Rand Paul

Rand Paul. No, not a function for generating a random number between 0 and Paul.

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“”I tell you, the shit doesn't fall far from the bat.

—Bill Maher

Randal Howard "Aqua Buddha" Paul (1963–) is a junior Senator from Kentucky, writer for Breitbart, and son of Ron Paul. By profession, Paul is technically an ophthalmologist, but, at this point, the guy is really just another career politician, despite professing his support for senatorial term limits, of which, if said propositions were instilled, he would have already exceeded.

In 2010, Republicans nominated this non-Kentuckian for a Senate seat which was being vacated. Three years later, Rand was the point man for the Benghazi investigations. He's a serial liar who needs to feed on fear of brown people in order to maintain his status within the GOP.

In 2016, Paul announced his candidacy for the Republican nomination for President. The needle was stuck at 5% (more like 4.5%) for months, trailing four points behind Ben Carson. He eventually fell out of the race, pocketing $752k as he went. His problem was he tried to appeal to way too many groups: His father knew exactly who he wanted money from, and catered to them, then retired right before all the young people who didn't know how to evaluate a candidate figured out they'd been conned by a racist asshole.

His official Facebook page was one of the funniest places on the internet.

Despite being relatively conservative, Paul has proven himself to be quite moderate on some issues (like a lot of libertarians). He is for gay marriage/civil unions (although, which one would be determined by the individual states), the recreational use of marijuana, separation of Church and State, equal-opportunity in the workforce, criminal rehabilitation over punishment, ending the war on drugs, free trade, easier paths to citizenship (including amnesty to illegal immigrants and refugees), welfare for those below a certain economic threshold, and limited military intervention. Despite being the OG poster child for the Tea Party, Paul has since atoned for his sins after realizing the mess that he helped create, abandoning his creation to caucus with the moderates of his party.

In other words, he's a RINO.

True political leanings

See the main article on this topic: Vulgar libertarianism

“”There are people who say we [Republicans] need to be more moderate. I couldn't disagree more.

—Rand Paul

While leaning to the centre of the political spectrum, in comparison to much of the modern GOP, Paul is a registered Republican, but a paleolibertarian (lower case "L") at heart. Whereas Ron identifies as a "libertarian", Rand has come to distance himself from the label. He thinks he's clever by dressing up what is essentially GOP constitutitionalism in libertarian garb, but if all roads lead to Rome it doesn't much matter whether we're traveling by land or by sea.

An ironic rejection of the non-aggression principle

To wit, he has consistently been hawkish on the War on Terror: calls for Guantanamo detainees to be tried in military tribunals rather than civilian courts, a moratorium on travel visas from "terrorist nations," the construction of overseas military bases, and removal of Constitutional protections for accused foreign terrorists. He also compared Muslims in New York City to the KKK. (Real class act.)

Jumping on Trump's bandwagon was just a happy accident. He flip-flopped on the Russia issue, starting with the annexation of Crimea, back when Trump hadn't yet considered running for President. A related example would be his call to build missile shields in Poland and the Czech Republic, then make Europe pay for it.

On Fox News, when asked which bases on foreign soil he would like to see closed, the elder Paul answered succinctly, "all of them." Naturally, that is where the younger Paul differs in his views. Although a committed deficit-hawk, his foreign policy seems to go back and forth depending on the time. He did, notably, oppose Trump's bombing of Syria in the Spring of 2017, but since then has tried to play nice with America's reigning monarch. Despite hopping on Trumpatine's bandwagon (or bannonwagon), Paul's libertarianism stands in stark contract to the authoritarian national-populism of the Donald and his neo-mercantilism.

Drugs, abortion, and "rights" (Oh my!)

Same goes for his actual views on the drug war. He's adamant about discouraging the recreational use of pot, even the medical kind, and condemns users as shiftless—just like everyone else in the GOP. He favors lower sentences for drug offenders and for "letting the states decide" (which is just about the worst policy on anything, states continued to criminalize alcohol after prohibition was lifted), but he would not legalize it in any form. Rand even equated student debt forgiveness with giving out free heroin.

