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List of mistakes made by God

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In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
Douglas Adams[1]

Below is a list of slip-ups that the so-called "perfect" God of the Abrahamic religions has made.

God's mistakes in roughly chronological order[edit]

  • Creating female counterparts for all the males of each (two-gendered) species, yet forgetting to make a female human until at least a day later.
  • Creating Eve out of Adam's rib, rather than out of thin air like his omnipotent self. First, the poor guy's missing a rib for the rest of his life. Second, Eve was then made out of Adam, so all love from then on out was reduced to narcissism and all sex reduced to incest or self-gratification (i.e. sin).
  • Letting sin exist
  • Letting things on Earth get so out of hand that he had to wipe the slate and start over.
  • While he's wiping the slate, He simply refuses to wipe the slate totally clean. He has to save Noah and family for the next round of inbreeding, instead of re-creating humanity from scratch. This leads to the next round of wiping the slate known as the Great TribulationWikipedia's W.svg or Yawm ad-Din.Wikipedia's W.svg
  • Going nuts because of the Tower of Babel, but doing nothing about Burj Khalifa, topping at 2,722 feet.
  • Forgetting to smite Abraham for his incestuous marriage to his half-sister Sarah.
  • Leading his people out of slavery in Egypt only to settle down in the only part of the Middle East where there's no oil.
  • Fathering a son through an engaged virgin (secretly, and without any prior notice to her fiancé) in open defiance to the laws he himself set back in Deuteronomy 22:25[2], and expecting her to be honored.
  • Writing the Old Testament and then having to send his Only Begotten Son down to Paul and some anonymous latecomers revise it, leaving everyone thoroughly confused.
  • Forgetting to smite Himself/Jesus for working on the Sabbath.
  • Still failing to get his message across properly even after his Only Begotten Son had come and gone,[3] meaning that a few hundred years later he had to get some messenger called Gabriel to dictate[4] Version 3.0[5] to some bloke called Mohammed. And possibly another version 3.0 to some bloke named Joseph Smith about 1000 years later.
  • Telling us (through clergies) that we will be judged on how we decide to act in life, while designing the world around the idea that how we decide to act has been predetermined.
  • Allowing the Holocaust to happen, along with Stalin's Purges, Mao's Culture War, Pol Pot's Killing Fields, and 9/11 along with countless other atrocities.
  • Letting ISIS exist

Worldbuilding fail[edit]

  • Bangladesh. A large patch of extremely rich, low-lying, well-watered soil, at a relatively low latitude and with a warm climate, suitable for year-round cultivation: I'm down with that kind of intelligent design. Mad props to Allah. But, really — to put it in hurricane country, all within a few metres of sea level, at the tip of a triangular funnel of ocean that does for hurricane storm surges what the Bay of Fundy does for the tide, and at the top of a long, gently inclining seabed that's just about perfectly shaped to maximize wave heights? That sounds more like mean-drunk design to me. Dubbed as "God's practical joke" by Our Dumb World, written by the good folks of The Onion.
  • California. The day will come when we'll all be swimming in Arizona Bay.[6]
  • The Sun. Our sole source of light, heat, and (indirectly) food, under which a large portion of His children spend most of their time, gives us (especially white folks) cancer.
  • New York.
  • The polders of the Netherlands. So soggy we had to finish it for him.

Failure to use intelligent design protocols when creating humans[edit]

