THE RATIONALWIKI DIET!!

If you follow THE RATIONALWIKI DIET, salad eating can be as hilariously enjoyable as this!

THE RATIONALWIKI DIET is a revolutionary new diet created by the world's leading nutritionist, Bob Kapoor, in conjunction with RationalWiki and an international team of prize-winning scientists, such as the renowned Dr. R. Publicoaler, ND, Dr. X. Wu, MD, and the world famous Dr. B. Locklear, Ph.D, author of the award-winning book "How Quantum Herbs Cure Cancer". THE RATIONALWIKI DIET can:

• Support good health and long life
• Cure cancer, depression, and schizophrenia
• Shave dozens of pounds off quickly and easily
• Give you energy, so you can go run that marathon
• Balance your body's internal nano-energy
• Regulate your natural quantum fluctuations

By following a few simple tips you can take control of your life and do all the things that your doctor doesn't want you to know about. The pharmaceutical industry's cronies and the government are doing all they can to supress this miracle cure, and there may not be much time before we are all put in prison for trying to give you this IMPORTANT INFORMATION. TELL YOUR FRIENDS.

THE RATIONALWIKI DIET is so good, that it has been awarded the Noble Prize for Advances in Nutritional Technology, the Politser Prize for Humanitarian Achivements, and the RationalWiki Yearly Award for Best Diet. THE RATIONALWIKI DIET is used by many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, people worldwide. Since last year, the number of people following THE RATIONALWIKI DIET increased by 438%!!!

How does it work? It's simple. Our breakthrough scientific research has shown that some foods contain little parasites akin to small leeches that, when ingested, work on a subatomic nuclear level to feed on essential nanominerals in your blood, disrupt your molecules' magnetospheres, destroy your quarks' vital microfluctuational string energy, and destabilize the electron fields of your body's vital nutrients. They can also modify the cellular nature of your cell, corrupt your body's lysosomes and DNA, fill your vacuoles with toxins, and cause cancer, AIDS, hepatitis, leprosy and many other illnesses. They are so extremely small that they have not been found by the closed-minded practitioners of mainstream medicine. But the existence of these tiny beings has been confirmed by both our revolutionary experiments and the sage wisdom of ancient medical texts in Zulu, Chinese, Indian, Maori, Native American, Italian, Georgian, Finnish, Brasilian, Australian, Thai, Japanese, German, French, Mongolian, Romanian, Polish, New York City, Detroit, Houston, New Age, and Esperantist traditions. The exact appearance of these creatures has not been determined, but there are hints that they may resemble tiny men with wings and pointy ears. Once inside your body, they remain there permanently unless properly expelled.

Parasite-containing foods include refined sugar (but not natural sugars like Agave), butter, meat, coconut oil, artificial sweeteners and colorings. Tobacco and alcohol are also bad. Parasite-free foods include lemons, limes, leafy greens like broccoli and kale, carrots, cabbage, peas, beans, avocados and many others. Leafy foods contain chlorophyll, which acts as an anti-toxin, antioxidant, and general body cleanser. It also alkalizes your body, creating a hostile environment for foreign bodies, while optimizing your body’s natural healing processes. Refined sugar, on the other hand, is a poison that undermines your body’s defensive terrain and weakens its capability to fight off the parasites. If left untreated, chlorophyll deficiency can, because of the body’s increased susceptibility, lead to SEIZURES, DEPRESSION, MENINGITIS, AND DEATH. Animals are full of parasites, and cooking cannot generally eliminate them; the creatures thrive on animal tissue, but can’t infect plants. However, you can sterilize meat by airing it out for exactly four hours and forty three minutes, then immediately putting it in the oven.

You may be thinking: "Oh, no, I had no idea those foods were so bad. My body might be full of those fairies. What can I do?" Well, that's simple. You can order our PARASITE DETECTOR (only $449.95) which analyzes your urine, sweat, and blood to determine how bad the infection is. Once you've diagnosed yourself, you can order our DETOX KIT (only $149.95 for a one-month supply), which contains vital anti-parasite supplements and vitamins that work by attacking those killers, flushing them out, and preventing them from infecting you ever again (when taken on a regular basis). Food alone can only stop new parasites from entering your body, but it can't kill ones you already have. Allopathy can't help you, because these toxins HAVE NOT BEEN DISCOVERED BY SCIENCE, owing to its complete lack of respect for other ways of knowing. ALLOPATHY HAS NO TREATMENT FOR EXPELLING THESE TOXINS, BUT WE HAVE DISCOVERED THE OPTIMAL, SAFE, NATURAL, AND GENTLE WAY OF ERADICATING THEM. WE ARE THE SOLE DISCOVERERS OF THIS TECHNOLOGY.

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE:

If you order now, we'll throw in a FREE INFORMATION KIT which no home should be without (worth $49.99!) with vital information on what foods you should and shouldn't eat, and a FREE DVD with touching stories of people shunned by allopathy whose cancers were cured by THE RATIONALWIKI DIET. We'll also throw in a FREE SUPPLEMENT GUIDE (a $59.99 value!), with life-saving herbs (available on our store) that can cure THE COMMON COLD, FLU, TUBERCULOSIS, MALARIA, DIABETES, RABIES, SCHIZOPHRENIA, HEPATITIS, DOGMA, CIRRHOSIS, DEPRESSION, ADD, ADHD, MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS, NON-HODGKINS LYMPHOMA, BNKDQ, PLRMK, UPSET STOMACH, LOVESICKNESS, HOMESICKNESS, GULLIBILITY, RATIONAL THOUGHT, HEARTBURN, ACNE, DIARRHEA, KIDNEY STONES, BRAINWASHING, WALDORF EDUCATION, LIKING PEPSI, AND MORE. You'll even get visitations by Hermit the Frog, Emlo, and more!!!!1!2!

BUT WAIT, THAT'S NOT ALL:

If you order both our PARASITE DETECTOR and DETOX KIT in the same order, we'll also throw in a FREE DVD (a $499.95 value!) with such classics as Allopathy Now, Pride and Allopathy, Gone With The Allopath, The Allostein Monster, The Allopathic Falcon, The Fourth Allopath, Allopathy Strikes Back, The Revenge of Allopathy, CAM: A New Hope, The Allopathic Menace, The Delusions of Allopathy, The War On CAM, Holism And You: The Healing Connection, How Allopathy Kills You, and many, many more. That's a total of $709.99 of FREE* GIFTS, when you order our PARASITE DETECTOR and DETOX KIT. That's right, $709.99 in FREE* GIFTS, when you order both our PARASITE DETECTOR and DETOX KIT.

You don't have to suffer anymore. The power to reclaim your life is in your hands. Order now.

*Shipping cost of $709.99 for these items still applies, to be paid in cash at your front door. No exceptions or refunds.

Tired of laughing? RationalWiki has a slightly more serious article about Food woo.