2016 Republican Party presidential nomination

See the main article on this topic: 2016 U.S. Presidential Election

Final results by delegate votes. The blue states are not a good thing, and they should honestly be orange.

“”Everyone has been wondering all week how the candidates who aren’t Donald Trump will react to his super-S-M-R-T and totally practical plan to erect an Anti-Muslim Force Field around the USA...John Kasich will call it reprehensible, Ted Cruz will thank Trump for bringing up this important question, and Ben Carson will smile, nod, and wonder why the terrorists haven’t accepted Jesus into their hearts.

—Kalli Joy Gray

The Republican race to retake the White House began in 2015, culminating in the 1968 Democratic 2016 Republican National Convention clown show in Cleveland, Ohio. Time to buy stock in popcorn companies.

The Republican Party isn't very smart and hasn't been for a long time,^{[citation NOT needed]} but they don't need to be to achieve success. What they are good at is propaganda. In order to gain power, what they needed to do is section off 50%+1 of the electorate and get them voting for the GOP. The problem is this has left them extremely vulnerable to scam artists. That's why, in the last couple of elections, we've seen a couple of obvious hucksters rise to the top of the polls. Because they have denigrated the media to such an extent, it's not a big step to simply say Fox News is now part of the mainstream media and can be ignored. Because they screamed about how bankrupt the "establishment" is, it's simple for a big part of their base to not only ignore their advice but go directly against it. Because they told us repeatedly that the government can never get anything done, they can't point to a candidate who has accomplished anything of worth and get their base to listen. There was something of a perfect storm for Donald here. He could have been stopped at any point in the process if things had been just slightly different.

Is Trump any more outrageous than "death panels?" Were his remarks to that anchorwoman any more sexist than "legitimate rape"? Is his wall any less humane than "dig a big canal and electrify it!" or "let's build a giant laser!"? No, not particularly. Sprinkle on a little bit of "income tax is theft!" and even the Paulbots will be singing hosanas.

This is the monster their collective Frankenstein created. Nothing matters. "Loud" wins. Honk honk.

Elephant Graveyard

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone / Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone / Silence the pianos and with muffled drum / Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come

