Scientific storkism

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“”If the theory of sexual reproduction is taught in schools, it must only be taught as a theory and not as the truth. Alternative theories, such as the theory of the stork, must also be taught.
—Erkki Aalto[1]

Scientific storkism, AKA intelligent delivery or Stork theory, is a parody of intelligent design, presenting itself as the scientific belief that human babies do not come about by the naturalistic, materialistic, scientific theory (and it's just a theory) of reproductive biology.

Verification[edit]

  1. Scientific storkism, like its close relative, scientific creationism, may be verified by demonstrating that somehow, somewhere, there is something wrong with reproductive biology. If there is something wrong with reproductive biology, scientific storkism must be true.
  2. One argument for Intelligent Delivery is that there are irreducibly complex features of living things, which therefore could not come about by gradual, random, reproductive processes, and therefore must have been intelligently delivered.
  3. Another argument is that, for reproduction to work, the male cannot have been reproduced before the female, nor the female before the male.
  4. Then there is the argument that Intelligent Delivery must be true because the alternative, Reproductive Biology, is self-defeating. If we come about by a naturalistic process of reproduction, then how can we trust our knowledge? If we are the result of reproduction, then our knowledge of that fact is unreliable. Therefore, we must be designed. After all, if we are designed, then obviously our knowledge is reliable, because aren't all designed things reliable? And our maker must be supernatural, for anything supernatural would never be malicious, right?
  5. Studies have shown a significant correlation between the number of storks and the number of child deliveries in a given area, offering strong empirical support for Intelligent Delivery.[2][1]
  6. Further, it is argued that at least one counterexample exists, falsifying the other theory.

Innovation[edit]

A recent innovation in storkism is Intelligent Delivery, availing the Big Top strategy, which encompasses other beliefs about where babies come from, such as the Cabbage Patch Theory. Intelligent Delivery does not concern itself with controversies among the opponents of reproductive biology and does not decide for The Stork as being the Intelligent Deliverer. Intelligent Delivery contends that certain features of the universe and of living things are best explained by an intelligent cause, not an undirected process such as reproduction. (Whatever that best explanation might be is beyond the scope of Intelligent Delivery to describe, as well as what that intelligent cause might be, or where it operates, or what those features might be. It might be The Stork, and it might be in The Cabbage Patch, and it might be that the baby resembles the milkman. Who knows?)

At least, to be fair, the schools should give equal time to Intelligent Delivery, and let the kids decide which makes sense.

See also[edit]

External links[edit]

References[edit]

  1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 Erkki Aalto. "Ovulation versus cretinism."
  2. ↑ Höfer et al. (2004): New evidence for the Theory of the Stork. Paediatric and Perinatal Epidemiology, 18: 88–92.
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