See the main article on this topic: Intelligent design
  • Not designing the human body the way he wants it by having all human males born circumcised like Shem.
  • Physical birth defects.
  • Making our adrenal glands too big.
  • Aging, which is quite literally caused by a biological error in cells.
  • Placement of the male external genitalia in a rather easy to attack position (unless it was deliberate to allow women easy retaliation).
  • And on the subject of genitalia… why are the same members that are used for body waste excretion also used for what is widely considered to be one of the most fun and interesting activities that humans can engage in? And why is a man's G spot in his anus if anal sex is forbidden by God?
  • Having the prostate wrap around the urethra like a donut, so when it becomes enlarged (which happens to most men as they get older) it blocks the flow of urine.
  • Not being able to correctly calculate the number of teeth necessary to fill the average adult human mouth.[7]
  • Use of a particularly inefficient system when making the vertebrate eye.
  • Error in testosterone management system which consequently makes many men go bald.[8]
  • Giving humans appendixes, which occasionally swell up and try to kill their owners and don't really need to be there because we don't eat grass. Why don't they all just leave our bodies and go and live in the backs of books?
  • The provision of a really bad, sometimes lethal, system of giving birth. (Though it may not have been so bad at first — He deliberately made it more painful to cruelly punish all women for the original sin thing.)
  • Failure to provide a system to synthesize vitamin C (or the failure in design that humans need vitamin C to begin with).
  • Drinking and laughing at the same time — makes the drink come out of the person's nose. Or potentially choke the victim of such a lousy design.
  • Human back — seems to cause a disproportionate number of problems which is usually followed by Vicodin addiction.
  • Spinal cord injuries being (at this point) unfixable
  • Auto-immune disorders — because we all know we are our own worst enemy.
  • The inability to operate at anything like an adequate efficiency without regular and lengthy periods of sleep.
  • Hangnails
  • Referred painWikipedia's W.svg — You might actually be having a potentially fatal heart attack. Unfortunately your body is telling you have pain in your shoulder, neck or left arm.
  • Cancer.
  • Oncogenes — genes that exist solely to give us cancer.
  • Memory — or, why you imagine you remember exactly where you were on 9/11, but know you can't remember where you laid down your keys five minutes ago?
  • The ulnar nerve — a.k.a., "funny bone" — is located on the outside of the elbow joint. Thanks to this placement, if you bang your elbow against a hard surface, you will feel like you were stabbed in the elbow. Bang this nerve hard enough and you may lose the use of your fingers.
  • Humans will pass out at 12 Gs, and will die at 18 Gs. Cockroaches can survive 120 Gs! How come those creepy crawlers are harder to kill than us!
  • And while we're at it, why can't we rotate our heads more than 180°? An owl can twist its head almost 360°! It's not like an owl needs to back up a car or keep track of high-spirited children!
  • Other primates have nostrils that face forward, making it impossible for them to swim face down. Human nostrils point down, so we can swim. So why don't we come with a persistent and innate ability to swim rather than just a primitive reflex that we quickly lose? Or at least tread water? Does God like to see His children drown?[note 1]
  • Intoxicants: Pleasurable (good); addictive, DTs, can diminish your inhibitions to the point you might harm yourself and/or others, potentially harmful to your health, possibly lethal (bad). So, (a) why create them in the first place; and (b) why make them so pleasurable and addictive?
  • And what the hell is up with OCD, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, dyslexia, aphasia,Wikipedia's W.svg depression, anxiety etc.?
  • Homosexuality (if you view it from a fundamentalist viewpoint). If it's so wrong, why does the almighty allow it to exist?[note 2]
  • Giving Humans the same passage to swallow food and breathe, a major choking hazard.
  • Creating psychopaths, which is pointless because you can only get into Heaven by loving God, so why would he create people who are incapable of love? And who are at a very high risk factor of making life quite miserable for other people? Is he just a sadist?
  • Fetuses can get cancer
  • Allergies (like rhinitis) from mundane things like peanuts, grass, dust, pollen, fur, feathers, and many, many more. Sometimes, they get so bad, they interfere with sleeping and use up plenty of tissue wads in the process.

Failure to use intelligent design protocols when creating other animals[edit]

A prime example of unintelligent design.
  • Not having all male animals born circumcised.
  • Not giving whales or dolphins gills, so they have to surface in order to breathe.
  • Not killing the dolphins and bonobos for their many sex sins.
  • The emu's wing is a spectacularly unnecessary appendage. Ditto the ostrich, kiwi, and the extinct terror birds.
    • The extinct moas had no wings at all. Which means, He toyed with the idea, but backpedaled.
  • Giving bats solid bones, which are difficult to fly with, and giving emus hollow bones, which are easier to fly with, now that is opposite of what is required.
  • Giving mammals a nerve that runs from the brain to the larynx via the aortic arch — which doesn't seem like too much of an out-of-the-way trip until you look at a giraffe. There is good reason to believe that the same recurrent laryngeal nerve would have been shared by dinosaurs which would include the sauropod dinosaurs. In Supersaurus it could have been longer than 28 meters (92 feet).
  • Various entomological tragedies towards males in copulation, such as the testicular explosion and death of male honey beesWikipedia's W.svg and the sexual cannibalism among praying mantises.Wikipedia's W.svg
  • Rabbits have to eat some of their own feces (called cecotropes) in order to fully digest their meals. Yum!
  • Gay animals (from a fundamentalist perspective)
  • Creating sea cucumbers that allow some species of pearlfish to live inside their asses and even eat their gonads.
  • Allowing some species of fish (like hamlet fish and clownfish) to change their sex freely and even let them choose if they can mate as a male or as a female.
    • Alternatively, not giving humans this capacity.
  • Letting birds get fooled by parasitic birds like cuckoos and cowbirds.

See also[edit]

External Links[edit]

Notes[edit]

  1. Judging from the Great Flood story and the Exodus, the answer to this last question is a definite "Yes!"
  2. Unless of course, homosexual acts are independent from homosexuality, as suggested by Larry Craig and Ted Haggard

References[edit]

  1. http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/d/douglasada125092.html
  2. If Trinity is true then yes, Jesus who is God is put to death. No word on how Mary is "punished", in that case.
  3. Despite the attempt to lock the discussion with Revelation 22:18-19
  4. Just utter brilliance to have things lost in translation somewhere in the middle.
  5. Or Version 4.0 (version control was a mess back then), since you have the Tawrat (Torah), Zabur (Psalms), Injil (Gospels), and Qur'an as the holy books according to the view of Islam.
  6. Humor courtesy of the late, great Bill Hicks. But then you already knew that, didn't you.
  7. For the argument that it is an adaptive design, the excessive probability that the teeth will grow in an incorrect direction which usually requires medical intervention.
  8. Or if going bald is better in any way, Error in testosterone management system which consequently makes many other men have hair.