He supported a Republicn bill that, according to a committee report, could be used to force the federal government to crack down, among many other things, on states where weed has been legalized. The bill would enable Congress to sue the President if the President doesn't jam up enough drug users in those states. Unlike fellow right-libertarian and self-proclaimed stoner Gary Johnson, Paul is against the use of [recreational] marijuana altogether, but, on principle, believes that the federal government has no right to regulate a person's decision to blaze up, seeing as it is relatively harmless in the greater scheme of things. The main difference between Paul and Johnson is in how they believe this should be handled, as they belong to separate libertarian camps. Paul, a paleolibertarian — being a stance that emphasizes on natural rights and traditional constitutionalism - believes that there should be no federal law, and that it should be up to each individual state to determine legality. Johnson, who falls more into the "classical" liberal category - a more principled and progressive camp rooted in utilitarian ideals of empiricism, consequentialism, and the notion of it being the central government's role to grant universal liberty - believes that it should be legalized across the board, being an issue that should not be subject to the dictate of the law, even on a more local level. This here is a prime example of how, within libertarianism, people holding such beliefs are often driven to do so for different reasons.

One example of such is in regards to what is commonly known as "the non-aggression principle", an anti-interventionist stance held by most libertarians, classical liberals, anarchists, and pacifist groups (on both the left and right) that has roots in both enlightenment and classic philosophy. Essentially, it vaguely states that force is only justified in meeting equal or greater aggravated force.^{[citation needed]} While libertarians from all over the spectrum generally tend to embrace this notion - and that it can be aptly applied to just about any situation — the question as to what constitutes as "force" is subject to varying interpretations. In terms of involvement overseas, some libertarians opine that all military action, unless in direct defense of U.S. soil, is unlawful force, including the lending of foreign aid. Others, while still highly critical of neocons and hyperglobalists from all across the spectrum, have a more pragmatic view, admitting that the presence of American global hegemony has reached such a point where its existence has become, for better or worse, a necessary factor in both managing the global economy and preventing conflict, so long as any required degree of intervention did not condone further empire-building.

Paleolibertarians (and many other Austrian Schoolers) tend to favor the whole "natural rights" stance on the non-aggression pact, whereas many other libertarian and libertarian-ish types have come to realize, in spite of their greedily self-interested motives and trademarked fetish for individualism, that, in the end, it's actually kind of stupid to act like an entitled child and declare that all rights are natural, and to claim that such makes anything that subjectively contrasts with one's (again, subjectively) arbitrary definition as it relates to the nature of those rights is a violation of nature itself. Sure, most human-folk seem to be in communion with the belief that things like murder, rape, and other forms of violence are ethically wrong, and that everybody deserves to live their life, but the idea that the free-market is divinely inspired, that property rights have always existed within the state of nature, and that mankind is morally entitled to be a dick seems a bit too good to be true...

This is what Rand Paul believes, as preached to him by the Holy Trinity of Paleolibertarianism: the Father, the Son's namesake(?), and the Holy Rothbard, with those holy views coming from the one true Holy Text: the poorly-received self-help book known as Atlas Shrugged, which, like the Bible, is a fun read, has some interesting characters, a few solid philosophical points, and has a tendency to be super jaded and long-winded. Rand Paul believes in very Randy things, so, as further legitimized by the fact that he too has the name Rand, this means that he is the ultimate Randroid. He surpasses even Paul Ryan who does not really even come across as the slightest bit libertarian. Despite their common-love for Lady Ayn, Paul Ryan is against many of Rand Paul's more liberal platforms, occasionally making the latter an unlikely ally to Senate Democrats.

On the issue of abortion, Rand Paul pretty much thinks that, unless the mother is at risk of death, abortion should be illegal. This is a commonly-held view for many "natural rights" libertarians. While consequentialists, regardless of their moral beliefs, generally hold the consistent view that government intervention in reproductive rights violates the nonaggression axiom, natural rights fans see that the abortion of a fetus is what actually violates the principle, as it technically intervenes in the natural process of baby-making. To be fair, this is a reasonable and justifiable interpretation of the principle. Interestingly enough, other natural rights folks like Ayn Rand and Murray Rothbard, the former of which was a vocal supporter of women's rights, happened to be pro-choice, believing that the already-living mother's right to life far outweighs that of a fetus. It appears that most Randroids like Senator Paul seem to ignore this, clearly the result of classic Republican cherry-picking. Just like the rest of his brethren, the guy raves about "the sinful nature of abortion" and how "life begins at conception", but seems to care little about what happens to the baby after the fact, thereby demonstrating that, as is the case with most Republicans, he is not truly "pro-life", but instead "pro-birth".