Jeb Bush Age: 71 Guac bowl merchant Former Governor of Florida Dropped out 20 February 2016	Advantages: Bog-standard Republican. His main appeal seems to be bucking the style of his party, though not necessarily the substance. Has a long list of legislative and corporate experience. Speaks fluent Spanish, and may—just may—be able to sell the benefits of immigration reform and Common Core welp. Any route to a GOP presidency requires flipping Florida, which is turning blue by the hour. In response to the Pope's laudato si, he expressed some concerns over capital punishment; there are some signs that he may turn to having a consistent life ethic (neatly avoiding the inconsistency of being both pro-life and pro-death). Able to eat a pretzel without choking to death.
	Disadvantages: This particular branch includes wanting to abolish Medicare, climate change denial, school vouchers, the signing of "Stand Your Ground" into law, opposition to rapprochement with Cuba or Iran, opposition to same-sex marriage & abortion, etc. Too soft on illegals for their taste. His tax plan would benefit the rich... but if it ain't a Flat Tax, these rednecks ain't buyin'. He also has trouble getting his brother's people to side with him. Got clownstomped in every exchange with Trump. Has similarities to Hillary in that they're both policy wonks and come off as a bit robotic; not very emotional or quick to the punch. It would appear that Rubio nicked his spot (in a youth vs experience, future vs. past kinda thing, with comparisons to 2008; Jeb is increasingly looking like '08 Hillary).Even among Republicans, Bush vs Clinton 2: The Dynastying is not a thrilling prospect.
Ben Carson Age: 73 Retired neurosurgeon Dropped out (in the most confusing way possible) 2 March 2016	Advantages: In case of emergency, break glass and say "brain surgeon" until time is up. Carson thinks America should not use its resources to feed its people, because that turns them into lazy welfare queens (like his mom). Inexplicably stayed in the top tier for months; he appears to be the new darling of the Values Voter coalition. Political outsider in a time where Republicans are distrustful of anything that looks like a witch the "Establishment". Makes Republicans feel real proud of themselves. When he used to slice into peoples' brains, he didn’t see race, just nice peoples' brains is all.
	Disadvantages: "Hasn’t bothered reviewing the Chick Tracts that supply literally all of his policy positions, and seems confused by the expectation that he’d be familiar with his own prior statements" — Magary. Props to Carson for debating while high; not a lot of people have the guts to do that. (Gimme a question. Wait ... Not that question. Get me someone else.) Basically the average uninformed 1 percenter who decides he can do everything better than politicians and assumes it will be easy. A "born again" charlatan, and a paid quack for nutritional supplements.
Chris Christie Age: 62 Governor of New Jersey Dropped out 10 February 2016	Advantages: Moderate on social issues. Competent handling of the (immediate) aftermath of Hurricane Sandy. Less-driven by ideology than other Republicans. As head of the Republican Governors' Association in 2014, helped the party scoop up a bunch of northern states in the midterms. Enjoys a national profile and may even be viewed more favorably outside New Jersey than in. Privatized water in New Jersey, turning a basic human right into millions of dollar-dollar-bills-yo for his friends; how much more Republican can you get? He seems jowly and crude but he has a plan. If the Republicans go all the way, expect to see him as an advisor to the administration between 2017 & 2025. (Probably his angle all along.)
	Disadvantages: We get it. 9/11 happened. You were a U.S. Attorney, put a sock in it. And the willingness to just start a war in Russia is...unnerving to say the least. You can show strength without being reckless about it. Without Trump, Christie would have been able to make waves, but he just comes off as a weaker version of him. A vanilla Republican on economic and environmental matters: no surprise, then, that the state is a budget crisis. Has a Nixonian level of vindictiveness: despite his re-election (which was a forgone conclusion), he cut funding/shut down bridges in cities that voted for Barbara Buono. (He weathered 'Bridgegate', but will be always be remembered as "the guy who fucked with your commute because you may have voted for his opponent".) Defended a hillbilly Governor after he had a paddy (or three). He also sold 9/11 memorabilia as political favors for those who supported him?! Chris, maybe you should lay off the bear-hugs for a while.
Ted Cruz Age: 53 Junior Senator from Texas Dropped out 4 May 2016	Advantages: Consistently conservative from law school until now, unlike Donald. Has a ton of support in the all-important Florida primary, and might get a boost from overseas voters. His fundraising is competitive: Rubio and Cruz are the two favorites of the Republican Jewish Committee, with Sheldon Adelson allegedly liking Rubio while his wife is all in for Cruz. Beloved by the deepest depths of the Religious Right (and Rick Perry's old donors). Frenemies with Trump. Weirdly, he's the only one who can get away with attacking Trump without looking petty. He correctly called out McConnells's hypocrisy on the Export-Import Bank, voted against the TPP, and is championing a European-style VAT plan. One of the (selectively) more pro-science candidates. A great speaker, and would be far and away the best debater if not for the "NO! I WANNA TALK NOW!" moment.
