, it contains several beautifully poetic pick-up lines. Be warned, rational ladies!

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  1. There are probably limitations on how sexy a man can be when he's solo.
  2. That is, not literal