So much for natural rights.

Free market

Mere months after running on a platform of...

Stop letting the Government pick winners and losers - Let the free market decide!

...he bragged about bringing home a quarter billion via earmarks for an Ohio River project which will "Help keep Kentucky coal competitive against alternatives like wind and solar" (his words). Basically a big handout to KY coal—because that's who funds him—so they can remain federally-ordained winners against Big Solar and cut employee pensions at the same time.

Evangelical Bingo

“”...Rand Paul told a crowd in Iowa that "Nobody here" was trying to ban birth control. Either Rand Paul has a terrible memory, or he has such low self esteem that he considers himself "nobody," because just last year, Rand Paul cosponsored a bill that would have banned certain forms of birth control.

—Erin Gloria Ryan

In 2013, Rand endorsed the Tea Party gubernatorial candidate in Virginia . In his stump speech, Rand said something about eugenics, citing the Wikipedia summary of the film Gattaca as his source. What this had to do with Ken Cuccinelli or his sodomy law is anyone's guess; it was obviously prepared at the last minute.

On the issue of same-sex marriage, Rand again takes a state's rights approach. He approved of the SCOTUS decision striking down Section 3 of the Defense of Marriage Act, but appeared on Glenn Beck after the ruling to express concern that it will result in bestiality.

In 2015, he blamed "the lack of fathers and the lack of morals" for the unrest in Baltimore, as his son was being arrested for drunk driving. For the third time.

In 2016, he introduced a bill that would grant Constitutional rights to fetuses. Oh, so now he's in favor of the 14th Amendment?

Also, he thinks the United States is a "Christian nation", and that Christianity is or should be the basis of the country's laws. That said, before January of 2017, it would have been hard to visualize how Paul would be different from any other Republican president.

Half-breed, that's all I ever heard

“”I think it’s a little like a compass. It used to be whatever would please 15-year-old Ayn Rand readers was his position.

—Ann Coulter, CNN.

“”I think he was doing as much following as he was leading. He wanted to win more than he wanted to support the principles.

—Frayda Levin, libertarian GOP donor

Despite all this, Cheney and other neo-cons don't trust him, regarding him as "not one of us," which is enough to have libertarian blogs foaming about his candidacy.

Real libertarians are less gung-ho, citing his support for voter IDs and dumping more guns in the mideast. They forgave the Senator for his shape-shifting before, but were apoplectic when he signed the GOP’s Iran letter (to "help Obama", he said), with some calling it "the last straw."

Rand has expressed the wish that the Tea Party was an real party so that he could leave the GOP and join them. Uh huh. It's clear that his "Tea Party tidal wave" was just lip service, anyway; he backed Mitch McConnell against the Freedom Caucus, and lacks the cojones to knock over any anthills like Cruz does. Amid the growing coronavirus pandemic, Rand proposed an amendment to a stimulus bill blocking people without a Social Security number from receiving the benefits of said bill. Rand subsequently got COVID-19.

Genuine libertarianism

See the main article on this topic: Stopped clock

He has opposed the PATRIOT Act and actually filibustered its renewal.. He was also one of seven Republicans who voted against the NDAA. He also filibustered Obama's appointment of John Brennan as the CIA director.

After the Edward Snowden leaks, Rand Paul filed a class-action lawsuit against Barack Obama, claiming that the NSA's metadata gathering program is unconstitutional, and all its archives should be deleted. The suit has currently (January 2015) been stayed pending the result of a similar lawsuit. The story was buried after it came out that Paul plagiarized sections of the subpoena.

Conservative crankery

• He has espoused multiple crank conspiracy theories related to the North American Union, such as the NAFTA Superhighway and the Amero.

• Naturally, he ascribes tuition costs to a "monopoly" and overpaid teachers. He encourages everybody to teach online and lowball each others' fees. Then just deduct the principal and interest from graduates' paychecks for their "entire working career(s)", which will...change absolutely nothing. Crank away, Rand!

• Rand (medical doctor, mind you) weighed in on the danger of vaccines in 2015.

• At one point in the Republican debates, he blamed the race riots in Ferguson, Missouri on exorbitant city fines. Ditto the death of Eric Garner, killed in 2014 for selling cigarettes without a license: Rand blamed NYC's high cigarette taxes for such a senseless loss of life. His home state of Kentucky is the #2 supplier of tobacco in the US, which is surely strictly coincidental.