	Disadvantages: The punchable face of the 2013 government shutdown, which he tried again in '15. Any support he might reap with Latinos is offset by his immigration platform. Pissed off fellow Republicans with his lame-duck filibuster, costing them a dozen or so lifetime appointments. Made a disrespectful joke about Joe Biden days after Biden's son died of brain cancer(!). Lacks any foresight whatsoever with his "New York Values" remark. Tripping over his feet to make himself the most homophobic candidate. Apart from all that—um, nothing. He'd still be fine anywhere on the ticket. Well, if he can even legally be president; there's no clear answer. What a time to be alive.
Carly Fiorina Age: 70 ex-CEO Dropped out 10 February 2016	Advantages: More proven appeal than Chris Christie, Rick Perry, and Sarah Palin. Likely running for Vice President or the cabinet, since she's not wingnutty enough to win the nomination. A feminist who is pro-life. Ancap pinup girl: Opposes the minimum wage, blames the recession on "federal workers watching porn all day long", and wants to reduce the tax code to four pages. Her entire life has been built on rehearsing self-promotional presentations to similarly-stupid people. Briefly jumped to 2nd place after the second debate.
	Disadvantages: Her Medieval History degree will help her crush House Plantagenet.[No, not The Onion] Walks a fine line of calling for a corporate coup d'état. She's clearly trying to leverage her job experience from ten years ago into some kind of cyber-security angle: As HP chairman she was too busy fighting terrorists (e.g. making some phone calls) to give the company her full attention. Being forced out by shareholders after the stock lost half its value doesn't look too good, either. Sold shit to Iran back when it was still illegal. Probably the best-rehearsed member of the pack... but then her whackaloon ideas come spilling out. Let's cut off all communication with the only country with a nuclear arsenal bigger than ours! The kicker was her crazy plan to arm the Emirates and have them go fight ISIS, based on the standard GOP assumption that all Arab countries are interchangeable and have the same security concerns. The "fetus brain-harvesting" meme is falling flat, and that's the only thing she was hanging her hat on. Somebody please tell her she is not the GOP equivalent to Clin— LET ME INTERRUPT YOU HERE! That's it, her 15 minutes are up. She's done here.
Jim Gilmore Age: 75 former Governor of Virginia Dropped out February 2016	Advantages: Former Republican National Committee boss and Dubya waterboy. A paid commentator on Faux News. He's also on the NRA Board of Directors At least admits climate change exists. With Perry and Graham out of the race, Gilmore is the last remaining candidate with actual military experience.
	Disadvantages: Jim who? So obscure that major pollsters aren't even acknowledging his campaign. Whipped by Democrat Mark Warner in the 2008 Virginia U.S. Senate election, getting only 35% of the vote and losing in many Virginia locales usually voting Republican. Entered the race much later this time around than he did in 2008, where he dropped out quickly after raising only a tiny amount of money. Doesn't think that climate change is anthropogenic, and essentially argues against taking action even if it is. Received fewer votes than Vermin Supreme in the New Hampshire primary.
Lindsey Graham Age: 69 South Carolina Senator Dropped out 21 December 2015	Advantages: Retired Air Force Colonel; Desert Storm, Iraq and Afghan War veteran. Wants to be the one to take the Caliph down. One of the few non-chickenhawks in the race, with a good bipartisan record. As a favorite son, his candidacy could have peeled voters away from Rand Paul in the vital February South Carolina primary. Remarkably sane on pretty much everything not involving foreign policy. We're gonna miss ya at the Kids' Table debates.
	Disadvantages: His problem was the reverse of Trump's: Whilst his moderate platform would have won more voters, it excommunicated him from the Tea Party. Not a chicken, but very much a hawk, in the mold of his good friend John McCain. America just isn't ready for a southern dandy president.
Mike Huckabee Age: 69 Former Governor of Arkansas Dropped out 1 February 2016	Advantages: He's an economic populist: he opposes cutting Social Security, Medicare, or Medicaid, and consistently speaks out against the bankers on Wall Street. Also raised taxes as Governor of Arkansas. Once offered Stephen Colbert the Vice Presidency if elected.
	Disadvantages: A dominionist. Played bass for Ted Nugent. Up there with Walker and Carson in terms of anti-choice extremism, saying in the first debate that he would use the Fifth and Fourteenth Amendments to prosecute abortion providers. Has called abortion worse than the Holocaust! While we're on the subject of the Holocaust, his remarks apropos of the Iran negotiations may well be the most offensive violations of Godwin's law that any candidate in recent memory has committed. FairTax advocate. Birther. Young Earther. His public support of Josh Duggar (after the incestuous pedophilia came to light) probably blew his campaign out of the water months before the Iowa caucus.
