Gwyneth Paltrow

"What, you've never yawned correctly while getting stung by bees during a vaginal steaming session? Psschoff!"

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“”She does, admittedly, receive a lot of criticism, but is that really fair? After all, she's actually doing remarkably well for someone who was stranded here after travelling from an alternative dimension where the language, social norms and even the laws of nature are completely different. Because that's the most logical explanation for the stuff she regularly says and does.

—Dean Burnett

Gwyneth Kate Paltrow (1972–) is an American Oscar-winning crazy actress, fashion guru, and wholehearted promoter of an expansive range of nutty pseudosciences (usually alternative medicine and beauty products). She owns/runs the website Goop.com (named for her initials), which pushes the exact same bullshit (but has extra writers).

(Lack of) expertise

“”Paltrow is the perfect symbol of popular culture in our world right now. Providing advice is part of her brand. [....] [S]he really seems to believe it, it's not just some kind of marketing ploy. I think she should be held to a standard and that standard should be science. But (her advice) is complete bunk. I dug and I dug and I dug – there is nothing to support it.

—Timothy Caulfield (author of a 3-year-long review of Paltrow's mouth-spew, Is Gwyneth Paltrow Wrong About Everything?)

Does Paltrow have any scientific education to back up her claims?

Nope! After attending the uber-wealthy Spence School, Paltrow briefly "[s]tudied anthropology at the University of California at Santa Barbara, before dropping out to pursue her acting career." And thus ends Paltrow's expertise in medicine.

Pseudoscience pushing

“”Nourish the Inner Aspect

—Goop's slogan, feel-good but meaningless

List of woo that Paltrow or Goop has promoted:

• Vaginal steaming: Yes, you read that correctly.
• Colonics, including a $135 coffee enema called "The Implant O'Rama"
• Putting a jade or rose quartz egg up the vagina. This can get infections into the vagina and cause potentially fatal toxic shock. In 2018, Goop agreed to pay $145,000 for making false claims regarding the eggs in a settlement with California state prosecutors; the false claim had stated, "increase vaginal muscle tone, hormonal balance, and feminine energy in general". Suckers Consumers who bought the eggs are also entitled to full refunds.
• Psychological astrology: Don't know why you're an idiot? Blame the planets, and then you'll be sure.
• Pissing in the shower (for health reasons): Again, you read that correctly.
• Apitherapy: Specifically, deliberately getting bees to sting oneself.
• Yawning correctly (for health reasons)!
• Science doesn't know everything:

• Goop is happy to report that one of their suppliers, Anthony, "gets his information from "Spirit"—not from medical textbooks or studies".
• Moreover, Goop claims that scientists are indoctrinated against alternative medicine and other ways of knowing. While certainly not "indoctrinated", scientists are trained in critical thinking and the scientific method — precisely the skillset that Gwyneth & Co lack and the exact lack of which allows them to accept their own current beliefs in the first place.

• Annee de Mamiel: Skin-cream maker and woomeister extraordinaire (but extraordinary mostly in her insane prices).
• After riding airplanes, making sure to go to a nice warm, dank sauna and "sweat out" the germs.
• The debunked bra-breast cancer link.
• Miscellaneous quantum woo (including that of Masaru Emoto and Habib Sadeghi).
• Water memory: Because kinda-sentient water makes homeopathy possible and sounds really cool. (A particularly memorable example is that yelling at water hurts its feelings.)
• Colon cleanses: A shitty idea, har!
• Ayurvedic medicine: The older a medicine is, the more power it has. Fact.
• Faith healing.
• Crystal woo and crystal healing.
• Sound healing.
• Aromatherapy.
• Acupuncture.
• Essential oils.
• Stickers that promote "wellness", a snip at $60-$120.
• And of course: "spirit truffles" that contain "spirit dust" (presumably a blend of artisanally hand-crushed, organic human souls—hopefully not sweetened with mellified man).

Hypocrisy

In case you were wondering:

• Paltrow "smoke[s] one cigarette a week". Those toxins sure are nasty, aren't they?
• Paltrow simultaneously sells aluminum-containing products, and claims that aluminum is "one of the greatest threats to our health and well-being".

In touch with the people

“”I am who I am. I can't pretend to be somebody who makes $25,000 a year.

—Gwyneth (and it's all thanks to those auradiagnostic woo products goin' like Evian in Death Valley!)

Paltrow's take on the human experience obviously has nothing to do with the (in)validity of her favored products. However, since Paltrow often promotes these products as part of her "lifestyle" brand (and thus ties these products to her own success), it's perhaps worth mentioning that Paltrow is hardly a down-to-earth angel, commenting (in a veritable orgasm of relatability):

When you go to Paris and your concierge sends you to some restaurant because they get a kickback, it’s like, 'No. Where should I really be? Where is the great bar with organic wine? Where do I get a bikini wax in Paris?'

"I know, right?!"

Nugget of good

See the main article on this topic: Stopped clock

Paltrow starred in Contagion, a movie that portrays scientists as hardworking, goodhearted people and portrays alternative-medicine pushers as moneygrubbers. In other words, it rebuffs precisely the kind of woo that Paltrow promotes.

See also

• Appeal to celebrity
• Jennifer Gunter, the obstetrician-gynecologist who has painstakingly debunked Paltrow's woo
• Princess Märtha Louise

External links

• See the Wikipedia article on Gwyneth Paltrow.
• Goop.com, Paltrow's website

• Account at Twitter
• Account at Facebook