• Paul was able to attach "anti-poverty" legislation to H.R. 2028. The gist is, if someone owns a corporation and wants to pay 5% income tax, all they have to do is claim that they're headquartered in an "economic freedom zone" (the same kind found in China and Vietnam). Now, you don't have to worry about laundering the money and moving it back to the US, because it's already there. The bill would also ease restrictions on skilled immigrants who want to move to these economically-depressed areas. Not only does this plan incentivize high unemployment for companies, it also incentivizes hiring non-US workers to fill those positions.
  
  Anyway, looks like it failed miserably. (When the Club for Growth hates your ideas, you've gone full wingnut.)

• Now that the nomination process is over, Cruz, Sanders, and Paul are back at their Senate jobs. WIGO with Rand Paul? Working hard on legalizing monopolies, of course. It's an interesting slight of hand: You take hippie phrases like "cooperation" and "voluntarism", and then equivocate them with copyright, trusts, and monopolies. Thanks, freedom!

Relationship with the militia movement

It seems he shares his father's Neo-Confederate sympathies: One of his former aides is Jack "Southern Avenger" Hunter, an ex-shock jock who preaches racial pride and has lauded the murder of Abraham Lincoln. Rand also endorsed a Senate candidate from North Carolina who has ties to the League of the South. Then there's Chris "Happy Nigger Day!" Hightower and all those other KKK guys he hired or hangs around with... Coincidentally, both Pauls have claimed to have great relationships with "The Blacks."

Paul expresses support for states' rights with regard to all land issues, including the Endangered Species Act and control of Federally-owned land. (One wonders what, if any, power should not be devolved to the states in Paul's mind; perhaps that's related to the neoconfederate leanings mentioned above.) To that end, Rand met with the sons of Cliven Bundy and promised that, if elected, he would make Nevada a sovereign state. The meeting transpired one year after Bundy himself tried to secede from the U.S. Less than six months later, the Bundys migrated to Oregon and seized another 100 acres there, including a federal building. Somehow, Rand did not sprint to a video camera to voice his support for the Bundy militia. He seems content to forget about his past dealings with the Bundys, and the press doesn't seem too interested in re-hashing it.

Recycling

All aboard the Randwagon!

Following the Gattaca incident, the press had a field day digging through his books for pillaged material. It turns out that two of his books are full of fake "quotes" by the founding fathers. It got worse. A 3-page chunk of Rand’s book Government Bullies turned out to be lifted in whole from a Heritage Foundation report. As for Rand's vaunted opinions on drug sentencing? He published an Op-Ed piece that copied large blocks of text from an article that had been published just one week before — and for good measure, he included those same passages in a testimony before the Senate Judiciary Committee. His website seems to be getting scrubbed; the transcripts of some speeches have been pulled, presumably to make googling them harder, and at least one other speech has had footnotes added to it.

Rand has denied everything and accused his critics, not making this up, of being "haters". Keep it classy, Rand.

AM I BEING DETAINED?!

“”@BernieSanders just bragged about getting a D- grade. And he wants to fix education.

—Tough talk from a guy who never graduated.

One month after his nomination, Dr. Paul began ducking questions about his board certification. Or, more precisely, his lack thereof. In '99, he helped create the now-defunct National Board of Ophthalmology — which is not recognized by the American Board of Medical Specialties — so that he and his buddies can get re-certified without all the rigor bureaucratic red tape of that nasty, stodgy old American Board of Ophthalmology.

Paul is also a member of the Association of American Physicians and Surgeons (AAPS), a fringe group of conservative quacks that denies the link between HIV and AIDS and claims that Barack Obama won the presidency through some form of mind control. They're also the generous providers of Andrew Schlafly's wingnut welfare.

See, when your daddy buys your way into med school after having dropped out of college, and then buys you your degree (Rand Paul didn't graduate from Baylor because he was too smart. Duke even let him into their graduate program without a bachelor's degree. Which is normal and has absolutely nothing to do with family connections) as well as pays for you to pass the first medical board licensing exam, you might wind up thinking that you earned those letters after your name, and the right to call yourself "Dr." Of course, since he can't have Dad pay to pass his re-licensing exam, as it might raise too many questions, he had to invent his own "licensing" board so he wouldn't fail the test he didn't take the first time around. Totally understandable.