Bobby Jindal Age: 53 Governor of Louisiana Dropped out 17 November 2015.	Advantages: Apart from potential benefits/pitfalls of tokenism, Jindal has managed to run Louisiana since 2008, winning a clear re-election victory in 2011. Has great wingnut credentials.
	Disadvantages: Those aforementioned wingnut credentials: e.g. claiming to have wrestled demons, injecting creationism in biology classes, obsession with abortion, spewing Islamophobic nonsense, being to the right of Fox News, thinking he's white(?). Sure, it may play to (some) primary voters, but not in a final contest vs. the Democrats. Pulled a flip-flop on the Common Core standards, so now both sides of that debate can criticize him. Jindal signed Grover Norquist's no-tax-hikes pledge, but ended up raising taxes anyway...on the poor. His biggest regret was failing to eliminate Louisiana's income tax entirely.
John Kasich Age: 72 Governor of Ohio Dropped out 4 May 2016	Advantages: A "popular" governor—unlike Christie, Jindal, and Walker—with a proven ability to work across the aisle, and from a key swing state to boot. Authored the Balanced Budget Act of 1997, the last time the Federal budget was balanced. Has a humane record towards LGBT and the working poor, which he justifies to Republicans by alluding to the Good Book. If the GOP actually cared about electability, he would probably be the frontrunner. Gets true believer points for rejecting federal rail funding for his state (the prick), enacting "voter ID" law, deregulating charter schooling, costing Ohio five abortion centers in the last two years due to his fucking nonsense, lowering training hours for gun owners from 8 hours to 2, promising a new ground war against ISIS...all this still wasn't enough to appease the wingnut gods? Great running mate material; perfect for fading into the background and showing up at funerals.
	Disadvantages: Huntsman Reloaded. Bucked the party line too many times for the base to seriously consider him, like accepting the Medicaid expansion under Obamacare. Tried to break the unions à la Wisconsin, but backed off when approval ratings plummeted. Voters might be wising up to the empty promises of Reaganomics, which he is touting. Also, he was managing director of Lehman Brothers' Ohio division when it collapsed in the Panic of 2008. His dumb, sexist comment about bringing women out of the kitchens to vote for him. Muttered about the need for a new "agency" to "promote Judeo-Christian Values" in the mideast. (So much for rising above the Stupids.) Haw geez, let's stop bickering and work together to beat the Dems. But the base doesn't want reasonable discussion. They want to be riled up. Looks like a turtle when he walks.
George Pataki Age: 79 Former Governor of New York Dropped out 29 December 2015	Advantages: Pataki polled 2.5 million votes statewide in 2002 compared to Hillary's 3 million in 2006. During his tenure, New York City and Long Island (about 60% of NY's population) saw some of the most massive economic growth in American history. Claims to be a "Republican following in the tradition of Teddy Roosevelt" who believes in "preserving and enhancing the outdoors." (If he really meant it about following in Teddy's tradition, we'd be thrilled: that guy bashed corporations and pulled for universal health care.) Was governor during 9/11, if anyone cares. If a Democrat wins the White House, he could be a shoo-in for a Cabinet position. Thinks the federal workforce can be cut 15%.
	Disadvantages: He has a better shot in the Democratic primary, not this cesspool. He lobbied in favor of a gay rights bill while Governor. Additionally pro-choice, against the death penalty, supported increased health care coverage, pro-labor (though like Teddy, not pro-union), advocate for gun control but not restrictions ("A well regulated militia..."), acknowledged climate change before it was cool warm, and really likes tax cuts (the one thing other Democrats would rail against him over).
Rand Paul Age: 61 Junior Senator from Kentucky Dropped out 3 February 2016	Advantages: Strongly identifies with the Tea Party. Lots of media attention. Criticized mandatory minimum sentences and mass incarceration. Polls surprisingly well with black Americans. Three-time darling of the CPAC conference. Makes up his own polls and headlines.
	Disadvantages: Stole his speeches from Wikipedia and his toupee from Art Garfunkel.[citation NOT needed] $1.5 million is quite an impressive haul, if he were running for local dog catcher. If you liked Ron Paul's racism, you'll like Donald Trump's policies even better! Previously thought to be a mere clone of his father, but his pathetic tailcoat-riding behind Trump (Hey guise, look at me! I can be a proto-fascist too!) has revealed him for something even more detestable. Still too moderate, though; Republicans don't care about cautioned, reasonable approaches to foreign policy, they just want to go in guns blazin'. Big business balks at his opposition to corporate subsidies, literally running away (!) from DREAMers, and siding with Cruz during the shutdown. He drinks the Religious Right's Kool-Aid, but they won't like his libertarian "solutions." Likely to attract all of his dad's crackpot followers: In other words, political seppuku. Bullshitter extraordinaire during the Ebola panic. Looks creepily like Lee Harvey Oswald.
