Austria (German: Österreich), officially the Republic of Austria (German: Republic Österreich) is a country in Central Europe. The rural part of Austria is full of mountains, snow, goats and the like. Carinthia (German: Kärnten) is full of lakes. Vienna (German: Wien) is the capital of Austria and it is full of people, music, culture, coffee houses and such things. The cutlet dish Wiener schnitzel (sometimes also spelled Wienerschnitzel) is also named after Vienna (it comes from the city's German demonym i.e. Viennese; German: Wiener). Americans later ripped off the pork version of the dish (it was originally made with veal) in the form of pork tenderloin.[note 1] Sachertorte is also a famous Viennese recipe and closely connected with the Hotel Sacher in the city.
Austria is also rife with Roman Catholics.
On occasion, people get mail addressed to Austria mixed up with Australia, making it a dicey proposition when somebody in Austria wins your eBay auction.
The states in Austria are called Bundesländer (German, Germany.: "federal countries"), just like in
|State (German name)||Capital|
|Lower Austria (Niederösterreich)|
|Upper Austria (Oberösterreich)||Linz|
The state of Tyrol is composed of two territories: the larger North Tyrol (German: Nordtirol) and East Tyrol (German: Osttirol). Historically, the region of Tyrol included the aforementioned territories and South Tyrol (German: Südtirol) that is now part of Italy. There are significant minorities in South Tyrol that speak German, such as in the city of Bolzano (German: Bozen).
Austrians speak German (Higher German to be precise; a dialect it shares with Bavaria and Eastern Switzerland. And Austrians can even be understood by Germans to an extent, unlike speakers of Swiss German) and have a Germanic culture but the majority don't want to be part of Germany, resulting from pan-Germanism becoming associated with Nazism and the rise of a civic Austrian nationalism.
Tendency for fascism
Austria is occasionally the laughingstock/demon-harbinger of Europe, because they periodically elect a large proportion of neo-fascists to power. In 2008, Jörg Haider's party (along with a rival right-wing party) sent a large enough delegation to parliament that the two parties could have ruled with a majority.[note 2] A few weeks later, Haider died in a car crash, thus providing tentative proof for the existence of God.[note 3] In 2016 they almost elected Norbert Hofer, another neo-fascist, as president of the country after the main two parties lost the first round, this time only losing by 0.6% to the Austrian Green Party candidate Alexander Van der Bellen. However, the result was overturned by Austria's Constitutional Court in early July 2016, and so the rerun was held on the 4 December 2016, when van der Bellen won by a margin of 6%.
Fucking is a village in Austria. It's pronounced "FOO-king." This is because of intense petitioning from its Scottish residents. Or rather because of German pronunciation rules.
What did you think you would find when you typed "fucking" into the search box? And they want to make a light beer in the village, and in German, light beer is called 'hell'. Make of that what you will.
Famous people from Austria (not necessarily from Fucking, Austria)
- Arnold Schwarzenegger, an actor and politician, former governor of the State of California
- Adolf Hitler, failed artist and Führer of Nazi Germany
- Ludwig von Mises, a remarkably untalented economist
- Franz Ferdinand, heir of Austrian-Hungary and assassinated in Sarajevo, Bosnia, by Serbian terrorists which led to Austria-Hungary declaring war on Serbia
- Sigmund Freud, a psychoanalyst
- Karl Popper, an influential philospher of science
- Felix Baumgartner
- Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart[note 4]
- Hans Asperger, namesake of the syndrome that has become known as "autism lite."
- Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, author of Venus in Furs, utopian, feminist and, as his name implies, trope namer for masochism. The Sacher-Masoch-Torte with red currants and almonds was named after him.
- Maria von Trapp
- Erwin Schrödinger, quantum physicist of Schrödinger's equations fame, and possible cat owner.
- Ludwig Boltzmann, statistical physicist and early pioneer of the atomic hypothesis
- Wolfgang Pauli, quantum physicist best known for the Pauli exclusion principle
- Dietrich Mateschitz, the richest Austrian in existence, CEO of Red Bull and enabler of Alt-right shithead Martin Sellner
No Nazis, never, no!
Despite being ruled by a totalitarian dictatorship for most of the 1930s and annexed into Nazi Germany in 1938, Austria somehow managed to convince itself and the world after World War II that not only was it not a part of Nazi Germany, no it had been "Hitler's First Victim" and while there may have been a couple of Nazis in Austria, who betrayed the country and sold it to the Nazis, the vast majority of the country had been as opposed to the Nazis as anybody can be. Of course, this was a blatant fiction and there were concentration camps in Austria, Austrians joined the SS and the German army as volunteers[note 5] and Austrians participated in war crimes. After the war, Austria was briefly partitioned with Vienna split into four sectors similar to Berlin, but the Austrians managed to get an agreement with the four occupying powers that Austria could reconstitute itself as a fully sovereign state on the condition of a) no annexation or union with Germany and b) political neutrality in the Cold War. Austria did quite good for itself and even managed to get one of theirs elected UN Secretary-General, because nobody in Austria was ever a Nazi nor would nobody never be no Nazi never.
Austria has had its current flag since before it became a country in the modern sense. Legend has it that it is based on one Babenberg of yore who went out to battle in a white shirt with a broad belt and when he returned the shirt was soaked in blood everywhere but under the belt.
- Other countries have jumped on the Schnitzel bandwagon as well. See the Wikipedia article on Schnitzel.
- It was even worse in 1999, causing the EU and Israel to sanction the fuck out of the country until it was ensured he couldn't get into power.
- Or perhaps that driving a speeding car while drunk is a pretty bad idea
- He lived in Salzburg, which at the time wasn't part of Austria.
- Although they certainly weren't unique in this regard.
- See the Wikipedia article on Fucking, Austria. - You thought we were telling Fucking jokes, didn't you? "Everyone here knows what it means in English, but for us Fucking is Fucking — and it's going to stay Fucking."
- There's something very strange about Vienna.
- Austria presidential election result: Alexander Van der Bellen wins over far-right candidate Norbert Hofer, Samuel Osborne, Independent, 23 May 2016
- See the Wikipedia article on Sachertorte.