2016 Presidential campaign

His mouth runneth over

“	To recap: the Five Minute Rule states that any member of the Paul family will make sense on any political issue for exactly five minutes. Precisely at the 5:00:01 mark, however, he will say something so far off the rails that you will find yourself looking at him as though he has sprouted a reptilian head out of his sternum.	”
—Charles P. Pierce

It seems that diarrhea of the mouth runs in the Paul family. Consider some of the comments that he made within a few days of his Senate nomination:

• On May 11^th, 2011, Rand Paul stated that a right to health care equals slavery for health care workers, since you now "have a right to come to my house and conscript me" and "have a right to beat down my door with the police, escort me away and force me to take care of you." He has a point, enslaved doctors are a really big problem in Canada.
• The weekend before he was nominated, Rand said he wouldn't mind seeing a repeal of the Americans With Disabilities Act (ADA), one of America's few bragging rights, because it is unfair to businesses.
• After winning the nomination, Rand told interviewers Rachel Maddow of MSNBC and Robert Siegel of NPR that the Civil Rights Act of 1964 should never have been passed. He later backtracked, telling people that he was not a racist. Again, it's nothing personal; he just thinks that the Act was harmful to businesses.
  • He's since been trying to frame himself as one of the only minority-friendly politicians in the GOP, leading to giggles all round. But Rand, if those comments don't reflect who you really are, why did you hold your victory party at an "exclusive" country club?
• A few days later, Rand chastised President Obama, not BP, for the corporation's handling of the oil and gas volcano that they created in the Gulf of Mexico. According to him, Obama's criticism of BP is "anti-business" and "un-American", whatever that means.
• He told an interviewer that there would be no need for laws if everybody was a Christian. Specifically, "I see that Christianity and values is the basis of our society… 98% of us won’t murder people, won’t steal, won’t break the law and it helps a society to have that religious underpinning." We tried that. It was called European history between approximately 1000-1700 AD.
• More on the BP oil volcano, Rand thought that people should stop playing the blame game because, well, shit happens.

And all that, folks, happened in just one week — which is a shame because that same week he canceled what would have been a lulzy interview on NBC's Meet the Press. According to reporter Domenico Montanaro, Rand was only the third "major guest" in the show's 63 year history to cancel.

It's Not Happening

“”His father had a certain spark, right? There's a little spark in there. Rand doesn't have that spark. Rand doesn't have that spark.

—Donald Trump (Yes, that overtly racist spark)

The announcement of his candidacy was celebrated with a symbolic event: YouTube took it offline due to copyright violations. The free market works.

He had the same tax policy as Carson, and his views on immigration, guns, 'school choice', unions, minimum wage, the EPA, abortion, the Affordable Care Act, marriage (of Kim Davis, Paul said she was standing up for "the American way"), climate change, evolution, etc. were all the GOP standard. Not exactly a ringing endorsement. Also, he was not a pacifist or anti-war candidate; he just thinks Congress should be the ones to declare war, or should only use drones, or Constitution...?

Tell us again about how Paul's the most consistent candidate and always sticks to his ideals:

Issue	Flip	Flop
Enemy combatants	"I believe we try the terrorists captured on the battlefield in military tribunals at GITMO.”	"If you are overseas and you are captured in a battlefield and you are shooting at us, I think you get no due process, probably zero due process if you are firing a weapon at us, or you are involved in a battle." (Presumably, you get due process if you're shooting something that isn't a weapon at us.)
Drone warfare	"I really don’t think he’ll drop a Hellfire missile on a café in Houston like I’m talking about, but it really bothers me he [President Obama] won’t say that he won’t. And it bothered me that when he was a member of this body, he had a much higher standard on civil liberties than he seems to now."	"If someone comes out of a liquor store with a weapon and fifty dollars in cash, I don’t care if a drone kills him or a policeman kills him...Fighting terrorism and capturing terrorists must be done while preserving our constitutional protections."
NATO	"It is our role as a global leader to be the strongest nation in opposing Russia's latest aggression. Putin must be punished for violating the Budapest Memorandum, and Russia must learn that the U.S. will isolate it if it insists on acting like a rogue nation."	"Who needs to be part of NATO? What does NATO need to be at this point? One of the big things the neocons—the people in the Republican Party sort of on the other side from where I come from—is they want Georgia to be part of NATO. Well, Georgia sits right on the border of Russia. Do you think that might be provocative to put them in NATO? NATO's treaty actually says that if they're attacked, we will defend them. So, if the treaty means something, that means all of a sudden we're at war with Russia."
Israel	"While this budget proposal does eliminate foreign aid to Israel, it is not meant to hurt, negate, or single out one of America’s most important allies...Israel’s ability to conduct foreign policy, regain economic dominance, and support itself without the heavy hand of U.S. interests and policies, will only strengthen the Israeli community.	"We have never introduced anything that phased out or gets rid of Israel aid. Israel has always been a strong ally of ours and I appreciate that.”
DAESH	"I think there has to be a limit and that if we go to war again−and I’m not saying we never go to war, that’s why I’ve even said I don’t rule out airstrikes−but if we’re going to go to war there needs to be a vote of the American people through their representatives."	"If I had been in President Obama’s shoes, I would have acted more decisively and strongly against ISIS. I would have called Congress back into session—even during recess."
Syria	"There are already those in both parties who insist that we must have American GIs on the ground [in Syria]. I’m not sending any American soldiers. I’m not sending your son, your daughter or mine over to the middle of that chaos. The people who live there need to stand up and fight."	"If you want to tremble and worry about the future of our republic, listen to the president when he says, ‘Well, Congress won’t act. Therefore I must.’ Had he come forward and done the honorable thing, we would have approved. I would have approved an authorization of force." John McCain: "It’s a very interesting metamorphosis."
Voting Rights Act	“I’m a Republican who wants to restore a federal role for the government in the Voting Rights Act.”	"We have an African-American president. African-Americans are voting at a higher percentage in the last election than whites. There doesn't seem to be any sort of systemic problem like there was in the South with precluding blacks from voting."
Voter IDs	"So many times, Republicans are seen as this party of, ‘We don’t want black people to vote because they’re voting Democrat, we don’t want Hispanic people to vote because they’re voting Democrat'...We wonder why the Republican Party is so small. Why don’t we be the party that’s for people voting, for voting rights?”	"There’s nothing wrong with it. To see Eric Holder you’ve got to show your driver's license to get in the building. So I don’t really object to having some rules for how we vote. I show my driver's license every time I vote in Kentucky and I don’t feel like it is a great burden."
Vaccines	"I have heard of many tragic cases of walking, talking normal children who wound up with profound mental disorders after vaccines."	"I did not say vaccines caused disorders, just that they were temporally related...I support vaccines, I receive them myself and I had all of my children vaccinated."
Birth control	"I am not opposed to birth control...Plan B is taking two birth control pills in the morning and two in the evening, and I am not opposed to that."	"The interesting thing about this is, if you force the employer to buy this insurance [Affordable Care Act], they’re actually paying for something they find morally objectionable. But this has nothing to do with contraception. I have no objection to contraception, but I do have an objection to infringing on people’s religious liberty and their ability to decide what products to buy in the marketplace.”
Iran	"I think people want to paint my father into some corner, but if you look at it intellectually, look at the evidence that Iran is not a threat. Iran cannot even refine their own gasoline."	"I will oppose any deal that does not end Iran's nuclear ambitions and have strong verification measures."
Environmentalism	"It boggles my mind to think that somehow Republicans have been branded as a party that doesn't like the environment...I'm a crunchy conservative and a tree hugger and proud of it."	"The first thing I would do as president is repeal the regulations that are hampering our energy that the President has put in place. Including the Clean Power Act. While I do think that man may have a role in our climate, I think nature also has a role."
NSA	"I have fought for several years now to end the invasive and illegal spying of the NSA on ordinary Americans. I am ready to debate how we fight terrorism without giving up our liberty."	"I would say that targeted surveillance — I’m not against surveillance. I’m not against looking at records.”
14th Amendment	"The original author of the—of the Fourteenth Amendment said on the Senate floor that this was applying to slaves, and did not specifically apply to others."<	"Under the 14th Amendment, it is the government’s duty to protect life as defined in our Constitution."

Maybe Rand would have been even a quarter bit the "lightning rod" to millennials journalists claimed he was if he stood by, well, any of his policies. The elder Paul these days actually comes across as the voice of reason.

I'm not just crazy, I was crazy first! Guys? Guys, where are you going?

“”I was out-niggered by John Patterson. And I'll tell you here and now, I will never be out-niggered again.