Rick Perry Age: 74 Former Governor of Texas Dropped out 11 September 2015	Advantages: His 14-year experience at an executive position remains his most powerful tool, since he can court the fossil fuel special interests as well as members of the business community and grassroots conservatives fairly easily. His best trait was the strong job growth driven by oil money, a shitstorm of new residents, and something resembling regulation; Texas dodged the Great Recession as a result. He also had a more moderate view of immigration as Governor. He's adept at playing to a crowd and wears his stupidity like a medal, so he probably has the Texas vote locked up. He can produce a spoiler effect and split the vote within the Teabagger candidates. While he's said to be as dumb as George W. Bush, one key difference makes him more dangerous - he knows how to break your jaw, because he takes advantage of his opponents' ability to underestimate him; the Lone Star State is a graveyard of people who were undercut by the man they felt was too moronic to do such a thing.
	Disadvantages: Before the primaries even began – hell, before the second debate began – he stopped paying his campaign staff because he went over-budget. "…Oops!" The usual anti-science, hawkish, anti-Constitutional pandering to the religious right, with a strident favoritism to Israel, a scary allegiance to the Dominionist movement, horrendous social policies including abortion, and crooked backroom donor deals with people who supported his campaigns. Dropped out on September 11, 2015; the first to do so in the Republican race.
Marco Rubio Age: 53 Junior Senator from Florida Dropped out 15 March 2016	Advantages: A rising young star of mixed race—a sort of Republican answer to Obama—and some regret that he wasn't Romney's running mate. Bush and Christie will pledge their delegates to him. Rubio has absorbed much of Scott Walker's apparatus, courting Sheldon Adelson and Paul Singer, among others. His schooling of Trump on the nuke issue got him high points. Kinda-sorta acknowledged the existence of man-made climate change in response to the Pope's Laudato Si. (Too rational?) He also wants to devolve energy regulation to the states! (Phew!)
	Disadvantages: With actual neocons in his pocket, Rubio is the most hawkish Republican in this race: he wants another round of trickle-down tax cuts (but it's O.K. because his father was a bartender), and to "rebuild" America's military (?), opposes the Iran deal, loves him some Bibi, wants a no-fly zone in Syria, and welcomes a war with Putin. Bragged about wanting to overthrow Castro and become President of Cuba in his youth, chico. To be honest, Republicans are a little relieved that they didn't get Marco "Preggers with Zika should be jailed" Rubio. His entire adult life has been about half-assing the opportunities that are handed to him. Riding high from his 3rd place finish in Iowa, Marco Roboto repeated the same sentence four times in the same debate, even after Lovitz Christie called him on it. Some mild and overt racism are certainly in play: The Hateful Eight will be an albatross, and he's actually unpopular with Hispanics overall. And look at the fear in his eyes...
Rick Santorum Age: 66 Former Pennsylvania Senator Dropped out 3 February 2016	Advantages: First runner up in the last primary, and conservative voters have a habit of going for the next-in-line. Has the machinery in place, including the 150,000 strong "Patriot Voices". Has kept a fairly low profile since the last election, allowing other potential contenders to stand up and make asses of themselves. In an era of increasing Right to Work legislation, he appeals to blue-collar union households.
	Disadvantages: Besides being Rick Santorum? He also lost his Senate reelection bid by a landslide, which tends to be a down check.
Scott Walker Age: 57 Governor of Wisconsin Dropped out 21 September 2015	Advantages: Destroyed collective bargaining in Wisconsin, making it another fetid "right to work" state. Won three straight elections while implementing the most draconian policies in a blue state, raising his profile as a potential dark horse. Coincidentally, it could mean the second time in a row where the GOP decides to target in Wisconsin and its 10 electoral votes. A darling of the Koch Brothers, able to present himself as a grassroots conservative while pandering to the establishment like a chameleon. Also rejected federal high speed rail funds (like Kasich); This may help him in the primary but hurt him in the general election.
	Disadvantages: Won three elections with record low turnout, outright wrecked his state's economy...The usual stuff. Despite the enormous sums of money, Walker isn't exactly the brightest bulb in the house. He compared striking union workers to Daesh, of all fucking things, showing that he considers Americans themselves to be the greatest threat to America. This man actually attributed his male-pattern baldness to bumping his head. Has no college degree, an achievement not seen since Harry Truman! He also, recklessly and without much of a reason, decided to skip the all-important Florida primary if he runs. "My view has changed. I'm flat out saying it. Candidates can say that." Donors began to waver, his war chest dried up, and his approval rating went to 0.5 percent. He became the second to drop out of the race.

