There is no RationalWiki without you. We are a small non-profit with no staff – we are hundreds of volunteers who document pseudoscience and crankery around the world every day. We will never allow ads because we must remain independent. We cannot rely on big donors with corresponding big agendas. We are not the largest website around, but we believe we play an important role in defending truth and objectivity.
If everyone who saw this today donated $5, we would meet our goal for 2019.
| Fighting pseudoscience isn't free.|
We are 100% user-supported! Help and donate $5, $20 or whatever you can today with !
| The dreams of man|
|Disturbing your sleep|
The oenological argument has two parts, the particular and the universal:
- The particular argument, which proves the existence of oneself, runs thusly: "I drink, therefore I am." (As reproduced from early drafts of Descartes' Meditations.)
- The universal argument, which proves the existence of God, runs thusly: "When I drink, I hear voices. Since I am not insane, they must be God. QED."
Benjamin Franklin, an early proponent of the oenological argument, wrote in his first formulation: "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." Evilutionists have contested this claim, arguing that renal failure outweighs any alleged "buzz". (Whether evilutionists are just total fucking killjoys remains to be seen. Check back in July next year.)
However, the original rendition predates Franklin by 17 centuries. Noted scholar J. H. Christ proved his own existence by transmuting water to wine (see "I drink, therefore I am") and thus proved that God lives in wine. However, the proof did not come without controversy: Oenological extremists (known as "alcoholists") have distorted Christ's wine-favoritism into proof that Germans (who prefer beer to wine) are unloved by God.
All versions of the oenological argument are intrinsically coupled with the oenological problem, which can be briefly stated as: "What problem? I drink, I fall down. I get up. No problem."
It is worth mentioning that the oenological argument is the only proof of God's existence which contains no logical fallacies, or non-alcoholic content whatsoever.
- Not really, but it makes a good story.
- And God spake: "This wedding was shit until I came, anyway.".
- Not to mention that the British won't even chill their beer before drinking it. Yeuch.
- Also not to mention that British beer is so good it doesn't need to be chilled. Mmmmm.
- Also, if Jesus really did exist, why didn't he turn wheat into marijuana?
- Mormons and devout Hindus also fall short of the glory of wine.