—George Wallace to his campaign staff, 1958.

With his numbers in the tank, Rand fell back on his Hey! Anybody wanna audit the Fed? rhetoric, since that usually plays well with his dad's constituency. He also tried running against Sanders from the left, using the old what if the majority voted for slavery? chestnut.

Once the racists started flocking to Trump, it was all over. In response, Rand began staking out fringe positions on immigration and gun control, claiming the nation needs fewer gun-free zones. When you've lost Reason magazine, you may be all out of chips to play.

It’s important to note that Paul thinks “it’s a mistake to base immigration or moratoriums based on religion,” as Trump advocates. That's why he has introduced a different bill, the Stop Extremists Coming Under Refugee Entry Act (SECURE), a whole week before Trump did. Look who's plagiarizing now? Actually, Paul stole an earlier proposal from Franklin Graham. No doubt it was kicked around on Stormfront long before any of these mainstream losers started touting it, though. Paul added that, despite being a “great advocate of privacy,” he is in favor of “targeted surveillance” of people who speak Arabic. He framed it as a personal freedom issue, by taking the billions spent on digging up phone records and redirecting those resources toward brown people, which does not count as surveillance.

As for ISIS, Paul plans to re-arm the Kurds and put "Arab boots on the ground". In other words: funding more wars in the Middle East. Proxy wars are still wars and it's doubly stupid from a person who never hesitates to mention "blowback" in regard to foreign policy.

Evidently he has had second thoughts or something: Trump switched gears in Iowa, accusing his opponents of wasting more of America's blood and treasure. And there was Paul in his rear-view mirror, squawking about how the government's making everything worse! He's between a rock and a hard-right place:

Rand Paul’s presidential hopes mostly went out the window in mid-2014 when the Islamic State released videos of beheaded Americans. Those videos ended whatever post-Bush infighting existed within the Republican Party about the wisdom of rampant overseas intervention, and those videos prompted Paul to hedge. That hedging didn’t endear him to the hawks at all, though it did depress his libertarian fan base. The result was a dud of a campaign. —Jim Newell

The Thing That Wouldn't Leave

“”Maybe we should just tell them in advance we won't show up for any more of their stupid debates... they can't keep us off the internet.

—Its 10:00 pm, Ron. Do you know where your child is?

By December, he would have streaked in front of an NFL game if it would get his name in the papers. He was polling low enough that he was almost excluded from the Las Vegas debate. While disappointed with the Debate Commission and TV networks for narrowing the field of candidates, Paul respects their right as private corporations to use their own methodology when just kidding, the libertarian answer is to hypocritically sue them with laws you hate.

In January, FOX finally dumped him. Paul announced that he was boycotting the debate in "protest", but within 48 hours was pleading with them to let him onstage, citing a Des Moines poll placing him at a dismal 5%. He spent a couple of weeks livetweeting the RNC and DNC debates and insisting that he was still in the race. He even offered to bribe students in exchange for warm bodies at his rally. Odds are a sizable portion of the attendees were from out of state to see Rand's dad, not him.

Between the Senate telling him to go pound sand, the Tea Party's defection, and News Corp hanging him out to dry, Rand has just one thing to say to us: Read between the lines! Looks like holding his breath and stamping his feet paid off, albeit briefly. A vacancy opened up when Donald missed the second Iowa debate (the latest volley in Trump's on-again, off-again war with FOX).. A bit like winning a ticket on the Titanic.

Rand Paul 2020 2024 2028

“”No, no, no! Please don’t tweet that.

—Paul’s press secretary, after he threatened to "un-suspend" his campaign.

Time of death, February 3. The PAC which supported Paul is now, quite sensibly, backing Libertarian candidate Gary Johnson.

Ron had 3 presidential bids between 1988-2012. If history tells us anything, we are in for at least 20 more years of Rand pandering to geeks, potheads, conspiracy theorists and racists.

Trump's conscience

“”Truly weird Senator Rand Paul of Kentucky reminds me of a spoiled brat without a properly functioning brain.

—Donald Trump, in a rare stopped clock moment (tweeted August 10, 2015), though one regrettably free of self-awareness

“”I feel sure that my friend @RandPaul will come along with the new and great health care program because he knows Obamacare is a disaster!