Dodged the bullet

Looked like they were going to run, but declined.

John Bolton Age: 76 Former Ambassador to the United Nations	Advantages: Neocons will probably love him. His disdain towards any kind of international organizations and diplomacy plays well to the "USA! USA! USA!"-unilateralists. A stopped clock moment is Bolton's 2013 statement that gay marriage should not be outlawed (you didn't see that coming, did you?) at either state and federal levels.
	Disadvantages: Has a mustache. Apparently, Trump turned him down for a cabinet post because he won't shave it.[No, not The Onion] Appetite for war have been dulled by the legacy of Bolton's former employer. What is Bolton going to do about domestic issues? No, really, we'd like to know.
Bob Ehrlich Age: 66 Governor of Maryland	Advantages: Rose to prominence in Congress as part of the Gingrich Revolution in 1994. In 2002 Ehrlich defeated Bobby Kennedy's daughter, Kathleen Kennedy Townsend, for Governor of Maryland. Ehrlich holds the distinction of being the first Republican Governor of Maryland since Spiro Agnew.
	Disadvantages: Probably too much of a typical East Coast RINO. After getting booted out of office in 2006, Sarah Palin backed his Tea Party primary opponent when he sought a rematch with Democratic incumbent, Martin O'Malley, who defeated him 4 years earlier.
Jon Huntsman Age: 64 Former Ambassador to Singapore/China and Governor of Utah	Advantages: Current spot as chairman of the Atlantic Council caps an excellent career in diplomacy under Bush 41 and Obama. An honest-to-god pro-gay marriage and pro-climate conservative. Increasingly disillusioned with the direction of the GOP (he plans to "re-infuse it with the ideals of Lincoln, Roosevelt and Eisenhower" and even threatened to start a third party), which is code for "Excuse me while I abandon ship and attempt to pick up the pieces over the next decade."
	Disadvantages: Like Romney, 2012 demonstrated that a Mormon candidate still carries stigma with social conservatives, as well as his association with the terms "Obama" and "China." Being born into millions billions will always make him an easy target. Passed abortion restrictions and a flat tax in Utah. So much for his "only sane man" image.
Dennis Michael Lynch Age: 55 Filmmaker	Advantages: When Dennis M. Lynch appears on Fox, he is presented as a legitimate "documentary" filmmaker, whereas in the real world, he's a right-wing spin doctor who makes direct-to-DVD movies about America's border security.
	Disadvantages: Black people are never going to vote for a guy with the name Lynch. Thinks Cliven Bundy is a national treasure.
Sarah Palin Age: 60 Former Governor of Alaska	Advantages: What candidate wouldn't want the highly-coveted Palin endorsement? Sarah, who puts the "rat" in desperate, also came out in support of pot legalization and /r/libertarian went nuts. Will add to the circus atmosphere with her strange photo-ops; attempted hijacking of the feminist movement.
	Disadvantages: Oof, gosh. Too busy shilling her new E-book to do much campaigning. Lightning rod for criticism both in and out of the party. Helped sink the 2008 John McCain campaign. Doesn't know which Korea is an ally to the United States.
Tim Pawlenty Age: 63 Former Governor of Minnesota	Advantages: T-Paw is considered fairly....normal, at least compared to the rogues gallery that stayed in the race. Urged fellow Republicans to support a wage hike—with enough vague language so he can slime his way out of that position once he's back on the dais.
	Disadvantages: Pardoned a serial child molester so he and his wife could open up a day care center (?!). Believes that people who are dying from cancer should be arrested if they use marijuana for relief. Quit Team Romney to go become a banking goon. (Romney advisor, bank lobbyist... what's the difference?) "Retired" from political life in early 2015, as if that wasn't already decided for him. Goodbye and thanks for nothing. The state won't miss you.
Rob Portman Age: 68 Junior Senator from Ohio	Advantages: Has 15+ years in Congress, bipartisan, did some trade representative-ey things, and known for playing Democrats in mock debate sessions. Clinton advisors were genuinely worried if he campaigned and campaigned well.
	Disadvantages: The first sitting Republican Senator (if you exclude Lincoln Chaffee) to openly support same-sex marriage. Why are there tumbleweeds on the horizon?
Mitt Romney Age: 77 Former Governor of Massachusetts Bowed out Jan 2015.	Advantages: Effectively the "In Case of Emergency, Break Glass" candidate: in the event of a brokered convention, expect fierce pressure by the RNC to draft him yet again. (As of November 2014, 20% of the party believes he deserves another shot.) Would have a huge fundraising operation like before, and could challenge more swing states if he promises to "fix" a health care plan inspired by him rather than "repeal" it.
	Disadvantages: Everything that made him lose to Barack Obama in 2012. He came off like a Mr. Monopoly character and the public was turned off by his out-of-touch statements about wealth in America (it's patronizing for a rich guy to say Hey plebes, I'm just like you!, people see right through that shit and Romney wasn't very good at it to begin with), while conservatives were never really comfortable with the "Massachusetts moderate". The bitter, grumbling millionaire to Trump's unfettered, fanciful billionaire. If you asked him if he wanted tea with lemon he'd say well we need to consider the potential ramifications of what this lemon could do for our country before coming to a definitive decision but we should also ponder if we can do without such a vital ingredient in our tea of immense importance. Only two politicians have successfully become POTUS after previously losing a general election, and in both cases conceded in squeakers, not by 4% of the popular vote.

Woolly Mammoth

Admit it, you would pay to see the Prohibition Party make a comeback. We could host their primary at a Holiday Inn.

Jack Fellure Age: 93 Perennial candidate from West Virginia	Advantages: Actual veteran of the Korean War (!) Michael Rooker lookalike. The party's logo is basically a yellow-blue version of the House Bolton sigil. (A Flayed Man Holds No Secrets is a catchy slogan.)
	Disadvantages: Jack says his platform is all laid out in the King James Bible, so he doesn't see the point in campaigning. Yep, he also wants to ban alcohol again. According to the party platform which they agreed on in 2012, he also plans to tax pornography.

GOP primary polls

"We're not going to have a circus."

“”I sense a real fear from people that if Trump blows everybody out of the water in South Carolina, that he is suddenly unstoppable.

—Erick Erickson

It's been a free-for-all: the GOP field from day one was the largest and most divided in decades, with nearly 30 elephants under consideration.

It should have been the Republicans' easiest election in 30 years, but they're about to nominate a guy who's miraculously more unlikable than Hillary Clinton. It's more about damage control at this point: A Trump nomination will leave a long-lasting stain on the party. Distancing themselves from Trump and propping up lame duck candidates might be the better long-term option, even if it means they lose the election:

• Super Tuesday: It's not even a close primary. Trump is beating Rubio in his own state by like 30 points. Cruz has pockets of support in a few states. Cruz couldn't even win South Carolina with no evangelical competition, so he isn't going anywhere. (Don't blame Carson, he barely got any votes; Carolinians would rather throw their vote away than vote for Cruz.)

Kasich "knows" how to win Ohio. And if that's all it took to be president, that might mean something. His overall numbers will be similar to Ben Carson's who is still waiting for the "awakening."

Rubio was clearly the establishment pick and had been for a while. Then he choked. Bad. He collapsed to 5th in NH, losing to Jeb of all people. He is leading nowhere and the math looks bad for him. He doesn't even have the ground game to get out the vote in Iowa or New Hampshire, and, erm, doesn't seem to think this is a problem? How ironic that Kasich could win Ohio and Cruz win Texas, yet Rubio can't even win Florida.

• Presumptive nominee: The Prisoner's Dilemma between Rubio and Kasich is fascinating to watch. If Rubio is playing for a brokered convention then he might as well drop out now. Nothing shows real leadership and ability like best 2 out of 3? (Hey, don't knock Rubio's 3-5-2-3 strategy!)

Kasich could emerge as the "adult in the room"; he is well-poised to siphon support away from a flagging Rubio. Unfortunately, vanity candidates like Kasich and Carson are only helping Trump, and the longer they stay in, the more it helps Trump maintain a big lead. Even if the establishment lined up behind Kasich, he'd come to the convention with 1 state and a small fraction of the delegates. Years from now Kasich is going to be like Salieri from Amadeus ranting about how God chose Mozart over him.

Trump is doing just as well (or slightly better) than McCain and Mitt Romney were at this point. And there were a lot of "Romney? NEVER!" voters who failed to derail Romney's campaign. Sure, Rubio/Cruz might eventually pick up the lion's share of support from the other candidates if the rest drop out. But let's be realistic, they aren't going to all drop out until it's far too late to stop Trump. Looks like the donors are beginning to coalesce around Donald, as well.