—Donald Turncoat Trump, after a change of immediate needs (tweeted March 7, 2017)

What's this? A libertarian supporting the most authoritarian nominee? Quelle surprise. He did go to Eastern Kentucky last year and tell people that Hillary hates the coal industry and that if they voted for Trump he would bring their jobs back.

America should feel grateful that they have have Dr. Paul holding Trump's feet to the fire:

• Not only did he cast McCain's position on Trump/Russia as a personal vendetta, he managed to slip in a John McCain will "bankrupt the nation" and lead us to "perpetual war" for good measure. He also pledged to "keep an open mind" on Rex Tillerson (that's politico-speak for he's got my vote), took a bullet for Michael Flynn (against the objections of other Republicans), and confirmed Jeff Sessions for AG.
  • Paul said of Sessions, "The thing is, I’ve seen pictures of him marching for voting rights with John Lewis." It's a nice dodge: Sessions did indeed march with Lewis, but it was on the 50th anniversary of Bloody Sunday, when there was less chance of getting the tobacco kicked out of him.
  • Sessions killed the bill he was working on with Democrats to change drug sentencing, and Paul acted all surprised. Rand, you shared a chamber of Congress with him for 6 fucking years, so you need to find a new lie.
• Writing for the website Rare, Paul warned Republicans they had better repeal-and-replace Obamacare, or else. How can Republicans vote for a replacement when they don't have a replacement ready? (And no, "replace it with freedom" doesn't count.)
  • Never fear: if you love IRA funds, you'll come out ahead with Paul's "Health Savings Accounts". But if you don't earn enough to sock away tens of thousands, well, it's back to pre-Obamacare for you. If he's going to implement a huge tax deduction, he should qualify it by an income limit. All this does is incentivize the 1% to spend more on cosmetic procedures like veneers, micro-dermabrasions, liposuctions etc. so they'll resemble the cast of Hunger Games even more.
• Remember the Bowling Green Massacre? Rand made the same "mistake" on Morning Joe. Very funny coincidence. The closest thing KY experienced to terrorism was a story from 2009 about a couple of refugees with ties to Iraq. Rand turned it into an "attempted bombing", and Kellyanne Conway spun that into a "massacre". If this trend continues, Spicer will call it the "Kentucky Genocide" and Trump will refer to it as the "Bowling Green Extinction Event".

See also

• Paul Ryan — He's a staunch libertarian, except when he's not.

Videos

• Rand Paul: "Low-Flow Liberal Toilets Can't Handle All My Poo."^{[No, not The Onion]}
• We hope he built his bunker out of drone-proof material — Watching that again is a thing of beauty. Rand spews out nonsense in a scolding, condescending tone, and Sanders just destroys him with a single question.
• Maddow grills Rand Paul on the CRA — He said something vague about it and thought he could move on with life. Rachel asked follow-up questions, and wouldn't let up until he very clearly said that businesses should be able to discriminate.

External links

• Well, at least he's qualified.
• Carmen Sandiego songwriter threatens to sue Rand Paul — Now now, maybe he's just homesteading the song because the owner was not maximizing its potential.
• Rand Paul Teaches Lady Reporter How To Talk To Him, Again — This guy has an entitlement complex you can see from space and election chances you can't see with an electron microscope.
• Rand Paul can "win the whole thing" if Iowa supporters just open their wallets and give him more $. — Wait...That's what he raised so far? That's so little most of it could come from his own pocket. His daddy could teach him a thing or two.
• Repeal Obamacare, or else…I won't let you win this round of golf!
• Was Rand Paul Certified as an Ophthalmologist by a Board He Created? The Kentucky senator’s medical qualifications came under a microscope in a meme. — Snopes

References

2016 United States presidential election articles on RationalWiki

Topics: Affordable Care Act - Citizens United v. FEC - DAESH - Gun control - Illegal immigration - Koch Industries - United States Electoral College - Trump's Wall
Parties: Democratic Party (primaries) - Green Party of the United States - Libertarian Party - Republican Party (primaries • Convention • Tea Party)
Candidates: Bush (R) - Carson (R) - Christie (R) - Clinton (D) - Cruz (R) - Huckabee (R) - Jindal (R) - Johnson (Lib) - Kasich (R) - Paul (R) - Perry (R) - Rubio (R) - Sanders (D) - Stein (Green) - Trump (R) - Walker (R) - Webb (D) • Running mates: Kaine (D) - Pence (R)
Winner: Donald Trump