Facepalms reverberate throughout RNC

The GOP didn't just "shoot itself in the foot". They stuck a shotgun down their trousers and pulled the trigger twice.

Convention rules intended as a firewall against populist upstarts have backfired in SC, which may enable Trump to clinch the nomination with less than 40% of the vote. The RNC introduced the "winner-takes-all" states to avoid the uphill battle Romney faced against a bunch of joke candidates. Instead, it set things up for Trump to run away with the nomination and limit the time the establishment has to get their shit together.

Caveat: The RNC can conceivably fuck him when he gets there, hand it to Rubio Romney? Cruz Kasich Jeb Bush for ultimate irony please GOP make it happen Romney, and take their chances with Trump running as an independent. They've shown a willingness to snub people they feel don't belong before: They pretty much took a dump right on Ron Paul's head in 2012. However, that will probably never happen since Trump has the nomination locked up. The optics would be "RNC is stealing the election away from Trump." It will confirm all the voters' beliefs about establishment puppeteers pulling the strings.

If the Republicans gave their delegates out proportionally like the Democrats do, then it would be a much different story, and Trump would likely lose a brokered convention. But the fact is, rules are rules, and "winner takes all" states are giving Trump an insurmountable delegate lead. A round of applause, please.

On the upside, the GOP obliterating itself on national TV is going to send ratings through the stratosphere.

Primaries/Caucuses won thus far

Below are the winners of the states which have held primaries or caucuses so far:

• Cruz
  • Alaska
  • Colorado
  • Idaho
  • Iowa
  • Kansas
  • Maine
  • Oklahoma
  • Texas
  • Utah
  • Wisconsin
  • Wyoming

• Kasich
  • Ohio

• Rubio
  • Minnesota
  • Puerto Rico (which is not a state, but still holds a primary)
  • Washington, D.C. (not a state, still hosts a primary)

• Trump
  • Alabama
  • Arizona
  • Arkansas
  • California
  • Connecticut
  • Delaware
  • Florida
  • Georgia
  • Hawaii
  • Illinois
  • Indiana
  • Kentucky
  • Louisiana
  • Maryland
  • Massachusetts
  • Michigan
  • Mississippi
  • Missouri
  • Montana
  • Nebraska
  • Nevada
  • New Hampshire
  • New Jersey
  • New Mexico
  • New York
  • North Carolina
  • North Dakota
  • Oregon
  • Pennsylvania
  • Rhode Island
  • South Carolina
  • South Dakota
  • Tennessee
  • Vermont
  • Virginia
  • Washington
  • West Virginia

External links

• "Rubio Refutes Claim He's Soft On Immigration By Dragging Undocumented Worker He Knocked Out Cold"
  • "Rand Paul Escorted Off Stage After Falling Below 2.5% In Middle Of Debate"
• Kasich really fucking loves breakfast — Considering he ran for months on a shoestring budget, his campaign was obviously a front for restaurant chains across the country. (Even his campaign logo is a strip of bacon.)

Videos

• 2016 GOP Primary - The dating sim - Jeb is still our husbando, though.

See also

• 2012 Republican Party presidential nomination
• 2016 Democratic Party presidential nomination — The Democratic debates have been some of the tamest we've ever seen among either party. Clinton calls Sanders an idealist. Sanders says Hillary is in bed with Wall Street. And meanwhile, Trump is saying Cruz "the biggest liar he's ever met" and everyone else is calling Trump a clown prince of crime. The Democratic debates look like a boxing match, and the GOP debates looks like a prison yard brawl, shivs and all.
• 2016 Republican National Convention — a convention like no other

References

United States 2016 presidential election articles on RationalWiki

Topics: Affordable Care Act - Citizens United v. FEC - DAESH - Gun control - Illegal immigration - Koch Industries - United States Electoral College - Trump's Wall
Parties: Democratic Party (primaries) - Green Party of the United States - Libertarian Party - Republican Party (primaries • Convention • Tea Party)
Candidates: Bush (R) - Carson (R) - Christie (R) - Clinton (D) - Cruz (R) - Huckabee (R) - Jindal (R) - Johnson (Lib) - Kasich (R) - Paul (R) - Perry (R) - Rubio (R) - Sanders (D) - Stein (Green) - Trump (R) - Walker (R) - Webb (D) • Running mates: Kaine (D) - Pence (R)
Winner: Donald Trump